L
Liberanosamalo
Guest
Write down as best you can remember the dates and times of when he left, any abuse episodes, detail his behavior during the miscarriage. Write down any efforts at counselling or his refusal to go. Sorry to say, but if there is anything significant about your marital relations, like he has refused to even hold your hand in the last 2 years, write that down too. Any girlfriends… write that down. Any drug usage… write that down.
If he went 5 months without checking on you or the kids, note the period he stayed away.
These kinds of things are put into the pleadings in numerical order to show just reason why a divorce should take place. Trust me when I say you may be blindsided by a divorce petition from him listing all kinds of things that are completely misrepresented. (Mine accused me of assaulting HIM!) He may ask for total custody of the kids even though he hasn’t shown an interest in them for years. (Mine did.) He may demand the marital home and assets. That’s all legal wrangling. They ask for a whole loaf hoping to even get half a loaf in the end. Learn to laugh at the audaciousness of it all. But have your own version of the marriage issues and problems written down while you are calm and not upset and can remember. There is something very hard about seeing it all on a paper in black and white when you are served. (Mine did sneak attacks, serving me when I least expected it. Twice.)
But the more dates and times you have listed about his abandonments and refusal to cohabit as husband and wife, and his refusal to seek counselling, and his depressions and all his cruel and bizarre and neglectful behavior, that can affect the court’s desire to put up with his nonsense. But be sure to have check stubs to verify that YOU paid most of the mortgage and YOU have taken care of the kids. If he did anything for them in the last 3 years, acknowledge it: “He bought popcorn for the kids on 2/12/06 and took them out for hamburgers on the 15th of June last year.” If what he did was minimal, document it and let it be known that that was the extent of it all.
The better you write things up and have a piece of paper for the lawyer, the less time he has to spend going through it all and coming up with his legal writings. That is money in YOUR pocket.
What you realistically want to come away with is YOUR house, and a limited custody agreement where he sees his child but not all the time. Since he has shown little interest, why bother now? Sometimes those kinds of dads all of a sudden become super dads when it’s court time. The lawyers call them “90-day wonders.” They make a big deal all of a sudden in order to look good for the judge. It’s maddening.
You will also work for child support for that child, hopefully with him agreeing to help with college tuition.
You want a way to survive the next 16 years of dealing with him where you see him as little as possible. Sounds like that’s fine with him, he’s off to a good start.
Go back and look over your old posts here for times and dates and refresh your memory on how shabbily he treated you. It’s a good diary. It will help steel your resolve. He has been draining you and your ability to take care of your children for years.
If he went 5 months without checking on you or the kids, note the period he stayed away.
These kinds of things are put into the pleadings in numerical order to show just reason why a divorce should take place. Trust me when I say you may be blindsided by a divorce petition from him listing all kinds of things that are completely misrepresented. (Mine accused me of assaulting HIM!) He may ask for total custody of the kids even though he hasn’t shown an interest in them for years. (Mine did.) He may demand the marital home and assets. That’s all legal wrangling. They ask for a whole loaf hoping to even get half a loaf in the end. Learn to laugh at the audaciousness of it all. But have your own version of the marriage issues and problems written down while you are calm and not upset and can remember. There is something very hard about seeing it all on a paper in black and white when you are served. (Mine did sneak attacks, serving me when I least expected it. Twice.)
But the more dates and times you have listed about his abandonments and refusal to cohabit as husband and wife, and his refusal to seek counselling, and his depressions and all his cruel and bizarre and neglectful behavior, that can affect the court’s desire to put up with his nonsense. But be sure to have check stubs to verify that YOU paid most of the mortgage and YOU have taken care of the kids. If he did anything for them in the last 3 years, acknowledge it: “He bought popcorn for the kids on 2/12/06 and took them out for hamburgers on the 15th of June last year.” If what he did was minimal, document it and let it be known that that was the extent of it all.
The better you write things up and have a piece of paper for the lawyer, the less time he has to spend going through it all and coming up with his legal writings. That is money in YOUR pocket.
What you realistically want to come away with is YOUR house, and a limited custody agreement where he sees his child but not all the time. Since he has shown little interest, why bother now? Sometimes those kinds of dads all of a sudden become super dads when it’s court time. The lawyers call them “90-day wonders.” They make a big deal all of a sudden in order to look good for the judge. It’s maddening.
You will also work for child support for that child, hopefully with him agreeing to help with college tuition.
You want a way to survive the next 16 years of dealing with him where you see him as little as possible. Sounds like that’s fine with him, he’s off to a good start.
Go back and look over your old posts here for times and dates and refresh your memory on how shabbily he treated you. It’s a good diary. It will help steel your resolve. He has been draining you and your ability to take care of your children for years.
Another great advice!