Divorce

[FCGeorge]

Another good point. There’s 2 sides to every story and anyone outside of it will never know which is why we’d all do good to remember the commandment of Jesus that we refrain from judgment of one another.

We are to judge one another’s actions. John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

We are to first remove the log from our own eyes and then we can help our brothers remove the splinters from theirs.

Also… how can we make a determination that a brother has “sinned against thee” without making a “judgment.”

Matthew 18:15 And if thy brother sin against thee, go, show him his fault between thee and him alone: if he hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16 But if he hear thee not, take with thee one or two more, that at the mouth of two witnesses or three every word may be established. 17 And if he refuse to hear them, tell it unto the church: and if he refuse to hear the church also, let him be unto thee as the Gentile and the publican.

When we make the blanket statement that “all civilly divorced people may partake of Holy Communion unless they remarry” then we are making a very unrighteous judgment.

We are judging all abandoned spouses to be guilty of a sin worthy of abandonment.

We are “judging” that all abandoning spouses had “just cause” for abandoning their spouses.

2386 It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.179

It is strange to me that people will say, “there are two sides to every story” but then be willing to listen to the spouse who abandons the marriage and judge the abandoned spouse guilty of a sin worthy of abandonment without even talking with her.

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

 

[FCGeorge]

Originally Posted by FCGeorge
Please see that this is exactly what I pray we can shine a light on. There seems to be an idea that John can commit the grave sin of abandoning Carol. He can then simply go to confession and have the sin wiped away and thereby be freed to receive Holy Communion again even though his heart is closed to reconciliation with Carol.

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

No. If his heart is closed to reconciliation with anyone, then he has not repented.

And if he has not repented, he may not receive the 'Eucharist.

Right.

HOWEVER, reconciliation with a former spouse does not necessarily equate to “living as husband and wife” again.

I don’t disagree, but it seems to be too liberally applied in our therapeutisized culture. Could you use an example other than a sexually transmitted disease?

When could Carol tell John, “I forgive you John, and I believe you are truly repentant, but I will not ever live with you as husband and wife again!”

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

 

[PRmerger]

Right.

I don’t disagree, but it seems to be too liberally applied in our therapeutisized culture. Could you use an example other than a sexually transmitted disease?

When could Carol tell John, “I forgive you John, and I believe you are truly repentant, but I will not ever live with you as husband and wife again!”

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

I think Evelyn gave a perfect example of such:

If a man abandons his wife, she may not want him back. Frankly, she might be unwise to take him back, since what made him leave may not be “fixed.” He may recognize his own deep weakness and realize that it would be better to remain divorced, but do his utmost to support her (I actually know a person who did/does this).

IOW, it may be that while he’s repentant and forgiven, he’s still broken and ought not be placed in the same situation in which he can sin again.

 

[rainbow1]

We are to judge one another’s actions. John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

We are to first remove the log from our own eyes and then we can help our brothers remove the splinters from theirs.

Also… how can we make a determination that a brother has “sinned against thee” without making a “judgment.”

Matthew 18:15 And if thy brother sin against thee, go, show him his fault between thee and him alone: if he hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. 16 But if he hear thee not, take with thee one or two more, that at the mouth of two witnesses or three every word may be established. 17 And if he refuse to hear them, tell it unto the church: and if he refuse to hear the church also, let him be unto thee as the Gentile and the publican.

When we make the blanket statement that “all civilly divorced people may partake of Holy Communion unless they remarry” then we are making a very unrighteous judgment.

We are judging all abandoned spouses to be guilty of a sin worthy of abandonment.

We are “judging” that all abandoning spouses had “just cause” for abandoning their spouses.

2386 It can happen that one of the spouses is the innocent victim of a divorce decreed by civil law; this spouse therefore has not contravened the moral law. There is a considerable difference between a spouse who has sincerely tried to be faithful to the sacrament of marriage and is unjustly abandoned, and one who through his own grave fault destroys a canonically valid marriage.179

It is strange to me that people will say, “there are two sides to every story” but then be willing to listen to the spouse who abandons the marriage and judge the abandoned spouse guilty of a sin worthy of abandonment without even talking with her.

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

The way I look at it is that we surely can judge an action. Adultery is horrible. However, we really, truly cannot judge a person’s soul. That is for God to do. We don’t know exactly what is going on inside another person’s heart…and from what I have seen, it usually is not what we expect!!! I can see a person doing terrible things (and I mean really horrible)…and then start talking to them and understand how they got to the place they are at, and have mercy for them. And our Lord is is even more merciful will surely be even more understanding than any human!!! Our Lord knows every single hair on our heads, and has watched every second of our life with His Love…
Let’s take a scenario. Say there is a woman named Patricia. Say Patricia was raped by her father when she was 5, and her mother died when she was 7. Let’s say the court takes her away from her father when Patricia, after her mother’s death tells her 2nd grade teacher that her father had molested her when she was 5. And let’s say she was put in a foster home. But in the foster home, the foster mother was an alchoholic and the father left the family. Say the foster mother never nurtured her, and that Patricia started dating when she was 14. Ok, at age 16, Patricia gets pregnant, and has an abortion. Then Patricia meets a really wonderful and kind man when she is 20 and the kind man falls in love with her. He interprets her gentleness as love and asks her to marry him. So they get married. Let’s say the couple have three children by the time they are 25, and that the father is away on business 5 out of 7 nights trying to provide for the family. Let’s say that their 2 year old gets hit by a car and killed and Patricia has a nervous breakdown because she feels guilty for not having watched the child carefully enough. The father is away on business all the time and is grieving and totally unavailable. Patricia starts a relationship with a man from church who kindly helped her mow her lawn. Patricia commits adultery. Yes, Patricia commited more than one sin that we can judge as wrong. But will God condemn her soul? I really doubt it. I suspect that one day, our Lord will gather her up in His arms and tell her that her pain is over, and that He has counted every single tear she cried while on earth. Would a priest condemn her to not receive the Eucharist if she doesn’t fully understand the magnitude of her sin, and the horrible consequences that might occur because of it? I should hope not. Patricia herself is clueless about what she has done, and thus can’t even repent for it. Can we judge her soul? Nope.
You know, this scenario above is not too far off from what lots of people experience here on earth. If your own personal life story is not like this then thank God!..but still be assured that many people you bump into in mass do have similar life stories to this. We can’t expect Patricia in this case to even know what she has done, much less than to make restitution for it. It just won’t happen in 99% of situations. But when we find ourselves face to face with her, we can help God wipe away her tears here on earth.

 

[rainbow1]

Right.

I don’t disagree, but it seems to be too liberally applied in our therapeutisized culture. Could you use an example other than a sexually transmitted disease?

When could Carol tell John, “I forgive you John, and I believe you are truly repentant, but I will not ever live with you as husband and wife again!”

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

Sure, lots of therapists do lots of harm, but lots of therapists also try their hardest to truly help people heal…

 

[EvelynEVF]

More judgement…this time about my friend who you don’t even know. Hmmmm…this is getting boring…

Your friend may be very happy. I’m pointing out that there are fundamental incompatibilities between the two faiths and their central doctrines. I cannot imagine a practicing Catholic being content united body and soul to a person, however kind and loving, who doesn’t even believe Jesus is God.

The only successful (?) unions I’ve seen that cross such huge lines, are between people who are more casual about their faith, so that it doesn’t permeate every corner of their lives. Imagine not being able to pray to the Trinity with a spouse, the person one loves most in the world.

I wish your friend well.

On my phone on a train. Sorry for typos. . .

 

[EvelynEVF]

Hello Evelyn,

Evelyn, when is it ever okay to claim that I am no longer the husband of the wife to whom God joined me in a valid marriage where we both have been baptized?

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

Not unless/until there is a decree of nullity in hand. We seem to agree 99%, and where we don’t it’s my personal experience standing in the way. Yes, Catholics in general need better marriage prep, and if everybody actually kept a priest apprised of the state of the marriage, people would get help sooner. My pastor’s eyes bugged out of his head when he realized I was asking permission to separate.

I think we should spend as much energy on emphasizing saving marriages as we do on promoting regularizing marriages to bring people back into the Church. But blanket statements about divorced people sting me, because people who have never asked me directly could easily assume I sinned.

I will not date without a decree, and I do pray for my ex, but I do not feel any level of obligation to him as “husband.”

 

[EvelynEVF]

Hello Evelyn,

Should she put a time limit on me? Does God put a time limit on us?

Do her vows she made to me become null and void?

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

I put a time limit on my xh when I moved out. I had to have the separation to take care of my health. I filed my petition bc I truly believe that the marriage never happened. This is another reason why I think people should file quickly, if they believe it will be granted. It’s harder to know how to proceed with life not knowing if one is constrained by vows.

If the decree cannot be granted, I will remain “single,” but under no further onligation to the xh. Maybe there are couples who could reunite. Great! But that would take some serious discernment and spiritual direction.

I would never force the issue when there weren’t at least a tentative desire on the part of both parties. As long as nobody remarries, there is still a window open. Where one party proclaims the other’s sin and declares and unrequited desire to reunite? I’m there and it feels like stalking. Definitely not improving his chances.

Train. Phone. Typos. Sorry.0

 

[EvelynEVF]

We are to judge one another’s actions. John 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.

We are to first remove the log from our own eyes and then we can help our brothers remove the splinters from theirs.

Also… how can we make a determination that a brother has “sinned against thee” without making a “judgment.”

Bryan

LOVE SO AMAZING

Absolutely judge according to actions, but realize also that except in the cases of ourselves and perhaps close friends, the only actions we see are the legal outcome, and that’s not enough info, nor is it any of our business.

My personal standard is that I may only involve myself if I am willing to help that person carry his burdens. Otherwise I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

 

[Gorgias]

It hurts me that some of you are bickering over the terms and legalities of it all.

Faith’s,

Would you agree that the Catholic faithful’s understanding of what the Church is saying on the issues of marriage, divorce, and annulment is kind of spotty?

I think that, in the back-and-forth of – as you put it – “bickering”, what we’re really seeing is an attempt to dig down into the language of the documents and understand what the words are really saying, and what the implications are. That’s not an easy task.

And, that’s a different task than the pastoral work of helping people heal from the difficult situations in which they have been placed.

I would imagine that “good fruit” will come of both approaches…

 

[Fogwalker]

The way I look at it is that we surely can judge an action. Adultery is horrible. However, we really, truly cannot judge a person’s soul. That is for God to do. We don’t know exactly what is going on inside another person’s heart…and from what I have seen, it usually is not what we expect!!! I can see a person doing terrible things (and I mean really horrible)…and then start talking to them and understand how they got to the place they are at, and have mercy for them. And our Lord is is even more merciful will surely be even more understanding than any human!!! Our Lord knows every single hair on our heads, and has watched every second of our life with His Love…
Let’s take a scenario. Say there is a woman named Patricia. Say Patricia was raped by her father when she was 5, and her mother died when she was 7. Let’s say the court takes her away from her father when Patricia, after her mother’s death tells her 2nd grade teacher that her father had molested her when she was 5. And let’s say she was put in a foster home. But in the foster home, the foster mother was an alchoholic and the father left the family. Say the foster mother never nurtured her, and that Patricia started dating when she was 14. Ok, at age 16, Patricia gets pregnant, and has an abortion. Then Patricia meets a really wonderful and kind man when she is 20 and the kind man falls in love with her. He interprets her gentleness as love and asks her to marry him. So they get married. Let’s say the couple have three children by the time they are 25, and that the father is away on business 5 out of 7 nights trying to provide for the family. Let’s say that their 2 year old gets hit by a car and killed and Patricia has a nervous breakdown because she feels guilty for not having watched the child carefully enough. The father is away on business all the time and is grieving and totally unavailable. Patricia starts a relationship with a man from church who kindly helped her mow her lawn. Patricia commits adultery. Yes, Patricia commited more than one sin that we can judge as wrong. But will God condemn her soul? I really doubt it. I suspect that one day, our Lord will gather her up in His arms and tell her that her pain is over, and that He has counted every single tear she cried while on earth. Would a priest condemn her to not receive the Eucharist if she doesn’t fully understand the magnitude of her sin, and the horrible consequences that might occur because of it? I should hope not. Patricia herself is clueless about what she has done, and thus can’t even repent for it. Can we judge her soul? Nope.
You know, this scenario above is not too far off from what lots of people experience here on earth. If your own personal life story is not like this then thank God!..but still be assured that many people you bump into in mass do have similar life stories to this. We can’t expect Patricia in this case to even know what she has done, much less than to make restitution for it. It just won’t happen in 99% of situations. But when we find ourselves face to face with her, we can help God wipe away her tears here on earth.

In my opinion, the truly loving thing for a friend of Patricia’s to do would be to be honest with her. Worse than her adultery, she trusted in physical pleasure rather than trusting in God to help her in her time of suffering. Regardless of how guilty or not guilty she is for this particular instance of adultery, the choice to trust in something other than God will only lead her to worse things spiritually. No true friend would let Patricia walk down that road unchallenged.

I think a more productive issue to discuss would be “what is a loving, Christian way to make Patricia understand that what she is doing is wrong and will lead her farther from God?” rather than to discuss how guilty or not guilty she is for each individual action she takes.

 

[Gorgias]

The “John and Carol” example has gotten quite a bit of mileage in this thread. As I read through it, I had a couple of questions about the example itself. Does anyone who’s been commenting on that example feel like helping me understand what they thought it meant?

Let’s say that John and Carol are two baptized Christians

I noticed that the example was written carefully; that’s why I’m confused. In the question about “grave offense”, the logical progression of the discussion turned toward the sacrament of reconciliation, and John’s discussion with a priest.

Are you taking “baptized Christians” to mean “baptized Catholics” or “baptized (not-necessarily-Catholic) Christians”? I think there’s a distinction there.

Let’s say that John and Carol are two baptized Christians who when they were married did indeed intend to be faithful to each other for life and be open to children. They believed the vows they spoke on their wedding day… John decides he does not want to be tied down to this woman who is now in a wheelchair. John abandons Carol and files for a civil divorce.

The example is trying very hard to establish that it was putatively a valid marriage, right from the start. However, I’m trying to wrap my head around the pair of assertions that John intended life-long marriage until something bad happened, at which point he decided that he really hadn’t intended marriage “until death do us part”. (I recognize that the Church doesn’t grant annulments for the cause of “that’s not how I thought things would turn out”, but when this sort of thing happens, do we really believe that people suddenly change their minds about marital indissolubility, or isn’t it more likely that they never really held to it in the first place? It’s a slippery slope, to be sure, but still…)

Thanks!

G.

 

[rainbow1]

Your friend may be very happy. I’m pointing out that there are fundamental incompatibilities between the two faiths and their central doctrines. I cannot imagine a practicing Catholic being content united body and soul to a person, however kind and loving, who doesn’t even believe Jesus is God.

The only successful (?) unions I’ve seen that cross such huge lines, are between people who are more casual about their faith, so that it doesn’t permeate every corner of their lives. Imagine not being able to pray to the Trinity with a spouse, the person one loves most in the world.

I wish your friend well.

On my phone on a train. Sorry for typos. . .

Evelyn, Thank you for the kind note…I woke up this morning meaning to write you and apologyze for my defensive and non helpful note to you.
I so agree that marrying someone with differences in faith can cause troubles, I am just not convinced that it always does, especially if the couple that marries is beyond the child rearing age. This particular couple that I brought up actually is probably not the norm, but it does work well for them. The muslim husband goes to Catholic mass with his wife each week, participates in helping St.Vincent’s food collections by collecting leftover food from farms for the poor, helps the disadvantaged in the community and actually I have heard it stated that he teaches the Catholics how to be Christian. His wife is an exceptional Christian. They have a policy to never put down each other’s faith belief. They make room for each to participate in their own faith practices. One week my crockpot broke down and I lost all the food in it and that was the money for the week…he took me to Sams and bought me food to feed my family… and this is what he does for everyone he knows… I know of one elderly woman in the Church who recently lost her husband…he takes her flowers that he picks from his yard…and he always attribute it to serving God…his wife is similar…they are an amazing couple and I have seen marriage demonstrated in a beautiful way…I feel blessed to watch it…it is very healing after being in a marriage that hasn’t worked…

 

[rainbow1]

In my opinion, the truly loving thing for a friend of Patricia’s to do would be to be honest with her. Worse than her adultery, she trusted in physical pleasure rather than trusting in God to help her in her time of suffering. Regardless of how guilty or not guilty she is for this particular instance of adultery, the choice to trust in something other than God will only lead her to worse things spiritually. No true friend would let Patricia walk down that road unchallenged.

I think a more productive issue to discuss would be “what is a loving, Christian way to make Patricia understand that what she is doing is wrong and will lead her farther from God?” rather than to discuss how guilty or not guilty she is for each individual action she takes.

I agree that a true Christian friend would try to help Patricia in her spiritual growth, but if Patricia truly never has experienced a relationship with our Lord, then it can be a very tricky thing. But then I tend to be Franciscan in nature and think that actions are more helpful many times than words…I tend to think if she “sees” Chrisitanity modelled for her in a loving manner, then she would be more likely to truly demonstrate reform of her own. The last thing we would want to do to her would be to make her feel more broken by a verbal judgement call …
I think in a situation like Patricia’s, it would be a process of offering friendship over many years, where true Christianity is shown to her. I doubt the reason that she reached out to the man in an adulterous relationship was to gain physical pleasure. I think more often than not, for a woman in that type case, it would have been to try to find support and a way to keep living. And of course, sadly enough, that is probably the last thing she would have found.
I agree with you that rather than a focusing on what she has done wrong, the way to really reach her is to show her how to live life in a healthy Christian way…and considering her difficult past, it would likely take a very patient Christian friend who is willing to be sacrificial in the relationship’s bumps for many years. I think to “challenge” Patricia would actually mean helping to show her the beauty of the Catholic walk…to take her into adoration during times of crisis, to be there to listen to her painful recount of her childhood, to help her to “experience” true chaste love in an earthly relationship to help open up to her even the posssibility of a God that does love her, to show her the beautiful aspects of herself, to give her hope for the first time ever…after all, everything in life, in her mind, indicated that if there is a God , that he surely would not love her…

 

[rainbow1]

Faith’s,

Would you agree that the Catholic faithful’s understanding of what the Church is saying on the issues of marriage, divorce, and annulment is kind of spotty?

I think that, in the back-and-forth of – as you put it – “bickering”, what we’re really seeing is an attempt to dig down into the language of the documents and understand what the words are really saying, and what the implications are. That’s not an easy task.

And, that’s a different task than the pastoral work of helping people heal from the difficult situations in which they have been placed.

I would imagine that “good fruit” will come of both approaches…

I am hoping “good fruit” comes out of this thread…I do agree with Faith’s assessment that there is alot of bickering, and I am thinking alot of it has been pretty harmful…in fact, I am concerned that we haven’t seen the OP in ages…

 

[rainbow1]

In my opinion, the truly loving thing for a friend of Patricia’s to do would be to be honest with her. Worse than her adultery, she trusted in physical pleasure rather than trusting in God to help her in her time of suffering. Regardless of how guilty or not guilty she is for this particular instance of adultery, the choice to trust in something other than God will only lead her to worse things spiritually. No true friend would let Patricia walk down that road unchallenged.

I think a more productive issue to discuss would be “what is a loving, Christian way to make Patricia understand that what she is doing is wrong and will lead her farther from God?” rather than to discuss how guilty or not guilty she is for each individual action she takes.

What are some of the things that you posters do to help you trust in God during a time of suffering?

 

[EvelynEVF]

This particular couple that I brought up actually is probably not the norm, but it does work well for them. The muslim husband goes to Catholic mass with his wife each week, participates in helping St.Vincent’s food collections by collecting leftover food from farms for the poor, helps the disadvantaged in the community and actually I have heard it stated that he teaches the Catholics how to be Christian.

That’s AWESOME. I would also suspect that he is well on the way to heaven. I hope I’ve been clear that when I’m talking about disparity of cult, I’m talking about devout people who follow the tenets of their own religion. The man you describe is a seeker, and I have no doubt that many imams would be very angry with him for going to Mass!

 

[faithsmind]

Faith’s,

Would you agree that the Catholic faithful’s understanding of what the Church is saying on the issues of marriage, divorce, and annulment is kind of spotty?

I think that, in the back-and-forth of – as you put it – “bickering”, what we’re really seeing is an attempt to dig down into the language of the documents and understand what the words are really saying, and what the implications are. That’s not an easy task.

And, that’s a different task than the pastoral work of helping people heal from the difficult situations in which they have been placed.

I would imagine that “good fruit” will come of both approaches…

I would say you have a good point, Gorgias. And a lot of the rejection of the divorced comes from this lack understanding on what the church teaches. I think the church is pretty clear, but sometimes it is difficult to apply it to so many different private situations going on in each household which are mixed with so many different strong emotions in the complex person. This is where it becomes tricky. I suppose it’s good this type of conversation is taking place. But we have to look at the larger picture, too, the ultimate message to serve each other before judging each other. I wanted to share my story so that we remember to reach out to those who are suffering, instead of just focusing on the legalities of it all. It’s not only pastoral work. It’s the work of each member of His church.

 

[TryingToLearn]

What are some of the things that you posters do to help you trust in God during a time of suffering?

While some devotions, practices and methods come and go or are only monthly, weekly or irregular parts of my spiritual life, I’ve found one practice that has been invaluable and may be the only one that is absolutely a part of every single day: a daily examen. And it has definitely been of great help in times of suffering.

I end every day with an examen. The duration, focus, and exact method vary depending on the situation, but every night when I lie down in bed I end the day with it.

In times of suffering, I focus more on recognizing the gifts God has given me that day and praising Him for those blessings. The worse my day, the more “mundane” the gifts I will recall; waking up, breathing, sunrise, sunset, the weather, the pillow under my head may be the sorts of things I have to recognize as gifts. Other days it’s easy to see the great treasures God has blessed me with that day and the “mundane” will just fade to a more general thanks for my life along with praise for the big blessings of that day.

And on those days where the gifts and praise are easy to find, I’ll put more focus into considering how I could have better served God that day, where I failed to do His Will, and how I will better offer my life to Him tomorrow.

Going back to those days where suffering was the tone for my day… even though I may not understand the reason for it, I thank God for the gifts He plans to grow from the tilled soil of my suffering.

Lastly, regardless of where I am spiritually, I always end my examen silently resting in the arms of Jesus. Some nights it takes a real act of the will to rest in His arms for even a minute. Other nights it’s the easiest, most natural part of the prayer and I have to resist the urge to rush to it. But whether it’s easy or an act of the will, it is always fruitful…

Also, I also try to avoid slipping intentions into my daily examen, nothing wrong with including requests for blessings within the examen. But personally I try to stay within three primary areas: praising God for what He has given me, giving myself over to God and making my life the best gift I can make for Him, and making myself present and open to God’s loving embrace.

This practice was part of my life before the current situation with my wife developed. It has been a tremendous help in dealing with the suffering. And I think it is a very fruitful practice for anyone to make a part of their life.

 

[mamaslo]

Evelyn, Thank you for the kind note…I woke up this morning meaning to write you and apologyze for my defensive and non helpful note to you.
I so agree that marrying someone with differences in faith can cause troubles, I am just not convinced that it always does, especially if the couple that marries is beyond the child rearing age. This particular couple that I brought up actually is probably not the norm, but it does work well for them. The muslim husband goes to Catholic mass with his wife each week, participates in helping St.Vincent’s food collections by collecting leftover food from farms for the poor, helps the disadvantaged in the community and actually I have heard it stated that he teaches the Catholics how to be Christian. His wife is an exceptional Christian. They have a policy to never put down each other’s faith belief. They make room for each to participate in their own faith practices. One week my crockpot broke down and I lost all the food in it and that was the money for the week…he took me to Sams and bought me food to feed my family… and this is what he does for everyone he knows… I know of one elderly woman in the Church who recently lost her husband…he takes her flowers that he picks from his yard…and he always attribute it to serving God…his wife is similar…they are an amazing couple and I have seen marriage demonstrated in a beautiful way…I feel blessed to watch it…it is very healing after being in a marriage that hasn’t worked…

I have a friend who married a woman who isn’t Christian in any way. It just isn’t important to the culture she grew up in…another country. He is sad when he thinks of it as he would love to have that common ground and to know she is going to live in eternity with him. She knows the basics and acknowledges it is important to him, and also held up her end of the bargain and did not fight the faith formation of their son, but there is still this very deep desire in him to have her with him, on the same page, believing in Christianity and all the graces involved. They are very happy though. She is good to him and although she doesn’t realize it fully is helping him to heaven. he just hopes he is helping her.

Often the transitions and choices made to love your wife as if she is your own flesh, regardless of her beliefs, changes for the better occur. He brings grace to the marriage…and thus there is hope that his whole household will be saved.