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notsmart
Guest
The bible gives you no reason to ask this question from what you posted. The church won’t either.
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BobCatholic
Guest
I think I may have spotted the issue here. Perhaps you don’t have the emotional “heart-fluttering” “hot-steamy-oh-my-gosh I’m gonna melt at the very sight of him” kinda of feelings about him.
Infatuation is nice. But love is more than that. One can be in love without infatuation, and one can be infatuated without even being in love. The problem is that many confuse the two, and I think you may have done that.
Many are under the mistaken impression that FIRST you MUST be infatuated and then you can be in love or progress into love. This is not true.
I think you may have had some wisdom by skipping the infatuation and going straight into love.
But you REALLY feel a huge loss in not having the “emotions” right now.
Perhaps if you thought about if you were to divorce and what if you never found another guy as great as he was? Imagine never getting another coffee in bed. Imagine never meeting another man who will be wonderful to you. Your fear of "I was getting old, and afraid I would never marry. " would become not only reality, but worse - a cold oh-my-gosh-it-is-freezing-out-here-in-newly-divorced-land reality. Remember, as people get older, we men tend to die off as time go on, and the remaining men are fewer and fewer in number. Your odds of finding a good man decrease for each year you are not married.
If you think you have a sense of loss by not having the emotions, imagine how big the sense of loss will be if you divorce to chase after the emotions?
Be thankful for what you have. There are women out there would LOVE to be in your situation, and would probably slap you silly for even THINKING of divorcing him.
Thankfulness is the virtue you need to cultivate. You really need to understand how great you have it.
How about volunteering at a battered women’s shelter? Talk to women whose men have beaten them to a pulp many times, and when you come home to your kind husband, you will see him differently.
Or maybe volunteer at a homeless shelter? Talk to the women who have nobody to love and have no place to live. When you come home to your kind husband, you will see him differently.
How about volunteering at a crisis pregnancy center? Talk to the women whose men impregnated them and then abandoned them. When you come home to your kind husband, you will see him differently.
I’m sure there are other suggestions.
I’ll repeat:
I think you may have had some wisdom by skipping the infatuation and going straight into love. Don’t cut yourself down for this.
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dmoondog
Guest
I thank all of you for the wisdom of your answers, even the ones that are kind of harsh towards me. Also, thanks so much for your prayers. Sometimes the truth hurts. Anyway, I am taking all the good advise you have given me, and taking courage. I will not give up on this marraige, and I think the change that I need is to change myself and my misconceptions about love. Just went to confession today for the first time since I was 14 years old. Talk about a cathartic experience.
Again,
I appreciate all the wisdom
Donna
Again,
I appreciate all the wisdom
Donna
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lifeisbeautiful
Guest
Awesome! You and your marriage will be in my prayers!
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mercygate
Guest
Ah. “Truth in the inward parts.” THAT is a gift of grace, and the beginning of your new marriage. May the Lord bring you to love with perfect integrity the man to whom you are married and may he bring your love to perfection in his Truth. God love you. He is the Third Person in the marriage, without Whom it cannot flourish.
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ThyKingdomCome
Guest
First, let me say that while I know you feel like you are flailing, I am really impressed by you. 18 years in a marriage takes alot of work, and your committment to it so far is really admirable.
The Church assumes all marriages to be valid, unless proven otherwise. And notice how the divorce must be final prior to annullment proceedings - that tells me that there are alot of people living in marriages that could be found null IF they divorced, but the Church is not encouraging divorce and anullment. Rather, the Church’s preference (barring extreme situations) is for the couple to remain married and right the situation. Perhaps you need to have your marriage convalidated (check with a priest to find out) or blessed. You don’t need to take a vow of love, only a vow of faithfulness til death, so I’d think you could do that without comitting fraud. The fact that you are returning to the sacraments is huge - you will be receiving more grace from God from these, and God’s grace will help you in your marriage too.
The Church assumes all marriages to be valid, unless proven otherwise. And notice how the divorce must be final prior to annullment proceedings - that tells me that there are alot of people living in marriages that could be found null IF they divorced, but the Church is not encouraging divorce and anullment. Rather, the Church’s preference (barring extreme situations) is for the couple to remain married and right the situation. Perhaps you need to have your marriage convalidated (check with a priest to find out) or blessed. You don’t need to take a vow of love, only a vow of faithfulness til death, so I’d think you could do that without comitting fraud. The fact that you are returning to the sacraments is huge - you will be receiving more grace from God from these, and God’s grace will help you in your marriage too.
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