They are treated very much like that. They are expected to be homemakers. While publicly they encourage women to pursue their desires (such as being a professional or a homemaker ) in practice they discouraged from pursuing anything other than being a homemaker. I have seen women shamed and guilted for wanting to have a career. Also, since there is so much pressure on becoming “exalted” women often go to college, not for education, but for what they call at BYU and the wider LDS community - and “MRS” degree. So yes, women are seen as commodities to marry, bare children, and to keep the home. Weather or not they desire a monogamous marriage marriage for “time and all eternity” (as the temple vows state) is of no concern.
This is absolutely the truth. I was one of those girls who wanted to go to college, have a career and see the world. Despite the heavy pressure to only pursue marriage in the Young Women program, it was never something I wanted. I hated Young Women activities because they were all focused on crafts and homemaking skills. I would have much preferred the Young Men activities because they did fun stuff like learn how to change the oil of a car.
I did go to BYU (much to my very Mormon mother’s relief), but not to find a husband. I wanted an education. The only reason why I went to BYU is because they gave me a 4 year full tuition scholarship. The University of Texas didn’t.
My mother and Young Women leaders kept talking about how great it would be when I find a worthy return missionary to marry during my time at BYU. Barf. I still wasn’t really interested in boys. I got a degree in a competitive program and experienced backlash from men who thought that I had no place in that program because I was only going to stay home as a wife and mother. My spot in the program should have gone to a man who was going to support a family. I was even asked what was wrong with me because I was a woman pursuing a professional degree, unmarried and didn’t go on a mission. Yes, some of the men actually had the gall to say such things to me.
Because I was smart, independent, stubborn and opinionated, the men at BYU were never particularly interested in dating me. All of my dates were the result of me doing the asking or a friend setting me up. When I graduated and started my career (someone had to pay my bills), I had a similar experience in the Young Single Adult wards I attended. It didn’t take long before I was an old maid anyway. My non-Mormon male co-workers were all shocked and surprised that I attended church with 200+ young singles with a pretty equal gender ratio and never had a date much less a boyfriend. They certainly saw value in me as a person and thought I was a “worthy” romantic partner, but the “righteous” priesthood holders who supposedly knew my worth as a “daughter of God” did not. Ironic, huh?
The reality is that the doctrine of polygamy (even if it is technically not practiced) is damaging to women. It objectifies us and turns us into a commodity to be bought and sold. Just ask Heber C. Kimball. I was never able to reconcile being taught that I was a beloved daughter of God equal in dignity before Heavenly Father but that plural marriage is a doctrine of the LDS church and practiced in the celestial kingdom (because there will be so many more women than men there).
The doctrine of polygamy denies the inherent dignity of women. It just does. Women cannot have equal dignity to men if plural marriage is a doctrine of God.
The very thought of polygamy always made me feel nauseous. As I got older in the YSA community, I felt more and more depressed and my self-esteem suffered quite a bit. I never thought I was going to get married in this life. I thought the only way I would marry a “worthy priesthood holder” would be after death in the celestial kingdom where I would be one of many women assigned to a husband. How romantic is that?
