Do men cry?

[Caprotodox]

Yes, the past week has been the toughest time in my life. I have cried, and I just don’t care who knows at this point.

For most of my life, I would hold back tears, but there were some times that I let them fall.

 

[on_the_hill]

I cried for about 15 minutes when I got word that my grandmother died, in December of 1990.

I cried one evening in May of 1991 for way too long after I’d had way too much to drink.

I cried several times during the last week of May 2017 when my mother was on her deathbed.
I did not cry at her funeral.

Other than that, no. I do not cry. Maybe I should.

 

[joeybaggz]

Inside, yes. For public consumption, no.
Many things, happy and sad can make become “emotional” and I feel tears begin, but I basically shut them down at that point. In emotional situations, I believe women need to see and feel strength in men. Not crying does that and allows a loved one to express her emotion fully knowing that the men in her life are strong and in control of a situation.

I guess I think emotion should be private. And please don’t respond that the shortest verse in scripture is “Jesus wept.” I know that.

My :twocents:

 

[Padres1969]

Apart form when a loved one passes on, or at the news of serious illness…
do men cry?Is it 'acceptable ’ nowadays ? I know it’s an odd question ,but I’m very curios as a woman to know if men allow themselves this healthy outlet and when or why.

Of course men cry when it’s called for.

 

[Irishmom2]

In emotional situations, I believe women need to see and feel strength in men. Not crying does that and allows a loved one to express her emotion fully knowing that the men in her life are strong and in control of a situation.
:

I know many women that look upon a man crying as being strong, not weak. That is a man that is strong enough, and confident enough to not care what anyone thinks. It also shows he is not a robot as some men wish to appear.

And when I speak of crying, I mean tears. Not blubbering: “we’re all gonna die” crying.
Yes, that would indeed appear weak.

 

[AmericanRose]

My best friend cries. He’s an emotional person, so if he’s feeling something, everyone in a half mile radius knows. Honestly he’s sweet when he lets his guard down.

 

[Thom18]

In public, we’re not crying, we’re just sweating from our eyes.

When we’re alone, yeah, we do. Some of us more than others.

 

[adamhovey1988]

I was listening to Byzantine Chant on Pandora whilst going for my walk last night…and crying because Christianity is divided. I am most certainly a man.

 

[Arizona_Fat_Gir]

When I was leaving my job after 20 years, 2 men I knew from the office had tears in their eyes and one man grabbed my boss by the collar to punch his lights out.

He wanted to know why he was letting me go!

 

[FirstFiveEighth]

I have never cried, but on occasion I do get something in my eye that causes them to water.

Nah, I’ve found that movies or shows or books can get me a lot. For example, the end scene of Gladiator where he finally meets up with his family- gets me every time.

Or Friday Night Lights, where they are a yard short, and the dad comes onto the field and gives his son (the fullback) his state champ ring.

Or Boromir’s death. Etc.

I try very hard not to cry in public. If I have its because the emotion came upon me so suddenly and unexpectedly that I couldn’t stop it.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Apart form when a loved one passes on, or at the news of serious illness…
do men cry?Is it 'acceptable ’ nowadays ? I know it’s an odd question ,but I’m very curios as a woman to know if men allow themselves this healthy outlet and when or why.

I think it is more acceptable these days. Yes, men cry. Most of us just do not want to do it in front of people.

Men cry for a number of reasons. For all the same reasons that a woman might. A man is not as likely to cry from, say, having a bad day or getting into a argument with a friend or things like that. But men cry when they cant see their kids after a bitter divorce. Men cry when they think about the hard life they have lived and how they somehow became successful despite it all. Men cry when they realize they have hurt someone sometimes. If a man cant cry at all, there is probably a problem. As a 32 year old man, I have cried the most over the last few years for being sorry for my sins, being extremely lonely wondering why its so hard for me to find a girlfriend (God took care of that 6 months ago ) and when things reminded me of hard times in my life and somehow God saw it fit to keep me alive and bless me with way, way more than I deserve or ever thought I would be blessed with.

So yeah, men cry. I have seen men probably twice the man I am cry. I do not think there is anything wrong with it. I think there is something wrong if a man is a cry baby though. That is where I would say “Stop crying. You are supposed to be a man” But I would never think that about a man crying because he missed his kids, or his wife cheated on him and left him, his best friend got killed, his friend did something stupid and is going to be in prison for a long time, he lost his temper and hit somebody and later regretted it etc, etc, etc.

 

[tafan]

Apart form when a loved one passes on, or at the news of serious illness…
do men cry?Is it 'acceptable ’ nowadays ? I know it’s an odd question ,but I’m very curios as a woman to know if men allow themselves this healthy outlet and when or why.

I do my best to not cry. I certainly fail at times. I do not see it as a healthy outlet. I don’t like letting my emotions take control.

 

[exnihilo]

I’ve cried over death. I can rarely get emotional sometimes at moving movies or stories. What I mean by that is a slight dampness in the eyes. I try to not let anyone see of course. I am actually a bit of a big softie.

I wish I could; I’ve lost that ability.

That is actually how I feel. Sometimes I think the ability to have a good cry would be wonderful for letting out emotions which I tend to bottle up. I asked my wife for lessons but she said it just come natural.

 

[GEddie]

I come from the Chicano orbit where machismo is an unwritten eleventh commandment, but I think it is better for a male to cry, if his feelings demand it, than to hold on until grief becomes rage, or eats away at his body.

I’ve seen over and over where grief turns to anger because it had nowhere else to go. Our beings aren’t made for that.

ICXC NIKA

 

[garegin_asatrya]

I get teary sometimes from movies, but it’s usually not from sadness. In my adult life (after teen years) I only remember crying once. Someone didn’t want to see me after the first date. I was in denial for a month. When it finally hit me I started crying in bed when I woke up. My dad came over to tell me about my clothes being thrown around, and I got scared that he would catch me.
I also overheard my brother crying about a girl with my mom.

 

[tafan]

I come from the Chicano orbit where machismo is an unwritten eleventh commandment, but I think it is better for a male to cry, if his feelings demand it, than to hold on until grief becomes rage, or eats away at his body.

I’ve seen over and over where grief turns to anger because it had nowhere else to go. Our beings aren’t made for that.

ICXC NIKA

We will have to agree to disagree.

While not totally onboard with the oft cited 5 stages of grief, I do think most grief is at some point accompanied by anger. Crying is not going to solve that problem. I would argue that it could, potentially make it worse. If I cannot control one emotion, say sadness, and I have to let it out via crying, will I be able to control a different emotion, anger, and not let it out via some level of violence or outburst.

No, I think controlling emotions is important. I am not advocating stoicism, but I do think that the value of crying is way over-stated. Like most uncontrolled expressions of emotion, I actually see little value in it at all.

Lots of people grieving go through a period of anger, most people find a way to keep that well contained, perhaps its due to practice keeping their tears in check.

 

[GEddie]

We will have to agree to disagree.

While not totally onboard with the oft cited 5 stages of grief, I do think most grief is at some point accompanied by anger. Crying is not going to solve that problem. I would argue that it could, potentially make it worse. If I cannot control one emotion, say sadness, and I have to let it out via crying, will I be able to control a different emotion, anger, and not let it out via some level of violence or outburst.

No, I think controlling emotions is important. I am not advocating stoicism, but I do think that the value of crying is way over-stated. Like most uncontrolled expressions of emotion, I actually see little value in it at all.

Lots of people grieving go through a period of anger, most people find a way to keep that well contained, perhaps its due to practice keeping their tears in check.

We don’t have to agree, but could it be that, even when grief does turn to anger, having “decompressed” part of that grief, whether by crying or otherwise, could make the results of the anger less damaging?

I’m not per se into the Kubler-Ross “stages of grief.” I think we fixate too much on the extreme situations of familial death or bodily impairment, and ignore the increasing weight of sorrow that everybody has to process as time goes on. And I’ve seen over and over how this turns into anger.

ICXC NIKA

 

[Rdunbar123]

My wife of 45 yrs died of lung cancer 6 weeks ago, yes men cry. May Her memory be Eternal.

 

[mathematoons]

Cross-post from another thread:

“[22] Give not up thy soul to sadness, and afflict not thyself in thy own counsel. [23] The joyfulness of the heart, is the life of a man, and a never failing treasure of holiness: and the joy of a man is length of life. [24] Have pity on thy own soul, pleasing God, and contain thyself: gather up thy heart in his holiness: and drive away sadness far from thee. [25] For sadness hath killed many, and there is no profit in it. [26] Envy and anger shorten a man’s days, and pensiveness will bring old age before the time. [27] A Cheerful and good heart is always feasting: for his banquets are prepared with diligence.”

Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) 30:22-27

And again:

“[16] My son, shed tears over the dead, and begin to lament as if thou hadst suffered some great harm, and according to judgment cover his body, and neglect not his burial. [17] And for fear of being ill spoken of weep bitterly for a day, and then comfort thyself in thy sadness. [18] And make mourning for him according to his merit for a day, or two, for fear of detraction. [19] For of sadness cometh death, and it overwhelmeth the strength, and the sorrow of the heart boweth down the neck. [20] In withdrawing aside sorrow remaineth: and the substance of the poor is according to his heart. [21] Give not up thy heart to sadness, but drive it from thee: and remember the latter end. [22] Forget it not: for there is no returning, and thou shalt do him no good, and shalt hurt thyself. [23] Remember my judgment: for also shall be so: yesterday for me, and today for thee. [24] When the dead is at rest, let his remembrance rest, and comfort him in the departing of his spirit.”

Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) 38:16-24

End of cross-post

But, if you want to know what I actually do, I used to be a serious crybaby even a few years ago. Eventually, by the grace of God, I realized that crying and sadness are useless and can even be sinful (see the verses quoted above); gender is irrelevant to this matter. St. Bernard of Clairvaux says, “Whence comes disquiet, except that we follow self-will?” St. Alphonsus has quoted this one quite a bit in his writings. Submitting to whatever God may decide to allow to happen to us gives us “the peace of God, which surpasseth all understanding.”

Hence, I work at suppressing any desire to cry, but not because I’m male. I do it because God commands it.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Cross-post from another thread:

“[22] Give not up thy soul to sadness, and afflict not thyself in thy own counsel. [23] The joyfulness of the heart, is the life of a man, and a never failing treasure of holiness: and the joy of a man is length of life. [24] Have pity on thy own soul, pleasing God, and contain thyself: gather up thy heart in his holiness: and drive away sadness far from thee. [25] For sadness hath killed many, and there is no profit in it. [26] Envy and anger shorten a man’s days, and pensiveness will bring old age before the time. [27] A Cheerful and good heart is always feasting: for his banquets are prepared with diligence.”

Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) 30:22-27

And again:

“[16] My son, shed tears over the dead, and begin to lament as if thou hadst suffered some great harm, and according to judgment cover his body, and neglect not his burial. [17] And for fear of being ill spoken of weep bitterly for a day, and then comfort thyself in thy sadness. [18] And make mourning for him according to his merit for a day, or two, for fear of detraction. [19] For of sadness cometh death, and it overwhelmeth the strength, and the sorrow of the heart boweth down the neck. [20] In withdrawing aside sorrow remaineth: and the substance of the poor is according to his heart. [21] Give not up thy heart to sadness, but drive it from thee: and remember the latter end. [22] Forget it not: for there is no returning, and thou shalt do him no good, and shalt hurt thyself. [23] Remember my judgment: for also shall be so: yesterday for me, and today for thee. [24] When the dead is at rest, let his remembrance rest, and comfort him in the departing of his spirit.”

Ecclesiasticus (Sirach) 38:16-24

End of cross-post

But, if you want to know what I actually do, I used to be a serious crybaby even a few years ago. Eventually, by the grace of God, I realized that crying and sadness are useless and can even be sinful (see the verses quoted above); gender is irrelevant to this matter. St. Bernard of Clairvaux says, “Whence comes disquiet, except that we follow self-will?” St. Alphonsus has quoted this one quite a bit in his writings. Submitting to whatever God may decide to allow to happen to us gives us “the peace of God, which surpasseth all understanding.”

Hence, I work at suppressing any desire to cry, but not because I’m male. I do it because God commands it.

The shortest verse in the Bible is also one of the most moving.
“Jesus wept.”

Fully man, and fully God.