Do men have obligation to provide for their family materially?

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St.Ambrose

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Does the old view/role of men still hold true in that they are primarily responsible for providing materially for the family?

If so, then why is it not wrong for women (perhaps even the husbands own wife) to go into the marketplace and compete with men for their jobs which they need to provide for their families?

And if it’s not wrong for women to compete with men for their jobs then, since this makes it harder for men to have a job, then it would seem there should not be the requirement for men to be primarily responsible to primarily provide.

To summarize, it seems to me that logically speaking that one of the following 2 should be true:
  • men are primarily responsible to materially provide so women should not compete with men for the same jobs
  • men are not primarily responsible to materially provide so it does not matter if women compete with men for the same jobs
Yet our country mostly seem to hold to a 3rd view:
  • men are responsible primarily to materially provide and they must get the jobs to do so while competing with women for them. The women may hold a job that a man needs to provide for his family even though her salary is not needed to provide for her own.
I have a difficult time wrestling with the issue of men being responsible in this way when our society (and Catholic women) tie one hand behind our backs by taking jobs that men could hold. I think that if women are going to compete for men’s jobs then the requirement to provide should be lifted.

Thoughts?
 
I do not hold that my husband has any obligation to support me materially. I believe that my husband and I should be free to negotiate, in the privacy of our marriage, what works for us.

We have been married for five years. The first year, we both made “graduate student salaries.” The second year, we were both employed. The third year, he was employed and I was not. The fourth and fifth years, I was employed and he was not (though he had some part time work. Next year, we will both be employed. As it happens, though we are equally qualified, I have the “prestige” job, while even next year, he will be working on short term contract

If we have children, we will both continue to work, as I work in a relatively family-friendly industry (academia). I know other couples with kids where she has stayed home while he works, and I know yet others where he has stayed home while she works. Sometimes this is temporary, as in one friend’s case where her husband moved with her to a new job, but it took him more than a year to find a job in the new setting, and sometimes it is more lasting, where another friend’s husband is staying at home with the kids on a more longterm basis.

What makes you think society is telling men that they have to support their wives? I don’t see it that way at all.

Naprous
 
I’m the primary bread-winner in our household. I’m glad that I have a spouse who doesn’t take a job from somebody trying to support a family, cooks for me, does the dishes, and even mows the lawn.

It works for me. 👍
 
St. Ambrose:
Does the old view/role of men still hold true in that they are primarily responsible for providing materially for the family?

If so, then why is it not wrong for women (perhaps even the husbands own wife) to go into the marketplace and compete with men for their jobs which they need to provide for their families?

And if it’s not wrong for women to compete with men for their jobs then, since this makes it harder for men to have a job, then it would seem there should not be the requirement for men to be primarily responsible to primarily provide.

To summarize, it seems to me that logically speaking that one of the following 2 should be true:
  • men are primarily responsible to materially provide so women should not compete with men for the same jobs
  • men are not primarily responsible to materially provide so it does not matter if women compete with men for the same jobs
Yet our country mostly seem to hold to a 3rd view:
  • men are responsible primarily to materially provide and they must get the jobs to do so while competing with women for them. The women may hold a job that a man needs to provide for his family even though her salary is not needed to provide for her own.
I have a difficult time wrestling with the issue of men being responsible in this way when our society (and Catholic women) tie one hand behind our backs by taking jobs that men could hold. I think that if women are going to compete for men’s jobs then the requirement to provide should be lifted.

Thoughts?
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That creates dependency, which I don’t think is good for anyone, nor the economy. When I get married, I will continue to work. I wouldn’t want to marry a guy who didn’t want me to have ambition.
 
I don’t see how the gender distinction can be backed up when nowadays women are more likely than men to reach advanced education levels and the higher-paying jobs that can come with them. Why shouldn’t Mom bring home the bacon if Dad can only bring home Spam?! We aren’t entitled to any protection from feminine competition–we are entitled to patience until we learn to COOK the bacon “as good as Mom does!”😃
 
No. It’s just a cultural thing. In most societies, the women do all of the work and the men spend the whole day doing nothing.
 
We’re all responsible to provide for others, especially our family, in whatever way we’re needed and are able to do. According to St. Paul, I think we’re supposed to do so while minding our own business as much as possible. But then, St. Paul didn’t have much patience for slackers of either sex.
 
When I marry I want it to be worked out between us. I don’t view women as “competing” with men in the marketplace, espescially since the women are just as likely to be the primary breadwinners as the men in the American society. I was raised by my single mother after my father died, and I’ve very greatful that she didn’t have to remarry just so we could eat. As it was she was able to dedicate herself to her children rather than to winning a questionable spouse, and was able to raise us right without interference from someone with questionable values.

Obviously this isn’t always the ideal case, but in mine I’m glad my mother was single and working. It taught me the benefit of hard work, family love, and personal responsibility. We never wanted for anything despite being poor, and my mother was always there for us and put us first. If the woman I marry wants to work, and is capable of bringing home more money than me, then I will view it as a privilege to stay with the kids. I definately recognize a “division of labor” in parenting, at least to some degree, but in no way do I view it as being governed by gender. Back when back-breaking labor was the only way to earn a meal, I can see things being different due simply to differences in sheer physical ability, but in todays world men and woman are practically completely equal in the workforce.
 
I work, my wife doesn’t. She used too, but at some point we decided, for us, that it was best our kids were raised by us, instead of in a daycare.

I have 6 children, and my wife stopped working when the third was on the way.

Sure, we’d have more money if she worked, but money isn’t the most important thing in our lives. We give 10% of what I make to the church, and have been blessed in many ways.

If she never works again, I would be fine with it. Although I would love to have a nice Lexus or Corvette in the driveway, for us, we are making the right choice.

Do men have to provide? I don’t see it that way. I see marriage as a holy commitment to each other. If both want to work, then why not?

Unless the overall factor is based on greed, I don’t see any problem with both people working. If you are relying on others to raise your child(ren), then that could be a problem if your overall goal is just to have more money.

I know some won’t agree and that’s fine. Just stating it how we see it.

God Bless
 
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lizziebeth730:
That creates dependency, which I don’t think is good for anyone, nor the economy. When I get married, I will continue to work. I wouldn’t want to marry a guy who didn’t want me to have ambition.
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For the Catholic family, dependency isn’t a bad word. We’re supposed to be dependent on one another. For example, I depend on my husband for financial support…and he depends on me for meals and clean underwear. 😉

I agree with the rest of your post, but suggest that you consider looking at your words from a different angle. The work of being “the heart of the home” is more challenging and more rewarding than you might think. And the housewife’s ambition is a very important one: to live out her vocation by serving her family, and helping them to be happier, healthier, and holier. 🙂

So many millions of women have done this job, over the years, and so few have been appreciated. I’m greatly blessed to have a husband who sees the value of my work, and supports my ambition. 🙂

God bless,
Mrs. R
 
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Fortiterinre:
I don’t see how the gender distinction can be backed up when nowadays women are more likely than men to reach advanced education levels and the higher-paying jobs that can come with them. Why shouldn’t Mom bring home the bacon if Dad can only bring home Spam?! We aren’t entitled to any protection from feminine competition–we are entitled to patience until we learn to COOK the bacon “as good as Mom does!”😃
Click to expand...
I’m glad someone started this post, as I stuggle with the same issue, but from the woman’s point of view. I would love for my husband to feel an obligation to support us, and for me to have been able to stay home and raise my family. But, life has not worked out that way for us. I have a better education in a field that has proven more “recession-proof” than my husband’s. In the last 25 years, I have only been unemployed for a total of one month when we moved across the country. His career field has taken a beating in this economy, and he has been unemployed for about 3 of the last 5 years off and on.

I have a good-paying professional job, working with people I admire and enjoy. However, I resent the way things have worked out for us. My oldest child will be leaving for college in two years, and I feel that I have missed most of their childhood while fullfilling the need to be the only breadwinner in our home. I would be glad to ‘get out of the way’ and let my husband have my job, but here’s the deal. He did not invest in the education that I did. The playing field is not level because he did not do the hard work to be eligible for my job.

So, it comes down to what men are responsible to do. If they want to be able to compete with women, that requires an investment of time and resources to prepare. My husband did not do that preparatory work, and is unwilling to do it now, so I support him. The issue of women ‘competing’ for a job that should be ‘rightfully’ his is irrelevant.😦
 
My husband and I have been married for 8 years, and I’ve been the primary breadwinner the entire time–I have a degree, and he does not yet. He’s about to enter grad school, and unless he gets an amazing stipend, I’m expecting to work for the next 6 years. He’s been enjoying being a house-husband, and cooks way better than me! I’m looking forward to when I don’t have to work, and I can be the one staying home and raising any children we are able to have, but right now we need the money that I can make and he can’t.
 
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squirt:
I’m the primary bread-winner in our household. I’m glad that I have a spouse who doesn’t take a job from somebody trying to support a family, cooks for me, does the dishes, and even mows the lawn.

It works for me. 👍
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…and even mows the lawn, I should say so that this works for you!..obviously I need to hone my division of labor negotiation skills with my stay at home dear wife!
 
I’ll be the breadwinner once I get out of college. My fiance makes an alright wage…he works in plumbing retail. I’m planning on becoming a biotechnologist. I invested in my education which allows me to earn more money. He tried college but it wasn’t for him. He knows that he will make less money then me. It’s all good. But i know that I would like to stay home with my children when they come around, but chances are I won’t be able to.
 
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felra:
…and even mows the lawn, I should say so that this works for you!..obviously I need to hone my division of labor negotiation skills with my stay at home dear wife!
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I have the advantage of having a stay at home dear husband. Unfortunately, he ain’t so good at folding laundry. :nope:
 
Men have a duty to see that their family is provided for, but that doesn’t preclude a man staying home with the kids while his better-educated wife earns a nice salary.

It would be no different than if a man buys a life insurance policy to provide for his family.

It’s the end result that matters, not necessarily how it’s accomplished.
 
St. Ambrose:
Does the old view/role of men still hold true in that they are primarily responsible for providing materially for the family?If so, then why is it not wrong for women (perhaps even the husbands own wife) to go into the marketplace and compete with men for their jobs which they need to provide for their families?
And if it’s not wrong for women to compete with men for their jobs then, since this makes it harder for men to have a job, then it would seem there should not be the requirement for men to be primarily responsible to primarily provide.To summarize, it seems to me that logically speaking that one of the following 2 should be true:
  • men are primarily responsible to materially provide so women should not compete with men for the same jobs
  • men are not primarily responsible to materially provide so it does not matter if women compete with men for the same jobs
    Yet our country mostly seem to hold to a 3rd view:
  • men are responsible primarily to materially provide and they must get the jobs to do so while competing with women for them. The women may hold a job that a man needs to provide for his family even though her salary is not needed to provide for her own.
    I have a difficult time wrestling with the issue of men being responsible in this way when our society (and Catholic women) tie one hand behind our backs by taking jobs that men could hold. I think that if women are going to compete for men’s jobs then the requirement to provide should be lifted.
    Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Dear St. Ambrose:

YES YES and YES. Our God-given roles are that the man is to provide materially for his family and the woman be the “keeper of the home”. This will never change. This is THE way God designed our society. I think, and have seen from experience that when these roles are reversed, as in our culture, they are and very badly–then it becomes so much harder–as men, as you say, now competing with women for jobs, etc. and really in my professional view, the downfall of families. This key factor I believe, IS THE MAJOR CAUSE of divorce today this most sick reversal of roles. Women are taking on the positions of men, “bringing home the bacon”, men have been made weak by this very fact, thus not being able any more to be providers; marital relations dissolve, kids do not see from example roles as they are meant to be, and all CHAOS breaks out.

So----the only hope is in the Gospel, where the answer is for all of us Catholics and Christians is to reject the norms of society here. For men to become more competent, for women to reject the influences of culture which tell her “if she doesn’t have a career, she’s nothing”, and also most important for us women, to stop enabling men, by “picking up their ball”, picking up their slack and agreeing to work in full-time careers, while their/our men are lazy and not meeting the criteria God ordained for them. Lettting men fend for their family like they are supposed to, and letting women be the ones primarily caring for their kids, NOT someone else, day care, relatives, etc., ANYONE ELSE. This is a woman’s job/a mother’s job. Period.

God Bless You for even posing this post. It shows you want to get things right. Many might lash out and oppose these views, but I fear they’re the ones caught in the trap.!!! It’s never too late to get out!!!

Seek your career Friend, demand your wife stay home with the children and “keep” the home, and believe me your marriage and family and example will speak volumes for God and His plan and glory!!!
 
sparkle,

God given roles?? Um…where did Jesus say we have to adhere to 1950s gender roles? You say our hope is in the Gospel; read the Gospel again and see if it says anything about working mothers. Letting each family decide which working/child care arrangement works best for them is not the least bit contrary to Jesus’ message.
 
Paul W:
Men have a duty to see that their family is provided for, but that doesn’t preclude a man staying home with the kids while his better-educated wife earns a nice salary.

It would be no different than if a man buys a life insurance policy to provide for his family.

It’s the end result that matters, not necessarily how it’s accomplished.
Click to expand...
I agree with this. However, I am one working mom that wishes I could stay home with the kids and raise them. I love my job, it is very challenging and changes almost on a daily basis, so nothing is ever humdrum. The thing is, I love my kids more that any job on the market. I would love to home school them and give them a good solid Catholic education. But it has not worked out for us in that respect.

So to the women that have posted earlier about working after you have kids, you will probably change your minds. I sure have.
 
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