Do men have obligation to provide for their family materially?

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I’m all for women following traditional roles. Women are the heart of a family. They keep families together. It’s women who plan holiday meals and family get-togethers. It’s usually a woman who worries about dinner after a funeral, or a care package for someone who is ill. It’s a woman’s nature to care and look after not just her own family, but her siblings, parents, cousins etc. When women work they simply don’t have time for this type of nuturing. I think it’s what’s wrong with the world today. Nobody has time for anybody else because everyone is working.

I’'m a stay-at-home mom and I use to feel so guilty not contributing to the bills. I soon realized that I can be a great blessing to others by just being available to hold family dinners, to run family members to the doctor, to pray in emergencies and even just to talk when someone is having a bad day. Nuturing is really a lost art. Mother Teresa use to say Americans were poor not in material things, but in love. She said many people in America are lonely. I think that’s true. Women aren’t available anymore to help others through illness, hardtimes, or even to celebrate good times. They are busy working and I’m afraid men just aren’t cut out to fill the void.
 
What the Bible says:
Proverbs 31
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14 Like merchant ships, she secures her provisions from afar. 15 She rises while it is still night, and distributes food to her household. 16 She picks out a field to purchase; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard. 17 She is girt about with strength, and sturdy are her arms. 18 She enjoys the success of her dealings; at night her lamp is undimmed. 19 She puts her hands to the distaff, and her fingers ply the spindle. 20 She reaches out her hands to the poor, and extends her arms to the needy. 21 She fears not the snow for her household; all her charges are doubly clothed. 22 She makes her own coverlets; fine linen and purple are her clothing. 23 Her husband is prominent at the city gates as he sits with the elders of the land. 24 She makes garments and sells them, and stocks the merchants with belts.
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So by traditional sex roles what could you guys mean? 1950s American or Biblical?? Because I don’t remember June Cleaver running a cottage business.

-D
 
So by traditional sex roles what could you guys mean? 1950s American or Biblical?? Because I don’t remember June Cleaver running a cottage business.
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Bingo. Incidently, that comes from the passage “The Wife of Noble Character”. The working wife is described as the most noble and most desirable mate.
 
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Hopeful:
I’m all for women following traditional roles. Women are the heart of a family. They keep families together. It’s women who plan holiday meals and family get-togethers. It’s usually a woman who worries about dinner after a funeral, or a care package for someone who is ill. It’s a woman’s nature to care and look after not just her own family, but her siblings, parents, cousins etc. When women work they simply don’t have time for this type of nuturing. I think it’s what’s wrong with the world today. Nobody has time for anybody else because everyone is working.

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Except some of us don’t. For whatever reason I’m just NOT a domestic type person. I don’t plan holiday meals…or family get togethers.I don’t even do Sunday dinners. Someone else has to remind me to do something for someone outside of the family. Its not that I’m all that selfish and think ‘me first’…my mind is just not wired that way.

I think its a bit unfair to try and paint all women with the same brush and to make statements that claim that we all have some kind of natural inbred attributes when in fact we do not. Its not in my nature to look after anyone.

I myself stayed home with my children even though my personality was not suited for it and it was a struggle. I simply was not cut out for this kind of thing. Sometimes I think this might be part of ‘my cross’ that I have to bear.

The idea of men going out to work is rather recent and I deplore it. I think children need dad around just as much as they do mom and when he started to have to go out to work a big void was left in the household. It was actually a radical feminist who bemoaned the fact that 'America is suffering from too much mother and too little father!" and I agree.

I believe the idea of leaving mom home alone in isolation with the kids was one of the seeds that led to the feminist movement. I honestly just don’t think its natural. I think dad should be there, doing whatever work he does but available to the family. I hope in these high tech days that more dads will take advantage of being able to work from their home. I’m glad to see so many programs out there in chuches to help young mothers…such as ‘Mother’s Day Out’. and things like that so that young women can have fellowship throughout the week and not be so lonely for adult company…

I have no idea how we could change things short of us going back to some kind of farming society or everyone having their own family business…but I wish Mom and Dad could both stay home…and still provide for the family and give it a ‘heart’.

dream wanderer
 
My husband provides for our family financially but that does not mean that I don’t work, basically I work my tail off and get no money for it but it is something I don’t mind. We discussed this early on in our marriage and agreed that while our children were not in school I should stay home and then once all were in school if I want to look for something part time while they are gone during the day that is up to me, I do hope to do exactly that as long as I can find an employer who understands that I must have hours that will allow me to be done when my kids are done with school so they don’t have to go to any form of daycare or be home alone, also, if they get sick and need to come home from school that has to be totally ok. We have talked with endless family members who have their children in daycare and the cost of daycare has really skyrocketed and for me to work outside the home and have our kids in daycare, well, my pay would just go to pay daycare and we would never actually get ahead.
My husband works long hours and I’m expected to take care of the kids, the home and everything that goes with keeping a home taken care of, I do our lawn, run errands for my husband, take the car to get new tires, oil change, etc. so that way when my hubby is home he doesn’t have to do any of that extra running and he can enjoy some time with our children.
 
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AHMFan:
But the most important issue to me is this… If you are going to have children, PLEASE… be responsible and raise them then…Don’t hand them off to someone else to raise… And I don’t like hearing…But we can’t make it on one income… Well, Can you afford to pay the amount of money it takes to have some stranger raising your child/ren… I think this is such a shameful thought myself…IMO…

NO please no hate mail this is just my opinion…

Tanya
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Couldn’t agree more. I had a well paying career before I had children. In 1993, at the age of 30 my husband and I had a combined net monthly take home pay of $6000. I quit working after I started having children and I’ve never looked back. I feel blessed to have the children I have and know that I will never look back and feel I didn’t spend enough time with my kids.
 
dream wanderer:
Except some of us don’t. For whatever reason I’m just NOT a domestic type person. I don’t plan holiday meals…or family get togethers.I don’t even do Sunday dinners. Someone else has to remind me to do something for someone outside of the family. Its not that I’m all that selfish and think ‘me first’…my mind is just not wired that way.

I think its a bit unfair to try and paint all women with the same brush and to make statements that claim that we all have some kind of natural inbred attributes when in fact we do not. Its not in my nature to look after anyone.

I myself stayed home with my children even though my personality was not suited for it and it was a struggle. I simply was not cut out for this kind of thing. Sometimes I think this might be part of ‘my cross’ that I have to bear.

The idea of men going out to work is rather recent and I deplore it. I think children need dad around just as much as they do mom and when he started to have to go out to work a big void was left in the household. It was actually a radical feminist who bemoaned the fact that 'America is suffering from too much mother and too little father!" and I agree.

I believe the idea of leaving mom home alone in isolation with the kids was one of the seeds that led to the feminist movement. I honestly just don’t think its natural. I think dad should be there, doing whatever work he does but available to the family. I hope in these high tech days that more dads will take advantage of being able to work from their home. I’m glad to see so many programs out there in chuches to help young mothers…such as ‘Mother’s Day Out’. and things like that so that young women can have fellowship throughout the week and not be so lonely for adult company…

I have no idea how we could change things short of us going back to some kind of farming society or everyone having their own family business…but I wish Mom and Dad could both stay home…and still provide for the family and give it a ‘heart’.

dream wanderer
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Your post helped me appreciate how it can be a nagging cross to bear by having children and not being a domestic type person.

Even though men may have been more in close proximity to the home in earlier agrarian societies for practical matters, I question actually how available most men were for the immediate nurturing of the children moreso than now. I’m sure that this was effected by cultural & social conditioning. I agree that the the way to overcome the radical feminist objections to traditional motherhood roles is to support and validate the primary importance of the maternal role and expression of women.

It is evident enough to me that men by physical and psychological design are designed by God to extend themselves beyond the family unit and venture out into the world, and women are more to receive and nurture others.

From my experience alot of females in the workplace are forced to suppress aspects of their femininity in order to tolerate the workplace culture. Or conversely, deny nurturing apsects of their feminine nature to convince themselves that they are self fulfilling and enjoying the best of both worlds. I’m sure my observation and take is lacking sophistication and totally skewed and politically insensitive…but hey, I still mow the lawn…(along with helping with cooking, diaper changing, laundry…)…
 
I think, it is best for the children to have a parent in the home, preferably mom. Unfortunately, this is not a perfect world and for a variety of reasons often both parents work. I know of many families with two working parents who have raised or are raising terrific kids. But I think it’s much harder, and means that mom and dad have to sacrifice a lot more, both individually and as a couple. On the other hand, I know of many families with mom at home who raised, or are raising kids, spoiled, selfish, lazy children. There’s no guarantee that mom being at home will equal great kids, it’s all in the parenting.

As a side question. I do believe God intended woman to be the heart of the home. But if that’s all he intended her to be, or should I say, if that is the ultimate vocation or the ultimate fulfillment for a woman, why are some women given such incredible gifts allowing them to do other things? For example, somewhere right now there is a brilliant woman working in cancer research. If that woman belongs only at home, why was she born with the intellect and the skills to potentially find a cure for a disease that has caused untold human suffering?
 
The idea that women only belong in the home is a “protestant” one. Catholics consider marriage a vocation. If a woman is called to another vocation then there is nothing that says she MUST marry and have children.

-D
 
dream wanderer:
Its not in my nature to look after anyone. I myself stayed home with my children even though my personality was not suited for it and it was a struggle. dream wanderer
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I hear you “dream wanderer” and I relate to what you’re saying–completely and utterly, as I feel a bit that I’m just like you–the same way. Maybe we were not the type of women to ever even have kids–dunno----or maybe this was just our “cross to bear in life”–once again dunno–I think maybe some women are just not cut out for having children–I really don’t know how to reply to that except to think and say that maybe the Almighty One has other plans for Us. Maybe HE, almighty God, wants to form us in HIS image and humble us, for our God-given purpose --being mothers. I commend you friend, for “staying home with your children” --and believe me I know, as a former professional, what sacrifices it took-----but you did the right thing–I sometimes question–women–if they are married and what if they don’t want kids? Man it’s a hard call isn’t it? I still ponder it all the time as a Catholic—don’t you?

But I can’t help feeling that someone is ultimately in control of our lives. If HE brings us a mate in the first place, HE must want us to procreate. HE must have such a purpose for our marriage. HE must know how we are wired, smart, intelligent, and know that the children HE gives us need us, need our intelligence to be used for HIS ultimate glory. For this I’m so thankful–aren’t you?

My Friend “Dream Wanderer” --know you are in my prayers today!
 
very good post dreamwanderer. Dad leaving the home to go off to work is indeed a very recent development and not a healthy one. Children need their fathers too. Unfortunately we can’t go back to the days of farming and home-based shops and businesses. The best we can do is let each family see what works out best for them, and not condemn them for it.

I noticed that no one has yet to show me where Jesus says women should stay home…
 
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Minerva:
very good post dreamwanderer. Dad leaving the home to go off to work is indeed a very recent development and not a healthy one. Children need their fathers too. Unfortunately we can’t go back to the days of farming and home-based shops and businesses. The best we can do is let each family see what works out best for them, and not condemn them for it.

I noticed that no one has yet to show me where Jesus says women should stay home…
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Note: the “Jesus never said don’t do X” is a very weak argument. Jesus also never said “don’t email ranchy pictures to your co-workers.” But I hardly think he would approve.

-D
 
Don’t have time to read all the posts (I am at work 😦 ) But I love the topic and have to reply…will try to elborate later.

Men should be the primary caretaker and women should be the primary caregiver. But it doenst always work that way. Especially today. I read somewhere that the average wage for a head-of-household male is the same today as it was almost 30 years ago. This is due in large part to the doubling of the workforce when woman started working enmass during the 70’s. This allowed employers to pay less and offer less benefits. Leading to the need in a lot of families for both parents to work outside the home.

My husband and I are working towards my being able to stay at home with our son. But for now I must work. Because in the end, it doesnt matter what is SUPPOSED to be, what matters is what has to be done for your family.

🙂 Lilder
 
Just one more thing…
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Minerva:
where did Jesus say we have to adhere to 1950s gender roles?
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Gender roles are not a product of 1950. Men have been providing and women caring since, well Adam & Eve. When God entrusted the care of the land and animals to Adam…then gave him Eve.

🙂 Lilder
 
Kamz… You are the type of women I wish I was… My poor husband works 12 hr days 3/4 days a week… (he has long weekends)…And I still expect him to mow the lawn, take the trash out, play with the kids, etc…He even washes dinner dishes for me… I am always praying for God to give me the gifts I need to do the task of which he asks of me… My biggest problem too is I take my husband for granted…(though, I think he does me too…) This is why I love the idea of living on a Farm, or family owned business…were we worked together, played together, as a family… I think we would be so much happier…

Tanya
 
Honestly I think the Bible says women should do all they can to ease the burden of finances on their husbands.

Gender roles as expressed in the 1950s were a creation of the time. Women staying home, providing no income, raising children in a nuclear family with not support from their “clan” is a modern invention.

Before the industrial age women worked with their husbands on their farms, in family businesses, grandmother’s tended children, aunts and older siblings assisted in childcare, nurslings had mommy right there and women contributed much to the family income.

-D
 
If you would like your wife to stay home and raise your kids, then you have that obligation to provide.
 
lilder, the gender roles that conservative Catholics would like to impose on everyone today ARE a creation of upper middle class, western, post-industrial society. Read darcee and gryphon’s posts on the matter. Things have been done quite differently for most of history.

darcee,

I don’t think it’s a weak argument at all. I brought it up because so many conservative Catholics place adhering to certain gender roles on the level of the Gospel. I’ve been called a bad Catholic (and worse) because I want to be both a mother and a professor. I would just like to see what is the basis for this attitude. Is it in anything Jesus said? NO! Is it implied by anything Jesus said? NO! (unlike the emailing of raunchy pictures - would fit under CHrist’s teachings on lust and chastity). If Christ had touched on the topic of working moms I could understand why it would be so important to certain Catholics. But he didn’t say anything about gender roles or how women and men should follow Him in different manners and the like. It seems that it would be obvious that such issues are non essential to our faith, but to hear some people talk you’d think feminism was the greatest heresy of all time.
 
LETTER TO THE BISHOPS OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH
ON THE COLLABORATION OF MEN AND WOMEN
IN THE CHURCH AND IN THE WORLD

This letter points out the importance of family and the things that are threatening families. It points out the adversarial and competitve nature that the feminist movement fostered. It asks that we recognize THE IMPORTANCE OF FEMININE
VALUES IN THE LIFE OF SOCIETY.

In this perspective, one understands the irreplaceable role of women in all aspects of family and social life involving human relationships and caring for others. Here what John Paul II has termed the genius of women becomes very clear.19 It implies first of all that women be significantly and actively present in the family, “the primordial and, in a certain sense sovereign society”,20 since it is here above all that the features of a people take shape; it is here that its members acquire basic teachings. They learn to love inasmuch as they are unconditionally loved, they learn respect for others inasmuch as they are respected, they learn to know the face of God inasmuch as they receive a first revelation of it from a father and a mother full of attention in their regard. Whenever these fundamental experiences are lacking, society as a whole suffers violence and becomes in turn the progenitor of more violence. It means also that women should be present in the world of work and in the organization of society, and that women should have access to positions of responsibility which allow them to inspire the policies of nations and to promote innovative solutions to economic and social problems.
 
men should work…women should stay home [this is work too] with the kids.

Far too many women work now…it is especially odd when they have kids and then go work to get money to pay dare care workers to raise their kids for them. I suppose women should still be allowed to vote however…:whistle:
 
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