Do most women TRULY appreciate good men?

[marietta]

When I was 20 I could not find a man who would respect me.
When I was 30 I could not find a man who could understand what it is to cherish a partner.
When I was 40 I was lost in a sea of men who completely, deliberately misrepresented themselves: users and abusers.
By the time I turned 46 I quit looking.

They could be married (I married a married man - he was married for the first two years of our relationship. When we married, I was wife number five.) They could be single. Being a scoundrel is a lifestyle not limited to any particular marital status.

Lower my standards? Absolutely not. Love me, love my diseases. If you don’t get it, step aside.

This way there are no takers. Perfect!

marietta

 

[royal_archer]

When I was 20 I could not find a man who would respect me.
When I was 30 I could not find a man who could understand what it is to cherish a partner.
When I was 40 I was lost in a sea of men who completely, deliberately misrepresented themselves: users and abusers.
By the time I turned 46 I quit looking.

They could be married (I married a married man - he was married for the first two years of our relationship. When we married, I was wife number five.) They could be single. Being a scoundrel is a lifestyle not limited to any particular marital status.

Lower my standards? Absolutely not. Love me, love my diseases. If you don’t get it, step aside.

This way there are no takers. Perfect!

marietta

Where were you looking when you were 20? If I could do it over I would have spent a lot less time in bars and other social settings where people traditionally meet. I have met many people who have also spent too much of their lives trying to find love on the dance floor and later realized that they missed out on other opportunities.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

When I was 20 I could not find a man who would respect me.
When I was 30 I could not find a man who could understand what it is to cherish a partner.
When I was 40 I was lost in a sea of men who completely, deliberately misrepresented themselves: users and abusers.
By the time I turned 46 I quit looking.

They could be married (I married a married man - he was married for the first two years of our relationship. When we married, I was wife number five.) They could be single. Being a scoundrel is a lifestyle not limited to any particular marital status.

Lower my standards? Absolutely not. Love me, love my diseases. If you don’t get it, step aside.

This way there are no takers. Perfect!

marietta

Do you mean to sound so bitter?

 

[DrPiano]

When I was 20 I could not find a man who would respect me.
When I was 30 I could not find a man who could understand what it is to cherish a partner.
When I was 40 I was lost in a sea of men who completely, deliberately misrepresented themselves: users and abusers.
By the time I turned 46 I quit looking.

They could be married (I married a married man - he was married for the first two years of our relationship. When we married, I was wife number five.) They could be single. Being a scoundrel is a lifestyle not limited to any particular marital status.

Lower my standards? Absolutely not. Love me, love my diseases. If you don’t get it, step aside.

This way there are no takers. Perfect!

marietta

I accept that that has been your experience. I don’t doubt it, I don’t deny it. But you frequently sound as though you’re belittling the experience of others here who HAVE found good men who don’t use them, who don’t demand from them, who truly love and cherish them. I have one of my own. HE does much of our cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. He never asks me (either explicitly or implicitly) to have dinner waiting or to fetch his slippers. He treats me like a queen. He doesn’t abuse me (mentally, emotionally, or physically). He loves me just the way I am, faults and all. Others here have expressed similar experiences. I get that you’re bitter over your own experience, but that doesn’t mean that good men don’t exist. I have one and I cherish mine. He’s real. Does he have his faults? Yes. But just as he loves me through my faults I love him through his. But I didn’t lower my standards ONE bit for him. On all the essentials, he’s SPOT ON.

So while I recognize the validity of your experience, I’d ask you to kindly take a look at some of your statements and recognize that you’ve been quite disparaging of the experiences of the rest of us.

 

[marietta]

royal archer:

From age 18 through age 48 I was in the music industry. I travelled most nights between 150 and 1,000 miles from one show to the next, 300 days a year. I wasn’t always in the bars; I was on t.v. a great deal, won a Grammy award in 1978, played a presidential inauguration. I travelled to Europe and Canada frequently. I wasn’t always surrounded by scum. But as far as other opportunities, there was none. I was with the same 8-12 men riding in a private coach all day, working together with them all night, travelling with them all night and all the next day, year after year. It was my choice. Art does things to people that are sometimes misunderstood by outsiders.
**
Sailor Kenshin:**

Aw, shucks, life has been a picnic. If I sound bitter, must be because I am. And I’m more comfortable feeling bitter than hopeful. Hope and happiness: I don’t trust 'em.

DrPiano:

Great, you have a fabulous husband! If your experiences are glorious and ecstatic, far out! Please forgive me if I wait with sandwiches on the sidelines, just to see how hard the years come down. Looks good now. Hope it stays good. I can wait.

marietta

 

[chevalier]

But we all begin as girlfriends and boyfriends…before marrying, so I’m a little confused by what you mean here? I have never met a guy who starts off like a jerk, and turns into a sweetheart as a husband…I think it might be the other way around, if anything, but to men who treasure their wives, I would imagine treasure them before they became their wives…no?
:ehh:

Men sometimes man up when they become fathers. Responsibility makes people grow up.

 

[whatevergirl]

royal archer:

From age 18 through age 48 I was in the music industry. I travelled most nights between 150 and 1,000 miles from one show to the next, 300 days a year. I wasn’t always in the bars; I was on t.v. a great deal, won a Grammy award in 1978, played a presidential inauguration. I travelled to Europe and Canada frequently. I wasn’t always surrounded by scum. But as far as other opportunities, there was none. I was with the same 8-12 men riding in a private coach all day, working together with them all night, travelling with them all night and all the next day, year after year. It was my choice. Art does things to people that are sometimes misunderstood by outsiders.
**
Sailor Kenshin:**

Aw, shucks, life has been a picnic. If I sound bitter, must be because I am. And I’m more comfortable feeling bitter than hopeful. Hope and happiness: I don’t trust 'em.

DrPiano:

Great, you have a fabulous husband! If your experiences are glorious and ecstatic, far out! Please forgive me if I wait with sandwiches on the sidelines, just to see how hard the years come down. Looks good now. Hope it stays good. I can wait.

marietta

marietta–what do you mean by ‘good,’ in response to DrPiano’s reply back to you? When we take vows, we should be willing to go through good and bad times, right? I don’t think that how you were treated was right, and that you should have stayed with someone who sounds like they were verbally abusive to you–but at the same time, was that the guy who had 4 wives prior to you? I mean, at some point, we also have to accept responsibility for who we choose too. Not trying to judge…but please be careful to not spend a lifetime looking at men through sludge colored glasses, because you made a bad choice for yourself. I don’t think a guy who has been married 4 times…would have been a good selection. You also mention that you chose a married man…so, it some ways you are blaming men for your own decisions? My sister dated a married man, and she was angry for a time. I said to her…but you chose him.

I sometimes wonder in reading your posts, and we have ALL been there to varying degrees–if you are angrier with yourself for the choices you made in men, than in men themselves. Than in marriage itself.

Whether you choose to stay single or not, I pray that you try to get over the bitterness you have over your past …and forgive yourself for the choices you made. Sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest. ((hugs))

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

DrPiano:

Great, you have a fabulous husband! If your experiences are glorious and ecstatic, far out! Please forgive me if I wait with sandwiches on the sidelines, just to see how hard the years come down. Looks good now. Hope it stays good. I can wait.

marietta

It sounds like you’re cheering for her to lose.

I don’t like that. It disturbs me.

Gratitude is one of the best attitudes anyone can cultivate. We’re ALL pains in the *** to other people—did that ever occur to you? Other people aren’t the only ones with difficult personalities and demands (I have a Class-A license myself there!).

We complain about other people but life with US is probably no picnic either.

 

[rinnie]

Marietta, I understand and i wish so much you could have known my Mom and Dad. My Mom married him when she was 17. There would have been married this year in Aug for 60 years.

Dad adored her, they were best friends. What I am going to tell you is the Gods truth.

Dad had to have bypass surgery on Feb 29 that is Moms ( leap year sometimes its the 28 or 29 depends )Birthday. He went into surgery on her Birthday, and came out. Dad died on March l.

My Mom just asked me yesterday as a matter of fact, why didnt Daddy die right away, IF God was going to take him why did he have to come out and suffer so bad and then die the next day.

I said you dont know Mom, she said no, I said Daddy would not die on your birthday.

He loved her that much, She is so lost. She told me she knows that she must go on and live, she would never do anything stupid because she is Catholic. But when GOD comes for her not to be sad. She said she cant wait to die, because Daddy is waiting for her with his arms wide open. She said her biggest fear was death. But no more. She is going on, because she said he helps her, he gives her the strength to do it. Him and God. And she said she feels them with her everyday. She is never alone. But when God calls her she cant wait. Because she will see God and Daddy again. I wish so bad you could have known love like that. IT DOES EXIST i swear!

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

Marietta, I understand and i wish so much you could have known my Mom and Dad. My Mom married him when she was 17. There would have been married this year in Aug for 60 years.

Dad adored her, they were best friends. What I am going to tell you is the Gods truth.

Dad had to have bypass surgery on Feb 29 that is Moms ( leap year sometimes its the 28 or 29 depends )Birthday. He went into surgery on her Birthday, and came out. Dad died on March l.

My Mom just asked me yesterday as a matter of fact, why didnt Daddy die right away, IF God was going to take him why did he have to come out and suffer so bad and then die the next day.

I said you dont know Mom, she said no, I said Daddy would not die on your birthday.

He loved her that much, She is so lost. She told me she knows that she must go on and live, she would never do anything stupid because she is Catholic. But when GOD comes for her not to be sad. She said she cant wait to die, because Daddy is waiting for her with his arms wide open. She said her biggest fear was death. But no more. She is going on, because she said he helps her, he gives her the strength to do it. Him and God. And she said she feels them with her everyday. She is never alone. But when God calls her she cant wait. Because she will see God and Daddy again. I wish so bad you could have known love like that. IT DOES EXIST i swear!

God bless your Mom!

And mega-amens.

 

[marietta]

marietta–what do you mean by ‘good,’ in response to DrPiano’s reply back to you? When we take vows, we should be willing to go through good and bad times, right? I don’t think that how you were treated was right, and that you should have stayed with someone who sounds like they were verbally abusive to you–but at the same time, was that the guy who had 4 wives prior to you? I mean, at some point, we also have to accept responsibility for who we choose too. Not trying to judge…but please be careful to not spend a lifetime looking at men through sludge colored glasses, because you made a bad choice for yourself. I don’t think a guy who has been married 4 times…would have been a good selection. You also mention that you chose a married man…so, it some ways you are blaming men for your own decisions? My sister dated a married man, and she was angry for a time. I said to her…but you chose him.

I sometimes wonder in reading your posts, and we have ALL been there to varying degrees–if you are angrier with yourself for the choices you made in men, than in men themselves. Than in marriage itself.

Whether you choose to stay single or not, I pray that you try to get over the bitterness you have over your past …and forgive yourself for the choices you made. Sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest. ((hugs))

“Good” = whatever DrPiano wishes for and works toward in her marriage. Am not cheering for her to lose . . . or win. I’m just sitting here eating a sandwich. If you, Sailor Kenshin, are disturbed about my post, it is likely in your interpretation of what I have written.

I understand what gratitude is. I am also abundantly aware that a life with me would be painful and bewildering and, ultimately, unendurable for any man to consider. This is why celibacy is the right choice for me.

I accept responsibility for the choices I have made in male companions. I offer as an explanation, but not as an excuse, that I spent the greater part of my adulthood under the influence of multiple substances, many of which were illegal. No one made me ingest them; that was my decision. No one forced me to marry the wrong man; that was my decision. No one has coerced me into leaving behind the prospect of life with a partner. That, too, was my decision. I didn’t just make one bad choice for myself. It started with my first breath in the delivery room and it was all downhill from there.

rinnie, I don’t doubt that profound love exists. I doubt that it exists for me. If it did happen my way I’m certain I would tell it to keep on moving because I will never again trust what appears to be genuine love. That stuff is for other people.

I don’t lay the blame on anyone but myself. I’m working with what I’ve got, but the tools aren’t adequate for the task. Maybe this is God being funny again.

marietta

 

[rinnie]

Marietta, Everyone make mistakes, we all have sins. Who doesn’t? God understands that. But you have got today.

Forget about the past, you cant change it anyway. But Today, Tommow now thats a diffrent story. Forgive yourself Marietta and move on. You are your own worst enemy.

You deserve all that is good in this world, we all do. You just have to believe that you do deserve it. And then once you believe it, things will change for you. You wont have to look for it, it will find you. And it will be wonderful. Just dont give up hope!

Remember Marietta its not our sins that God looks at, its how we changed and turned away from them that he wants to see. The future not the past, thats the key.

 

[marietta]

It is as dangerous for me to live in the future as it is to regret the past. The best way for me to get through this life is to stay in the moment. No “if onlys”, no “I hope, I hope.” Regret serves no purpose but experience does. I will hang on to my experiences, no matter how repugnant. They are my teachers, a source of truth for me. Without them I could not have come even this little bit further down the road. And the future is nothing but a big, gleaming, perfumed dream, something vomited up by Madison Avenue flunkees; and if that is all I have then I’m ready to lie down right this second.

Hope? I don’t dare. Best to keep my arms down at my sides, and watch my feet walking to the end of the road. That last step is gonna be a doozy.

marietta

 

[whatevergirl]

hi marietta–thank you for your reply. I find your ‘writings’ very inspiring, in an offbeat kind of way. If you haven’t decided to write your memoirs, I think you might have a career…even if it’s freelance ahead of you. Seriously…your writings remind me of a female Edgar Allan Poe… (this is a good thing) lol

All I can say, is you seem to be at peace with not being at peace…and perhaps, someday, you will be at peace…all by itself. From the looks of your life, you have made mistakes like the rest of us, and have come to terms with it all. Please know, I hope you know, I wasn’t trying to inject my own opinions of how you should feel. I just hate to see a fellow Christian–unhappy. But, maybe you have found happiness in the midst of your unhappiness…

Whatever you do…hope in God, and you’ll never hope in vain. Truly. :console:

 

[JimG]

hi marietta–thank you for your reply. I find your ‘writings’ very inspiring, in an offbeat kind of way. If you haven’t decided to write your memoirs, I think you might have a career…even if it’s freelance ahead of you. Seriously…your writings remind me of a female Edgar Allan Poe… (this is a good thing) lol

Odd–I was just thinking the same thing. Not E.A. Poe particularly, I was just thinking that in a way, this stuff is too good to be giving away for free to an internet forum. And now CAF has the copyright!

 

[rinnie]

Marietta, You seem so sad. I wish so bad I could find the right words for you.

I dont know if this will help but, the last 10 years have been hell on earth for me. It started out with me having the perfect life, wonderful Mom and Dad wonderful brothers and Sisters, wonderful husband, then all hell broke loose.

I swear to you I though God was picking on me. My husband got cancer, then he went thru kemo the whole nine yards pure hell for a year. then he got better, I though great, then my brother who i never knew life without got brain cancer.

I was sure God would cure him. Well God did cure him, but he took him home. when he died my Mom died with him, a part of her is gone. Then the next year I lost my baby, Then 6 months later my husband lost his Dad. Last year no one died, we just were picking up the pieces. This was the year, my daughter is getting married we are gonna be happy, Now in March Daddy died. Trust me Love i know the pain. I had a Aunt to helped me alot when my husband got cancer She died and we buried her Wed. So i swear I do know. But I pray to Saint Jude constantely. He is my favorite Patron Saint, hes my man (for the hopeless) and trust me i know how you can get down.

I told my husband ive been down but not this low before. But its okay i trust God and its gonna be okay. I know it will.

Next Sat i am going to go to the wedding and be happy, some how some way. and i know my Dad and Brother will be in CHurch waiting for me. I just know it, And Saint Jude will be there too. (I think im his favorite patron person now) So do me a favor just go to him. Hey try it what will it hurt. ANd he will pray for you and go to God and ask him to help you.

Trust me there is hope, My Dad always said the people who suffer the most are Gods people the chosen ones. Well at least I can really say I can see where i could be a chosen one anyway. So see, there may be hope for me, so i know there is for you.

 

[whatevergirl]

Odd–I was just thinking the same thing. Not E.A. Poe particularly, I was just thinking that in a way, this stuff is too good to be giving away for free to an internet forum. And now CAF has the copyright!

we will make you a STAR, marietta.