Do Not Like/Respect Husband

[dailey]

Is it possible to have a good marriage if you do not like or respect your spouse? Thoughts?

 

[Catholic90]

Is it possible to have a good marriage if you do not like or respect your spouse? Thoughts?

I would think it would be darn difficult. Darn difficult.

 

[Bezant]

Is it possible to have a good marriage if you do not like or respect your spouse? Thoughts?

Sure, if it ends in a good, messy divorce.

 

[puzzleannie]

Is it possible to have a good marriage if you do not like or respect your spouse? Thoughts?

it is not possible to have a healthy relationship with anyone you don’t respect, and most of all, if you don’t respect yourself, that may be a good place to start work.

 

[thistle]

Is it possible to have a good marriage if you do not like or respect your spouse? Thoughts?

No!

 

[odhiambo]

Is it possible to have a good marriage if you do not like or respect your spouse? Thoughts?

I think that it is possible if you look at it from the point of view that since you have ended up marrying this man whom you neither like nor respect, it must all be the Will of God!
Saint Monica married Patricius, a man described by his own son Saint Augustine as a “rough and angry man” also described by others as “bad tempered and adulterous”. It is difficult to see how one can respect such a man, leave alone like him; but Saint Monica made that marriage work and converted Patricius in the end!

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

Is it possible to have a good marriage if you do not like or respect your spouse? Thoughts?

No.

Luna

 

[bmullins]

Is it possible to have a good marriage if you do not like or respect your spouse? Thoughts?

In Marriage you are giving your self to each other. It cant be one person making sacrifice and the other not doing so. Both have to give each other fully in order for it to work.

 

[sinnseanair]

Conversely, is it possible for a Catholic man to stay married to a woman that he cannot respect?

Respect goes two ways. Everyone must earn it. There are men and women that desire to dominate rather than respect. In Shakespheres time it was “The Taming of the Shrew”. Today is is our president trying to live his controlling wife and her mother and govern our nation…

What is respect? Many times it is tolerance. Just because a husband does not do things as “Daddy” did, or a wife does not do things as “Mommy” did, should not immediately earn contempt, although it does is many cases in today’s marriages.

Respect comes literally from being able to adapt your life to that of that person that you vowed to God that you would remain with, “In richer, poorer, sickness and health until death do us part”. The simple act of a husband bringing a flower to his wife because he loves her, or a wife cooking her husband’s favorite meal because she loves him brings the greatest of joy to both the giver and the receiver.

Every husband and wife must never forget that they married a person, not their father or mother, but a person that might do and act the exact oppisite of those parents. Then, make a life together as one, for that is how God sees you now. As my grandfather told me one day when I asked why my grandmother yelled at him so much. “It’s like two horses pulling the same plow. They don’t pull it the same way, but without both of them pulling, nothing gets plowed”. “She yells because she loves me,” he said. I remember after she passed, my grandfather saying several times he wished someone would yell at him like his beautiful wife did.

There is love, then there is falling in love. They are two polar opposites many times. Speaking as a husband, I loved my wife with all my heart, but I didn’t fall in love with her until we had been married about 10 years. It was the simple realization that she was my other half. I could not perform my actions without her. I always put her first, then the children, my wishes always came last. We went shopping. I hate shopping to this day. But, I happily took her shopping just to be with her. She went to football games. She hated football games. She went to be with me, because I loved football games and she wanted to be with me. Once I was yelling at the referee at a “bad call”. She kept telling me to “stop acting like a fool”, until----my best friend and Baptist Minister sitting 3 rows down starting yelling louder than me. We were both Marines together. Then, just for fun, she began yelling too. Now that’s being in love. She didn’t have a clue what she was yelling for, but her husband was yelling like a fool so she joined him. Just to honest, the referee was a very good friend of both the preacher and myself. It was all in the fun of a Friday night.

So, if you disrespect your husband, first you have to look in the mirror and ask yourself why? Just maybe you have doubts about yourself also. Grandpa told me that women marry men and then for the next 30 years try to change them. When they succeed, they wonder where the man they married is now. Grandpa was a wise man.

Understand that all this in in the context of hopefully, an upright man or woman. If disrespect comes from witnessing breaking the law or the inability to live within the human community with others, then, that is a entirely different problem.

 

[dailey]

Thanks for the responses so far.

The reason I married my husband 13 years ago was because he was a hard worker, kind, thoughtful, etc. I wasn’t crazy in love with him…but I felt my “love” could grow for him as time went on. However, after we got married, it was like he was relieved that he no longer had to “court” me. He pretty much told me if I wanted to do anything or go anywhere, I should go by myself or with friends. I most certainly did not get married so I could be lonely…which is what I was for the next 3 years until we had our first child.

At any rate, there are so many things wrong with our marriage and reasons why I have no respect for him (watching porn, ignoring kids, selfish, etc). Of course, I am no angel. I have cussed him out more times then I can count. Bottom line is…I don’t think we will get divorce. So what are my options? Doesn’t help that he is not Catholic and gets annoyed with my “hobby”.

 

[Nate13]

Thanks for the responses so far.

The reason I married my husband 13 years ago was because he was a hard worker, kind, thoughtful, etc. I wasn’t crazy in love with him…but I felt my “love” could grow for him as time went on. However, after we got married, it was like he was relieved that he no longer had to “court” me. He pretty much told me if I wanted to do anything or go anywhere, I should go by myself or with friends. I most certainly did not get married so I could be lonely…which is what I was for the next 3 years until we had our first child.

At any rate, there are so many things wrong with our marriage and reasons why I have no respect for him (watching porn, ignoring kids, selfish, etc). Of course, I am no angel. I have cussed him out more times then I can count. Bottom line is…I don’t think we will get divorce. So what are my options? Doesn’t help that he is not Catholic and gets annoyed with my “hobby”.

Odhiambo had the best answer in this thread. Read about the life of St. Augustine and St. Monica.

 

[Castello]

Two people stand before fellow men and God and vow to love, honor and cherish one another. You vowed to GOD you would do those things. Love and honor him as you told God you would.

 

[dailey]

Two people stand before fellow men and God and vow to love, honor and cherish one another. You vowed to GOD you would do those things. Love and honor him as you told God you would.

That is, of course, easier said than done. I entered into the marriage with high hopes but many things occurred that has hardened my heart.

I have come to the conclusion that I may not ever love him the way I wish I could. I am not a robot, if I could program myself to fall madly in love with him, I would. I guess I started this thread out of frustration. Not sure what is gonna happen. The only thing I do know is that it just gets worse and worse…

 

[dailey]

I think that it is possible if you look at it from the point of view that since you have ended up marrying this man whom you neither like nor respect, it must all be the Will of God!
Saint Monica married Patricius, a man described by his own son Saint Augustine as a “rough and angry man” also described by others as “bad tempered and adulterous”. It is difficult to see how one can respect such a man, leave alone like him; but Saint Monica made that marriage work and converted Patricius in the end!

You know, after many years of cursing the day I married him, it occurred to me that just maybe God put him into my life to save him. I know that sounds silly but he is a non-religious person. He thinks God is for “weak” people. What he truly believes is a mystery to me because he gets ticked off if I try to ask him. When I started coming closer to my faith a couple years back, he was not happy. To this day, he tells me that I am the only person in the rosary group who doesn’t have gray hair, lol! He really thinks I should not be too Catholic…(whatever that means).

 

[Catholic90]

Counseling. Retrovaille.org. More counseling.

If he won’t go, you go by yourself. Talk with your priest.

Is he abusive? If he is abusive to you or your children, you must protect yourself and your children.

 

[Buck_Crosswhite]

Is it possible to have a good marriage if you do not like or respect your spouse? Thoughts?

Is it possible to have dry water?

 

[chevalier]

That is, of course, easier said than done. I entered into the marriage with high hopes but many things occurred that has hardened my heart.

I have come to the conclusion that I may not ever love him the way I wish I could. I am not a robot, if I could program myself to fall madly in love with him, I would. I guess I started this thread out of frustration. Not sure what is gonna happen. The only thing I do know is that it just gets worse and worse…

You don’t really have an obligation to come up with romantic feelings or pretend that he’s a better person than he really is. Strictly speaking, you don’t have to like him, you have to love him, and that “love” part doesn’t mean forcing romantic feelings where there are none. In fact, you shouldn’t pretend he’s better than he is, nor should you fake appreciation for his lifestyle.

Sorry to hear about where you are. I don’t envy you and I’ll remember to mention you in my prayers.

 

[dailey]

Counseling. Retrovaille.org. More counseling.

If he won’t go, you go by yourself. Talk with your priest.

Is he abusive? If he is abusive to you or your children, you must protect yourself and your children.

I would love to go to counseling but money is tight. Not even sure how much it would cost? My husband is not abusive. The main problem I have with him regarding our children is he is lazy. My dad is the one who helps them with their homework, taught them how to ride bikes, plays with them, etc. My husband would prefer to sit them in front of the tv and put tape over their mouth. Just kidding on the last part, but it always annoys me when he yells at them for jumping around and playing. He’ll say “What is wrong with you”?!? And my reply is always “Umm, they’re kids?”

 

[dailey]

You don’t really have an obligation to come up with romantic feelings or pretend that he’s a better person than he really is. Strictly speaking, you don’t have to like him, you have to love him, and that “love” part doesn’t mean forcing romantic feelings where there are none. In fact, you shouldn’t pretend he’s better than he is, nor should you fake appreciation for his lifestyle.

Sorry to hear about where you are. I don’t envy you and I’ll remember to mention you in my prayers.

Thank you! I’ll take your prayers.

I liked your response. Its different in the sense that you are not saying that I have to “love” him which I’m not sure if I can?

I tend to gravitate to other posts here on CAF regarding marital troubles. I always feel a sense of envy when I read how others describe the problems in their marriage but usually end with “but I do love them”.

 

[Catholic90]

I would love to go to counseling but money is tight. Not even sure how much it would cost? My husband is not abusive. The main problem I have with him regarding our children is he is lazy. My dad is the one who helps them with their homework, taught them how to ride bikes, plays with them, etc. My husband would prefer to sit them in front of the tv and put tape over their mouth. Just kidding on the last part, but it always annoys me when he yells at them for jumping around and playing. He’ll say “What is wrong with you”?!? And my reply is always “Umm, they’re kids?”

Some counseling services provide services on a sliding scale. Check with your priest, too. Often they have counseling as one of the services they offer.