S
sinnseanair
Guest
Let’s get back to the real and original problem. Can a person stayed married to a man she does not love.
Originally, that same question started a huge rift in our church that was never repaired. King Henry VIII wanted to divorice his wife of an arranged marriage because she failed to produce a male heir. The Pope refused to grant a divorce and old Henry just said in so many words, “Up yours, I’ll start my own church”. After he died, after going through a multitude of wives, where at least one was beheaded, he had a male heir, but it was his strong willed daughter that became the queen, Elizabeth I.
Marriage today in our country, in our church, is not what it once was. Anyone ever wonder why we Catholics expressly marry in a mass by a priest? Supposed to make the “forever thing” more meanful by vowing to God and the Church. However, our federal and state laws allow and in some cases even encourage divorce for multiple reasons. Therein lies the conundrum for today’s Catholic couples.
I once read a autobiography written by the actor, Art Carney. He walked out on his wife after a disagreement. 7 years later, wanting her back, he just literally walked back into their home, sat down on the couch and yelled, “What’s for supper?” His wife yelled that it would be ready in about an hour. They stayed together as a loving married couple for the remainder of their lives. If only it were that simple in every case.
But, then there’s that pride thing, and that “who has to speak first” after the silence following an argument, who has to say “I’m sorry” first to make the other a “winner”.
My wife used to hide my wallet, dog tags and keys, just to watch me go crazy looking for them. These days I’m pretty sure she has come back and is still doing it. After years of frustation on my part, it became a joke between us. Because I learned not to take my regimented life of having a certain placing of everything a certain way. It was a great day when I realized being that exacting in daily life really didn’t matter.
There were several times when I knew that I, (or YOUR CHILDREN, which they became immediately upon doing something wrong) had done something wrong just by the look on her face when I walked into the home. I learned that a successful husband has to know only three phrases. 1) I’m sorry. 2) I love you. 3) You are beautiful. Hey, worked for me. I passed this wisdom on to my sons-in-law, grandsons, and will soon, my great grandson. For whatever was wrong, I was going to lose some peace for some time to come if I did not immediately confess to that which I had no idea. I learned that before Foxworthy made it a comic routine. The Indian (Pardon me, Native American) part of my wife was scalp hunting—and I did not want mine to be next.
My middle daughter once had an argument with her mother in the kitchen. With teenager mentality she said a less than respectful statement. My wife beat her with a wooden spoon all the way to her room. Then, after a few minutes, told me to “speak with YOUR DAUGHTER”. The only thing I told my daughter was “never get your mother mad when she has a weapon in her hand”, and to go apologize to her mother for being disrespectful. Guess what my older grandson learned from my middle daughter, his mother—the very same wisdom. Well, he now is married, a high school football coach, a masters degree in History, and a wonderful wife that reminds me often of mine. He has not yet mastered the 3 phrase philosophy though.
Now, this has been a little like Joel Chandler Harris’s “Uncle Remus Tales”. But, it was meant to be that way. I found out that “that briar patch” was just where I wanted to be thrown into. I hope and pray that you do also.
Originally, that same question started a huge rift in our church that was never repaired. King Henry VIII wanted to divorice his wife of an arranged marriage because she failed to produce a male heir. The Pope refused to grant a divorce and old Henry just said in so many words, “Up yours, I’ll start my own church”. After he died, after going through a multitude of wives, where at least one was beheaded, he had a male heir, but it was his strong willed daughter that became the queen, Elizabeth I.
Marriage today in our country, in our church, is not what it once was. Anyone ever wonder why we Catholics expressly marry in a mass by a priest? Supposed to make the “forever thing” more meanful by vowing to God and the Church. However, our federal and state laws allow and in some cases even encourage divorce for multiple reasons. Therein lies the conundrum for today’s Catholic couples.
I once read a autobiography written by the actor, Art Carney. He walked out on his wife after a disagreement. 7 years later, wanting her back, he just literally walked back into their home, sat down on the couch and yelled, “What’s for supper?” His wife yelled that it would be ready in about an hour. They stayed together as a loving married couple for the remainder of their lives. If only it were that simple in every case.
But, then there’s that pride thing, and that “who has to speak first” after the silence following an argument, who has to say “I’m sorry” first to make the other a “winner”.
My wife used to hide my wallet, dog tags and keys, just to watch me go crazy looking for them. These days I’m pretty sure she has come back and is still doing it. After years of frustation on my part, it became a joke between us. Because I learned not to take my regimented life of having a certain placing of everything a certain way. It was a great day when I realized being that exacting in daily life really didn’t matter.
There were several times when I knew that I, (or YOUR CHILDREN, which they became immediately upon doing something wrong) had done something wrong just by the look on her face when I walked into the home. I learned that a successful husband has to know only three phrases. 1) I’m sorry. 2) I love you. 3) You are beautiful. Hey, worked for me. I passed this wisdom on to my sons-in-law, grandsons, and will soon, my great grandson. For whatever was wrong, I was going to lose some peace for some time to come if I did not immediately confess to that which I had no idea. I learned that before Foxworthy made it a comic routine. The Indian (Pardon me, Native American) part of my wife was scalp hunting—and I did not want mine to be next.
My middle daughter once had an argument with her mother in the kitchen. With teenager mentality she said a less than respectful statement. My wife beat her with a wooden spoon all the way to her room. Then, after a few minutes, told me to “speak with YOUR DAUGHTER”. The only thing I told my daughter was “never get your mother mad when she has a weapon in her hand”, and to go apologize to her mother for being disrespectful. Guess what my older grandson learned from my middle daughter, his mother—the very same wisdom. Well, he now is married, a high school football coach, a masters degree in History, and a wonderful wife that reminds me often of mine. He has not yet mastered the 3 phrase philosophy though.
Now, this has been a little like Joel Chandler Harris’s “Uncle Remus Tales”. But, it was meant to be that way. I found out that “that briar patch” was just where I wanted to be thrown into. I hope and pray that you do also.
It must be the Mexican/Aztec in me…or so my friends say, lol! Actually, the more you have mentioned your wife, the more I see similar traits in us…she sounds like she was a great lady! 