Do you believe in Soulmates?

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Luvz2travel said:
Soul Mates is a myth woven by the media and Hollywood to get you to believe we all have a perfect match. Maybe some of us do or some of us have more better fits then others but I don’t believe in soul mates per say and don’t think it’s a Christian idea but a pagan one. It’s leads people to expect too much out of a future partner and may be why there are so many singles in this day and age.🤷
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And so many short-term marriages, as well as relationship games going on into late middle age.

The endless search for a soulmate can prevent a Godly marriage.

ICXC NIKA
 
I have never been quite clear on the topic of soulmates and never seen this in any Catholic teaching. The Catholic definition of a good spouse is someone who will lead you to heaven.

However I have found that different people want different things out of marriage. Everyone seems to have their own personal checklist and usually there is more than one thing on it.
These can range from bank accounts, type of job, looks and physique, hair colour and eye colour, race, similar interests, level of faith, ability to converse, personality, (to name a few).

Although I don’t disagree that some of these are important for a marriage it sometimes begs the question of “where is the love in all this”? Is it found by having everything of these things or nothing at all? Personally I believe it is in both. It is about finding that extra nothingness when there is everything. It is the nothingness that holds everything together and makes it complete.

As for perfect compatibility I think this is a myth. A man and woman are in no way going to be perfectly compatible regardless of how long they live together. In fact the word compatible comes from the Latin derivative compatī which means to suffer with or undergo.
 
GEddie said:
And so many short-term marriages, as well as relationship games going on into late middle age.

The endless search for a soulmate can prevent a Godly marriage.

ICXC NIKA
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It DOES seem that the “soulmate” lingo often is used to outright justify adultery at the worst (I recall Tori and Dean of Reality TV fame, whose marriage started out as an affair, claimed to be soulmates at some point – and then of course Dean wound up cheating on Tori too).

However, it seems most people posting here are assuming that it’s only secular Hollywood types who believe this stuff. However, while I haven’t heard of too many Christians using the “soulmate” idea to justify actual adultery, I have certainly seen the idea used to justify some relationships that most outside observers would find unhealthy.

I have certainly heard some Christian couples, while not using the “soulmate” terminology, claim that “God brought us together”. There’s also claims that God meant for one spouse to effect the salvation of the other, or that God meant for one spouse to martyr oneself for another – I’ve even seen this used, albeit by fairly fringe groups, to justify staying in an abusive marriage, and in Catholic circles there are even those who point to saints such as St. Monica and St. Rita to shame abuse victims into staying in the marriage.

I do get the feeling, though, that such excesses among some conservative Christians, are not quite as common as the many misguided people in the secular world who hop from partner to partner and believe “true love” between “soulmates” is some Magical Force and that the ideal romantic relationship Just Happens and doesn’t require any nurturing at all.
 
ToeInTheWater said:
I have certainly heard some Christian couples, while not using the “soulmate” terminology, claim that “God brought us together”. There’s also claims that God meant for one spouse to effect the salvation of the other, or that God meant for one spouse to martyr oneself for another – I’ve even seen this used, albeit by fairly fringe groups, to justify staying in an abusive marriage, and in Catholic circles there are even those who point to saints such as St. Monica and St. Rita to shame abuse victims into staying in the marriage.

I do get the feeling, though, that such excesses among some conservative Christians, are not quite as common as the many misguided people in the secular world who hop from partner to partner and believe “true love” between “soulmates” is some Magical Force and that the ideal romantic relationship Just Happens and doesn’t require any nurturing at all.
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I don’t believe in soulmates. But I do think God does sometimes bring two people together. Even good friends.

C.S. Lewis puts it like this:
“In friendship…we think we have chosen our peers. In reality a few years’ difference in the dates of our births, a few more miles between certain houses, the choice of one university instead of another…the accident of a topic being raised or not raised at a first meeting–any of these chances might have kept us apart. But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you,” can truly say to every group of Christian friends, “Ye have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another.” The friendship is not a reward for our discriminating and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each of us the beauties of others.”
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I also, as a Catholic, believe that marriage IS about each spouse aiming for their own, and the other’s salvation. If your vocation is marriage then that is the whole point.

Obviously some people choose their spouse poorly, or some people have affairs etc.

In that situation sometimes the best thing is to separate.
 
The way it has been defined in this thread, as there is this one person that was meant for you, no.

Do I believe that 30 years ago I met my soul mate and have been happily married to her for the past 27 years. Yes. Absoluteyl. Without a doubt.

My wife is my lover, my friend, my everything. My soul mate through this world. At least that’s my definition of it.

If someone such as myself would have to explain this to you further, you most likely wouldn’t understand.
 
There are friends that “get you” (and vice versa) like no one else seems to do, and if you’re fortunate, you have a chance to marry a friend like that. That is a really comforting feeling.

This does not guarantee you’ll always enjoy this wonderful friend after you marry him or her. It does not guarantee you will always feel understood or that you’ll always understand him or her. It certainly does not guarantee you’ll enjoy sexual excitement between the two of you, let alone excitement that never flags.

The idea that the solution to the challenge of marriage is just to find the one right person to marry, the one who wont ever confront you with that challenge? Not to be too dramatic, but IMHO, that idea is straight from the devil, because it is a recipe for disillusionment, self-pity, marital failure and rationalized infidelities.
 
EasterJoy said:
There are friends that “get you” (and vice versa) like no one else seems to do, and if you’re fortunate, you have a chance to marry a friend like that. That is a really comforting feeling.

This does not guarantee you’ll always enjoy this wonderful friend after you marry him or her. It does not guarantee you will always feel understood or that you’ll always understand him or her. It certainly does not guarantee you’ll enjoy sexual excitement between the two of you, let alone excitement that never flags.

The idea that the solution to the challenge of marriage is just to find the one right person to marry, the one who wont ever confront you with that challenge? Not to be too dramatic, but IMHO, that idea is straight from the devil, because it is a recipe for disillusionment, self-pity, marital failure and rationalized infidelities.
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I was speaking with someone who runs pre-Cana at our parish about this exact issue, which they see over and over again from the couples. Nobody mentions the need to become that spouse for someone else - it’s just finding someone else who will do it for you. Which seems dangerously objectifying and contrary to the purpose of marriage.

I will say that many of us, though, through some trial and tribulation do wise up in the first few years, since even though we come to marriage with some wrong-headed romantic notions we generally desire to be good spouses. But I do think if we didn’t have these ideas out there we’d spare ourselves a good deal of heartache, whether we find a spouse or not.
 
pensmama87 said:
I was speaking with someone who runs pre-Cana at our parish about this exact issue, which they see over and over again from the couples. Nobody mentions the need to become that spouse for someone else - it’s just finding someone else who will do it for you. Which seems dangerously objectifying and contrary to the purpose of marriage.

I will say that many of us, though, through some trial and tribulation do wise up in the first few years, since even though we come to marriage with some wrong-headed romantic notions we generally desire to be good spouses. But I do think if we didn’t have these ideas out there we’d spare ourselves a good deal of heartache, whether we find a spouse or not.
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I remember the old guy who asked for his secret for staying happily married for 60 years.

He said, “Every day, I look in the mirror and say, ‘Well, you’re no prize, either.’”

There is more truth to that than any of this “soul mate” nonsense. On our bad days, we’re nobody’s soulmate. Marriage is all about getting through those bad days, as much as flying is in not crashing the plane. It’s not everything, nobody would go up in the air if that were all it was, but it is also a non-negotiable in the definition of success. That’s life in a vale of tears.
 
While I don’t believe in “soulmates”, I do believe that sometimes, perhaps more often than we think, God will bring two people together with an amount of providence that can appear to be like “fate”.
 
I want to point something out: The definition you used as Soul Mate isn’t what the term meant and this is why the concept of “soul mates” is reeking such havoc on young people. Mind you I am not criticizing you or anyone else; I just have different knowledge due to a much different past than most people here.

I have a background in the occult, which is where the term originated. The term “Soul Mates” means two people who reincarnate together again and again always to find each other because they’re made for each other and love each other so much. The concept has invaded the mainstream so much that people really believe they are going to find someone that really is perfect for them. Ain’t gonna happen. There are no perfect people (alive on this earth) so you cannot have a perfect relationship.
 
BillTheSlink said:
I want to point something out: The definition you used as Soul Mate isn’t what the term meant and this is why the concept of “soul mates” is reeking such havoc on young people. Mind you I am not criticizing you or anyone else; I just have different knowledge due to a much different past than most people here.

I have a background in the occult, which is where the term originated. The term “Soul Mates” means two people who reincarnate together again and again always to find each other because they’re made for each other and love each other so much. The concept has invaded the mainstream so much that people really believe they are going to find someone that really is perfect for them. Ain’t gonna happen. There are no perfect people (alive on this earth) so you cannot have a perfect relationship.
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There are no perfect even among the dead. Otherwise, + 1 and thank you for explaining the term.

ICXC NIKA
 
Just like how clergy are called to be priests, a calling to marriage as Jesus proscribed implicitly suggests soulmates, ie. your spouse IS your soulmate.

Catholic Answers apologists don’t discount the notion either: m.youtube.com/watch?v=brzQcdxtvDo
 
my wife is my soulmate.

at the same time, sparks don’t fly when we touch, there are times when she doesn’t look gorgeous to me. there are times where there is no romance, it is like we are platonic friends…sometimes enemies

but you work it out 🙂

the idea of soulmate is misleading because you would think everything is rosy and perfect, that fights will last for an hour, and your soulmate will come running back to you with flowers and will apologize…

nopee
marriage is a pain in the butt, but it’s a good pain. (edit: just realised how wrong this sounds…but you know what I mean!!) It’s worth the trouble. your spouse is your soulmate because he/she is your spouse. it is NOT your spouse is your soulmate because he/she is your soulmate
 
Just stop using the word soul mate. It’s misleading, new-age and like another poster said has ties with the occult.

They are your WIFE or HUSBAND not soul-mate!
 
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