Do you do your husband's laundry?

[JRKH]

What does this have to do with the Catholic Forum? Go somewhere else for this kind of stuff!

O come - on Rick…
Why should they go somewhere else…It’s in the family life forum…

Catholics wash their clothes too.

Peace
James

 

[Diana_Catherine]

O come - on Rick…
Why should they go somewhere else…It’s in the family life forum…

Catholics wash their clothes too.

Peace
James

 

[Phemie]

My husband just saw this thread and has a legitimate question that I may or may not start another thread.

How many wives mow the lawn or take care of car maintenance?

My husband hates mowing the lawn but he does it because he sees it as his responsibility.

I mow the lawn.

Until the garage people started treating me as though I didn’t have a brain because I’m a girl, I took care of the car maintenance. Can you imagine a man bringing in the car for maintenance because the air conditioner doesn’t work and being asked “Did you turn it on?” Wouldn’t happen. “Just how stupid do you think I am!!” was my response. I may not care that my friend’s car has a hemi but I do know how to turn on the AC and I know how to read a service manual.

 

[Allegra]

I am not sure in some of the answers here if they are from homes where both husband and wife work. If that was the case in our home, I believe we would work together on the laundry (meals and cleaning also). I don’t think if both are gone from home at work that the wife should come home and be the only one doing meals and laundry but in our family I am the housewife and I am home all day and my husband goes out to work daily. It would be wrong of me to ask him to do any laundry when he comes home, especially since I am home all day perfectly capable of doing it.
We work together by both of us fulfilling our responsibilities to the home; him outside working, me at home working.

We both work. I do the laundry. I don’t consider laundry even the remotely the most annoying chore. All you do is dump it in and turn it on for heaven’s sake. If I want to complain about unequal chores, I’m going after scrubbing the tub or cleaning the oven or dusting the base boards or something like that!

 

[LongingSoul]

We both work. I do the laundry. I don’t consider laundry even the remotely the most annoying chore. All you do is dump it in and turn it on for heaven’s sake. If I want to complain about unequal chores, I’m going after scrubbing the tub or cleaning the oven or dusting the base boards or something like that!

Probably the curse of living in a sweaty climate, but I can’t just throw the clothes in the machine and turn it on. All underarms of shirts have to be pre-scrubbed with soap and scrub brush. For 5 adults over 7 days that means 35 outfits and 70 underarms. The occasions that the boys have just thrown their clothes in without prior attention, I’ve most often had to re-wash them because when I’m ironing them, I can sure smell the difference.

 

[Diana_Catherine]

We both work. I do the laundry. I don’t consider laundry even the remotely the most annoying chore. All you do is dump it in and turn it on for heaven’s sake. If I want to complain about unequal chores, I’m going after scrubbing the tub or cleaning the oven or dusting the base boards or something like that!

I wish dumping it in and turning it on was all there was to it here. That is the easy part yes, but the two men I have here, my husband and teenage son who both need dress shirts and dress pants everyday (besides everything else) and there are times when these do need ironed and I do that for them, too. I also heard someone say once that laundry isn’t completed until it is folded and put away. I do understand that every one has specific chores they dislike. For me laundry is the monster that grows in my closets and laundry room if I don’t stay on top of it and then later causes me to climb many stairs but then I guess that is where Our Lord comes in and maybe here is where we can tie this into our faith. I recently started doing the morning offerings before the start of my day and then offer my chores up to the Lord and then I can see things in a whole different light or we could be like St. Therese of Lisieux who knew that she was not capable of great sacrifices or great works but chose to be as a child in they eyes of God, doing all of her chores with love and obedience, no matter how small and insignificant they were.

While on the subject of laundry, it is good to remember that dryers need regular maintenance as they are still the third leading cause of household fires. I know of one recently and it was bad.

 

[Allegra]

I wish dumping it in and turning it on was all there was to it here. That is the easy part yes, but the two men I have here, my husband and teenage son who both need dress shirts and dress pants everyday (besides everything else) and there are times when these do need ironed and I do that for them, too. I also heard someone say once that laundry isn’t completed until it is folded and put away. I do understand that every one has specific chores they dislike. For me laundry is the monster that grows in my closets and laundry room if I don’t stay on top of it and then later causes me to climb many stairs but then I guess that is where Our Lord comes in and maybe here is where we can tie this into our faith. I recently started doing the morning offerings before the start of my day and then offer my chores up to the Lord and then I can see things in a whole different light or we could be like St. Therese of Lisieux who knew that she was not capable of great sacrifices or great works but chose to be as a child in they eyes of God, doing all of her chores with love and obedience, no matter how small and insignificant they were.

While on the subject of laundry, it is good to remember that dryers need regular maintenance as they are still the third leading cause of household fires. I know of one recently and it was bad.

I do fold the laundry and put it away, but even that doesn’t seem half as irritating as cleaning out the crisper in the fridge or washing windows. And like I said, I don’t iron for anyone over the age of three. You don’t want wrinkles, buy wash and wear, or iron it yourself. Sometimes I might iron a tablecloth but that’s about it.

 

[maryjk]

I do fold the laundry and put it away, but even that doesn’t seem half as irritating as cleaning out the crisper in the fridge or washing windows. And like I said, I don’t iron for anyone over the age of three. You don’t want wrinkles, buy wash and wear, or iron it yourself. Sometimes I might iron a tablecloth but that’s about it.

Once a year, for Christmas. I have a red tablecloth that needs ironed. Otherwise, if it is in need of an iron, I toss it back into the dryer for a few minutes.

 

[Ms_Manners]

I’ve become an expert at folding to make things look ironed. So I iron some very formal shirts (not worn regularly), sometimes a tablecloth (but some of them are also just dried and folded the right way).
My MIL is very proud of her housekeeping skills (and rightly so) and at first she was horrified when she heard that I rarely iron, but she changed her mind when she saw that our clothes looked nice even without ironing.

 

[kelvinf]

Wow! I honestly did not expect that the responses would overwhelmingly go in one direction.

My mom does my dad’s laundry but I thought she was still the old-fashioned type. My brother’s wife also does his but I thought it’s just because she tolerates a lot of things.

I am not yet in this state of life but I am not sure I would do my wife’s laundry nor wish that she does mine. I see this as part of personal hygiene, something everybody takes care of by his or herself.

Anyways, it’s good to know how the overwhelming majority of folks here see it. Sounds Catholic? I don’t know. I just asked my co-worker and she says they both do it but it’s certainly not her responsibility to do his.

No! I do not do my husband’s laundry and I do not expect him to do mine. If I get his or he gets my laundry done, I consider it as part of the Blessings that comes with sharing our lives and I am particularly grateful for the opportunity to be of service to him.

That’s kind of the way I see it.

I always do all the washing for him and the three adult children living at home. I do all the ironing, cleaning and cooking as well. I’m really the classic traditional housewife and I really enjoy it a lot, especially now that the kids are grown and everything is not always rushed and manic. I remember reading a long time ago about St Gerard and ‘kitchen mysticism’ where he turned his boring a repetitive chores into deep meditations and I really feel I do that quite naturally also. It was once reported that during cooking a meal for the monks one day, he actually levitated as his meditation was so deep. I haven’t done that though.

Maybe not yet.

Being named Paul, I’m a guy, but I’ll answer anyway.

When the kids were little, we (she and I) did the laundry. Now, the kids do theirs and we do ours. Sometimes I do it, sometimes she does it. Sometimes we fold together.

Why would you refuse to do your spouses laundry?

I wouldn’t wash her hands for her so…

I don’t see any point in separating his & mine; seems like a waste of time to me. The dishes he uses go in the same dishwasher load as the ones I used, too.

Well, dishes and clothes are not the same thing. Even if I were to help someone with laundry (I certainly do not consider it a tabu), I would feel uncomfortable mixing theirs with mine.

They obviously had more problems than who is doing whose laundry. If a couple gets to that kind of point, it is obvious that they stopped working as one unit and one team. If someone is so dug in that they have to tell their spouse, you do your laundry and I’ll do mine is a sign that the marriage is in trouble.

I don’t think so. Again, if you consider laundry as part of personal hygiene, then it’s normal that each person takes care of their hygiene. I don’t see how that should affect a marriage in any way.

I would have to if I had no one to help in the house; You know how it is back here Kelvin. The wife goes to the field to dig with baby at her back, She comes back with firewood on her head, dashes to the river to collect water with which to wash and cook. Does the washing, sweeps the house and compound. Now she starts thinking in terms of food.
If she is lucky, there will be some millet or maize flour ready and all she needs will be some vegetables from the little plot she keeps behind the kitchen. She prepares that and since it is now evening, she feeds her baby, feeds herself after putting aside a generous amount for her husband who left on his bicycle very early in the morning without saying where he was going. She did not ask him where ; she knows better than to ask.
She went to sleep only to wake up to a kick on her legs. The husband is home. He wants his food. She is so tired, she tells him where the food is. He will have none of that. He must be served properly by the wife in his own house. His voice becomes threatening. She quickly gets up, hoping against hope that the food is still warm. Yes it is, She had covered it ever so carefully, because the fire in the fireplace had long since gone out and to light it again at this hour would only irked him some more.
She placed the food before him with all the due respect an African woman is supposed to show her husband. But today, there was no pleasing him. One look at the dish and he gave her a single blow that sent her sprawling and cowering against the single central pillar of their tiny mud hut. Her fault? The vegetable dish. Why is she always cooking vegetables for him ? Is he a goat? Does he even look like one?
It could happen

Hi Very poetic! Nice!

I’ve become an expert at folding to make things look ironed. So I iron some very formal shirts (not worn regularly), sometimes a tablecloth (but some of them are also just dried and folded the right way).
My MIL is very proud of her housekeeping skills (and rightly so) and at first she was horrified when she heard that I rarely iron, but she changed her mind when she saw that our clothes looked nice even without ironing.

I have to learn that. But I don’t fold since I have to hang.

And when it comes to ironing, I don’t know how one is able to iron gender specific clothing e.g. a gown, unless you are an expert in ironing. I also believe each person should iron what they wear. Honestly, I really believe it’s an excess to do such things for a spouse because these are really personal stuff. I don’t think we can compare this with cooking, cleaning the home or maintaining the car. In fact, for me, to know whether we are lazy or jobbing beyond normal is exactly when we can’t do our personal stuff by ourselves. Just my opinion.

 

[JRKH]

Kelvin,
In reply to your comments above about these being “personal things” and “hygiene related” allow me to make an observation.

Once you have fallen in love with another and you get married, you will be sharing everything - your space, your life, your heart and your body - with this person. That which is hers will become precious to you just as what is yours will be precious to her. Caring for these things will seem quite natural and good to you precisely because they are hers and because you each belong to the other - in love

Why should either spouse feel negative about washing the other person’s clothes - or washing their hands for that matter? I can tell you sir that I wash my lady’s behind every day and find it to be no “chore”, not because I’m somehow kinky, but simply because I love her and that is what she needs.

This might be more serious than you intended the thread to be but - - On another thread, talking about commitment in marriage, I suggested that the following question should be asked during pre-cana. “Are you willing to change this person’s dirty adult diaper?”
In other words, are you willing to care for this person in whatever way is needed? Is this person that important to you?

I suggest that if a person is not willing to do their partner’s laundry - or allow their partner to do theirs, then there might be something amiss in the relationship.

Of course - as readily seen on this thread, different couples have come up with various ways to share the work load. So some of what I write here can be seen as simply my own view. But I think that all will agree that - while it might take some time to work out - each couple will eventually figure out what division of labor works best for them based on mutual love.

Just my thoughts on the matter. Sorry if I’ve gotten too serious…

Peace
James

 

[JRKH]

Speaking of Ironing…

My mother tells of how her mother would iron multiple pieces at once.

They lived in a small place and there wasn’t a lot of closet / drawer space and ironing was a way to fit more things into a given space. Grandma would drape a sheet over the ironing board and then iron shirts or whatever on top of that. In this way she would not only iron the shirt, but the sheet under it. Then she would just keep moving the sheet along until it was all ironed and could be folded neatly and put away.
Tricky to do - but quite clever I think.

Also on this subject…
I recall that as children we had a toy iron and ironing board in the basement…I say toy, but the iron actually worked. You’d plug it in and it would get warm. As pre-schoolers I can remember my sister and I being with mom while she was ironing. She would hand us handkerchiefs or wash cloths and we would iron them for her.

I have to say that, I’m not a big fan of ironing and I avoid it if at all possible, but if necessary, I can do it. It’s not the easiest job, but it really isn’t all that difficult either. Some patience and some common sense.

Someone mentioned earlier about offering their daily chores up to the Lord and this puts things in a new light. This is quite correct. It gives all things the dimension of agape - of selfless love - that should be at the core of what we do.

Oh well - I’m done prattling now…

Peace
James

 

[Ms_Manners]

Well, dishes and clothes are not the same thing. Even if I were to help someone with laundry (I certainly do not consider it a tabu), I would feel uncomfortable mixing theirs with mine.

I am just curious - what is the reason that you would feel uncomfortable mixing laundry?
Is it any of the laundry or something specific? For example, is there a difference between shirts and underwear?
I guess I just never thought of it as something so personal. I grew up in a family where clothes were sorted according to colour and material, not ownership. My husband’s family was the same. So we never gave it much thought.
I think I can see part of your point, I would just like to know if I’m on the right track.

And when it comes to ironing, I don’t know how one is able to iron gender specific clothing e.g. a gown, unless you are an expert in ironing.

Nobody is born with it, and everybody can learn.
You just need someone to show you how, but an ex-coworker opened a whole new world of YouTube tutorials if you don’t have anyone else.

 

[Peebo]

I’ve always done my own laundry…my wife separated her clothes…whites…colors…uniforms etc…mine go all in together…she won’t let me do hers…lol…I’ve retired and also do all the housework…most of the cooking…yardwork etc…she’s worth it.

 

[Ms_Manners]

I’ve always done my own laundry…my wife separated her clothes…whites…colors…uniforms etc…mine go all in together…she won’t let me do hers…lol…I’ve retired and also do all the housework…most of the cooking…yardwork etc…she’s worth it.

Not surprised, if that’s your approach.
That’s how one of my dresses got reassigned as a tunic. I know he was doing his best, but I do keep him away from my more sensitive stuff.

 

[CradleJourney]

Kelvin,
In reply to your comments above about these being “personal things” and “hygiene related” allow me to make an observation.

Once you have fallen in love with another and you get married, you will be sharing everything - your space, your life, your heart and your body - with this person. That which is hers will become precious to you just as what is yours will be precious to her. Caring for these things will seem quite natural and good to you precisely because they are hers and because you each belong to the other - in love

In total agreement with this.

In our home, I do laundry - mainly because I’m in the house more so am able to move it from washer to dryer to folding easier - and I’m the only one who seems to have the hang of sorting it so that the right materials get washed and dried (or hung to dry) in the right manner. Hubby does not get “line dry only” or “no fabric softner” or “pretreat stains” or “bleach”. And we have items needing these “special” treatments every week.

He does do his work clothes himself each weekend since he’s the only one who knows what’s on them and whether they can be washed here or at the laundry mat. (He works in industrial situations - lots of “yuck” stuff.

He use to mow the grass and do the yard work - however he has a longer commute now, so that falls to our boys to do. The girls would, too - except they escaped off to college

 

[Lorelei12]

When I was out of work, I did all of the laundry. Now that my husband and I both work full time, he does all of his work shirts and pants, and I do everything else. I also do almost all of the cooking and cleaning, because my schedule leaves more room for these things than his does.

We try to help each other, though- if he has to work over the weekend, I will do all of his laundry and ironing since he has to make an extra effort with his job, and if I am having a busy week at work, he will get the groceries or pick up food on the way home so that I don’t have to cook. We try to make things as fair as possible, but it’s never going to be completely equal. We both just do what we can all the time.

Kelvin, it doesn’t matter who does what- each family has different ways of dividing household chores, since there are so many circumstances- whether or not there are children, who works outside of the home, illnesses, etc. But doing your spouse’s laundry is not “personal” or “private” compared to the intimacies of the rest of marriage. I don’t really understand why anyone would absolutely refuse to do it.

 

[Sarabande]

I do everyone’s laundry (washing, folding and ironing). I’m at home more than my husband and it just makes sense that I do it. When I turned 11, my mother did the wash and taught me the folding and ironing. She was always extremely particular about folding and ironing. She took a lot of time teaching me the “proper” way to fold and iron. If I didn’t do it right, I had to do all of the laundry all over again. After a few times of that, I made sure to do it right the first time. lol!

At the time, I couldn’t stand doing it, but I do have to say that everything always fits into our drawers and closets perfectly and so neatly because of her specific ways of folding and ironing laundry. My mother-in-law is always amazed at how I fold, especially sheets and towels. She says she can’t do it as well and I actually taught her a few tricks. I don’t iron as much as my mother did, as I try to get everything right when the laundry was done drying. Also, I spent many Saturday mornings and/or afternoons ironing and folding between 6-8 loads of laundry for the family. I remember rejoicing when I went off to college and no longer had to do anyone else’s laundry except for mine. Talk about feeling liberated. haha!

 

[maryjk]

Wow! I honestly did not expect that the responses would overwhelmingly go in one direction.

My mom does my dad’s laundry but I thought she was still the old-fashioned type. My brother’s wife also does his but I thought it’s just because she tolerates a lot of things.

I am not yet in this state of life but I am not sure I would do my wife’s laundry nor wish that she does mine. I see this as part of personal hygiene, something everybody takes care of by his or herself.

Anyways, it’s good to know how the overwhelming majority of folks here see it. Sounds Catholic? I don’t know. I just asked my co-worker and she says they both do it but it’s certainly not her responsibility to do his.

I wouldn’t wash her hands for her so…

My husband has bathed me, dressed me and back when I was thin, carried me. Washing my panties and bras are no any more personal than taking a shower, getting dressed and walking.

On a lighter note, just wait, if you use NFP, when you are talking about cervical mucus. Talk about personal.

 

[marymary1975]

Laundry is one of my pet peeves. If it is not done in the way I want, I go crazy. Because of this my fiancee and I decided the laundry is my job. My fiancee is an expert when it comes to ironing (my MIL’s parents used to own a dry cleaning so she knows how to iron very well and she taught all her kids how to do it) so he will do all the ironing. When it comes to folding and putting away, my daughter loves folding and putting clothes away so I guess we will make it a family thing. The thing I cannot stand is cooking so he will be doing 90% of the cooking and I will do the dishes.