Do you respect "stay at home" Dad's?

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Feanor

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I will be a stay at home Dad for my daughter to be born in July.

I know that many on CAF can be very traditional in regards to defining traditional sex roles in the family.

My wife make much more money than I do. She is a scientist and I am a therapist. For this reason and due to the high cost of child care I will be at home- at least while my daughter is still an infant.

What do you guys think of this? Do you respect the stay at home Dads or do you think that this strange?

Thanks!
 
I think it’s great and I don’t see any reason to worry about one’s respect for it. You and your wife have decided that that’s what’s best for the family. Heck, I respect you already! 👍 Oh wait, I told you not to worry about respect…😃
 
I agree with msugeotech. I think it is great. I couldn’t have done it, but that is because I didn’t have the patience to be with small children that much, but that was my problem. If you can do it, go for it.

Peace

Tim
 
Hey we have first hand experience with your situation. I’m an engineer and I make about twice what DH can bring in with his criminal justice degree. He has been home with DS and now DH for the past 2 years. I will be staying home after this month so he can now go to work only because we are moving into a cheaper house. We did not think we could sell until recently.

Anyway, I think it is great. I am one of those that values the traditional roles of mother and father, but I don’t think that there is anything “wrong” with a stay at home dad. Sometimes men are more patient than women with the parenting. This is true for me and DH. I get frustrated far more easily and he is so laid back. Plus I think even if you guys were to switch up the roles in the long run it would help both of you realize how hard the other works. So now you will understand the more “wifey” duties and she will understand the pressures of having the family depend on you :). It sure has helped appreciate DH more and I plan on being a much better wife at home, now that I know how much we’ll be relying on him.

Good luck!
 
My brother in-law stayed home with the kids. They are in school now, but he works from home, he’s a mechanic, so he can be there when they get off the bus. It has worked out very well for them. My sister-in-law makes more money and he is able to do the work he really loves to do for extra income.
I know he was worried about what people thought at first, but they really seem happier this way. My sister-in-law was at home for a few years and really couldn’t stand it, so a wonderful job fell in her lap and she took it. My in-laws don’t like it very much and tell him to find a real job, but he does work hard and is good at what he does, plus a family discount on getting cars fixed is really nice for us. But my in-laws also think I should get a job too and not be at home, so I don’t think they are people to listen to on most things:D
I say, good for you! Feel free to ask us stay at home mom’s any questions and I hope we can help you!!
Congratulations on the new baby!!!
 
One thing I forgot to mention, I would advise against trying to breast-feed the baby.😃
 
If that’s what y’all agree to, sure.

Still, I’d keep current on your career field. Keep up with your con ed and like. When the kids are grown you might want to re enter the work force. It might be just me, but a stay at home dad, with no kids at home, just hanging out, while his wife works seems kinda weird to me. Unless of course you’re retirement age, then I say get active and do the things you had to put off while raising kids.

I was pretty much a stay at home dad because of my unique work schedule. I took care of my son, and did what I could around the house. But once I got him out of diapers and walking around, we stayed gone alot doing stuff.

I was his primary caregiver all the way to high school. Potty trained him, taught him to walk and talk. Did carpools, field trips, and Doc appts. I think I did pretty good, and it was one of the most rewarding times of my life. I got a lot more out then I put in.
 
Respect them? I admire them! I have a single male friend who adopted four little brothers who had been abused by their drug-addled mother (and his tale of what he had to go through in order to convince the adoption agency he was not a pedophile by default is a true horror story). He restores old houses and takes the pre-school boys with him, and they follow him like ducklings. He is the most patient, kind, gentle person in the world and could give lessons to many a mother.

God bless you and let us know how you do! 👍
 
msugeotech said:
One thing I forgot to mention, I would advise against trying to breast-feed the baby.😃
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:rotfl:

But seriously, being very supportive to Mommy’s pumping and nursing when she is at home is one of the most AWESOME things you can do for your baby.

You are the baby’s father. You love that little person more than anyone else on earth except maybe your wife. You are invested in how that child turns out. You want that child to be safe, secure, and healthy. You care about his or her education and want to make sure to find the best resources for that.

I LOVE stay at home dads, because when the Mom can’t or does not desire to stay home, they provide a loving, invested parent who cares for that child every day. That is infinitely preferable to any day care. No matter how nice, caring, or high quality, at the end of the day, your baby is just a job. That will never be true of you, the father, taking care of that baby. 😃
 
I think it’s wonderful and very practical of you guys to decide that you’ll be the one at home. I don’t think there is any “right” and “wrong” way as far as that goes… children need parents who love and care for them - how that works out is up to each family.
 
yellowbird said:
I think it’s wonderful and very practical of you guys to decide that you’ll be the one at home. I don’t think there is any “right” and “wrong” way as far as that goes… children need parents who love and care for them - how that works out is up to each family.
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I agree with yellowbird here. My only exception is that I strongly feel that small children need at least one parent home at all times. I know this isn’t always possible so I won’t go so far as to say it is the only way but if you as a family can get it figured out so that one or the other parent is home with the children then I say it is well worth any financial sacrifice you can make :).

So, do I respect SAHDs, you bet I do. Just like I respect SAHMs.

Brenda V.
 
Brenda_V said:
I agree with yellowbird here. My only exception is that I strongly feel that small children need at least one parent home at all times. I know this isn’t always possible so I won’t go so far as to say it is the only way but if you as a family can get it figured out so that one or the other parent is home with the children then I say it is well worth any financial sacrifice you can make :).

.
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Oh I feel the same way. I was trying to say it didn’t matter which parent. 👍
 
Oh, yes, I think SAHDs have it harder than SAHMs in our society, and i think it is great what you’re doing.

My BIL, when he married my SIL, was making much less than her, and in fact still has less earning power than she would with her degree. She suggested that she be the working parent, and he stay at home, that way they would have more household income. He refused, because he felt the wife should be at home with the children, not the husband.

Well, they still don’t earn as much as they would if she were the primary wage-earner, and that financial difficulty has caused all manner of problems and resentments (on her part) in their marriage. Their home life has really suffered.

I also get very irritated when people say things like “Moms are better at nurturing” or “Men just can’t give the same kind of nurturing,” because that is a load of bull, frankly. There are women who are less nurturing than others, there are men who are very nurturing and are great parents. It depends on the individual, not the gender.

So I think what you’re doing makes perfect sense. 👍
 
samcarter14 said:
I also get very irritated when people say things like “Moms are better at nurturing” or “Men just can’t give the same kind of nurturing,” because that is a load of bull, frankly. There are women who are less nurturing than others, there are men who are very nurturing and are great parents. It depends on the individual, not the gender.
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I see radical feminist ideology is alive and well in our society.

Mothers are emotionally and hormonally (that is biologically, can’t argue it) designed to bond with their infants. Their bodies are the ones that produce milk, and produce oxytocin, the bonding hormone, when they breastfeed, or even just hold their babies skin to skin. Mothers are the primary nurturers, and are usually better in that role, than fathers.

HOWEVER, all people can choose what kind of person they are going to be. Part of the reason I respect a SAHD so much is that he is choosing to take on the nurturing role without the biological tools that make it so much easier for mothers. It’s going to be harder for him, at least at first, so he has to put in a lot of work. That deserves respect and appreciation.

Just because women like Casey Anthony exist does not violate the overall truth of the biological paradigm. Some people’s selfishness is pathological. Their example does not apply to most normal people. It’s an outlier.
 
basilisk said:
I see radical feminist ideology is alive and well in our society.

Mothers are emotionally and hormonally (that is biologically, can’t argue it) designed to bond with their infants. Their bodies are the ones that produce milk, and produce oxytocin, the bonding hormone, when they breastfeed, or even just hold their babies skin to skin. Mothers are the primary nurturers, and are usually better in that role, than fathers.

HOWEVER, all people can choose what kind of person they are going to be. Part of the reason I respect a SAHD so much is that he is choosing to take on the nurturing role without the biological tools that make it so much easier for mothers. It’s going to be harder for him, at least at first, so he has to put in a lot of work. That deserves respect and appreciation.

Just because women like Casey Anthony exist does not violate the overall truth of the biological paradigm. Some people’s selfishness is pathological. Their example does not apply to most normal people. It’s an outlier.
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It’s not radical feminist ideology, thank you very much. I am so far from being a radical feminist, if you knew me at all, you would know how ridiculous that statement is. :rolleyes: I simply don’t like it when people lump fathers into this giant “non nurturing” category of human beings. I have known very non-nurturing mothers, and I’m not talking about Casey Anthony types who kill their kids, just women who are not that invested in nurturing their kids. My own mother, for example. She never abused me or my brother, but she was not attached to us. She was very detached.
 
Well, whether you recognize it as such or not, the very idea that men and women are completely interchangeable and have no inborn differences at all is radical feminist ideology.

But that isn’t really the topic, so I digress…
 
**

I have 100% respect for SAHDs. Like someone pointed out, society can be much harder on them. I also believe that whatever WORKS for a family is what they should go with. And by works, I mean for everyone. ALL needs are being met.

I don’t believe that men and women are completely interchangeable and I do understand the biological differences, but that means nothing in this case. Both parents are working towards the goal of being good parents and providing a stable family life. Win-win. **
 
Being a SAHD is where it’s at. If I were married I’d be all about it. Why work in an office or a cramped cubicle surrounded by people you pretend to like when you can do all your work with an angel supervising you? (After all, us men can be known to get into trouble when no supervised, lol.)

In all seriousness, though, the important thing is simply that the child have a warm, nurturing, Christian environment to grow up in. That’s the goal, and as long as that goal’s met I don’t see how who does the staying-at-home matters. Everyone can love a baby. :love:

In His Love.
Stephen
 
Feanor said:
I will be a stay at home Dad for my daughter to be born in July.

I know that many on CAF can be very traditional in regards to defining traditional sex roles in the family.

My wife make much more money than I do. She is a scientist and I am a therapist. For this reason and due to the high cost of child care I will be at home- at least while my daughter is still an infant.

What do you guys think of this? Do you respect the stay at home Dads or do you think that this strange?

Thanks!
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I think it’s FANTASTIC! If my wife made more money I would definitely love the chance to stay home with my boys.
 
So does Feanor have sumptin to do with Feanaro’s Wife? (Malia) or is this just random coincidence?
 
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