Do you respect "stay at home" Dad's?

[Chuck_M]

The definition of nurture doesn’t seem to be gender specific, though?

That’s right, I just used that word because I couldn’t think of a better description off the top of my head. I’m trying to say that women and men bring different aspects to the table when it comes to raising children.

Just because I haven’t expounded upon the role of fatherhood doesn’t mean that I think all a man has to do is work and he is fulfilling his fatherly duty.

 

[Litcrit]

I think being a SAHD is an impediment towards being an effective father because it confuses the nurturing role of motherhood.

OK, I see you’re coming from the subculture of suburban, middle-class, 20th century US people

The vast majority of the world has, both in space and time, had a very different experience of what is POSSIBLE.

Most of the time, in most places, EVERYONE had to work to get food. Children got taken care of along the way - in my country, babies were carried by moms in slings while they worked in the fields and once they started walking, the toddlers were taken care of by grannies, who also cooked (I’m talking big extended family farms).

Don’t confuse ‘cultural’ for ‘universally ideal’.

 

[whatevergirl]

That’s right, I just used that word because I couldn’t think of a better description off the top of my head. I’m trying to say that women and men bring different aspects to the table when it comes to raising children.

Ok–lol–then, I agree. Yes, nurturing seems to be a term that somewhere along the lines, define motherhood, but not fatherhood. Sorry, I really don’t mean to be anal today.

 

[sanctamaria17]

For those who think nurturing is an emasculating quality, let me tell you something.

One of my best friends has become an inspiration to me. He is a very devout Catholic, he puts me to shame all the time, is always encouraging me to listen to God, prays for me, reminds me to go to Mass, etc. And he’s very manly too and believes in chivalry. He always looks out for us women opens doors, never allows us to pay for coffee (and if it’s dinner on your birthday, you’re not paying! Even if it’s your birthday money you’re using!). He treats us women as if we each were Dante’s Beatrice. Sure, he’s gotten yelled at for it by some more radical women, but we appreciate him.

OK, more to the story.

He spent a considerable amount of time in a Third World country that impacted him greatly. He lived and worked in the slums of a major city in this country and it had a profound impact on him. What was he doing? He was taking care of children. Every day, he helped these kids with their homework, consoled them when they were sad, did art projects with them, kept note of their family situations (a lot of these kids came from abusive homes), and acted like a father figure/older brother to these kids who may not have had good ones.

What’s he doing now?

He’s fighting for women’s rights in the Third World. Not on abortion or anything like that (he’s against abortion). But for the rights to go to school, to be treated with the same dignity as men, to be valued, to be cherished for the mere fact that they are human beings. This isn’t merely a battle of ideologies. He’s actually doing grassroots work in a country (won’t mention here in case anyone knows him), getting girls’ clubs together, educational scholarships for girls, convincing people to send their girls to school, etc, etc. In short, he’s carrying his own views on women and implementing them in a way that will change the lives of girls in this particular area for years to come.

That experience he had, nurturing these kids, taking care of them, and loving them for who they were, carried into something greater than either he or any of us who know him could have imagined.

Now, would you call that emasculating?

Btw, yes, I think SAHD’s can also help make the world a better place. Same with SAHM’s. Same with any kind of parent who fulfills their calling, whether it’s working or staying at home or w/e.

 

[Chuck_M]

OK, I see you’re coming from the subculture of suburban, middle-class, 20th century US people

The vast majority of the world has, both in space and time, had a very different experience of what is POSSIBLE.

Most of the time, in most places, EVERYONE had to work to get food. Children got taken care of along the way - in my country, babies were carried by moms in slings while they worked in the fields and once they started walking, the toddlers were taken care of by grannies, who also cooked (I’m talking big extended family farms).

Don’t confuse ‘cultural’ for ‘universally ideal’.

You’re right. However, this is not really relevant to the discussion. You can’t really compare, for example, a 19th century farm family with a 21st century family where the mother and father both work far away from home. Even though in both instances the parents work, the family dynamic is drastically different.

 

[Chuck_M]

For those who think nurturing is an emasculating quality, let me tell you something.

One of my best friends has become an inspiration to me. He is a very devout Catholic, he puts me to shame all the time, is always encouraging me to listen to God, prays for me, reminds me to go to Mass, etc. And he’s very manly too and believes in chivalry. He always looks out for us women opens doors, never allows us to pay for coffee (and if it’s dinner on your birthday, you’re not paying! Even if it’s your birthday money you’re using!). He treats us women as if we each were Dante’s Beatrice. Sure, he’s gotten yelled at for it by some more radical women, but we appreciate him.

OK, more to the story.

He spent a considerable amount of time in a Third World country that impacted him greatly. He lived and **worked **in the slums of a major city in this country and it had a profound impact on him. What was he doing? He was taking care of children. Every day, he helped these kids with their homework, consoled them when they were sad, did art projects with them, kept note of their family situations (a lot of these kids came from abusive homes), and acted like a father figure/older brother to these kids who may not have had good ones.

What’s he doing now?

He’s fighting for women’s rights in the Third World. Not on abortion or anything like that (he’s against abortion). But for the rights to go to school, to be treated with the same dignity as men, to be valued, to be cherished for the mere fact that they are human beings. This isn’t merely a battle of ideologies. He’s actually doing grassroots **work **in a country (won’t mention here in case anyone knows him), getting girls’ clubs together, educational scholarships for girls, convincing people to send their girls to school, etc, etc. In short, he’s carrying his own views on women and implementing them in a way that will change the lives of girls in this particular area for years to come.

That experience he had, nurturing these kids, taking care of them, and loving them for who they were, carried into something greater than either he or any of us who know him could have imagined.

Now, would you call that emasculating?

Btw, yes, I think SAHD’s can also help make the world a better place. Same with SAHM’s. Same with any kind of parent who fulfills their calling, whether it’s working or staying at home or w/e.

Obviously I picked the wrong word when I said “nurturing”. I should have used a better expression for the motherhood role. There is nothing emasculating in the great example you give, though he is not a SAHD.

 

[whatevergirl]

That’s the problem with labels, Chuck…everyone is an individual in God’s eyes. It’s we humans who try to box everyone in…for whatever our reasons.

 

[sanctamaria17]

No, but he still had to take care of these children in a way that apparently only women can do according to some people.

Seriously, not every woman is naturally nurturing, no matter how many babies she’s given birth to or breast fed. Not every woman is called to full time care of children, even her own. And there are men who do well with children and love their own so much.

To the OP, if it works for your family, go for it

 

[Blessed_Bride]

Of course I do! I am so happy when either parent chooses to stay at home. I’m a firm believer that one parent should stay at home with the children if at all possible. Yes the mother is traditionally the best suited for this. But sometimes life works out in different ways than we expect. Some stay at home dads end up being better suited for the job. As long as your wife is happy working and you are happy with the children I think it will work out just fine. I’m glad you have taken up this holy endeavor of being there for your children. God bless your efforts. You have my full respect SAHD!

 

[Litcrit]

You’re right. However, this is not really relevant to the discussion. You can’t really compare, for example, a 19th century farm family with a 21st century family where the mother and father both work far away from home. Even though in both instances the parents work, the family dynamic is drastically different.

I’m only comparing because a 19th century farm family is what has been the norm for the majority of humanity’s history. And this is: both parents close at all times.

What we’re trying to do now is get as close to that as possible. A SAHM and a WOHD is one attempt at that: you have one parent at home, but the other is absent A LOT = NOT IDEAL. The model in some Euro countries sounds a lot better to me: both parents work PT and PARENT their kids while the other parent is at work - because kids NEED both.

The situation in the US is tough because of

1. no maternity leave (I don’t have an issue really - I get a year off with each kid, so my SAHD get a toddler to take care of - hardly the same thing, right?)
2. the commute - none here really and the kids easily get to school, extracuricular classes, etc. - everything is close and there is no need for an at-home parent.
3. insane working hours - if a working parent never sees their child, it may as well be just ONE parent, not both, right? Well, not so here, where we have reasonable hours and both working parents get to see their kids a lot.

4)no grandparents/aunts & uncles/other extended family readily available for babysitting like here - helps a lot

1. bad and expensive daycare - it’s government-controlled and government-sponsored and CHEAP here
2. tradition…

 

[happymommy]

“Seriously, not every woman is naturally nurturing, no matter how many babies she’s given birth to or breast fed. Not every woman is called to full time care of children, even her own. And there are men who do well with children and love their own so much.”

That’s right:thumbsup:

My sister-in-law hated being home with the kids. She just didn’t like it. She loves her children and breast fed both of them. But she could not be home with them all day, everyday. Her husband is able to work from home, so that’s what he does. She gets the kids on the bus and he’s there at home when they get off of it. He works hard and I don’t think he is any less of a man for it. I think it’s great that his girls get to spend so much time with him! My poor husband doesn’t get home until 6:30 or 7 each night. He gets a hour with the kids and then it’s time for them to go to bed.

I think a stay at home dad is much better than a child in daycare, just so his daddy can say he works outside the home:shrug: It’s one thing if they need two incomes, but just so he can feel like a man, not a good reason!

I have to say, I really do like being at home with my kids. But I get upset when people assume that stay at home parents don’t really work. I’m not sure what some people think we do all day. It’s not for the faint of heart!! And it is a full time job. I don’t get weekends off, I don’t to call in sick. I’m on 24/7. I don’t get to leave my problems at work and go home. Some days writing on CAF is the only adult communication I have until my husband gets home!! It’s not always easy and there is not a lot of sitting around watching soaps and eating bonbons!!

I’m proud my brother in law thought enough of his family to start working from home. It helped his wife, it helped his children and it helped him. And before you start on, well he works from home. When he started staying home their oldest was just starting Kindergarten and their youngest was a toddler. So he was a full time daddy during the day and worked nights from home! Now the oldest is in 3rd grade and the youngest in Kindergarten. He works while they are at school, then he is with the kids until after dinner and then he works some more.

 

[samcarter14]

And Malia,

I presume that is your family- you guys look great! Your daughter is quite cute!

My daughter will be named Lorien ___ (no middle name yet)
Lorien is another Tolkien thing- I know it’s nerdy (me, not the name)- I can’t help it!

Beautiful name. Our second son has the same initials as Tolkien, J.R.R, and has the name Reuel for his second middle name as well.

 

[igator99]

I will be a stay at home Dad for my daughter to be born in July.

I know that many on CAF can be very traditional in regards to defining traditional sex roles in the family.

My wife make much more money than I do. She is a scientist and I am a therapist. For this reason and due to the high cost of child care I will be at home- at least while my daughter is still an infant.

What do you guys think of this? Do you respect the stay at home Dads or do you think that this strange?

Thanks!

You should careless what other people think. The only thing that matters is your family. I have job where I was able to spend a lot of time with my son and daughter. I spend a whole Summer playing Mr. Mom. It was one of the hardest but best Summers in my life. If you think it will be easy you are in for a big surprise. If you think it will be rewarding… you can’t even begin to imagine! Good luck and God Bless.

 

[jman507]

Yes, you’re right. A man cannot be a mom and a woman cannot be a dad, but they can both be involved, nurturing parents.

That’s why I hate the phrase “Mr. Mom”. Am I “Mrs. Dad”?

To really get at it, I would say the stay at home parenting part, that is interchangeable. That one would feed, cloth, watch, and to help with a large part of the day to day needs doesn’t take a certain gender, just someone who’ll do those things. A man though will still do it as a father, and a woman as a mother. We are able to get by doing it all alone, but it’s still best to have the influence of both, even if one is the primary care taker.

In that sense one could also say a parent in Vietnam that is Vietnamese will parent like a Vietnamese as opposed to a part in the US who is an American who will parent like an American. The cultural differences should be acknowledged and respected that they are there. Also along that lines, person A of family A will also parent like person A, and the same with person B. Each has a different temperament and personality, among other things that will make each unique. Though the difference with gender is that ones always going to deal with the opposite sex, and will probably deal with the opposite sex later on when raising their kids. It is good to see a relatively healthy relationship.

 

[motherofsix]

“There are many factors that over the years have contributed to the masculinization of our women, both young and old alike;
let us focus on what is most responsible for this horrible flight from that wonderful gift bestowed on women called Femininity.
A gift given by none other than God Himself.
Women have gradually been led to the belief that being feminine is in some way less than that of being masculine. This
warped notion has been so skillfully promoted that the vast majority have accepted the belief that femininity is degrading to a
woman. Can you believe this? How can they promote women and at the same time despise femininity? The two cannot be separated,
at least not without doing damage to her emotional stability. But, if you stop and think, this is exactly what has happened.
Why?”

Quote from a book that can be read for free here:
christianfamilyoutreach.com/pamphlets/femininity.pdf

 

[motherofsix]

OH, and here is the link for the working mom one:
[christianfamilyoutreach.com/pamphlets/theworkingmom.pdf](http://www.christianfamilyoutreach.com/pamphlets/theworkingmom.pdf)

 

[Salonika]

Litcrit:

Only since family and work were separated has there even been an issue or a division between genders. Before that, both parents worked, both parents worked at home, and both parents were near their kids 24/7.

This was probably more true in rural areas than in the towns especially after the Industrial Revolution in Europe and its spread wider.

Then for many it was work in the factories and the mines for the parents and the minding the children was solved by sending them to work at a young age.

Then with the spread of education children started being in school during the day.

Even if past ways of doing things suited then, that doesn’t mean that the answer is going back to them, even when this is possible.

 

[Litcrit]

Even if past ways of doing things suited then, that doesn’t mean that the answer is going back to them, even when this is possible.

Oh, I’m not suggesting the answer is going back - I was just pointing out that for the vast majority of human beings throughout history the whole problem of working parents / stay at home parents didn’t exist (rural areas were more populated before, and even in towns you usually had traders and smiths with stores and workshops within their homes or close by).

What I’m trying to say is that you can’t say “the mother should stay at home with children while the father provides monetarily” and treat that claim as a universally relevant moral dictum, somehow God-instituted, natural and forever true - because it can only be even applied to a tiny fraction of human living environments in history.

 

[latinmasslover]

I will be a stay at home Dad for my daughter to be born in July.

I know that many on CAF can be very traditional in regards to defining traditional sex roles in the family.

My wife make much more money than I do. She is a scientist and I am a therapist. For this reason and due to the high cost of child care I will be at home- at least while my daughter is still an infant.

What do you guys think of this? Do you respect the stay at home Dads or do you think that this strange?

Thanks!

Well, you asked and I assume you want the truth. I wouldn’t say strange but…wrong. Not sinful necessarily, but not right. God created men to be providers and women to be caretakers. Your wife needs to be home with your daughter, especially as an infant. Peace.

 

[Feanor]

That’s why I asked for folks thoughts! Thanks!

I will leave much of the debate to others- one’s opinion is their own!