Doctor Wants My Wife On The Pill

[cargopilot]

Maybe I misunderstood then. Your wife is wanting to go on the pill?

Here are some things for her to read:

No, neither one of us want the pill, but her endo has her scared that she will become pregnant and die. Her high-risk OB/GYN has said in the past when querried about another pregnancy, “Oh well, we’ll just deal with it”, seeming fairly unconcerned.

I’m no doctor, but I just don’t believe the risk is as great as the endo has painted. The endo just sees that she has had three kids and “since that’s more than enough, why risk it?” Also, I feel the endo fears liability that can be deflected by saying “well, I told you so”, if she gets pregnant again and something goes wrong.

BTW, thank you for the links, I’ll check 'em out.

 

[Brian_C]

Endo? Why is she seeing an endocrinologist? Diabetic? Hypo/perthyroidism? I think if she’s got severe issues it should certainly be brought up with a priest.

 

[annb]

No, neither one of us want the pill, but her endo has her scared that she will become pregnant and die. Her high-risk OB/GYN has said in the past when querried about another pregnancy, “Oh well, we’ll just deal with it”, seeming fairly unconcerned.

I’m no doctor, but I just don’t believe the risk is as great as the endo has painted. The endo just sees that she has had three kids and “since that’s more than enough, why risk it?” Also, I feel the endo fears liability that can be deflected by saying “well, I told you so”, if she gets pregnant again and something goes wrong.

BTW, thank you for the links, I’ll check 'em out.

It is just as likely that she would become pregnant on the pill as with using NFP. In other words, NFP is just as effective as the pill for preventing pregnancy (99% effective). Maybe it’s hard to believe until you’vre taken the class and started charting. I think you will both feel more empowered once you are armed with the knowledge of NFP.

 

[cargopilot]

Not surprisingly, option 2 leads hands-down, as I expected. By far, most respondents recommend disregarding the doctor’s advise to go on the pill and get really good at NFP.

What surprised me though was, in second place (albiet distant), was option 1, follow the doctor’s recommendation and go on the pill, led the only other morally licit options provided, living as Joseph and Mary or put it all in God’s hands.

Option 4, in third place, living as Joseph and Mary, as hard as it might be, is absolutely the safest possible method and assuming mutual agreement, morally licit. The safest ship is the one stays docked in her home port, but she really isn’t being used as her creators intended. She should be at sea, but she faces many perils when at sea. But for those of us who are less than Joseph and Mary, there are many risks, too.

The biggest surprise for me, was option three, disregard the doctor or put it all in God’s hands, is absolutely DEAD LAST in the poll. Only three respondents seem to have more faith in God than the doctor, or us, the couple in question, in deciding how this should play out. That seems to suggest that we mere humans believe that 95.2% more in ourselves, than in God.

I’ll admit that I selected option 2, but Black Jaque got me to thinkin’ when he mentioned how I take risk a risk everytime I fly. That’s true, I trust in my skills, but thinking back, there have been occasions where my life and that of many others, were spared when my human frailty could’ve killed us all. I can only attribute the safe conclusion to God, who had to be looking out for us, on those dark, stormy nights.

Since I didn’t select option 3, putting it all in God’s hands, I have no choice but to wonder if I don’t trust enough in God, too? Why would I, along with nearly all of the other respondents, fail to place total trust in God, for this most important thing?

Should my wife become pregnant again, we don’t have any guarantees of a successful outcome, but we DO have outstanding resources available to give her and our child a fighting chance. After all, her OB did say “Well, if you get pregnant again, we’ll just deal with it.”

Should we use statistical analysis in an attempt to foil God’s will?

 

[agapewolf]

Interesting take…

I would argue that by using NFP, you ARE putting it in God’s hands. THey are not mutually exclusive of each other.

I dont’ think the poll can be taken as scientific data, although it was very interesting. (by the way, I didn’t vote officially…maybe for this reason).

We are still expected to do work and sacrifice and be responsible people…NFP calls us to sacrifce, be more giving and loving, and benefits a marriage in innumerable ways.

 

[cargopilot]

It’s a tough call, no matter how you slice it, and you’re right agapewolf, about placing it in God’s hands.

It occurs to me that not too many years ago and for the many thousands of years of human existence prior, before we had the pill and other forms of ABC, legalized abortion and our improved knowlege of NFP, there would have only been two choices from my list of four. Living as Joseph and Mary or placing it all in God’s hands. All of this has only become a factor in the last little sliver of time in our entire human existence. It just seems odd that the only two choices a couple such as us had, for thousands upon thousands of years, are now simply ‘also-ran’ choices in my little, unscientific poll, barely a blip on the screen.

 

[1ke]

What you can’t do is sin.

 

[Scout]

I believe that either living as Mary and Joseph or learning NFP is a way of “putting it in God’s hands”. The Church approves these methods of “birth control” (for lack of a better phrase), which means that God has given us, as members of His Church, these tools to use. If we are living in a way that pleases God, by obeying His commands and His Church, then we are putting our lives in God’s hands.

I don’t believe putting our lives in God’s hands means we sit back and do nothing. Look at Noah as an example. He trusted that God was going to save him from the flood, and then he obeyed God and built a boat. David trusted God that the Israelites would defeat the Philistines. Then David went out and slew Goliath. James 2:18 says, “…Show me your faith without deeds, and I’ll show you my faith by what I do.”

I think that just your willingness to live as Mary and Joseph for the rest of your lives shows your true heart towards God. You are willing to sacrifice your “comfort” so that you can obey God. When we choose to obey God, He always blesses us more than we could possibly ask or imagine.

Scout :tiphat:

 

[gradstud35]

You didn’t mention in your original post if this was an ob/gyn or your family practioner. (I’m assuming this is an ob/gyn.) Almost all ob/gyn’s, especially female ob/gyns shove birth control down female patients throats, no matter how old they are, no matter what the situation is. My sister and I refer to them as “birth control nazis.” They are extremely militant about birth control no matter what the situation is. They see a female patient = birth control. Find out what your other options are.
I’ve never had any reason to be on it yet every time I go see ob/gyn they constantly shove it down my throat. One even tried to prescribe it for me just so my PMS wouldn’t be so bad every month. I told her I would just take Midol. Then she said no birth control would really help. I told her I didn’t want to take that (keep in mind I had NO reason to take it–I’m not married) She asks why not. I lie and tell her the co-pay is really high on my health plan for prescription drugs and I can’t afford it. She leaves the room, pops back in with a FREE year long supply of Yasmin.
This is not unique. I had countless friends who have been put on BC, because of PMS, acne whatever. All because their OB/GYN insisted on it. They said it is because of medical reasons but sometimes it seems it is just to fuel their personal beliefs/agendas.

 

[Black_Jaque]

Cargo,

In my trials and tribulations as a married man, I’ve come to the conclusion that something is lacking in this society that hinders married couples. Sacrifice. It has become a bad word.

Why is a husband considered “chauvinist” if he expects his wife to sacrifice for his good and the good of his marriage?

It would seem to me, that the husband is ONLY doing wrong if he doesn’t expect an equal amount of sacrifice from himself, or doesn’t allow his wife to expect sacrifices from him.

But as I learn about what makes a really strong Christian marriage: it seems that it is when BOTH spouses keep raising the bar for the other to reach. And both spouses find great happiness in attaining those sacrifices.

Revisit #3. Now ask yourself what your mission is. To get you and your spouse into Heaven. To serve and glorify God. Which option has the best chance of achieving your mission? Of course, #4 could be mighty heroic too.

 

[cargopilot]

WOW! Option one, “follow the doctor’s advise and go on the pill” is gaining momentum. At almost 16%, it now almost doubles “put it in God’s hands” and live as “Joseph and Mary”, combined. Fascinating!

My dear wife and I must be total freakazoids, and sooo not ‘with it’. At this point, we’ve agreed to live as Joseph and Mary until we can visit with her fantastic high-risk OB/GYN, for further information. If he continues with his “if it happens, we’ll just deal with it” attitude, it is likely that we’ll return to trusting in God. Should he indicate the STRONG LIKELYHOOD of grave consequences, then for us, the only options will be to revert to living as Joseph and Mary until such time that we can cautiously implement NFP. At NO TIME will we consider the pill. For us, it’s just not an option.

 

[Black_Jaque]

If you choose to live as Mary and Joseph, I’m very curious how it works out.

I’m curious how a couple deals with such a decision and how your lives adjust. I’m especially interested in any trade-offs that are made.

I know of no prescription that can reduce a sex drive. Or at least none that has that as the specific purpose. So generally speaking a guy has to find ways to channel that energy.

Does a wife still expect all the same companionship from her husband?

Do you know what I’m getting at?

I mean, I guess if I had to live like Joseph, I would hope that I would be liberated from some of the domestic expectations. I mean, do you think Joseph just spent more time in his carpentry shop? Not that he didn’t see Mary at all, but he did he “pursue” her?

Although, perhaps as a cargopilot you may have long stints away from home so this isn’t an issue with you. But if I were face with this choice, I can’t imagine living continently AND trying to meet all the domestic expectations my wife has of a husband.

 

[Princess_Abby]

If you choose to live as Mary and Joseph, I’m very curious how it works out.

I’m curious how a couple deals with such a decision and how your lives adjust. I’m especially interested in any trade-offs that are made.

I know of no prescription that can reduce a sex drive. Or at least none that has that as the specific purpose. So generally speaking a guy has to find ways to channel that energy.

Does a wife still expect all the same companionship from her husband?

Do you know what I’m getting at?

Although, perhaps as a cargopilot you may have long stints away from home so this isn’t an issue with you. But if I were face with this choice, I can’t imagine living continently AND trying to meet all the domestic expectations my wife has of a husband.

I find this perspective rather shocking, personally. My husband and I are currently living as Mary and Joseph, and have been doing so for the last almost 14 months. If anything, my husband is more attentive then ever to my emotional needs and household expectations. He has never once intimated that he feels he shouldn’t have to help out as a husband and father because I’m not having sex with him. Maybe I’m misunderstanding your thoughts, but it seems like you are implying just that? My husband is extremely helpful around the home–he’ll scrub showers for me so I don’t have to bend down and do so (I have serious back issues). He does the dishes nightly, he changes the laundry for me, he’ll vaccum, he takes the trash out daily. He cleans the toilets for me because he feels that it’s a disgusting job and I shouldn’t have to do that. (Just to be fair, I have no problem cleaning toilets, but he insists that I don’t.) He does plenty else, too. We are very tuned in to each other’s love languages and make a huge effort to meet those needs while we are in the position of having to abstain for a very extended time.

As for sexual energy, we are still very affectionate and my husband is athletic and works out nightly. He says this helps tremendously. He was very disciplined with his chastity before we even met and had cultivated a strong spiritual life which he has maintained.

I think I’d be momentarily speechless if my husband told me I shouldn’t expect the same companionship because we are unable to have the marital embrace right now! But, I also can’t even imagine him suggesting that in the first place.

 

[Black_Jaque]

He has never once intimated that he feels he shouldn’t have to help out as a husband and father because I’m not having sex with him. Maybe I’m misunderstanding your thoughts, but it seems like you are implying just that?

That may be exactly what I’m implying. I don’t believe there’s any shame in it either.

If anything, my husband is more attentive then ever to my emotional needs and household expectations.

Right. Perhaps you are suffering from more than a “just can’t get pregnant” problem. In which case you could expect God to give your husband an appropriate amount of grace.

(I have serious back issues)

If you were otherwise healthy how much would you expect from him?

He does the dishes nightly, he changes the laundry for me, he’ll vaccum, he takes the trash out daily. He cleans the toilets for me because he feels that it’s a disgusting job and I shouldn’t have to do that. (Just to be fair, I have no problem cleaning toilets, but he insists that I don’t.) He does plenty else, too.

While you do what? Eat bon-bons and watch soap operas? I doubt it. He doesn’t do all this without you returning his love.

We are very tuned in to each other’s love languages and make a huge effort to meet those needs while we are in the position of having to abstain for a very extended time.

This is what I’m getting at. You, as the wife, probably had to make some changes to compensate for the abstention. I guess I was just speculating on what those changes might be.

What I think I, and possibly most other men, fear is that everything would be business as usual, and the only thing that would change is physical intimacy would be dropped.

I think I’d be momentarily speechless if my husband told me I shouldn’t expect the same companionship because we are unable to have the marital embrace right now! But, I also can’t even imagine him suggesting that in the first place.

Hmmmm. I think it’s all in the wording. If your husband were to tell you that because you are unable to enjoy the marital embrace, he would need to double the time at the gym - would you whine and complain?

 

[cargopilot]

If you choose to live as Mary and Joseph, I’m very curious how it works out.

It ain’t easy, but I love her enough to sacrifice marital relations for her life off of the pill.

I’m curious how a couple deals with such a decision and how your lives adjust. I’m especially interested in any trade-offs that are made.

I’m not sure what you mean by trade-offs. If you mean other sinful behavior, I do the best I can.

I know of no prescription that can reduce a sex drive. Or at least none that has that as the specific purpose. So generally speaking a guy has to find ways to channel that energy.

I go for The Chaplet of the Divine Mercy.

Does a wife still expect all the same companionship from her husband?

Do you know what I’m getting at?

I think so. There’s not a whole lot we can do that wouldn’t lead to more sinful things.

I mean, I guess if I had to live like Joseph, I would hope that I would be liberated from some of the domestic expectations. I mean, do you think Joseph just spent more time in his carpentry shop? Not that he didn’t see Mary at all, but he did he “pursue” her?

I have to admit, I’m not the ideal house husband. It sounds like Princess_Abby’s husband does a lot more domestic chores than I do. My wife doesn’t work outside the home, except to volunteer. I bring home a nice income and she takes it. She does give me a decent allowance, as long as I’m a good boy.

Although, perhaps as a cargopilot you may have long stints away from home so this isn’t an issue with you. But if I were face with this choice, I can’t imagine living continently AND trying to meet all the domestic expectations my wife has of a husband.

I actually have a pretty good schedule, there are some odd hours and I am on the road a lot, but normally I’m home a little more than not. Again, she doesn’t place many domestic expectations on me. Her job is to take care of the kids, the home and me. My job is to make sure that there’s enough money to do that, love her with all my heart and be kind to her and the kids. They are my whole life, so it’s pretty easy to do. I’m sure I’ll get ripped on for being positively medieval, but it works for us.

Being on the road, in a fairly glamorous profession, does offer plenty of occasions to sin and many of us do (a lot). Pilots generally have no shortage of looks, money, bravado, tall-tales and egos, which can spell disaster for marriages. I’m proud to have made it all these years without ever comitting adultery. The truth is, with a wife like mine, it’s been easy. She’s just a plain, simple, old-fashioned girl. My buddies with their second or third high-maintenance “trophy wives” can have 'em. I do know that when it’s all said and done, they would trade their messed-up lives with mine anytime.

 

[Princess_Abby]

Thanks for explaining your perspective, Black Jaque. It makes better sense to me and I think we agree more then disagree. Yes, there are concessions made because when one outlet for expressing our love for each other isn’t an option, it has to be made up for in other areas so as to be sure we don’t feel neglected. And no, if my husband needed more time at the gym, I wouldn’t whine or complain. We are pretty good about compromise, and he is a very giving spouse. I don’t work (out of the home, that is) and he is still very much a contributer to our domestic sanctuary–both as husband and daddy. I am very appreciative of his hard work outside of our home and inside of our home. We’ve both noticed that the more we give, the more we get in return.

 

[Black_Jaque]

I’m not sure what you mean by trade-offs. If you mean other sinful behavior, I do the best I can.

No. I didn’t mean sinful behavior at all.

What I meant was that your wife would change her life too.

Bah, it’s hard to explain. If I speculate with examples, I shock people with the suggestion. But the best I can say is that for me, the prospect of living continency wouldn’t seem so scary if I knew there were a silver lining to that looming thunderhead. Gee, so I don’t get any affection, but hey I’ve get to hunt and fish all I want. Something like that.

You’re not Princess Abbey’s husband because your wife isn’t Princess Abby. I’ve often wondered why I’m not as strong as I’d like to be. Despite my asking the Lord for such strength. But after some time of that strength never coming - I’ve come to the realization that perhaps my weaknesses are for my wife to step up. It’s interesting because whenever it’s plain-to-see the necessity of abstinence - I’m strong. And I wonder to myself, “How the heck did I do that?” But, then, when that abstinence seems less necessary, boy do I fall apart.

Remember too. You probably receive grace by the fact that you and your wife have to seriously consider between “Mary and Joseph” and “Letting go and letting God”. How different would it be if the decision were more unilateral? Suppose your wife chose “Mary and Joseph” for you? You see what I mean?

 

[Seatuck]

Gee, so I don’t get any affection, but hey I’ve get to hunt and fish all I want. Something like that.

The problem here is that our society does equivocate sex and affection. Sex is not equal to affection. You could still be getting plenty of affection . And being a provider of it too I might add. We would hope spouses are affectionate to each other outside of the marital act.

 

[Black_Jaque]

The problem here is that our society does equivocate sex and affection. Sex is not equal to affection. You could still be getting plenty of affection . And being a provider of it too I might add. We would hope spouses are affectionate to each other outside of the marital act.

I’d be careful in drawing a line between sex and affection. Affection is the broader term. Sex is a form of affection, perhaps the highest form. Sex can also be linked with other forms of affection.

That’s why it’s not exactly appropriate for co-workers of the opposite sex to display forms of affection. One form of affection can lead to another.

Not too mention, if I were to have to face a life of continence, I would hope that the affection would tone down a bit. There’s affection and then there’s teasing.

 

[Seatuck]

I am affectionate with my friends and children. There is no sex involved there at all.

Perhaps you are thinking of another term.
Affectionate
*adjective *1.showing, indicating, or characterized by affection or love; fondly tender: *an affectionate embrace. *2.having great affection or love; warmly attached; loving: your affectionate brother

Another dictionary-

Having or showing fond feelings or affection; loving and tender.

dictionary.reference.com/browse/affectionate

Maybe you are thinking of amorous or passion. Yes, in the brother/sister living arrangement the couple may want to turn down the amorous or passionate feelings. They do that by being merely affectionate and stopping there.