Does anyone hate being a woman?

[SilverShadow22]

I’m coming to believe that I can really only be genuinely attracted to a mature ENTJ or well-adjusted INTJ (male).

I relate fairly well to all the Rationals (NTs), and the Idealists (NFs). The others are something of a toss-up.

 

[Sarcelle]

Also Lea, I think it’s important to realize that you don’t REALLY hate being female, and you don’t REALLY wish you were a man… First of all, no one can compare it, because no one has ever been fully both. (You can change your appearance via surgery but that doesn’t give you male chromosomes or a male soul and it doesn’t give you the experience of growing up as a male.)

What you actually want is the male standards applied to you, AS A WOMAN. Men don’t have to live up to standards of female beauty - but they have to live up to a different set of standards for men, which you would fail even more spectacularly - because neither you nor your soul is male.

The bottom line here is, you only have to try living up to MORAL standards. Anything society sets as a standard is dull and meaningless by comparison. You don’t have to beat yourself up over not being able to meet standards that have no validity in the first place. Set yourself real, practical, and helpful standards, like finishing school. Learning more about your faith. Praying every day. Something that is actually good, that you can actually do, and forget about the rest.

I have a hunch that if by some miracle, I get transformed into a man, there will still be standards that I will fall short of.

 

[Vivian42]

How do you change your perspective though? I always feel like I’m lying to myself. I can see the good and bad in others objectively. And I believe I do the same to myself, although some might disagree.

& and in reference to what you said about me, how did you come up with that conclusion? I have been nothing but whiny in my posts here
And I believe we all have that quality, it’s nothing special. Look at everyone on this forum, for instance. Full of bright people!

You need to analyze yourself seriously before changing your perspective as it can seem illusive and changed only for a short amount of time. I’m not sure what kind of books you like to read or even if you like to read at all, as you haven’t said so , but you have to start studying human nature generally. This way you’ll understand more about yourself too. When you understand the mechanism of social anxiety, for instance, you’ll think on the spot of that certain explication and it’ll fade away. Just like how people stopped being afraid of different natural phenomena when they managed to understand them. I’m not sure If I’m being clear here. If you express confidence and positivity, people will perceive you differently. If you show that you are, indeed, afraid , they will just abuse that weakness.

I can’t solve your problem. You’re the only one capable of doing so. Struggle with the habit of putting yourself down and dig deep down for qualities of yours. That’s the first and ironically the easiest step. You have yet to discover your true self - not one ridden with anxieties. And since I don’t know you personally , I can’t provide you with a more complicated analysis.

No, it’s not common . That ability to question your surroundings and consequently God - not everybody has it. Keep questioning God - why that and why this? You’ll see that God won’t answer - and you’ll be left wondering what the heck is going on.
As you have probably guessed , you have to fend for yourself and acquire information about the world in different ways. Many bright people on this site refuse to do that. Did you know that fear is absolutely incapable of bringing us enlightenment? They have fear. Fear does nothing but paralyze the victim , both intellectually and physically.
And, by what I’ve observed, you have anger, not fear. Anger provides the opposite effect, motivating you to keep going. Many people appear high and powerful as the Sun at first sight…

Your posts aren’t whiny. You question a simple but unsettling fact of life : why do women suffer more than men. You express your pain and your misunderstandings. You seek answers while still suffering. The only people that actually whine are those who have everything in the world and are still unsatisfied.

I know that my point of view is not Catholic, neither Christian, but I hope that I help you in any way .

 

[SilverShadow22]

God does not answer, because we have to live with the consequences of our free will, and that of others. It’s not really a decision if no one abides by the consequences. To have a choice, there must be at least two options, and they often oppose each other.

God helps in mysterious ways. Perhaps he takes the form of the thing we call ‘fate’ or ‘chance’, nudging events just slightly like a good author does, without making things too easy for the characters in this giant drama.

G. K. Chesterton expressed it this way: God wrote a perfect play. But he gave it over to human actors, producers, stagehands, set artists, directors, and costumers.

The script is perfect. The execution… Not so much. But if he didn’t give it over to us, it wouldn’t be a drama, it would be an enslaved performance. It would be empty of all meaning. He had to give us the ability to mess it up if it was going to mean anything at all.

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

I love that about other women. I think women are pretty damn amazing. But I’m a mess! I don’t feel like I represent women well. I’m what you call a “stubborn, clumsy b****”

I am not graceful at all. My parents sent me to ballet and tap when I was younger, and it didn’t help. If the place is still in business, my parents should really get a refund. It is a running joke with my family about how clumsy I am. I have tried being graceful and it just doesn’t work for me. So, you aren’t alone.

 

[Vivian42]

God does not answer, because we have to live with the consequences of our free will, and that of others. It’s not really a decision if no one abides by the consequences. To have a choice, there must be at least two options, and they often oppose each other.

God helps in mysterious ways. Perhaps he takes the form of the thing we call ‘fate’ or ‘chance’, nudging events just slightly like a good author does, without making things too easy for the characters in this giant drama.

G. K. Chesterton expressed it this way: God wrote a perfect play. But he gave it over to human actors, producers, stagehands, set artists, directors, and costumers.

The script is perfect. The execution… Not so much. But if he didn’t give it over to us, it wouldn’t be a drama, it would be an enslaved performance. It would be empty of all meaning. He had to give us the ability to mess it up if it was going to mean anything at all.

Let’s not derail the thread… I’ll just say that this explanation doesn’t convince me and I think God is much more capable of explaining this than you are.

 

[SilverShadow22]

I thought my explanation was still quite relevant in helping the OP understand that we don’t always get to understand.

Maybe the play sucks. Yes, actually it does suck.

But God didn’t write it to suck, so blaming him is pointless. It sucks only because human beings are in it, and by and large, human beings suck. So that’s why the world sucks.

We don’t suck only when we live up to a higher standard. When we work really, really hard to make the play more like how it was supposed to be. Which we can’t do unless we ask the author how he meant it.

But hey, you can’t always get ahold of the author, and even if you do, you don’t always get the answer you want.

 

[Irishmom2]

God does not answer, because we have to live with the consequences of our free will, and that of others. It’s not really a decision if no one abides by the consequences. To have a choice, there must be at least two options, and they often oppose each other.

God helps in mysterious ways. Perhaps he takes the form of the thing we call ‘fate’ or ‘chance’, nudging events just slightly like a good author does, without making things too easy for the characters in this giant drama.

G. K. Chesterton expressed it this way: God wrote a perfect play. But he gave it over to human actors, producers, stagehands, set artists, directors, and costumers.

The script is perfect. The execution… Not so much. But if he didn’t give it over to us, it wouldn’t be a drama, it would be an enslaved performance. It would be empty of all meaning. He had to give us the ability to mess it up if it was going to mean anything at all.

Excellent post.

 

[Lea101]

Self-loathing thoughts are offenses not only against yourself, but against all those who love you and against your God, who loved you into being from all eternity. God made you as pleases Him, and you DO please Him. Don’t you know that God is watching over you at every moment? It is not that He is just waiting to catch you being bad, which a lot of people mistakenly assume. No. He is always watching you because He loves you SO much that He cannot take His eyes off of you. And He wants to share with you His own life!

I suspect that you have unwittingly been exposed to a load of cultural garbage about what women are valued for, and it has turned everything upside down. I remember being a teen, and reading magazines, even just the covers, and feeling totally inadequate. And watching TV programs? They proved to me how horrible I was. I only started to heal after I quit the TV and magazines. Our culture and the media is full of poison, for women and men. You cannot consume that poison without dying inside. So please, be kind to yourself and give yourself time and space to heal without TV programs and magazines continuing to harm your soul.

I just never felt like that…I mean why would God care about anything other than if we do wrong or right? I mean I don’t question his love (I mean Jesus died), but I always felt like his love is exaggerated?

It’s not just secular media, it’s everything-yes media loves to emphasize on looks more than anything else, but overall, everything is so frustrating. I’m also so sick of seeing questionable bible verses and then having to spend a long time asking people what it meant only to receive many different answers that (obviously) contradict each other. For a religion that claims to not be sexist, its people are so confused and you would think answers would be straightforward and clear

 

[DAML72]

Being a woman is HARD. Really hard. But it’s also beautiful. As much as I, to be honest, resent a lot of men because they are naturally seem to command more respect and notice than women (which I wouldn’t mind if a man hadn’t abandoned me and my children leaving me to support myself as a single mom), I can’t imagine being one. I really wouldn’t want to be a man.

 

[Sarcelle]

Being a woman is HARD. Really hard. But it’s also beautiful. As much as I, to be honest, resent a lot of men because they are naturally seem to command more respect and notice than women (which I wouldn’t mind if a man hadn’t abandoned me and my children leaving me to support myself as a single mom), I can’t imagine being one. I really wouldn’t want to be a man.

I don’t think all men can naturally command respect. Try having a low wage job or entry level job. I do not think a janitor can command as much respect as a captain of industry.

While women are primarily defined by their physical beauty men are primarily defined by their jobs. So if a man does not have a high ranking job he will never get be able to automatically command respect.

In the end, most of us muddle through and do the best with what we have. Not all women are supermodels and not all men are captains of industry.

 

[Abiding_in_Love]

God made you a woman for a reason. Aside from God Himself, the highest honors the Church gives are to a woman, the Blessed Virgin Mary. You get the unique privilege to bear a child and bring him or her into the world, or, if your vocation lies elsewhere, you could become a spouse of Jesus in religious life, a consecrated virgin, etc… I encourage you to watch Women of Grace on EWTN, either on TV, via podcasts, or on YouTube.

 

[Lea101]

God made you a woman for a reason. Aside from God Himself, the highest honors the Church gives are to a woman, the Blessed Virgin Mary. You get the unique privilege to bear a child and bring him or her into the world, or, if your vocation lies elsewhere, you could become a spouse of Jesus in religious life, a consecrated virgin, etc… I encourage you to watch Women of Grace on EWTN, either on TV, via podcasts, or on YouTube.

I don’t think she is important because she is just a woman, she is important because she gave birth to Jesus. We are all just women! (I mean of course God had to ask a woman if she could give birth to Jesus because who else would? Not a man)

And you see, it seems like a woman has to be a mother or a virgin to be important.

I mean Mary, the most important person in the Church besides God, was a mother and a virgin. She was married to Joseph and could have sex without sinning but according to the church, she died a virgin?

I’m just having doubts about everything at the moment.It’s frustrating

 

[Viki63]

I’m just having doubts about everything at the moment.It’s frustrating

You’re 18. That’s a tough age. You will get through it – some day soon you’ll be 19, then 20 – and things will become less frustrating.
I was pretty depressed at your age, and absolutely confused. Just hang in there, and if you have questions about the Bible, I recommend reading the Catechism. If it seems dense and difficult, there are easier versions, I think YouCat is one.Here’s an online version.

At least you’re a Christian – you have that going for you. Please don’t get derailed or side tracked. Your faith is the best gift anyone could ever receive.

As far as not being beautiful, some of the meanest people I’ve met were the most lovely. Do you really judge your friends by their looks? I sure don’t. My favorite people are kind of homely, but who cares? It’s the heart that counts.

.

 

[Lea101]

You’re 18. That’s a tough age. You will get through it – some day soon you’ll be 19, then 20 – and things will become less frustrating.
I was pretty depressed at your age, and absolutely confused. Just hang in there, and if you have questions about the Bible, I recommend reading the Catechism. If it seems dense and difficult, there are easier versions, I think YouCat is one.Here’s an online version.

At least you’re a Christian – you have that going for you. Please don’t get derailed or side tracked. Your faith is the best gift anyone could ever receive.

As far as not being beautiful, some of the meanest people I’ve met were the most lovely. Do you really judge your friends by their looks? I sure don’t. My favorite people are kind of homely, but who cares? It’s the heart that counts.

.

I have looked through the catechism before, it really didn’t help

 

[Trident_H]

Look Lea. This is just a shot from nowhere in particular. But I think you’ve got a good mind. And that’s way more important than looks. Because beauty fades. But personality’s the difference between a dull meet and a light on in a room.

I think you’ve ranted your way into clear thought on this. And I think you’ve got a good set of reasoning skills. You know your limitations? Well that’s just good and better. So don’t overreach.

But don’t sell yourself short either. You’ve got a good chance of getting what you want in life if you stick to it.

Be positive. Be that person people feel comfortable being around. Use your hurt in life to carve a path of sympathy. Knowing pain’s your surest way to understand another person’s hurt. It’s the surest way of being a fountain of empathy. When it’s needed. When the time’s right. People need understanding and connection way more than they need a pretty picture. Dive deep. And then come up for air once in a while. Don’t just stay down there.

Peace Lea. Hope you understand that God sometimes lets the world leave us in pain and hurt so we’ll be the doctors that we otherwise wouldn’t be. So we’d care. Where otherwise we might never have given something a second thought.

-Trident

 

[Vivian42]

I don’t think all men can naturally command respect. Try having a low wage job or entry level job. I do not think a janitor can command as much respect as a captain of industry.

While women are primarily defined by their physical beauty men are primarily defined by their jobs. So if a man does not have a high ranking job he will never get be able to automatically command respect.

In the end, most of us muddle through and do the best with what we have. Not all women are supermodels and not all men are captains of industry.

Being naturally beautiful doesn’t make you respectable, but having a high ranking position in society does. There’s something particularly nasty about being pressured to look flawless in order to obtain some sort of acceptance in society.

Superficiality is prevalent. And women seem to love it .

 

[Elena321]

This is an old thread but if you are still here Lea101,my heart goes out to you.
The problem is not with being born a woman,the real problem is society and what they have made it mean to be a woman.
Women are being valued on looks/beauty and it shouldn’t be this way.
Women are obsessing about looking attractive because we are taught that that is what brings us boyfriends,love,value,attention,worth,social status/importance and sometimes even a job.

Due to women obsessing so much about their own looks they are becoming very judgmental or even “disgusted” when they see on someone else what they perceive as a flaw or physical “abnormality”.
It is clouding their perceptions because they are told (even overtly or subconsciously) that that’s what mattered when being a woman if we want to measure up.

Society is wrong though.
Look at Mother Theresa.She was not the most prettiest but she was the greatest due to her heart and spirit.

You mentioned the possibility of an operation at 4-was this to do with your eyes like Strabismus or something?

Regarding periods,you may have Endometriosis as it shouldn’t be that painful.

 

[Lea101]

This is an old thread but if you are still here Lea101,my heart goes out to you.
The problem is not with being born a woman,the real problem is society and what they have made it mean to be a woman.
Women are being valued on looks/beauty and it shouldn’t be this way.
Women are obsessing about looking attractive because we are taught that that is what brings us boyfriends,love,value,attention,worth,social status/importance and sometimes even a job.

Due to women obsessing so much about their own looks they are becoming very judgmental or even “disgusted” when they see on someone else what they perceive as a flaw or physical “abnormality”.
It is clouding their perceptions because they are told (even overtly or subconsciously) that that’s what mattered when being a woman if we want to measure up.

Society is wrong though.
Look at Mother Theresa.She was not the most prettiest but she was the greatest due to her heart and spirit.

You mentioned the possibility of an operation at 4-was this to do with your eyes like Strabismus or something?

Regarding periods,you may have Endometriosis as it shouldn’t be that painful.

I don’t have both of that. My eyelids are not even, and it’s really obvious. Eye makeup cannot even hide it, it exaggerates it lol

Periods in general hurt for most females, of course pain tolerance varies. I can still go to school and all, it doesn’t paralyze me, but it is still painful and irritating. Thank God for painkillers!

Eh, it’s not just society, I hate those mood swings. The inconvenience of periods (tmi for some but there’s this risk of leaking or whatever, and the whole thing just makes you feel gross, i hate that pregnancy can kill you and cause so many changes to physical appearance/health, physical strength is kind of bad too guys don’t have to go through that! Their role in the babymaking process is the most fun part!

I just feel like i would be happier as a male. Not that being a guy is a bed of roses, but life for me would be better if I was a dude imho

 

[SilverShadow22]

After the single change of exercising almost daily (not even that heavily, we’re talking sit ups and the like), my past three cycles have been smooth to the point of being inconsequential. There’s really something to that exercise thing.