Does Your Family Of Origin Have Money And How Do They Handle It? What Would You Do

[sparkle]

BLB_Oregon:
Thank you for your opinion. I feel you miss the point of the thread entirely however.

 

[Princess_Abby]

sparkle:

Thank you for your opinion. I feel you miss the point of the thread entirely however.

Then what exactly is the point of the thread, as I have asked now for the third time? And with BLB_Oregon’s contributions, I think really maybe this is the fourth or fifth time this has been asked? Because it seems like we’re all perfectly getting the gist of the thread, but you don’t enjoy hearing differing opinions.

 

[Princess_Abby]

BLB_Oregon:

If I may speak for PA…our concern is that, in your zeal to promote self-sacrifice for the sake of others (and that is admirable!), you are promoting covetousness in some while promoting in others a charity that is famous for how easy it is to misplace. Please clarify your meaning or explain how it is that you are not advocating in favor of the errors that concern PA and me, if you would.

Well said!

 

[sparkle]

Princess_Abby:

Then what exactly is the point of the thread, as I have asked now for the third time? And with BLB_Oregon’s contributions, I think really maybe this is the fourth or fifth time this has been asked? Because it seems like we’re all perfectly getting the gist of the thread, but you don’t enjoy hearing differing opinions.

OK. Perhaps scroll up and re-read the original post again, and all the posters and responses, you will then hopefully find the answers you are looking for. One thing about forums and the like is that there are many mis-interpretations, miscommunications, etc., oh well --that’s a given I suppose in new technology these days~~

Thanks for contributing.

 

[Consecrated]

vluvski:

Sometimes you just have to suck it up: go to the dentist on his dollar, or be considered an ingrate. I don’t mean for this to sound harsh. People who are on the giving side don’t always have the best attitude when the receiver kindly refuses. All I’m saying is you really don’t have an alternative. You may either take the money and use it as intended, or leave the money and risk their bad attitude. It’s really too bad your in-laws misunderstand your financial plans and your frugality. I say, good for you!

hehe Vluvski, you can usually make me chuckle. Thanks for your words… I guess I was hoping there was another, perfect way of handling things that would make all parties happy as bunnies playing in the clover fields… THAT will never happen, I know.

And no, you’re not crazy.

I agree that the best way to do things is option 2: to politely refuse and accept being viewed “an ingrate”. I know we have communication issues, but how many different ways can you say the same thing before you have to just throw up your hands and give up trying to get your point across, you know?

And acutally, I really believe they love us unconditionally, even though they have a funny way of showing it. Vluvski’s right, money and love aren’t synonymous.

More to the point of this thread, I believe we would all agree that it is the responsibility of the giver to at least know that his gift will be not used for ill, no matter if the recipient is family or not. If the giver suspects the gift will be used for ill (eg birth control, drugs, gambling, manicures when the children need medical attention, etc), then he must find another way to address the need.
Example: If you’re giving to UNICEF to alleviate starvation in 3rd world countries, and then find out that one of UNICEF’s tactics is the distribution of ABC methods, then you have a duty to STOP giving to UNICEF and find another way to alleviate starvation in 3rd world countries. The same thing applies to gifts to family and friends.
Example: If you have even a vague reason to suspect your gift to your sister will be used to buy ABCs of any sort, then find another way to help her. She doesn’t deserve your help by virtue of her virtues, and she shouldn’t demand it, but Christ said she does deserve your help by virtue of her need. And in any case, her eternal welfare is more important than her physical welfare, so if giving money/material things is going to encourage sinfulness, give only prayers and encouragement.

Outright control of gifts beyond this is frustrating (as many of us know by firsthand experience!) for the recipient.

We cannot know the state of a person’s finances from the outside, just as we cannot know the state of thier souls. Just b/c we don’t SEE where their money is going doesn’t mean it’s not going someplace good!

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

sparkle:

So in otherwords, if the money isn’t going where YOU think it should, well then by all means make sure of it, or withhold. OK. to each his own. We all have a right to our own views.

I feel the need to stick up for Princess Abby here (not that she’s not doing a great job of defending herself) because I think you, Sparkle, are being unfair.

It is true that, when we give time or donations to those less fortunate than us through some registered charity, we do not question WHY those people are in need…we just help.

But we also have the reassurance that those people have sought out help from a charity and will receive things like food, clothing and shelter.

Most of us do not give large sums of money to panhandlers on the street because we are not sure how the money will be used. I don’t think this is wrong…this is prudent.

We prefer to give food or clothing etc so that we know that person is getting help with life’s basic needs as opposed to using the money to buy booze or drugs.

I suggest you take some time and pray over this issue (this thread in particular). Then come back and read it with the guidance of the Holy Spirit in a manner in which you are really open to understanding what is being said. Take down the emotional walls that are preventing you from seeing what is true. I will pray for you as well.

Malia

 

[sparkle]

By the looks of this hypothetical topic I posed, not only is “the love of money is the root of all evil”–well I can clearly see that even the mention of a topic concerning “money” as posed here, just has the capability of ruffling too many people’s feathers on this forum. This is why at this point, I think this thread should be closed. It is apparent that too many here, seem to have just too much steam to let off concerning this topic, and as for me, I have nothing further to say on the issue.
Thank you to all those contributing.

 

[vluvski]