Doubts About Being Catholic

[In_Training]

I left the church before, for many years and it was horrible, and I promised God I’m not gonna do it again. And I’m not, I’m not I’m not I’m not. Spiritually I’m in the right place but I’m missing so many of the basics… Over the past few months I started to finally feel good about my relationship with God, and that hasn’t changed, but I listen to others talk at my church and I read some threads here and apparently there’s just a lot of important things I’m missing that just aren’t important to me… Most problems people seem to have are with premarital sex/masturbation - don’t get me wrong, they can be unhealthy if abused, but if not abused I don’t think it’s really a sin. There’s a lot of things I don’t think are really sins, I don’t care what the bible says.

I don’t care what the Bible says… I can’t believe I just wrote that. I really do care, a lot, but it’s easy for me to dismiss it sometimes. I haven’t picked up a Bible in years, I’m too scared of the friggin thing. Which is bad because I help with a youth ministry class once a week, and I was put in that position because I said I wanted to become a priest. I definitely don’t practice what I preach.

Has anyone started out this way and kind of worked their way up to being a better Catholic? My heart’s in it, but I don’t think my brain is, and I’m starting to get nervous. It’s not easy for me to give someone else control of me, but I finally did, and now I just have no idea what He wants for me or where He’s trying to lead me. I’m trying to listen, but sometimes I hear nothing, so maybe it means I have to figure things out on my own, but I don’t trust myself. I need the training wheels to go back on.

 

[Veronica97]

May I suggest that the reason you are afraid of the Bible, is because you are afraid of what it will tell you that you need to do? We don’t always want to know the Truth, because it means we may have to change!! But Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” Not just SOME of them but ALL of them. Jesus also said to “enter the narrow gate for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction.” We can do it our way (and risk eternal damnation) or we can do it God’s way and perhaps suffer here on earth for a short while (70-80 years is really not very long!) but be eternally happy with Him in Heaven. When I look at it that way, I know which choice is the better one! May I suggest that you begin to pray the Rosary? Mary will lead you to Jesus and your heart will gradually begin to change. Also, start slow. Try reading the daily Mass readings: an O.T. reading, a Psalm, and a N.T. reading. Use a Catholic Bible and read the notations at the bottom so you are sure to understand what you have read. Pray first for the Holy Spirit to help you understand what your read and to internalize it and finally to LIVE it. God doesn’t expect perfection overnight. But if we’re truly seeking Him, we must sincerely learn His Word and then pray that He will give us what we need in order to follow it. May I also suggest you start reading about the Catholic teachings on masturbation and pre-marital sex so that you may understand WHY those are the teachings? I found that when I started researching the issues I was questioning, I FOUND the answers and I finally understood! I pray you make the right decision. God bless!

 

[Rich_C]

Have you considered finding a spiritual director among the good priests you know?

Besides that, since you’re newly returned to the Faith, take it slowly and focus on meeting your basic obligations: assisting at Mass every Sunday, and going to confession whenever you commit a serious/mortal sin.

If you can do that consistantly, then begin praying the Rosary regularly, if not daily. Buy a layman’s catechism (I recommend the Baltimore Catecism, others may recommend the U.S. Catholic Catechism for Adults) and read it.

If you do those things, you’ll be on the right track. For more advice, find a spiritual director, I say.

 

[lax16]

I left the church before, for many years and it was horrible, and I promised God I’m not gonna do it again. And I’m not, I’m not I’m not I’m not. Spiritually I’m in the right place but I’m missing so many of the basics… Over the past few months I started to finally feel good about my relationship with God, and that hasn’t changed, but I listen to others talk at my church and I read some threads here and apparently there’s just a lot of important things I’m missing that just aren’t important to me… Most problems people seem to have are with premarital sex/masturbation - don’t get me wrong, they can be unhealthy if abused, but if not abused I don’t think it’s really a sin. There’s a lot of things I don’t think are really sins, I don’t care what the bible says.

I don’t care what the Bible says… I can’t believe I just wrote that. I really do care, a lot, but it’s easy for me to dismiss it sometimes. I haven’t picked up a Bible in years, I’m too scared of the friggin thing. Which is bad because I help with a youth ministry class once a week, and I was put in that position because I said I wanted to become a priest. I definitely don’t practice what I preach.

Has anyone started out this way and kind of worked their way up to being a better Catholic? My heart’s in it, but I don’t think my brain is, and I’m starting to get nervous. It’s not easy for me to give someone else control of me, but I finally did, and now I just have no idea what He wants for me or where He’s trying to lead me. I’m trying to listen, but sometimes I hear nothing, so maybe it means I have to figure things out on my own, but I don’t trust myself. I need the training wheels to go back on.

In Training - It’s time to get your brain on board as well.

Luckily, the Catholic Church has much to offer in this category.

Do you have a copy of the Catechism of the Catholic Church? If not, it is available online and it is filled with the thought (and scripture) behind the Church’s teachings.
I also suggest reading about the Early Church Fathers and Early Church History. Our teachings on morality/sexuality go back to the very beginnings of the Church and it is very helpful to see how/why the Church teaches what She does on these matters.
Thirdly, I suggest reading about the saints and their struggles and triumphs.

Always ask the Holy Spirit to help guide you as you are reading and seeking out answers.

I have grown sooooo much in my understanding of Church teachings over the past ten years because I have made the effort to study and pray.

You have humility on your side - and that is a good thing - now it is time to move forward with your questions.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I left the church before, for many years and it was horrible, and I promised God I’m not gonna do it again. And I’m not, I’m not I’m not I’m not. Spiritually I’m in the right place but I’m missing so many of the basics… Over the past few months I started to finally feel good about my relationship with God, and that hasn’t changed, but I listen to others talk at my church and I read some threads here and apparently there’s just a lot of important things I’m missing that just aren’t important to me… Most problems people seem to have are with premarital sex/masturbation - don’t get me wrong, they can be unhealthy if abused, but if not abused I don’t think it’s really a sin. There’s a lot of things I don’t think are really sins, I don’t care what the bible says.

I don’t care what the Bible says… I can’t believe I just wrote that. I really do care, a lot, but it’s easy for me to dismiss it sometimes. I haven’t picked up a Bible in years, I’m too scared of the friggin thing. Which is bad because I help with a youth ministry class once a week, and I was put in that position because I said I wanted to become a priest. I definitely don’t practice what I preach.

Has anyone started out this way and kind of worked their way up to being a better Catholic? My heart’s in it, but I don’t think my brain is, and I’m starting to get nervous. It’s not easy for me to give someone else control of me, but I finally did, and now I just have no idea what He wants for me or where He’s trying to lead me. I’m trying to listen, but sometimes I hear nothing, so maybe it means I have to figure things out on my own, but I don’t trust myself. I need the training wheels to go back on.

Here is a person, Lord, who is teetering on the edge of a great faith…He needs the Holy Spirit to brush him over! Help him to feel Your love and care, even in times when he thinks You might not be there. If You can, Lord, please lead people into In Training’s life, who will help him walk TOWARD You and not hesitate, and not try to stand in one place, afraid. He knows You have given him a spirit of courage, not one of fear, but he’s just having a little doubt, Lord. Even Thomas had some doubt, and You were so gentle with him, and I personally picture You smiling and even laughing a little at Thomas, who had to touch your hands and side to believe.

In Training, get a copy of Theology of the Body. Read it. You will understand why God wants our sexuality completely. No selfishness allowed. You can’t have self-directed pleasure like that and be in communion with Him. Sex is made for a man and a woman to bond within a marriage, and to create children. For no other reasons! Not just for grins and giggles. Do you think God does anything that amazing just so we can keep it to ourselves? No, He has a much bigger plan for us!

Of course you have fear. Following God’s plan is so different from what the world is doing. It will set you apart. Trust fully in God. He’s there for you.

Lord, I do believe, help my unbelief.

Praying for you! I just have this feeling you are going to do amazing things!

 

[J_Peterson]

I have doubts now and again, sometimes serious. I can’t imagine leaving though. Turn your doubts into a prayer, God may answer or He may not. If he doesn’t, just keep praying. Maybe we are just still in the “seeking Christ” phase.

I’ve been thinking of going to a spiritual director. I’m very shy so it will be a challenge.

 

[bscastro]

Greetings,

I think I get where you’re coming from. I was there at one point as well. I was raised Catholic and although I didn’t leave the Church, I got very lazy in my practice and didn’t remember/understand all of the teachings of the Church.

It looks like you have a good start in wanting to be faithful. However, as others have said, you may want to explore and do some research into the teachings that you have trouble with. It is not appropriate to say, “I don’t think that’s right” and just leave it at that. One has to research, pray, and try to learn why the Church teaches what it teaches.

It’s a journey…as for myself, I always pray, “Lord, I don’t understand everything, but I will obey while I seek understanding.” I humbly suggest you try something similar. Obey the Church while you learn about the faith - as opposed to doing things the Church teaches are sinful and then find out later that you understand and agree they are sinful.

It’s kind of like this…I tell my son not to put his hand on a hot iron because he’ll get burned. He doesn’t know what being burned is like and doesn’t know if it will be all that bad. He could just say, “well, I don’t believe that no matter what Dad says” then touch the iron and get burned…or he can believe me and then maybe do some research - e.g. reading about burns, watching youtube video about burns, etc. Maybe a silly analogy, but don’t get burned while you’re figuring out for yourself whether the iron is really hot!

God bless,
Bryan

 

[Kadaffi20]

Wow… You are so weak. It frightens me that you are so weak buddy… You don’t care what the Bible says? Well… You will when you feel the flames of Hell.

Don’t get me wrong anyone, I just don’t really like when people say dumb things as this guy. It makes me feel sad for them and for the human race that has been so freaking blinded by Satan. It is unbelievable how blind people are these days. I will pray for you, buddy.

 

[Veronica97]

I don’t think In Training is being “dumb”. He’s being HONEST. He knows deep down that He needs God, but He is afraid to give God total reign. I do understand that. But once you let go and let God so to speak, you wonder why you were so afraid before. Things that mattered to you before don’t matter so much (or at all) and things that didn’t matter that much become of utmost importance to you. It’s just how God can change your heart IF you let Him. Being “dumb” would be for someone to say, “I don’t need God.” That’s not what In Training is saying. He’s saying he has doubts and is afraid. That is totally human and shows humility that he is willing to admit that.

 

[J_Peterson]

Wow… You are so weak. It frightens me that you are so weak buddy… You don’t care what the Bible says? Well… You will when you feel the flames of Hell.

Don’t get me wrong anyone, I just don’t really like when people say dumb things as this guy. It makes me feel sad for them and for the human race that has been so freaking blinded by Satan. It is unbelievable how blind people are these days. I will pray for you, buddy.

Spiritual pride is one of the worst sins you can be guilty of. Remember,

God loves the weak, no one will boast before God.

 

[Kadaffi20]

Spiritual pride is one of the worst sins you can be guilty of. Remember,

God loves the weak, no one will boast before God.

No pride. Did Padre Pio commit pride when he said “You will believe it when you get there” to a person who said that he did not really believe the existent of Hell? I do not say that I am perfect spiritually, hahaha! Wish I was. I am far from perfect, actually, I am a very bad person spiritually, I am a heavy sinner actually…

Btw. If it was spiritual pride then I do deserve my penalty for that.

 

[cessnawag]

I would get a copy of the catechism of the catholic church. That really explains why the church says what it says. With that and the bible you can answer most questions.

 

[In_Training]

May I suggest that the reason you are afraid of the Bible, is because you are afraid of what it will tell you that you need to do? We don’t always want to know the Truth, because it means we may have to change!!

It’s overwhelming. I’ve been through more change than a Coinstar, I don’t know if I can take anymore. I’m happy with where I’m at now…a very different place than 6 months ago…. I like your “start slow” – it’s too overwhelming to try to do all of it at once. Maybe it takes longer than a few weeks.

Have you considered finding a spiritual director among the good priests you know? Besides that, since you’re newly returned to the Faith, take it slowly and focus on meeting your basic obligations: assisting at Mass every Sunday, and going to confession whenever you commit a serious/mortal sin.

I’ve been recommended one, but haven’t gone yet. Same reason I don’t want to open a Bible. I’ll eventually go…a lot of people have pointed me to that. I’m not really sure how to prepare for it, exactly. As for confession, I try to go once a month. In the past it’s been because I’m trying to be an example. I need to approach confession differently in my mind…instead of viewing it as something intimidating I need to start thinking of it as something refreshing.

No selfishness allowed. You can’t have self-directed pleasure like that and be in communion with Him. Sex is made for a man and a woman to bond within a marriage, and to create children. For no other reasons! Not just for grins and giggles. Do you think God does anything that amazing just so we can keep it to ourselves? No, He has a much bigger plan for us!

I was just saying in general…I never said I grinned or giggled… Another thing is ABC, I do respect people who use NFP and admire how disciplined they are, but I couldn’t ever rely on that. If it failed once it would be too much. NFP as I see it is more for couples who are open to having kids, and I’m 22 so I’m not open to that at all. Well, if it happened, I would do my best to be a parent and not freak out, but even if I got married this year, that still wouldn’t mean I’m ready for kids, so it would have to be ABC. The weird thing about this – I feel like God’s okay with it but my community isn’t, so I’m trying to please Catholics more than I’m trying to please God. I know I’m supposed to know better, but I’m too afraid to use NFP. If it failed, I’m in no position to be in charge of someone else’s life. I don’t mean to justify sin, I really don’t…I’m so tired of being different from other Catholics. Sometimes it feels like I know too much, and that knowledge is scary.

Praying for you! I just have this feeling you are going to do amazing things!

Yesterday a kid was standing in the hallway of the church downstairs where the youth classes are… I’d never seen him before, and I was gonna walk past him, but I went back… He’s 16, he started talking to me about how “my people” could still believe in God, and he told me all this stuff that happened to him as a kid…. I didn’t try to make him come to church or anything, didn’t want him to think I was trying to recruit him… but I told him I’d been there, and he asked me if it would be okay for him to sit in on a mass and see if it was something he could learn from. I said of course. Even if he doesn’t ever come to church again, I think he now has some good ideas of what changes he wants to make to have a better life. I don’t think that was my influence, I think he was just young and about to get to the point where you look at your life and realize what changes you have to make to create a better situation for yourself. I think he just wants to feel welcomed somewhere, which is what I never had as a kid and teen because many the Catholics in my congregation were extremely critical of others. So I’m glad I went back to talk to the kid.

Obey the Church while you learn about the faith - as opposed to doing things the Church teaches are sinful and then find out later that you understand and agree they are sinful. …

Maybe a silly analogy, but don’t get burned while you’re figuring out for yourself whether the iron is really hot!

I’m trying to obey the church. (Did that just come out of my mouth?)

YES. I’m trying to obey the church. It’s new. It’s interesting.

I hate it.

I’ve been very angry with the church in the past…many congregations forget what this whole thing is supposed to be about, and I’ve been very hurt and screwed up in the past by people who think they’re acting in the name of God but really are just trying to bully others, including little kids. I swore I’d never set foot inside another Catholic church, but God gave me another chance that I didn’t at all deserve, so I’m trying to give others another chance too.

I have a few memories of putting my hand flat on the stove burner as soon as my dad turned it on just to prove I could. My ex-girlfriend had a name for it, she called it “being a bastard.” She’s so graceful and sweet.

 

[In_Training]

Wow… You are so weak. It frightens me that you are so weak buddy… You don’t care what the Bible says? Well… You will when you feel the flames of Hell.

Don’t get me wrong anyone, I just don’t really like when people say dumb things as this guy. It makes me feel sad for them and for the human race that has been so freaking blinded by Satan. It is unbelievable how blind people are these days. I will pray for you, buddy.

YOU’RE A ******* ***.

And what I mean by that, is thank you for praying for me even though you don’t approve. That takes character.

 

[AlanFromWichita]

Has anyone started out this way and kind of worked their way up to being a better Catholic? My heart’s in it, but I don’t think my brain is, and I’m starting to get nervous.

Dude, when I was in college ('77-'81) I went from totally innocent to totally corrupt. It was all about drugs, sex, and rock ‘n’ roll. In the generation before me they called it wine, women, and song. Terms change, but the underlying human nature doesn’t.

Now I’m happily married with 6 kids ages 14-25 all in or gone through K-13 Catholic school, the 25 year old is the youngest Grand Knight we’ve ever had, the 15 year old sings as cantor, the 14 year old serves Mass. Two of them are engineers.

And I’m not ashamed of those times, because they got me to this point. But I have zero desire to return to them, and now I’m insanely happy with the peace and joy of Christ, and am loving life.

And no fear of hell, Bible, or Church. They are but tools to bring us to God, not threats in and of themselves.

Alan

 

[AlanFromWichita]

YOU’RE A ******* ***.

And what I mean by that, is thank you for praying for me even though you don’t approve. That takes character.

felt your pain, bro.

Btw. If it was spiritual pride then I do deserve my penalty for that.

I’d say these two cancel out. I agree it came across as s. pride. Also I appreciate your taking the penalty.

Alan

 

[kentcara2003]

Have you considered finding a spiritual director among the good priests you know?

Besides that, since you’re newly returned to the Faith, take it slowly and focus on meeting your basic obligations: assisting at Mass every Sunday, and going to confession whenever you commit a serious/mortal sin.

If you can do that consistantly, then begin praying the Rosary regularly, if not daily. Buy a layman’s catechism (I recommend the Baltimore Catecism, others may recommend the U.S. Catholic Catechism for Adults) and read it.

If you do those things, you’ll be on the right track. For more advice, find a spiritual director, I say.

Good advice!

Kentcara2003(sscc 3rd order)

 

[kentcara2003]

May I suggest that the reason you are afraid of the Bible, is because you are afraid of what it will tell you that you need to do? We don’t always want to know the Truth, because it means we may have to change!! But Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” Not just SOME of them but ALL of them. Jesus also said to “enter the narrow gate for the gate is wide and the road broad that leads to destruction.” We can do it our way (and risk eternal damnation) or we can do it God’s way and perhaps suffer here on earth for a short while (70-80 years is really not very long!) but be eternally happy with Him in Heaven. When I look at it that way, I know which choice is the better one! May I suggest that you begin to pray the Rosary? Mary will lead you to Jesus and your heart will gradually begin to change. Also, start slow. Try reading the daily Mass readings: an O.T. reading, a Psalm, and a N.T. reading. Use a Catholic Bible and read the notations at the bottom so you are sure to understand what you have read. Pray first for the Holy Spirit to help you understand what your read and to internalize it and finally to LIVE it. God doesn’t expect perfection overnight. But if we’re truly seeking Him, we must sincerely learn His Word and then pray that He will give us what we need in order to follow it. May I also suggest you start reading about the Catholic teachings on masturbation and pre-marital sex so that you may understand WHY those are the teachings? I found that when I started researching the issues I was questioning, I FOUND the answers and I finally understood! I pray you make the right decision. God bless!

Good advice! Couldnt have put it better myself! Our Lord is very kind to you!

Kentcara2003(sscc 3rd order)

 

[In_Training]

Here’s another example. I just read another thread about female orgasm…there’s already a thread on it so I don’t wanna get into it here, but everybody seems to be saying that male orgasm is vital to having a good Catholic marriage but female orgasm is sinful…I swear I don’t curse anymore, but wtf??? I spent the last 5 years trying to learn how it’s done, and now it’s sinful. Is that seriously in the Bible?? You do realize that due to biology, a few minutes of intercourse alone without foreplay is not enough to make most girls orgasm? Most women need more stimulation than that! But it’s sinful??

Again, I don’t really wanna talk about the specifics of it here, but this is another example of things I think are ridiculous… I’m not married so I know I probably have no business thinking about this, but if I do get married I’d feel guilty for helping my wife orgasm and guilty for not, since it’s not all about me, it’s about her, too… I don’t think I could be in a relationship where it was all about me and I completely neglected her sexuality by telling her it was sinful for her to orgasm but not for me…

I think I need some water.

Anyway, I’m sorry, I know I’m supposed to know right from wrong by now, but sometimes I don’t, and that’s what I’m scared of. I’ve researched a few things, but still can’t shake this feeling that I can decide where the Bible’s right and wrong. I apologized to God for being arrogant and not listening…I constantly have to remind myself that I gave Him full control and I just have to do what He tells me. But sometimes I don’t know if it’s Him telling me, or if it’s just humans who don’t know any better than to take their personal interpretation of life and pass it off as God’s word…

God forgive me, I’m not being blasphemous, I swear…

 

[Veronica97]

In Training, I’m not sure what thread on CAF you are referring to but I am afraid you must have misunderstood! As long as the act of intercourse ends in vaginal ejaculation, manual and oral stimulation for both woman and man are permitted. If you want to know more about this you can google Christopher West’s teachings on this. However, from what you write, it does not appear that you are anywhere near ready for marriage and family. I think what you are wondering about is whether or not the Bible is truly God’s Word. What you are feeling is quite common in today’s society. My niece just recently told me that she thinks the Bible is an “outline” and not all of it is applicable to today’s society. All I can do is pray for her to see the light. We either believe the Bible is God’s word or we don’t. We take it all or we leave it all. A lot of times people like to take Bible verses out of context and use them to justify whatever it is they want to do. But learning God’s word takes time and effort and we must not interpret it ourselves but rather defer to the Church–to the theologians who have studied the Bible in conjunction with History, both of the Church and of society. We also must look at Church Tradition, which has been preserved for over 2000 years–at the other writings of the Apostles and early Church Fathers (such as Ignatius and Clement). When we do that, it begins to make more sense. I will give you a personal example of what I’m talking about. I REALLY struggled with accepting that artificial birth control is wrong. All of the Protestant Churches accept it and it seemed to me as though even the majority of Catholics accept it. So I was on a Mission to find the Truth. I went into this with the mindset that I WANTED to find that artificial birth control is okay…but I was willing to submit to God if He could show me otherwise. This is what I found: At the start of my search, I pretty much thought that “be fruitful and multiply” could be taken purely as a BLESSING, not a COMMAND. God was blessing Adam and Eve (and later Noah) and there were no other people at the time so there was also a need to multiply. BUT as I looked further into this issue, I found the verse in the NT that convinced me once and for all that artificial birth control is a sin. It is in Galatians 5:19-21. It says, “Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, SORCERY, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the Kingdom of God.” The word “sorcery” comes from the Greek word “pharmakeia” and refers to the pagan practice at the time of taking “potions” to render temporary sterility or to cause abortions in women. There is more evidence in the Didache that this is what sorcery is really referring to. I immediately thought of the “pill” and how it can cause abortions by rendering the womb unreceptive to a fertilized egg. This totally changed my mind on the subject. I totally get it now. But I think you are WAY AHEAD of yourself, worrying about your future and how you would handle NFP with your wife…when you are not even considering marriage at this point!! My suggestion is for you to SLOW DOWN and take it ONE DAY AT A TIME. Go to Confession. Ask God to give you the Grace to remain Chaste at this time in your life. Just do it for now because you know it is the teaching of the Church. Then do your research and pray…and if you’re really searching for Truth, God will show it to you!! Don’t worry about all that you have to follow and all that you must do to live a Holy Life because if you do it will overwhelm you. Instead, ask God to help you to do His Will for THIS moment of THIS day.