Dr. Laura

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My husband likes Dr. Laura and listens to her on the radio. I just noticed he has a copy of The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage at his bedside šŸ™‚

It got good reviews on Amazon and while she is not Catholic, I have heard good things about her. We are going on vacation soon and Iā€™m thinking of asking him if he wants me to read the book out loud while he drives so we can discuss it.

Just curious . . . anyone read it? Opinions?

(Iā€™m not looking for suggestions for other books. Dh chose to purchase this one, so Iā€™m looking for feedback about it.)
 
Iā€™ve read it and think itā€™s pretty good. I canā€™t remember anything that was contrary to the faith, but itā€™s been a while since Iā€™ve read it. I think itā€™s a great idea to read it together and discuss it!
 
Itā€™s an excellent book. I read it when it first came out, and then have gone back to it from time to time.

While I am hopeful I am not as bad as many women she has described in her book (who are downright awful to their husbands), I **did **see some things in there that struck true about how I behaved some times.

Itā€™s one of those books that can either wake you up to what you have been doing, or help *prevent *you from falling into bad behavior.

I bought it right after we got married and honestly I think it helped me avoid some bad behaviors that I might have fallen into as we moved into the ā€œroutineā€ of marriage (and behaviors that feminists encourage and are all too pervasive on TV and in our culture). Thereā€™s a feminist attitude thatā€™s out there-- in the workworld, in society, even at church. I find women I talk to regularly running their husbands down instead of talking them up. I try never to fall into that kind of talk.

I think itā€™s a great book. If nothing else, it will make you aware of how badly other women treat their husbandsā€¦ and you really start to see it in othersā€™ behavior after youā€™ve read the book!
 
Oops!

I just noticed you said Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage. My post above is about the PCAF of Husbands.

I did read PCAF of Marriage. It has some overlap with Husbands.
 
1ke said:
Oops!

I just noticed you said Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage. My post above is about the PCAF of Husbands.

I did read PCAF of Marriage. It has some overlap with Husbands.
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Ooops, I did the same thing :o My guess would be it would still be good šŸ˜ƒ I like Dr Lauraā€™s frankness.
 
I also thought the book was very good. Seems like an excellent idea to read it aloud and discuss it together!
 
I have listened to her radio programs many, many times. That woman has amazing insights into the male species. Here is an excerpt from one review of her book:

ā€œUnabashedly asserting that man is a ā€œvery simple creature,ā€ who needs only ā€œdirect communication, respect, appreciation, food, and good lovingā€™ā€ to respond with devotion, compassion and love, this controversial marriage and family therapist claims that every woman can achieve a deeply satisfying marriage if she adheres to certain fundamentals men require.ā€

She understands men, at a fundamental level.** In fact, she probably understands men better than most men. **

Men are not difficult creatures. (Well, most men arenā€™t. Some are, but they are the exceptions. More on them later.)

Most men are actually quite simple, and can be satisfied, and even pacified, with relatively simple things:
  • a respecting, faithful wife;
  • a hot meal, when they walk in the door at night;
  • children that are being raised properly;
  • decent sex on a regular basis.
If all men had that, probably 90% of the men in this country would be satisfied with their home life - and would do anything to protect it. Even die for it.

The remaining 10%? Well, they would be the egomaniacs, narcissists, perverts, and other head-cases. That 10% probably canā€™t be satisfied - no matter what their wives do. Indeed, that remaining 10% probably shouldnā€™t marry.

(p.s. I have wondered whether she, or someone else, should write ā€œGTTPCAFO Wivesā€. If someone ever wrote it, I would buy a copy.)
 
Umā€¦Dr. Laura has had quite the racy past. She is not a doctor of pyschology but physiology, and has been involved in some scandals in her past, including infidelity. So Iā€™m not sure I would be following her advice.

But then again, her advice: ā€œthat remaining 10% probably shouldnā€™t marry.ā€ might apply to my ex, who said those exact words to me, that he probably shouldnā€™t have married.

However, talk about automatically pointing the finger of blame at wives when a marriage fails due to infidelity. It takes TWO to make a marriage work, not just one.
 
I havenā€™t read the book - but her radio show is kind of shocking if you ask me, and not in line with the faith. (She isnā€™t Catholic, so why should it be?) For example, she advocates mutual masturbation in marriage. So her show is absolutely forbidden around my child. I just throw that out as a warning.
 
While Iā€™m not a Dr of Psychology I did major in it and almost finished a masters while waiting to start medical school to be a Psychiatrist. I got burnt out and decided to pursue my hobby of Networking Computer systems (there was a big need back in the early 90s :))

I use to listen to Dr. Laura with my wife but we have found her programs and advice to often beā€¦ well completely incorrect. She is especially hard on women, perhaps itā€™s a guilt complex due to her infidelity. We have not read and would not read nor suggest anything from her. (and we were liberal Presbyterians when we decided this years ago - well before our conversion so we wouldnā€™t have had issue with some of her sexual suggestions, we are concerned about her emotions ones and interpretations.)

Take it for what itā€™s worthā€¦

Joe
 
Ailina said:
Umā€¦Dr. Laura has had quite the racy past. She is not a doctor of pyschology but physiology, and has been involved in some scandals in her past, including infidelity. So Iā€™m not sure I would be following her advice.

But then again, her advice: ā€œthat remaining 10% probably shouldnā€™t marry.ā€ might apply to my ex, who said those exact words to me, that he probably shouldnā€™t have married.

However, talk about automatically pointing the finger of blame at wives when a marriage fails due to infidelity. It takes TWO to make a marriage work, not just one.
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Um, just because she had some past indiscretions does not mean she shouldnā€™t be listened too. St. Augustine also had ā€œindiscretionsā€ in his past. Should we disregard him?

Please explain to me how infidelity causes you to be unable to give good, sound, and qualified advice to other people. She also has a masterā€™s in counseling.

For the record, I donā€™t like her delivery. Iā€™ve listened to the show several times and think sheā€™s a bit mean. Never read her books though.
 
Thanks for the replies, both positive and negative. Thatā€™s what I wanted šŸ‘

We are old enough and grounded enough in our faith to take whatā€™s helpful and leave whatā€™s not.
 
Ailina said:
Umā€¦Dr. Laura has had quite the racy past. She is not a doctor of pyschology but physiology, and has been involved in some scandals in her past, including infidelity. So Iā€™m not sure I would be following her advice.

But then again, her advice: ā€œthat remaining 10% probably shouldnā€™t marry.ā€ might apply to my ex, who said those exact words to me, that he probably shouldnā€™t have married.

However, talk about automatically pointing the finger of blame at wives when a marriage fails due to infidelity. It takes TWO to make a marriage work, not just one.
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Iā€™ve been listening to the Dr. Laura for over a decade now(not constantly though) and her advice is very well thought out. She has helped several marriages and marital decisions for the better, and knows her stuff. She knows quite a bit about how both men and women young and old think. Sheā€™s not Catholic, but she does hold a lot of respect for the church. To disregard somebodyā€™s advice just because of their past is a logical fallacy on your part.
 
Dr. Laura is very good at looking at situations, behaviors, and decisions and sorting them into various ā€œclassesā€. Some things are about morals and some are about preferences. Some things are about feelings and others are about objective reality. And some things are within oneā€™s power to change and other things arenā€™t.

For example, if one is making a moral decision, one has to use oneā€™s brain to decide what the right thing is to do and the feelings of the various individuals involved (including those of oneself) must take a backseat. But if one is choosing a birthday gift for oneā€™s spouse, it would be a very good idea to be concerned about the way this gift will make the spouse feel. If one has an adult friend or relative who is engaging in self destructive behavior then one has to realize that one has limited power to help that individual.

She tends to be very blunt but thatā€™s usually because her callers either canā€™t (or more likely wonā€™t) recognize that they are applying the wrong principles of decision making to whatever situation is at hand. Because she is so blunt she can come across as heartless. Itā€™s her way of kicking some of her callers up the side of the head to get their attention when they make decisions with their feelings instead of with their brains.
 
If you look at her work from an objective scientific perspective, she seems to be applying fundamental concepts of psychology to her work. Her writing is based on Abraham Maslowā€™s hierarchy of human needs. It is one of the seminal treatise of psycholog written during the 20th century. A good description can be found here:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslowā€™s_hierarchy_of_needs

Maslow describes different levels of **human needs **- starting with physiological, and moving from there, up to self-actualization. Here is the gist of his work: until the needs at lower levels can be met, it makes no sense to work on needs at the higher levels. Maslow structured his hierarchies as a pyramid, showing how the lower levels set the basis for the higher levels.

Maslowā€™s work is generally well-accepted today, in the psychological community. It is even used in the world of business and human resources, and is often taught in MBA schools.

================================================

Dr. Lauraā€™s recommendations are straightforward. Women should concentrate first on meeting the bottom two levels of the hierarchy - physiological and safety. Until those needs are met in a marriage, then working on the upper three levels - belonging, esteem, and self-actualization - is a waste of time and effort.

But once those bottom 2 needs are met, the rest of the needs in a marriage (intimacy, communication, spiritual bonding, etc.) can occur. This is often what women want and need from marriage.

Her approach makes logical sense, and is grounding in modern psychology, so I see no reason to discount it.
 
I just finished reading TPCAF of Husbands (not the marriage one) and I really liked it and DH is reading it now. DH and I have been married for almost 7 months but have been together for over 8 years, my MIL gave me the book a few days ago as sheā€™s a butt-in-ski, but she meant well and I enjoyed it. Anyway, YES she is very hard on women in the book, but who is she speaking to? The women. If it had been a book on how to take care of your wife it would probably be ā€œmeanā€ towards the men. I did struggle with a few thins that were said, but overall I agreed with it. She does make a point to say that people who are strong in their faith have better marriages (Iā€™m paraphrasing, I donā€™t have the book in front of me now) so I liked that. Also, itā€™s a book (or a short radio program for previous posters) there is a limited amount of time to get your point across and make people WAKE UP to the destruction they are doing to their lives. She doesnā€™t have an hour a week per person to slowly and gently push them in the right direction. Also, some of these people are just nutty and need a verbal slap IMHO. The past few days I have made even more of an effort (though I thought I was doing good already) to wear make up and dress nice everyday, to be available KWIMā€¦ have food ready before itā€™s asked for, cleaned house and to speak nicely ect to my DH and I have already reaped some benefits like breakfast in bed yesterday! That is a first for our relationship. She clearly has valid points and itā€™s a good quick read.
 
I read it and i liked itā€¦I recommend itā€¦She can be kind of mean on her radio show but the book is not mean spiritedā€¦
 
dashso40 said:
I read it and i liked itā€¦I recommend itā€¦She can be kind of mean on her radio show but the book is not mean spiritedā€¦
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I dunno if I would say, mean, but she does really drive her points through and is very firm with what she says. You kind of need to be when your talking to folks over the radio, but I know what your saying.
 
I was in outside sales, driving around in my car calling on customers all day long, when I started listening to dr. Laura back in 1998. It was because of her that I became a stay-at-home mom. I will always be greatful to Dr. Laura.
 
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