During the sign of peace, why do my fellow catholics seem so cold?

[PatriceA]

well it may be true that people might give false smiles, but then if they are faking kindness are they really sincere in their heart? Do they have love? Its easy to only show love to those that love you, but Jesus showed love to those that hated Him. Your right, no one should fake the sign of peace, people should be able to do it if they have love for each other inside. People should uplift each other. If everyone followed your attitude, how much strength would we have in Christ? But if everyone had real love for each other in their heart, how much more strength would we have as one in Christ?

You don’t have to smile at anyone, but at least be respectful of others, its really not so much to ask. If you don’t come to church with love in your heart, than you aren’t ready to go, you must love others as you love yourself, this is the second greatest commandment given to us by Jesus.

If everybody waited until they were really ready to go to church as you outline it, I don’t think there would be very many people in the pews on any given Sunday. Mass is for the sick, not just the healthy. You don’t know if the person you are offering the sign of peace to has been a victim of sexual or physical or emotional abuse and its extremely difficult for them to extend a hand or touch you. You don’t know if that person is suffering from depression or another mental illness. Should they not be at Mass because they may not even have much love for themselves let alone for their fellow parishioner? In a perfect world, we should all have the love for ourselves and each other as you described it, but this isn’t perfect world. Some people at Mass are in extreme pain, and they should be there at Mass regardless if they can’t fully have love in their hearts.

 

[wanabesaint]

Let the sign of peace be a recognition of our fellowship towards our fellow humans, and the path we are on in life… WE are hiding nothing from God…
if we dont offfer fellowship, then we are not following Jesus, but rathter contributing to the path to hell in our personal war on religion…

if you say peace to others and pray for peace, but dont extend a sincere fellowship to others, then your a mere liar, and liars go to hell.

Its good to comtemplate a decrease of our personal wants in the idea of going to church to not pray for anything for ourselves, for we already know God provides all we need and more, we are blessed beyound our worthness all ready. The opperitunity to be in a church and hear mass should full fill all our desires and wants.
the real reason we go to churhc is to reflect and acknowledge those around US and to consider their needs and wants, that we might in loving fellowship at least pray for them…
Tecnially, we are soo busy praying for others, and paying attention at Mass, we dont have time to notice others around us, and the breif moment of the sin of peace is to recognize those around us that we might remind ourselves of our concern for them far over ourselves, as a True Catholic mind and nature we should be living.

 

[revert_jen]

During the sign of peace, I force myself to beam a smile even when my fellow catholics give me a limp handshake and no smile. It’s like this every week with different people.

Why are they so unfriendly?

A lot of times it is hard to tell the difference in a stranger’s face between “solemn” and “grumpy.” Or sometimes people are just not ready and don’t have time to get their faces right.

Also, especially in the winter, people are afraid of germs. Our parish doesn’t do the sign of peace in the winter for just that reason. (It is the priest’s choice at any Mass as to whether the sign of peace is done at all.)

So give them the benefit of any doubt.

Also, maybe you want to talk sometime to the priest about it. Maybe he knows something about the parish history or something, or maybe he might mention in a homily that you can’t get sick by smiling at someone.

Also, it is important to keep in mind that fellowship (while great) is not the same as community, just like affection is not the same as charity/love. Shy people, for example, can be just as much a member of a community and just as loving as more extroverted people, although they will probably fellowship less and show less affection.

–Jen

 

[Carolus_Martell]

Perhaps they feel that forced ‘meet & greet’ sign of peace, V2, manufactured baloney takes away from the adoration of God. I do.

 

[IesumPerMariam]

To answer the question, we must consider the liturgical history and significance of the Kiss of Peace.

In the TLM, the Kiss of Peace was done by the celebrant kissing the altar (which of course symbolizes Christ, and at this point has the Body and Blood of Christ resting upon it). The celebrant then takes that kiss of peace from Christ and turns to the deacon, kissing him. The deacon takes this kiss of peace from Christ to the subdeacon, then the acolytes, thurifer, and clergy assisting in choro.

In the TLM it is made perfectly clear that the peace comes from Christ Who is present upon the altar, and is sent from Christ to the Faithful via the clergy. At the Mass of Paul VI I do not participate in the “Sign of Peace” because I have no peace to offer, as I am not Christ, and have not received His peace via kissing the altar or a cleric who has kissed the altar.

 

[Christopher1290]

If everybody waited until they were really ready to go to church as you outline it, I don’t think there would be very many people in the pews on any given Sunday. Mass is for the sick, not just the healthy. You don’t know if the person you are offering the sign of peace to has been a victim of sexual or physical or emotional abuse and its extremely difficult for them to extend a hand or touch you. You don’t know if that person is suffering from depression or another mental illness. Should they not be at Mass because they may not even have much love for themselves let alone for their fellow parishioner? In a perfect world, we should all have the love for ourselves and each other as you described it, but this isn’t perfect world. Some people at Mass are in extreme pain, and they should be there at Mass regardless if they can’t fully have love in their hearts.

I understand what your saying but you misunderstood me. I know there are people in pain during mass and maybe people that were abused, love is also about understanding others feelings, which is all the reason why those who are fine should give love back because maybe that hurt or sick person or abused person needs a smile and a sign of affection. I was not speaking about people being rude because they are sick, im talking about people that are fine.

You are twisting my words around when you say if everyone waited until they were ready. That is not what i meant, i said if you dont have love in your heart then you are not ready. That has nothing to do with people who are sick or abused. Im talking about people who don’t have love in their heart and fake affection to people because that is dishonest.

And honestly, most people who dont smile or give affection are mostly those who are not sick or abused because ive seen old people who were very sick or others give more love than someone who was healthy. Jesus said that the lady who gave two pennies gave more than those who were rich because the poor lady gave all that she had.

 

[triumphguy]

I think that this quote from the Letter of James is apropos:

James 2:14-18

14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”

Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. 19 You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.

There is no such thing as a spiritual sign of peace.

 

[Seeker1961]

Because it feels forced. Warm conversation and bonding occurs before or after Mass and when volunteering side by side. That’s where relationships are formed.

 

[Sarcelle]

beg to differ, in that, should not a church be a place of fellowship… no exception…

if we are united in Christ, then should not we anticipate fellowship, that concern for others, our denial of ourselves but to be humble servant towards others…

is the shaking of hands or extending the sin of peace a big lie?

Penance is to be done with a smile, radiant apearance in time of fasting is a must.

It would be a great sin to not shake hands or extend the sin of the peace, because your in turmoil or pitted against your neighbor, yet shortly go forth to receive God in the Eucacarist…

Jesus hanging on the Cross isnt the point, but the joy in the reserection, and the being to come to receive God directly in the Eucarist, to strengthen us that we might be able be worthy to be with God someday…

this deal in Catholics defiant to fellowship to others is not good, and defiant to acceptance to others in the exchange of peace between others is not good either…

Its a great mortal sin to reject God, and to reject others humans, though its came to be accepted to shun others and reject them based often on mere fault finding of others…

Its either all in for God, and the Covenant that Jesus gave us, or accept the alternative on being on the path to hell.

Yes, the church is a community. What good is a community if you can’t even extend a smile or a sign of peace to fellow Christians?

When I went to the Catholic mass from Protestant service I was struck by the coldness of the people. People went to church, got their Sunday obligation over with and went home to do what they really wanted.

 

[BillyT926]

I think that this quote from the Letter of James is apropos:

There is no such thing as a spiritual sign of peace.

St. James’ Epistle is a response to misunderstanding Romans and a rejection of faith alone. We’re all called to good works and they do reflect faith. We’re not semi-Pelagians either though.

And although I see the analogy that you’re trying to drive home, I’d argue that’s it’s a stretch to utilize the Sign of Peace as that important of an example of caritas.

 

[revert_jen]

Let the sign of peace be a recognition of our fellowship towards our fellow humans, and the path we are on in life… WE are hiding nothing from God…
if we dont offfer fellowship, then we are not following Jesus, but rathter contributing to the path to hell in our personal war on religion…

if you say peace to others and pray for peace, but dont extend a sincere fellowship to others, then your a mere liar, and liars go to hell.

Are you seriously contending that if you are too shy, abstracted, damaged, or otherwise not ready to smile at people during the (completely optional) sign of peace, you will go to hell?

As far as I recall, “Fellowship” isn’t even listed as a virtue. It is possible to love without glad-handing.

If you are a naturally friendly person, that is a gift from God, and you should use it to have fellowship with others in your congregation, especially anyone who seems lonely. But if you are not a naturally friendly person, or life has made you less friendly, that does NOT mean you are going to hell. Do your best, and only God knows how well you are doing. Your neighbors do not, and should not be judging you.

–Jen

 

[BillyT926]

Yes, the church is a community. What good is a community if you can’t even extend a smile or a sign of peace to fellow Christians?

When I went to the Catholic mass from Protestant service I was struck by the coldness of the people. People went to church, got their Sunday obligation over with and went home to do what they really wanted.

I just think that people miss the point here. Nobody wants to be around jerks, but the point isn’t primarily to be at a fellowship service. Protestants have them because they don’t have Sacraments. So it’s a substitute to have worship songs, interaction among the congregation et. al. We have the Mass. That’s the source and summit of worship. There’s coffee hour after Mass for fellowship. Soup kitchens and food pantries. Lawn fetes. Bingo. Festivals. We’ve got that stuff in droves. Even paraliturgical devotions to emphasize communitarianism.

 

[PatriceA]

I understand what your saying but you misunderstood me. I know there are people in pain during mass and maybe people that were abused, love is also about understanding others feelings, which is all the reason why those who are fine should give love back because maybe that hurt or sick person or abused person needs a smile and a sign of affection. I was not speaking about people being rude because they are sick, im talking about people that are fine.

You are twisting my words around when you say if everyone waited until they were ready. That is not what i meant, i said if you dont have love in your heart then you are not ready. That has nothing to do with people who are sick or abused. Im talking about people who don’t have love in their heart and fake affection to people because that is dishonest.

And honestly, most people who dont smile or give affection are mostly those who are not sick or abused because ive seen old people who were very sick or others give more love than someone who was healthy. Jesus said that the lady who gave two pennies gave more than those who were rich because the poor lady gave all that she had.

I don’t think I’m twisting your words. I think you’re missing my point. Have you ever suffered from severe depression or a mental illness? Have you ever been to the point of despair that you can’t feel any love? Should someone that desperately needs Jesus in the Eucharist stay at home because they can not feel any love in themselves? Is that being dishonest? I don’t believe it is.

I’d caution you to not assume someone is healthy or not just by appearances.

 

[triumphguy]

St. James’ Epistle is a response to misunderstanding Romans and a rejection of faith alone. We’re all called to good works and they do reflect faith. We’re not semi-Pelagians either though.

And although I see the analogy that you’re trying to drive home, I’d argue that’s it’s a stretch to utilize the Sign of Peace as that important of an example of caritas.

Apparently it is since so many people seem to have such a hard time with it!

 

[BillyT926]

Apparently it is since so many people seem to have such a hard time with it!

No it isn’t. People keeping to themselves during the Sign of Peace are not condemning themselves.

 

[robwar]

Then lets take this thread and reinforce the catholic understanding and theology of the sign of peace. It will all be less ‘cold’ to the OP with the proper understanding.

I didn’t mean to inject a ‘condensing’ attitude…I’ll ‘expand’ my charity.

The link from Mountee says it all! We are sharing with each other at the sign of peace the peace we receive from Christ in community. Not to do so in a sense of piety is false piety.
Not to acknowledge others around you with even the most basic such as a smile is rude. Not to participate in the kiss of peace because one thinks they don’t have too, don’t feel like it, think they don’t know anyone around them, disrupts their state of prayer etc is a false notion of holiness, piety and communicates a better than you attitude which also should have no place at Mass. Thinking or implying that the average Catholic doesn’t understand the deep theological meaning and needs that to just do a basic smile to knowledge their fellow believers and wish them peace is beyond the silly. The only examination here should be done by those who think that they go to Mass for me and Jesus and don’t want any type of any interaction with anyone else around them for whatever reason they think or fear or feel that their state of prayer will be disrupted. Then those you feel that being rude and cold in the name of piety need to examine the meaning behind the fact that Mass and the Eucharist is done in community with fellow believers in the faith. Mass is not an individual me and Jesus moment. The constant complaints of coldness and rudeness by those new to the Catholic faith and attend or attending for the first time should put a pause in those who think that its ok and normal and not justifiable at all.

 

[IesumPerMariam]

The link from Mountee says it all! We are sharing with each other at the sign of peace the peace we receive from Christ in community. Not to do so in a sense of piety is false piety.
Not to acknowledge others around you with even the most basic such as a smile is rude. Not to participate in the kiss of peace because one thinks they don’t have too, don’t feel like it, think they don’t know anyone around them, disrupts their state of prayer etc is a false notion of holiness, piety and communicates a better than you attitude which also should have no place at Mass. Thinking or implying that the average Catholic doesn’t understand the deep theological meaning and needs that to just do a basic smile to knowledge their fellow believers and wish them peace is beyond the silly. The only examination here should be done by those who think that they go to Mass for me and Jesus and don’t want any type of any interaction with anyone else around them for whatever reason they think or fear or feel that their state of prayer will be disrupted. Then those you feel that being rude and cold in the name of piety need to examine the meaning behind the fact that Mass and the Eucharist is done in community with fellow believers in the faith. Mass is not an individual me and Jesus moment. The constant complaints of coldness and rudeness by those new to the Catholic faith and attend or attending for the first time should put a pause in those who think that its ok and normal and not justifiable at all.

You seem to have a false understanding of the liturgical history of the Kiss of Peace.

To answer the question, we must consider the liturgical history and significance of the Kiss of Peace.

In the TLM, the Kiss of Peace was done by the celebrant kissing the altar (which of course symbolizes Christ, and at this point has the Body and Blood of Christ resting upon it). The celebrant then takes that kiss of peace from Christ and turns to the deacon, kissing him. The deacon takes this kiss of peace from Christ to the subdeacon, then the acolytes, thurifer, and clergy assisting in choro.

In the TLM it is made perfectly clear that the peace comes from Christ Who is present upon the altar, and is sent from Christ to the Faithful via the clergy. At the Mass of Paul VI I do not participate in the “Sign of Peace” because I have no peace to offer, as I am not Christ, and have not received His peace via kissing the altar or a cleric who has kissed the altar.

 

[BillyT926]

The link from Mountee says it all! We are sharing with each other at the sign of peace the peace we receive from Christ in community. Not to do so in a sense of piety is false piety.
Not to acknowledge others around you with even the most basic such as a smile is rude. Not to participate in the kiss of peace because one thinks they don’t have too, don’t feel like it, think they don’t know anyone around them, disrupts their state of prayer etc is a false notion of holiness, piety and communicates a better than you attitude which also should have no place at Mass. Thinking or implying that the average Catholic doesn’t understand the deep theological meaning and needs that to just do a basic smile to knowledge their fellow believers and wish them peace is beyond the silly. The only examination here should be done by those who think that they go to Mass for me and Jesus and don’t want any type of any interaction with anyone else around them for whatever reason they think or fear or feel that their state of prayer will be disrupted. Then those you feel that being rude and cold in the name of piety need to examine the meaning behind the fact that Mass and the Eucharist is done in community with fellow believers in the faith. Mass is not an individual me and Jesus moment. The constant complaints of coldness and rudeness by those new to the Catholic faith and attend or attending for the first time should put a pause in those who think that its ok and normal and not justifiable at all.

It’s not false piety. People have different levels of comfort and also different views of the normative aspects of Mass. It’s a non-essential component of Mass. We abolished it at my church due to flu season. Nobody misses it. I don’t care if people do it, or not. I don’t judge them one way or the other.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

The link from Mountee says it all! We are sharing with each other at the sign of peace the peace we receive from Christ in community. Not to do so in a sense of piety is false piety.
Not to acknowledge others around you with even the most basic such as a smile is rude. Not to participate in the kiss of peace because one thinks they don’t have too, don’t feel like it, think they don’t know anyone around them, disrupts their state of prayer etc is a false notion of holiness, piety and communicates a better than you attitude which also should have no place at Mass. Thinking or implying that the average Catholic doesn’t understand the deep theological meaning and needs that to just do a basic smile to knowledge their fellow believers and wish them peace is beyond the silly. The only examination here should be done by those who think that they go to Mass for me and Jesus and don’t want any type of any interaction with anyone else around them for whatever reason they think or fear or feel that their state of prayer will be disrupted. Then those you feel that being rude and cold in the name of piety need to examine the meaning behind the fact that Mass and the Eucharist is done in community with fellow believers in the faith. Mass is not an individual me and Jesus moment. The constant complaints of coldness and rudeness by those new to the Catholic faith and attend or attending for the first time should put a pause in those who think that its ok and normal and not justifiable at all.

I never suggested giving others the cold shoulder…Hardly. What post suggested that? the OP was commenting on ‘limp’ handshakes and the like. I didn’t pick up on anyone brushing off the sign of peace in a rebellious way.

 

[benjohnson]

Don’t care for the sign of peace, it seems a bit false, same people wouldn’t speak to me in public, we are united by the Eucharist, not by nods and winks and hand-shakes…I detest false smiles & false hand-shakes !

Lucky you were born now… it used to be that the sign of peace as a kiss on the mouth.

Frankly, I never understood how one can be reconciled with God and preparing for the Eucharist and still not have a glint of joy in one’s eyes. I’ve never been able to maintain a stone face in circumstances - for I’m in God’s house, with God’s people, in about to get a fore-taste of the feast to come.

My body reflects the song in my heart.

Now I certainly don’t think the sign of peace is a 4 minute social break, but to be completely dour also escapes me.