During the sign of peace, why do my fellow catholics seem so cold?

[Sarcelle]

I just think that people miss the point here. Nobody wants to be around jerks, but the point isn’t primarily to be at a fellowship service. Protestants have them because they don’t have Sacraments. So it’s a substitute to have worship songs, interaction among the congregation et. al. We have the Mass. That’s the source and summit of worship. There’s coffee hour after Mass for fellowship. Soup kitchens and food pantries. Lawn fetes. Bingo. Festivals. We’ve got that stuff in droves. Even paraliturgical devotions to emphasize communitarianism.

The presence of the sacraments does not excuse limp handshakes and the stony stare ahead. I am not looking for a party during mass, but courtesy and at least acknowledgement of greeting. Is that too much to ask?

 

[maryj]

Well…obviously to some, the General Instructions of the Roman Missal means “we will do what WE think is right” and then berate you for not agreeing with us, even though the church tells us differently… Progressive thinking, I didn’t find that in the Roman Missal or the Catechism. Peace be with you…

 

[ProVobis]

Thanks for explaining that. I had not realized how the sign of peace had come about into the OF of the mass. I knew that Pope Paul VI was the first to turn to the people and instruct them to offer the sign of peace to each other. I attend both the EF and the OF and I have noticed the differences happening at that moment at mass but also the similarities.

I, also get what you are saying. It is not that you don’t have “peace” to offer people but at that point at mass you are not Christ offering peace to those there as Christ did when he offered peace to the Apostles in the Upper Room.

I’m not exactly sure what the exact protocol calls for. Various intructions were given in 1970 about how and whom you greet around you. In the Maronite liturgy, the sign is given to someone who then in turn goes down the aisles and extends the sign to the first person in the pew who in turn extends the sign to the person next to him. And so on down each pew. That way it appears the sign comes from the altar. The sign, by the way, is not a handshake per se, but a sort of “cupping” of the hands.

 

[Allegra]

Mustering up a pom pom girl disposition would be a bit much if that isn’t one’s natural disposition but everybody has warmth surely, I’ve had looks of contempt which I find really confusing since we are followers of Christ and Christ is about Love, and emulating Christ. When I regard ‘some’ Catholics, I do not recognize Christ in their behaviour. You might say How would I know? Well, Christ’s character displayed outward signs of Love and Goodness, it wasn’t all internalized.

Matthew 5:48
“Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.”

Love is one of the main commandments in the NT.

Matthew 22:26
36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’** 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”**

If someone gave me a look of contempt, and I was quite sure that I didn’t smell bad and I wasn’t disrupting the Mass by being noisy or rude, I would just assume there was something wrong with the person neurologically and turn around and shake someone elses hand. Surely not everyone in your parish is glaring contemptously at you.

 

[Allegra]

I’m not exactly sure what the exact protocol calls for. Various intructions were given in 1970 about how and whom you greet around you. In the Maronite liturgy, the sign is given to someone who then in turn goes down the aisles and extends the sign to the first person in the pew who in turn extends the sign to the person next to him. And so on down each pew. That way it appears the sign comes from the altar. The sign, by the way, is not a handshake per se, but a sort of “cupping” of the hands.

That sounds really nice.

 

[Christopher1290]

you could say that after mass is the time to chat and be friendly but most of the time people are in a hurry to get home, not lounge around. The most important thing of all is to do the will of God and not the will of yourself. If the will of God is to show a quick gesture of our affection to those near us then that is what we should do and not be selfish thinking of ourselves. It doesn’t mean you have to be giddy and ridiculous about it. I always saw it as a time to be thankful that i can share the Eucharist with so many faithful people and it makes me happy. I want to give thanks to God by being kind to others for Him bringing so many wonderful people to mass. The sign of peace is a time to be aware that we share it together in all of our sufferings. After we receive communion that is when we are personal as God is within each of us, but this occurs separately after the sign of peace. Its called the sign of peace not the sign of bitterness.

 

[IesumPerMariam]

you could say that after mass is the time to chat and be friendly but most of the time people are in a hurry to get home, not lounge around. The most important thing of all is to do the will of God and not the will of yourself. If the will of God is to show a quick gesture of our affection to those near us then that is what we should do and not be selfish thinking of ourselves. It doesn’t mean you have to be giddy and ridiculous about it. I always saw it as a time to be thankful that i can share the Eucharist with so many faithful people and it makes me happy. I want to give thanks to God by being kind to others for Him bringing so many wonderful people to mass. The sign of peace is a time to be aware that we share it together in all of our sufferings. After we receive communion that is when we are personal as God is within each of us, but this occurs separately after the sign of peace. Its called the sign of peace not the sign of bitterness.

Who says that shaking hands and exchanging half-hearted pleasantries with our neighbors when the Lord is present on the altar in Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity is the Will of God?

The 2002MR says “V. Pax Domini sit semper vobiscum. R. Et cum spiritu tuo.” I am not the Lord, and I have not received His peace by the kissing of the altar as the priest-celebrant has. Therefore, I am not able to extend His peace to those around me. Instead, I simply pray that the Lord may grant them the peace they desire. I fail to see how that is “bitterness.” It’s simply acknowledging reality and the rich history of the Latin Rite.

 

[malphono]

In the Maronite liturgy, the sign is given to someone who then in turn goes down the aisles and extends the sign to the first person in the pew who in turn extends the sign to the person next to him. And so on down each pew. That way it appears the sign comes from the altar. The sign, by the way, is not a handshake per se, but a sort of “cupping” of the hands.

Yes, that’s quite right. And the same custom is followed by the Chaldeans.

BTW, the way it’s passed is for the “giver” to place his/her hands together in the “praying hand” position while the “receiver” takes the peace by cupping his/her hands over.

 

[ProVobis]

That sounds really nice.

I think so too.

Yes, that’s quite right. And the same custom is followed by the Chaldeans.

BTW, the way it’s passed is for the “giver” to place his/her hands together in the “praying hand” position while the “receiver” takes the peace by cupping his/her hands over.

I hope to do it right the next time.

 

[Christopher1290]

Yes, that’s quite right. And the same custom is followed by the Chaldeans.

BTW, the way it’s passed is for the “giver” to place his/her hands together in the “praying hand” position while the “receiver” takes the peace by cupping his/her hands over.

Thats a wonderful custom that the Chaldeans and Maronites have. Some people on this form are repulsed in touching anyone or looking at anyone during the sign of peace.

 

[PatriceA]

Thats a wonderful custom that the Chaldeans and Maronites have. Some people on this form are repulsed in touching anyone or looking at anyone during the sign of peace.

Nobody in this post ever said they were repulsed by touching anyone or even looking at anyone during the sign of peace.

 

[123Strontium]

afraid of getting the flu

haha, I have this thought also.

but I overcome it for the sake of good will + faith, what happens is whatever happens and is supposed to happen.

 

[Auntie_A]

In my opinion I think the sign of peace should come near the beginning of the mass, at least before the Gospel, because it does break up the solemn moment from the Communion Prayers through the Our Father and then Communion itself. As joyful as Mass can be, this moment is about Jesus’ sacrifice and His initiating the Holy Eucharist at the Last Supper. It should be a quiet moment, if not a solemn one–it has never felt like a time of joyous socializing, although I have seen some parishioners stand in the aisles and discuss the local soccer game after the sign of Peace and while the Agnus Dei was prayed. Perhaps this is why many Catholics appear so grim to you at this moment. It is simply in the wrong place and I appreciate it when it is skipped or shortened…forgive me, those of you who have only known the Liturgy with the Sign of Peace after the Our Father. If I could change the Liturgy, I would put it at the beginning as I have seen some priests do, very effectively, as a greeting and welcome.

 

[123Strontium]

If someone gave me a look of contempt, and I was quite sure that I didn’t smell bad and I wasn’t disrupting the Mass by being noisy or rude, I would just assume there was something wrong with the person neurologically and turn around and shake someone elses hand. Surely not everyone in your parish is glaring contemptously at you.

I don’t smell and I’m neither noisy or rude, I just mean it’s like they don’t make the effort. It seems to be an occurrence that I am not experiencing exclusively.

I just googled: Why are catholics so unfriendly? So it’s a much googled question which means it must be a phenomenon of sorts.

Incidentally, I just counter googled: Why are protestants so unfriendly?
What resulted was: Why are protestants so arrogant against catholics? lol off topic, Perhaps I should start a thread on a protestant forum somewhere to establish why this might be the case.

Remember: Google is a statistical indicator of how often people search the topic.

The point of this question is to highlight what is this elusive cause for protestants to be friendlier and warmer than catholics? There is a bigger picture here, it’s not about my personal feelings necessarily but what is it about the way in which the religion is taught or its doctrines that creates this arguably archetypal catholic character v’s the archetypal protestant character (which is harder to generalize as there are so many denominations) but they do seem warmer open people, generally speaking? (as far as my experience is concerned)

I’ve been mistaken for being this overly sensitive female who wants zealous expressions of affection but that’s not the case, I’m quite reserved generally.

 

[123Strontium]

In my opinion I think the sign of peace should come near the beginning of the mass, at least before the Gospel, because it does break up the solemn moment from the Communion Prayers through the Our Father and then Communion itself. As joyful as Mass can be, this moment is about Jesus’ sacrifice and His initiating the Holy Eucharist at the Last Supper. It should be a quiet moment, if not a solemn one–it has never felt like a time of joyous socializing, although I have seen some parishioners stand in the aisles and discuss the local soccer game after the sign of Peace and while the Agnus Dei was prayed. Perhaps this is why many Catholics appear so grim to you at this moment. It is simply in the wrong place and I appreciate it when it is skipped or shortened…forgive me, those of you who have only known the Liturgy with the Sign of Peace after the Our Father. If I could change the Liturgy, I would put it at the beginning as I have seen some priests do, very effectively, as a greeting and welcome.

Perhaps you have a point, it’s probably the positioning of the sign of peace.

 

[Slaney]

In my opinion I think the sign of peace should come near the beginning of the mass, at least before the Gospel, because it does break up the solemn moment from the Communion Prayers through the Our Father and then Communion itself. As joyful as Mass can be, this moment is about Jesus’ sacrifice and His initiating the Holy Eucharist at the Last Supper. It should be a quiet moment, if not a solemn one–it has never felt like a time of joyous socializing, although I have seen some parishioners stand in the aisles and discuss the local soccer game after the sign of Peace and while the Agnus Dei was prayed. Perhaps this is why many Catholics appear so grim to you at this moment. It is simply in the wrong place and I appreciate it when it is skipped or shortened…forgive me, those of you who have only known the Liturgy with the Sign of Peace after the Our Father.

If I could change the Liturgy, I would put it at the beginning as I have seen some priests do, very effectively, as a greeting and welcome.

That’s what we do everyday, shake hands with people we meet there and then, not 20 mins later look around and say " hey, how are you "
I couldn’t agree more, anyway there is another Church with 4 o’clock Mass which I attend sometimes. What annoys me is the collectors put the collection into mahogany boxes at the foot of the Altar during the consecration, the noise is horrendous and unacceptable.If the handshake were at the beginning of Mass during all the chatter, then it would be fine with me…

 

[IesumPerMariam]

Perhaps you have a point, it’s probably the positioning of the sign of peace.

I don’t think that’s the problem. The Sign of Peace has been in the exact same spot of the Holy Mass since at least the time of Pope St Gregory the Great (540-604 a.D.). The problem seems to come in around 1970 when Pope Paul VI told everyone to turn to those sitting in the pew next to them and shake hands with them too…

Which is perhaps also why the rubrics indicate that it should only be done “pro opportunitate” (if appropriate).

 

[123Strontium]

I don’t think that’s the problem. The Sign of Peace has been in the exact same spot of the Holy Mass since at least the time of Pope St Gregory the Great (540-604 a.D.). The problem seems to come in around 1970 when Pope Paul VI told everyone to turn to those sitting in the pew next to them and shake hands with them too…

That’s what I meant, the sign of peace regarding hand-shaking. The positioning of the hand-shaking. Auntie A was saying how the reason might be because of its positioning during that particular solemn moment.

However, lots of people have made good points here about how some catholics seem to put a higher premium on their personal relationship to Christ at the expense of their fellow neighbours by not making an effort. A smile is hardly an effort.

 

[Christopher1290]

I don’t think that’s the problem. The Sign of Peace has been in the exact same spot of the Holy Mass since at least the time of Pope St Gregory the Great (540-604 a.D.). The problem seems to come in around 1970 when Pope Paul VI told everyone to turn to those sitting in the pew next to them and shake hands with them too…

Which is perhaps also why the rubrics indicate that it should only be done “pro opportunitate” (if appropriate).

I agree, the problem does seem to stem from that point. Some people have become confused at what to do. Usually new converts don’t focus on this issue though, the first thing they see is how people treat the situation rather than getting into the technicalities.

 

[jenwha]

. Other people are trying to concentrate on the Mass and maybe can’t muster up a pom-pom girl disposition that is unnatural to them. If a person is emotionally shattered because someone else doesn’t want to hug them, I think they need to examine their own insecurity and not try and pin meanness on other people.

We are not talking about pom-pom girl dispositions. No one is emotionally shattered.

We are talking about, that it is a fact, that Catholics tend to not even give a smile. It’s kinda odd. And it is kinda true. No one is talking about cheerleaders and hugs. You are overstating the issue. Give me a break. If something happens to be true, regardless of whether it happens to apply to Catholics, I think it’s best to be honest.

What in the world is wrong with giving another Catholic a smile for Heaven’s sake? Does it take that much effort? All I am saying is, the general attitude is cool, and it does turn some people off. It was the very first thing I noticed.