Ego Driven Homily - how to stop them?

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sarastent

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There is a growing righteous anger in me toward a priest in my parish.
His homilies center around him and his life, he complains how ‘stressed out priests are and all the hard work they do’, he jokes EVERY SINGLE homily (not exaggerating ) about how ‘good looking he is,’ he uses what he hears in confession as part of his homily, he once said, ‘if you do not enjoy mass you have a mental illness’… I could go on
Needless to say I do not go to his mass anymore.
I live a block away from church and have been going there since I was a kid, made all my sacrements there - - I have seen priests come and go but I can’t wait to see this one go.
He has turned me off to all mass! I started going to a new church but now I am hyper critical of it all. I plan on confronting him over the ‘mental health’ comment.
Any suggestions on how to move forward and why is the Homily necessary? too many times its like we are held hostage to a priest and forced to hear their ego drivel.
 
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Sometimes personalities clash. In your case, I would remember the respect for the office he holds, for his Ordination, and write off the things that annoy you.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Sometimes personalities clash. In your case, I would remember the respect for the office he holds, for his Ordination, and write off the things that annoy you.
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I was typing a reply, but Little Lady beat me to it. 🙂 I concur with her advice.

If he says something truly offensive (like the comment about mental illness) you could bring it up in a kind way that the comment could be construed as offensive by those who struggle with mental illness. He may file that comment away and try to be more cautious with how he articulates things in the future.

Otherwise, try to let go of as much as possible and use the homily time to pray through the Scripture readings again.
 
thank you for the sound advice. Unfortunately, I have tried the pray through the scripture - I think what upsets me the most is I do have respect for the office he holds but it is like he is using the office he holds for his advancement. I have left out many examples that shows how he uses the office he holds over peoples heads in an unloving manner. (gossip runs rampant with his ‘crew’, intimidation of shaming people publicly (children especially - shaming them not correcting them) encouraging 'cliques yes, there is a major personality clash!
 
What choices do you have? Is there an earlier or later Mass where a different priest celebrates? Is there another church not too far away?
 
sarastent said:
There is a growing righteous anger in me toward a priest in my parish.
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Remember righteous implies you are morally right period. There might be reason this man is not a great Priest, but you are seeing him through your anger towards him. Not everyone thinks your way for sure and certainly can perceive things differently. Proceed with caution.
 
I don’t know about your parish, but in my parish’s bulletin, they publish which priest is going to say which Mass the following week. Just try avoiding his Masses. If the times don’t work, go to a different parish.
 
If you are a courageous sort of person, you could make an appointment to speak to him about it. If I did that, I would come prepared with brief notes, and also pray for my own charity and serenity. Try to make it a win-win situation, in which he will receive helpful observations and suggestions, and you will have been heard (even if he doesn’t change), and hopefully the parish may benefit.

If you don’t want to take on that challenge personally, is there another priest in the parish who could serve as a mediator? Or a layperson who is highly-respected in the parish?

Let us pray for your priest: May his homilies improve in such a way as to better serve the parishioners.

And for the people of your parish: May they love their pastor even with all his faults and failings, and may they, in his care and with God’s grace, grow always in faith, hope, and charity.
 
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Sounds like the former pastor in my parish. Lasted only 1.5 years on the parish before the Bishop removed him. He had an ego the size of the national debt

Jim
 
The mental illness comment is more than enough to justify a meeting with him to discuss it. Like others have said bring notes, perhaps bring a friend who has similar concerns, and be kind.
 
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“mental illness” is one of those phrases which has multiple meanings to multiple people, depending on context, etc. Its possible you misinterpreted what he said or misheard him. Best to sit down and ask him what he meant to get the full context. The phrase can be used in derogatory way or in a sincere medical way with non-derogatory intent.
 
If possible would it help to enlist others who feel the same way? Or would he see that as people ganging up on him?
Honestly I have a hard time imagining confronting someone who is, essentially in power over you. He holds power over you through his office. People say to talk to the priest first (for instance, before complaining to the bishop), but I feel like that would be prohibitively difficult. I guess you could phrase things as a question " why do you refer to mentally I’ll people", etc.
 
Thank you! The anger was growing because I was just trying to avoid.
Those that I respected in the church have passed away, those that are most vocal and connected to the church now do his bidding and also seem to be fearful of approaching him with suggestions - he successfully alienated a few who have attempted to voice how they perceive things differently.
I saw the priest just the other day and I said I understand he is very busy but I was hoping to make an appointment to speak with him. He said in a rude manner that I have to send in a request by email - I said I did and that I did not get a response and again said how I understand that he is under a lot of stress but I had some ideas that I think could be helpful. (I had sent a request to meet him after the Christmas season ended)
His response was manipulative - he sarcastically laughed at me and said how I must be joking, it’s Holy Week (I did not say we had to meet this week - I asked if we could meet. He tried to imply that I did not know that its Holy Week and spoke down to me.)
So thank you for your prayers - I will start writing my notes; although I was thinking of not bombarding him, I was thinking of just concentrating on the comment he made during his homily. I will put aside all the good ideas I have, I was being overly ambitious - ha!
I will pray on it with renewed confidence. The righteous anger was pushing me to not be silent - maybe it is to act more courageous and persist in being heard rather than turning my back on what is wrong - thank you for your good counsel and your prayers for me, for him & the parish. I will pray for you too (and all those who took time to respond to his post)
 
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Is this just one of the priests at your parish? And he is not the pastor?

If so, another option would be to meet with your pastor to share your concerns.
 
While respect for priests is important and essential, it’s also important that we recognize priests are fallible and need help. As a teacher, I am evaluated by colleagues who identify areas where I need improvement. Priests need this, too, frankly. If this isn’t your pastor, speak with your pastor in person about your concerns. Explain that you feel blessed to have a committed priest like Fr. X at your parish, that you don’t want to unduly criticize his homilies, and that you want to share what worries you and offer suggestions for different approaches that will help more parishioners. If this priest is your pastor (gah), you can do the same with your bishop. Note, however, that your bishop is likely dealing with issues that trump this in terms of priority so you may not receive the kind of result for which you’re hoping.
 
I agree! Priests are fallible, guess that is why I question the homily as being part of the Mass.
This was a growing question for me before this priest came into the parish, now I feel homilies are an intrusion during Mass.
Who’s Word should we be hearing?
If Priests can encourage us or help guide our thoughts and prayer life, maybe hold something after mass - maybe even let others speak as well, to hear different perspectives in the community would help it grow but not during the Mass.
Hope we go back to Latin Mass so it is no longer a temptation for the priest to humanly err thinking all eyes are on him & his good looks :roll_eyes: 😅
 
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Oh well, I think traddie priests are the best looking of all…😂
 
I once attended a parish where the pastor used homilies as an excuse to sing – and receive adulation for doing so – on multiple occasions. It was…uncomfortable.

The Liturgy of the Word is not my priority during Mass, I admit. This is partly because I have small children and rarely get to hear entire homilies these days. But no matter how many small children are in tow, I always get something out the Liturgy of the Eucharist. No matter what else may happen during the Mass, I know Christ is there.
 
He’s not the only priest, or only homilist, in the world. Skip his Masses and go to someone else’s.

If you absolutely must attend his Mass, quietly pray the rosary or read Scripture during his homily. I already do that with a deacon who manages to get on my nerves with most of his homlies.

Saying that the priest “ruins the Mass” for you is just silly. The homily is just a small part of the Mass and is not even the main event.
 
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