Emergency please help me

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Ailina said:
Since you are not married, and you have never experienced these kinds of family conditions, maybe you shouldn’t say anything. You have no idea how stressful and wearying it becomes with time. Her husband has been told for quite some time what needs to be done. He refuses to do it, and has irreparably damaged the marriage. Corinne deserves respect and is not getting it. It is better to get out before she is broken by this.
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I am not married. I have experienced these kinds of things. I am a widower. My wife ran off with another man and then committed suicide. In my posts I have not recommended any particular course of action. I feel it wrong to do so. I will not say what is better for Corrine. I cannot possibly know enough about her situation to make an educated judgement. My only suggestion was that the situation was not an emergency requiring immediate action.

Your message to me seemed presumptuous and rude. I suspect that you did not understand the postings.
 
MtnDwellar said:
I am not married. I have experienced these kinds of things. I am a widower. My wife ran off with another man and then committed suicide. In my posts I have not recommended any particular course of action. I feel it wrong to do so. I will not say what is better for Corrine. I cannot possibly know enough about her situation to make an educated judgement. My only suggestion was that the situation was not an emergency requiring immediate action.

Your message to me seemed presumptuous and rude. I suspect that you did not understand the postings.
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I’m sorry for presuming that you were never married. I have been following Corinne’s posts since she first started explaining her marriage issues. Her marriage has been in crisis for two years now, and things are not improving. How much longer should she be expected to experience this kind of long-term, non-stop stress? And the children, who are witnessing all that is going on? It is a very sick environment.

Her husband is on a self-destructive path, despite Corinne’s efforts in procuring counseling among other things. She has been in counseling for a while, has spoken to her priest, and all of them say “Get out” Probably because the stress is making her ill, and who can blame her?

I have experienced a very stressful marriage situation myself and bend over backwards trying to get my ex-husband to stop his self-destructive behavior. Being a faithful wife is sometimes seen as condoning the behavior; even divorce laws treat it as such in court cases where adultery is the issue, as I found out when consulting a lawyer after staying in a toxic marriage far too long. When they are ensnared in deviant sexual behavior, errant spouses don’t see nor hear anything their spouses are trying to tell them. They might as well be invisible, and are treated as if they don’t matter.

My ex, because of the people he associated with, put the lives of my children and I in danger and we had to get the police involved. Usually stripper bars are run by criminals, so who knows what dangers Corinne and her children might be in because of her husband?
 
First off, me and my kids are not in physical danger. I feel escaping off to some shelter is not necessary. But thank you for mentioning it. It’s not that type of emergency.

As for me, yes my emotional health is suffering, and from all the stress, etc.

As you know, my h is refusing to move out. And I, at this point, really do not think I want to obtain a RO having him thrown out. It would makes things to difficult. Maybe once I have a job, it would be different. Then I won’t have to beg for 20.00, or worry about the utilities being turned off. We;ll see. I am accepting things the way they have turned out, with my h not able to cease his behavior. Fine. I am making my exit plans. I cannot wait to move away! This is no marriage, and hasn’t been for 2 years now.

ALINA: I am doing the 180 while h is living here…on the couch of course. Do you think the 180 is for those separated AND also those still co-existing under the same roof?I don’t see any mention to this on the SI site. Do you think it’s possible to do the 180 while still living together? Just wondering your thoughts. It’s the only way I can detach, try to keep healthy myself.

Thanks everyone.👍
 
ALINA: Are you here and can you answer me?

Thanks so very much.

😃

BTW: Where do you go to post a poll? I see it no where
 
I don’t know about the polls. The 180 seems like a good strategy whether a couple is living together or not.
 
It would take me forever to read all the posts.

I really really feel your hurt and I sense just how hard you have tried to make this work!

In your circumstance, I would leave him after getting a plan together. You have overturned every rock looking for answers…now there is only one answer left 😦

You are in my prayers!
 
Corinne3 said:
ALINA: Are you here and can you answer me?

Thanks so very much.

😃

BTW: Where do you go to post a poll? I see it no where
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Hi Corinne,

I was away for the weekend and didn’t have access to a computer. Yes, you can do the 180 while living in the same house. In fact, the 180 is precisely for people in the situation where they are still living together. I hope you can finally start to heal. My prayers are with you.
 
Corrine:

How are your sons taking this shift in the marriage? How was Father’s Day? What do your sons think about their father and have you and your sons received counseling together? Thank you for any answers you are able to provide. No pressure. God love you for your courage. His Grace will sustain you.
 
Dear All, Cup of Kindness and everyone:

I went away for the weekend, and upon returning my h said he had a horrible Fathers Day, and got no cards from our sons, whatsoever. Oh well. Pity for him. HE chose to retreat back to his favorite stripper…so have it, is what I say. My kids I am sure do not have a bit of respect for their dad. There is nothing I can do about it anymore,

:confused::confused::(:(:D:D God choose to cause dumb folks in what they choose and HOW they choose to make their beds to lay in them as they please.
 
MtnDwellar said:
Hi Corrine,

I just returned from church. Yours was my only intention at Mass.

It seems that you are still on the roller coaster. If you had truly ended things in your heart, you wouldn’t feel the way that you do. I think that’s the healing that was discussed. It is a process. The eighteen inches from your head to your heart can be a very long distance.

As you had said earlier, things are new and flaming. You recieved more bad news and things flamed again. It is still not an emergency. You say that you are financially dependent upon your husband. I have trouble understanding how your family can survive on a single unemployment check for so long, let alone have extra money available for strippers. Nonetheless, without a job or a plan, you are about to exchange emotional stress for financial stress. Which is easier?

I could go into a long thing about God’s plans and discerning His will from our own. Circumstances and coincidences are not always meant to guide us in the direction of his plan.
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You are being so cold to this woman! Honestly! She’s going through Hell and back and she deserves to get her sanity back and be happy.

She could easily get an annullment…how could it possibly be God’s will to stay in this marriage? I can’t see any reason for her to stay. He has a complete lack of respect for her in every aspect.

I hope you find your way Corinne. I will pray for you.
 
MtnDwellar said:
I am not married. I have experienced these kinds of things. I am a widower. My wife ran off with another man and then committed suicide. In my posts I have not recommended any particular course of action. I feel it wrong to do so. I will not say what is better for Corrine. I cannot possibly know enough about her situation to make an educated judgement. My only suggestion was that the situation was not an emergency requiring immediate action.

Your message to me seemed presumptuous and rude. I suspect that you did not understand the postings.
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oh wow! now I know where you are coming from. I apologize for my earlier post.

that must have been terrible!!!
 
It is totally OK what anyone has to say or offer in this thread! Really. No hard feelings at all. I appreciate everyone’s views no matter how different they may be. I just praise God for you all! You are ALL completely awesome Catholics and I wish with my whole heart I knew you all personally. Thank you for even reading this and offering even one word of advice.

Well, I also was away for the weekend and just returned. I am finally learning the subject of boundaries here and what the h__ they even are, what they mean and how to instill them. I never knew before how to take care of ME. I am learning slowly.

One boundary I feel lately is this: as long as my husband chooses to go to strip clubs for nudie dances on his lap, getting erections no doubt, and having “dates” with a particular stripper from there, well then, he just cannot sleep in our bedroom any longer, nor have any sort of social relationship even with me, his wife. I just cannot be his friend when he is doing this. This is what I feel, and until I can exit, this is what I am doing, as far as a boundary. I feel better this way, like I can move on with my life…

Anyone’s thoughts about this are welcomed.

Thank you for reading my saga.

I pray things will be different one day but His ways are not our ways, the Lord says.

Luv,
Corinne 👍:)🙂
 
Corinne3 said:
It is totally OK what anyone has to say or offer in this thread! Really. No hard feelings at all. I appreciate everyone’s views no matter how different they may be. I just praise God for you all! You are ALL completely awesome Catholics and I wish with my whole heart I knew you all personally. Thank you for even reading this and offering even one word of advice.

Well, I also was away for the weekend and just returned. I am finally learning the subject of boundaries here and what the h__ they even are, what they mean and how to instill them. I never knew before how to take care of ME. I am learning slowly.

One boundary I feel lately is this: as long as my husband chooses to go to strip clubs for nudie dances on his lap, getting erections no doubt, and having “dates” with a particular stripper from there, well then, he just cannot sleep in our bedroom any longer, nor have any sort of social relationship even with me, his wife. I just cannot be his friend when he is doing this. This is what I feel, and until I can exit, this is what I am doing, as far as a boundary. I feel better this way, like I can move on with my life…

Anyone’s thoughts about this are welcomed.

Thank you for reading my saga.

I pray things will be different one day but His ways are not our ways, the Lord says.

Luv,
Corinne 👍:)🙂
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I am so sorry Corinne that I have been quiet for a while - I have been trying to get a feel for you and what you are going through before I stick the proverbial foot in the proverbial mouth.

Honestly you are doing as well as can be expected. You just need to slow down the fight or flight at this point. It is NOT an emergency at this point. The house is not on fire. But I would get a lock for your bedroom door for your own piece of mind - he sounds like a perv - sorry my opinion. And it makes a point. Your space. MY space. Not the internet type of account.

I would also not be picky about jobs - part time gas station is a job and it is money. It is also a sense of satisfaction of having your own money. See Catholic Charities - They may be able to help with food pantry monies. See a lawyer - for all you know you may be entitled to alimoney and child support - you don’t know until you find out. There are children’s advocacy groups taht will represent you on a sliding scale (pay what you can).
 
Thank you dear.

I do have a lock on my bedroom door. I am getting panicky now, because it is 12:00 midnight here and my husband drove off somewhere. I do not know if I can live this way, with him in the home any more…It tears me apart, living like strangers. I just don’t know if I can do it. Even when I am working, to live distant like this…is awful.

I want to do the 180 but Alina, just do not think I can do it…h disappearing for hours, no trust, no communication, NO MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE. It sucks.

Anyway, my heart was shattered by him, totally beyond repair. At this point he is only the dad of my kids and a house-mate----to keep up the house with me-----yard work, animals, going shopping, etc…that’s it…otherwise…we are like strangers…it is soooo hard. I don’t know what is worse, him gone or him here. Either way it sucks.

Thank YOu dear friend and whoever is reading this for being my friend, as I have hardly even one or two…

P.S. Joan: He is a “perv”…complete porn addict and stripper addict! Makes me vomit…I wish I could leave but I can’t…yet…I pray each day the Lord can make an exit plan for me…oh how I pray He will…my feet are stuck in the mud at the moment…
 
As he was away tonight, he left his computer on, and I sat down and looked at what he was doing. Sure enough he was flirting with another gal he knows from some class, so I wrote to her, saying I was his wife and to leave my h alone. It caused a stink, then I thought what difference does it really make? HE is choosing to live this way, and frankly, job or no job, I simply CANNOT TOLERATE THIS ANY LONGER. So I asked my h to leave, he is still refusing, so it looks like I will have to obtain a restraining order by the end of the week. I asked him to pack up and please leave by Friday, and if not, then I will obtain the order. Tonight he has refused to leave, he slapped me, called me a b____, and gave me the finger…I have totally had it friends, and I cannot live in a marriage like this any more. I have no love or respect for him left whatsoever and this is destroying me.

He needs to get out. If he does not, I will file the Order to have him removed from the home, and then I will Trust God will take care of me.

Thank you all.

It has gotten really horrible, ((again)). My h is possessed by a demonic force, and I just cannot be around him when he is, it is not healthy for me or our boys. Even though I have no job, I know God will bring me one soon.

Thank you all. Please continue praying for me and my sons over the next few days. As they will be crucial. If my h does not leave tomorrow, I will need to go to Court and file papers I’m afraid. It’s so sad it has come to this, but he slapped me tonight, called me a b____, and said repeatedly FU to me, numerous times. This is not a husband. My heart is just shattered beyond belief.

Love,
Corinne
 
You are correct. It does suck.

My guess is that your husband is nowhere near changing.

Your goal, whether you live together or not, should be detachment. Here is an article that explains it fairly well. livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

The problem is that detachment is a process which takes time. That is where God’s strength is most important.
 
Dear Corrine, this situation is intolerable. I know that today you will be taking steps to remove your husband from your home so that he can do no more damage to you or your sons. I want you to remember that you have the prayers of everyone here behind you. Thank God for the Communion of Saints!
 
Corinne3 said:
As he was away tonight, he left his computer on, and I sat down and looked at what he was doing. Sure enough he was flirting with another gal he knows from some class, so I wrote to her, saying I was his wife and to leave my h alone. It caused a stink, then I thought what difference does it really make? HE is choosing to live this way, and frankly, job or no job, I simply CANNOT TOLERATE THIS ANY LONGER. So I asked my h to leave, he is still refusing, so it looks like I will have to obtain a restraining order by the end of the week. I asked him to pack up and please leave by Friday, and if not, then I will obtain the order. Tonight he has refused to leave, he slapped me, called me a b____, and gave me the finger…I have totally had it friends, and I cannot live in a marriage like this any more. I have no love or respect for him left whatsoever and this is destroying me.

He needs to get out. If he does not, I will file the Order to have him removed from the home, and then I will Trust God will take care of me.

Thank you all.

It has gotten really horrible, ((again)). My h is possessed by a demonic force, and I just cannot be around him when he is, it is not healthy for me or our boys. Even though I have no job, I know God will bring me one soon.

Thank you all. Please continue praying for me and my sons over the next few days. As they will be crucial. If my h does not leave tomorrow, I will need to go to Court and file papers I’m afraid. It’s so sad it has come to this, but he slapped me tonight, called me a b____, and said repeatedly FU to me, numerous times. This is not a husband. My heart is just shattered beyond belief.

Love,
Corinne
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Corrine, praying for you and your family. As this has turned physical, I would be very careful. As you say, demonic forces are at work, and you should not put yourself or the children in danger.

Protect yourself by separating yourself from him. I don’t pretend to understand what you are going through, but see the results of uncontrolled anger and rage in my prison ministry every week.

We can all pray that God comes into his life again and separates him from the devil. In the meantime look after yourself and the kids first.

Praying

Mike
 
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