Emergency please help me

[Serap]

I don’t know if I’d call it a demonic possession.

I am worried that you may be in danger. I think maybe you need to get social assistance and RUN with your kids to your family’s hometown.

This is so unhealthy for everyone involved.

When he hit you, did it leave a mark? Can you get someone to take a picture? Visit the police station and show it to them.

 

[Onedayatatime]

I don’t know if I’d call it a demonic possession.

I am worried that you may be in danger. I think maybe you need to get social assistance and RUN with your kids to your family’s hometown.

This is so unhealthy for everyone involved.

When he hit you, did it leave a mark? Can you get someone to take a picture? Visit the police station and show it to them.

I agree with this advice. BTW I was not suggesting that Corrine’s husband was possessed by the devil. Just that he is obviously under his influence. Verbal abuse, physical abuse and continuing relationship outside his marriage are not the traits of someone listening to God’s message, but the other guy’s message.

 

[Serap]

I agree with this advice. BTW I was not suggesting that Corrine’s husband was possessed by the devil. Just that he is obviously under his influence. Verbal abuse, physical abuse and continuing relationship outside his marriage are not the traits of someone listening to God’s message, but the other guy’s message.

yeah…like they say when we re-new our Baptism vows…

something like…

“Will you turn away from the temptation of wordly gratifications”

So if we turn the other way, then we are turning to Satan’s temptations. Icky stuff.

 

[Corinne3]

You are correct. It does suck.

My guess is that your husband is nowhere near changing.

Your goal, whether you live together or not, should be detachment. Here is an article that explains it fairly well. livestrong.com/article/14712-developing-detachment/

The problem is that detachment is a process which takes time. That is where God’s strength is most important.

Mtn Dweller:

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE GREAT ARTICLE ON DETACHMENT! I really appreciate it just sooooo much. You are a life saver here.

H again, apologized this morning and we talked. I told him I cannot live with him any longer, since he is choosing to be so emotionally abusive, going to the strip club still, and flirting with women on the internet. I told him he has ruined our once good marriage. He blames it all on him not having a job…and that he is going out of his mind because of it. He admitted to on-line stuff all saying the women flirted with him first.

My husband is, I admit, most handsome and many women would be thrilled with him. But I am a gorgeous blond bombshell too. It is so hard regardless. H said to me today he has to find a job…Yes.

Anyway, thank you so much friend for providing this excellent resource.

Luv,
Corinne
P.S. I instigated our argument last night and threw all his clothes out again and told him to leave. He refused, again. Note: this was 1 am kids were asleep. I was the one having an angry outburst. I tore the cross from his neck, broke his cigar in two, and broke his cell phone in a rage. I am soooo hurt by his behavior upon finding out his further flirtations with yet another on-line woman. I am sooo hurt beyond belief here friends. We talked today, I told him I am looking for a job and will divorce him when I find one, if possible. That he will remain on the couch, and that I have NO respect for him left at all. YES, I feel he needs to get out. YES. I drove to the court house yesterday to file a RO, but could not find the court house. Then I came home in a tizzy.

Pray for me. I am a nervous wreck.

 

[saralee1978]

So sorry you are going through this. There is a link from Retrouville to divorcebusting.com and when I went there, I found a wonderful Christian coach that helped me find a way to get through to my ‘cheating husband’ and he is now committed to work on our relationship. It is worth trying. Good luck.

 

[joandarc2008]

If he ever slaps you again you call the police and file charges - period end of story - no one has the right totouch you.

 

[Serap]

Mtn Dweller:

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE GREAT ARTICLE ON DETACHMENT! I really appreciate it just sooooo much. You are a life saver here.

H again, apologized this morning and we talked. I told him I cannot live with him any longer, since he is choosing to be so emotionally abusive, going to the strip club still, and flirting with women on the internet. I told him he has ruined our once good marriage. He blames it all on him not having a job…and that he is going out of his mind because of it. He admitted to on-line stuff all saying the women flirted with him first.

My husband is, I admit, most handsome and many women would be thrilled with him. But I am a gorgeous blond bombshell too. It is so hard regardless. H said to me today he has to find a job…Yes.

Anyway, thank you so much friend for providing this excellent resource.

Luv,
Corinne
P.S. I instigated our argument last night and threw all his clothes out again and told him to leave. He refused, again. Note: this was 1 am kids were asleep. I was the one having an angry outburst. I tore the cross from his neck, broke his cigar in two, and broke his cell phone in a rage. I am soooo hurt by his behavior upon finding out his further flirtations with yet another on-line woman. I am sooo hurt beyond belief here friends. We talked today, I told him I am looking for a job and will divorce him when I find one, if possible. That he will remain on the couch, and that I have NO respect for him left at all. YES, I feel he needs to get out. YES. I drove to the court house yesterday to file a RO, but could not find the court house. Then I came home in a tizzy.

Pray for me. I am a nervous wreck.

Don’t be sure that the kids didn’t hear their father hitting you. I’m sure the arguement woke them up even if you didn’t hear them. They were probably crying in their beds. Make sure they are ok too.

 

[Cupofkindness]

Corrine:

Stop the fighting immediately. The war is over! The marriage is over. Do not engage your husband in any confrontational dialogue about the marriage from here on out. He cannot and will not change. You need to accept this and think of your safety and your children.

Do not try to have the last word between you and your husband. He is incapable of telling the truth and will twist the facts to serve his vile purposes. If he flirts online, let it be. If he drives to clubs, don’t confront him. If he sends roses to whores, so be it. It’s not about you, the man is sick. He and your marriage is lost to you. Don’t act crazy-recognize your own tendencies to engage him in arguments. Why do you do this? Stop it. The outcome will not change, only you can change. The next time he promises that he will change, tell him that you hope he will, and that you look forward to talking about reconcilliation when he is honest about the choices he’s made that have caused your marriage to collapse. Until then, explain to him that you think it’s best to separate so that he can sort through his needs and goals, while you do the same. Don’t lay guilt trips on him, it makes him angry and he will become violent again. Stay objective, cool, detached, and non-emotional. As if you were a third party to all of this. Do not take anything personally. Do not allow him to control the discussion. If you cannot do this, then do not talk to him at all.

Moreover, you are putting yourself in grave danger with this pointless, worthless fighting and…

IT ONLY FEEDS HIS APPETITE FOR POWER OVER YOU! YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT HE WANTS TO DRIVE YOU TO THIS. STOP RIGHT NOW AND LEAVE.

Please, Corrine, your life, your future, and most importantly the safety of your children must come before feelings vengence, or pity. You might be in very serious danger. Stop wasting time and get moving. Don’t fight. It is beneath your dignity. Hold your head high as you walk out of the house.

And do call the police about the hit. It’s not too late to file a charge against him and this will get you more leverage in court. But do this from a safe distance. Please take care of your self. Your husband is morally, spiritually, and emotionally dead. Let him go. Once he is out of the picture you can sort out your own issues. But until he’s gone, you will feel powerless, confused, angry and desperate. This is the effect of your husband’s sick nature. Once he is gone, you will feel a real peace for the first time in years.

 

[Corinne3]

So sorry you are going through this. There is a link from Retrouville to divorcebusting.com and when I went there, I found a wonderful Christian coach that helped me find a way to get through to my ‘cheating husband’ and he is now committed to work on our relationship. It is worth trying. Good luck.

WOW! What was it? Can you please share it?

We did go to Marriage Encounter once, but I am thinking if we could go to Retrovaille it may be very good for us. Thank you again friends~:thumbsup:One Day at a Time~

 

[Corinne3]

Don’t be sure that the kids didn’t hear their father hitting you. I’m sure the arguement woke them up even if you didn’t hear them. They were probably crying in their beds. Make sure they are ok too.

Hi Serap:

My h did not “hit me” per say…we were arguing, I was in a rage, tearing his cross off his neck, breaking his cigar, he was protecting himself from ME, and slapped me on the arm. That is all. Of course he called me a B----- and gave me the finger…which really hurt too, as all you women can imagine. My h is actually a very gentle person, totally non-confrontive, and certainly not agressive. I need to learn to control myself. I feel so guilty that I started it, but I was tipped off when seeing another flirt by him on-line…I just cannot take this…it’s soooooo inappropriate in a marriage.

Oh friends, I cannot believe this has all come about. We used to be happy, healthy, etc. UNTIL h chose to strip club go and date a stripper. From there, it seems everything went downhill. I wish I could have taken the advice to stay separated right when I found out 2 years ago,UNTIL my h repented. One time only. I just don’t know why life is so hard at times.

Thank you for the advice! And prayers

 

[Corinne3]

Corrine:

Stop the fighting immediately. The war is over! The marriage is over. Do not engage your husband in any confrontational dialogue about the marriage from here on out. He cannot and will not change. You need to accept this and think of your safety and your children.

Do not try to have the last word between you and your husband. He is incapable of telling the truth and will twist the facts to serve his vile purposes. If he flirts online, let it be. If he drives to clubs, don’t confront him. If he sends roses to whores, so be it. It’s not about you, the man is sick. He and your marriage is lost to you. Don’t act crazy-recognize your own tendencies to engage him in arguments. Why do you do this? Stop it. The outcome will not change, only you can change. The next time he promises that he will change, tell him that you hope he will, and that you look forward to talking about reconcilliation when he is honest about the choices he’s made that have caused your marriage to collapse. Until then, explain to him that you think it’s best to separate so that he can sort through his needs and goals, while you do the same. Don’t lay guilt trips on him, it makes him angry and he will become violent again. Stay objective, cool, detached, and non-emotional. As if you were a third party to all of this. Do not take anything personally. Do not allow him to control the discussion. If you cannot do this, then do not talk to him at all.

Moreover, you are putting yourself in grave danger with this pointless, worthless fighting and…

IT ONLY FEEDS HIS APPETITE FOR POWER OVER YOU! YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT HE WANTS TO DRIVE YOU TO THIS. STOP RIGHT NOW AND LEAVE.

Please, Corrine, your life, your future, and most importantly the safety of your children must come before feelings vengence, or pity. You might be in very serious danger. Stop wasting time and get moving. Don’t fight. It is beneath your dignity. Hold your head high as you walk out of the house.

And do call the police about the hit. It’s not too late to file a charge against him and this will get you more leverage in court. But do this from a safe distance. Please take care of your self. Your husband is morally, spiritually, and emotionally dead. Let him go. Once he is out of the picture you can sort out your own issues. But until he’s gone, you will feel powerless, confused, angry and desperate. This is the effect of your husband’s sick nature. Once he is gone, you will feel a real peace for the first time in years.

Thank you so much for the awesome words! It serves nothing for me to be constantly “in it” with him. Just like you said, cup of kindness. Exactly. He has chosen his course.It’s just that when you see chats on his computer from women, it SETS me off. It would YOU too! I need to step back. I know, but it is soooo hard to do. But sometimes the most necessary things we must do are THE HARDEST! Why is this?

I am currently seeking work in another town, and then I will take my kids, who are grown teens BTW and leave. Until then, I can do nothing. This is just how it is.

I think I may have a P/T job here in the meantime, which is an answer to prayer. Then I can save a little money, while still looking in the town I want to be in.

Thank you so much for your response.

God Bless~!

 

[luvu2]

Just read your post and will be praying for God to fix this mess and to give you strength. Put this into God’s hands and let it stay there for Him to work out.

 

[gretahope]

So sorry you are going through this. There is a link from Retrouville to divorcebusting.com and when I went there, I found a wonderful Christian coach that helped me find a way to get through to my ‘cheating husband’ and he is now committed to work on our relationship. It is worth trying. Good luck.

After being hit, given the finger, going to strip clubs…this may be a bit much to stomach…maybe years from now it may apply…

 

[ohioszo]

Coming at this from a new angle Corrine: I think you know what you have to do. Steel yourself and accept that it wil be the toughest thing you do in your life…and it will be. Delaying only will string out the pain and tumult.

I used to volunteer on a team associated with a womens shelter to extract women stuck in abusive relationships looking to escape safely.

Start developing a plan…focus on the plan and a lot of that fear will be displaced. Time to get serious about your decision and take action.

1. Get some legal advice about protecting your assets and garnishing his wages
2. Find support. From family, friends, social services, womens bar association (free legal services) and area shelters. You need people in your life that will be there for you. Don’t be afraid to lean on people. You would be there for them…now it is their turn to help you.
3. Get control of your family bank accounts; put him on a allowance…or let the courts decide that.
4. Talk to a police officer and ask them whats legal and whats not. If you find he is violating laws; drunken driving, prostitution, drugs, disorderly conduct, intimidation, abuse/assault. Call the police and get a written report for every violation - whether you prosecute or not. Get and compile those reports. you are building a case
5. Start a journal of behavior. Write everything down, date it and log witnesses. Keep opinion out of it. Just the facts without hyperbole.

Stop trying to get a concensus of opinion my friend. Steel yourself and act. You don’t have to be dripping with anger or vitriol in order to act. You can do alll of the above with a sense of pity, regret, saddness at the dissolution of a marriage and pray that he finds peace. But you have found yours in a decision that will chart a healthy course for your life…and a good example of boundaries and standards for your children to emulate. They will respect you.

You will respect you…

That advice seems sound, but, in reality, it isn’t terribly helpful. Women who are in the position of the poster can be very emotionally volatile. They resent sound advice on financial stabillity for one thing. Their emotions on the matter just exacerbate the whole situation which might of calmed done with some common sense, which they are incapable of. Might it because of guilt? Maybe they have guilt, maybe the actually blame someone else … let’s see … can it be that (they) committed adultery in their heart or actually? Can it be that there are financial problems and the man needs to have some freedom in that area to expand his talents … and, I suppose, that’s hard for a woman to take chances with a husband’s urges to start a business and all that entails, espec. with kids. Or can it be that another woman will be blamed? Maybe they lay blame on a family member, or a Priest, someone from the very beginning!? Trying to keep the marriage intact is the best idea. Accept some responsibility for the marital problems, please! Women, especially those who are unstable without a man, need to stay married. Without their husband, there is poverty, there is jealousy, there is psychological illnesses, there is a retreat from Faith, they are preyed on. I get a kick of of women who leave their husbands, when the kids “are grown” when, in fact, kids need their parents sometimes, espec. if they have been babied and made dependant, until the age of 26 or more! So, mom is trying to find work, or attempting to go to school, when the kids are! Where is the money coming from?! If there is a lot of money, then the situation can be mitigated, maybe! I don’t know that. Usually, divorce is a disease that is, I think, catching. It is a work of the devil, really. This comment doesn’t mean that I judge women, I even think that it may be wrong to reject a suitor for specious reasons … and, become a burden on the family. Of course, if you are not a burden, you are a hard worker. A hard worker can complain all they want to about a slacker, I guess! So, it seems to those here that the poster is a “hard worker” with a “slacker husband,” I guess. I mean work and no working in every sense, love too. Only in that case can the bum be thrown out! After attempts to wake him up to his duties of husband, father, employee, son, brother, citizen, member of the human race, friend to women as well as men, lover of animals, etc., humility before God.

 

[Sheeniac]

Strip clubs don’t come cheap. Where on earth is he getting the money? You need to locate any source / stash of money ASAP - I would suggest PRIOR to doing anything else.

 

[Corinne3]

Thank you.

I AM taking strides to improve my life, just so all of you know. I AM trying to get over being a co-dependent. I AM doing what I can, as best as I can too. There is nothing more I can do. My h is still living at home, he is still paying the bills, he still pays for our food, etc.regardless from what source. I AM helpless. I have a bad back and cannot have a job where standing up all day is involved. Sometimes, just perhaps, our Lord demands more of us than we ever thought remotely possible.

I have loved my h FYI and he has loved me for 20 years I believe UNTIL he chose to let his life go to pot and visit whores in strip clubs. THEN, it seems all went to pot.

Friends, thank you so much for praying for me.

Luv,
Corinne

 

[joandarc2008]

Thank you.

I AM taking strides to improve my life, just so all of you know. I AM trying to get over being a co-dependent. I AM doing what I can, as best as I can too. There is nothing more I can do. My h is still living at home, he is still paying the bills, he still pays for our food, etc.regardless from what source. I AM helpless. I have a bad back and cannot have a job where standing up all day is involved. Sometimes, just perhaps, our Lord demands more of us than we ever thought remotely possible.

I have loved my h FYI and he has loved me for 20 years I believe UNTIL he chose to let his life go to pot and visit whores in strip clubs. THEN, it seems all went to pot.

Friends, thank you so much for praying for me.

Luv,
Corinne

I know I come in to this late but have you tried applying for diability.

 

[Corinne3]

“Women, especially those who are unstable without a man, need to stay married. Without their husband, there is poverty, there is jealousy, there is psychological illnesses, there is a retreat from Faith, they are preyed on.”

This is me! Sorry to say. I just am not strong enough to make it now on my own, so in the meantime I yam what I yam…LOL

BUT, does anyone have any boundries suggestions?

After I found out my h went back to this strip club 2 weeks ago, I kicked him to the couch to sleep, because I just could not have him in our room! Now, because it’s easier on our family, he’s back in the bedroom. I feel very conflicting feelings about this. It’s easier on me, and my kids when things seem normal, dad not on the couch, but maybe he should have stayed there until he is willing to do what it takes to make our marriage better. But maybe our marriage will never be any better, maybe he wants to put no effort into it, maybe he simply does not care enough, so what’s the point of banning him to the couch then? He could care less. But the kids are upset by it. (I actually sleep better with him on the couch)…just the stress of a h beside me who is unfaithful is sickening…

Thoughts? I await them.

 

[joandarc2008]

“Women, especially those who are unstable without a man, need to stay married. Without their husband, there is poverty, there is jealousy, there is psychological illnesses, there is a retreat from Faith, they are preyed on.”

This is me! Sorry to say. I just am not strong enough to make it now on my own, so in the meantime I yam what I yam…LOL

BUT, does anyone have any boundries suggestions?

After I found out my h went back to this strip club 2 weeks ago, I kicked him to the couch to sleep, because I just could not have him in our room! Now, because it’s easier on our family, he’s back in the bedroom. I feel very conflicting feelings about this. It’s easier on me, and my kids when things seem normal, dad not on the couch, but maybe he should have stayed there until he is willing to do what it takes to make our marriage better. But maybe our marriage will never be any better, maybe he wants to put no effort into it, maybe he simply does not care enough, so what’s the point of banning him to the couch then? He could care less. But the kids are upset by it. (I actually sleep better with him on the couch)…just the stress of a h beside me who is unfaithful is sickening…

Thoughts? I await them.

May I suggest this Saint to you - She is the Patron against loneliness-

St Rita

 

[Ailina]

"Women, especially those who are unstable without a man, need to stay married. Without their husband, there is poverty, there is jealousy, there is psychological illnesses, there is a retreat from Faith, they are preyed on."

This is me! Sorry to say. I just am not strong enough to make it now on my own, so in the meantime I yam what I yam…LOL

BUT, does anyone have any boundries suggestions?

After I found out my h went back to this strip club 2 weeks ago, I kicked him to the couch to sleep, because I just could not have him in our room! Now, because it’s easier on our family, he’s back in the bedroom. I feel very conflicting feelings about this. It’s easier on me, and my kids when things seem normal, dad not on the couch, but maybe he should have stayed there until he is willing to do what it takes to make our marriage better. But maybe our marriage will never be any better, maybe he wants to put no effort into it, maybe he simply does not care enough, so what’s the point of banning him to the couch then? He could care less. But the kids are upset by it. (I actually sleep better with him on the couch)…just the stress of a h beside me who is unfaithful is sickening…

Thoughts? I await them.

Hi Corinne,

Women, especially those who are unstable without a man, need to stay married. Without their husband, there is poverty, there is jealousy, there is psychological illnesses, there is a retreat from Faith, they are preyed on."

It sounds to me like psychological illness and stress caused by the unfaithful actions of your spouse are already causing instability* within* the marriage. Your counselors and priests have already given you good advice, Corinne. And so have people here. So why are you ignoring it, except for the bad advice quoted above?

Sometimes it is healthier to leave a sick marriage than to stay in it. Eventually, this will take a toll on your health, speaking from personal experience. I stayed in my marriage far too long, and became physically ill with one strange thing or another until he left, because the marriage itself was sick and dying. My body was breaking down under the stress of his infidelity and lack of respect.

Listen to your counselors and priests. They know about your situation more than the rest of us. You will qualify for alimony and child support and half your husband’s assets, including his pension and retirement funds. He needs to leave, unless you want to continue to live with the drama. It is not healthy for you nor your kids, to be living in that kind of tension and turmoil.