Emergency please help me

  • Thread starter Thread starter Corinne3
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Sorry folks but you all have jobs and resources, and I do not. It’s so easy to say, suck your husband for his 401 K, for his pension, for half his income, etc., but I am so sorry to say this is sadly, not my case. I have nothing. I do not have even a husband with a job. This sucks. Even when I did, he was going to get lap dances from whores. Well I do have the Lord. This is what I do have.

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Uh huh, go get up and get legal aid, no ifs ands or buts, and what I ask have you found you who did this? Do you live in the state of California where there is literally no legal aid? FYI, there is NO legal aid even in Catholic Charities,today which totally sucks big time.

Did you have a job dear woman? A career which would support you and numerous kids? All is so easier said than done for one who doesn’t experience it. Alll the more reason for me to humble myself before the Lord here. None of you even know what I am going through.
 
crohnie4life said:
I agree with Joandarc, GO TO LEGAL AID. WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR??

Just get up and GO!!! No ands, ifs, ors, or BUTS. NO EXCUSES.

If others in similar circumstances can seek legal assistance so can YOU.

If others in similar circumstances can seek assistance in getting a job (there are job openings where I live such as Burger King, Walmart, McDonalds, yes, it’s minimum wage but it’s a START. You may even have to work 2 jobs to get by but YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, heck, try a temporary agency,THERE ARE JOBS, you have to look) so CAN YOU. NO MORE EXCUSES. JUST DO IT. What are you afraid of?

You have the information available to you. You have family. CAF members have given all of the advice/information possible… The rest is up to you.
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Do you know what the **** you are even speaking of? Do you live in California? Probably not. All the Mexicans and Armenians have taken over every single job venue, and it pretty much sucks big time. You have no ideal what you are even speaking about unless you live in our state. It, is the worst state in all the US
 
All states have legal aid and job training through unemployment. I have friends in CA. They were able to get help w/various services including umemployment/job training. He just adopted a little newborn and was unemployed for 7 months BUT he kept on going for job interviews until he finally landed a job. He didn’t sit on his butt doing nothing. He got odd jobs to put food on the table for his wife and newborn daughter. I might add he is a youth minister as well. Those jobs are very tough to come by.

There is help available including social services. Everyone here at CAF has been trying to assist you yet you seem to be making excuses and getting upset.

I’m sorry for even suggesting anything to you as you seem to take offense. I was only trying to help, yet you get angry.

I have worked for 10 yrs. until a stroke almost took my life and then I had to work very hard for over a year to regain my strength after I was partially paralyzed and then I had to make some tough decisions that affected my career choices so don’t TELL ME that I do not know what I am talking about. I know more and have been through more than you’ll EVER know. I’m done saying anything. I wish you the best. Good luck.
 
Corinne3 said:
Do you know what the **** you are even speaking of? Do you live in California? Probably not. All the Mexicans and Armenians have taken over every single job venue, and it pretty much sucks big time. You have no ideal what you are even speaking about unless you live in our state. It, is the worst state in all the US
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These women are trying to help you. They’re not saying this is easy in any way.

And no, not all of us have jobs. I have none, neither H. We’re struggling big time and ready to be on the street maybe soon, with 3 kids. AND on the verge of separation…

You H will not take you seriously until you take yourself seriously. Feeling sorry for him being a bit uncomfortable on the couch, and then allowing him back into your bed…🤷
 
It does not seem like you want help - it seems like you want people to make excuses.

Here it is bluntly go to the welfare office you are that far in the hole than there is plenty you qualify for - if not then they will start getting you some help.

Either that or you seriously need to start looking at the example you are setting for your children - 5 pages ago I felt badly - now this is on you.
 
Corinne3 said:
I AM taking steps. I am #1: looking for a job (very difficult to find right now with this succy economy); and #2, once I find one, **taking my kids and moving away closer to my family. **This is my total plan. Thank you so much. And yes, “this too shall pass”. I believe it will. I have gotten to a place where I KNOW as many of you have gone on to a better life without an infidel of a husband, I can too. I do not want to feel sorry for myself any longer. It has worn me out. I tried and tried to reverse him being this way. It is not in my control. I fully realize this now. I have been reading Romans 1 lately, which my pastor pointed out once. God gave people over to their depravity, when they continued to choose sin. And left them alone.

HorseLover:

I don’t really see why it’s so important to you to answer these questions about where am I getting money for booze, or where is my husband getting $ for strip joints?

Well, out of his unemployment funds, I suppose sadly he has spent it in clubs. $50.00 a pop. And, he will also buy beer and whiskey, and sometimes I drank some of it. That’s where. Sadly, then he has given me minimal for our families’ groceries. 😦
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If this is your parents, call them and tell them you are coming home with the kids…and do it. Take your clothes…sell the rest at a yard sale. Leave, period. I would not have put up with this not even for the “first” time. He would have been out the door.

It’s time to go. Have your priest contact the Church where your family lives…and continue with counseling. The only way you will be able to get away from this situation is to go where your family is so they can help you. You can’t change him you can only change yourself.
 
YES Juliana!!! thank you. However, my parents informed me I cannot move in with them. So…I will need to find a job up there first, which I am looking for. One step at a time then.

In-house separation for now. But essentially I am done.

I thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut. After 22 years of marriage, a home full of stuff, furniture, kids, animals its much easier said than done. I hope some of you realize this.

:o
 
Corinne3 said:
Sorry folks but you all have jobs and resources, and I do not. It’s so easy to say, suck your husband for his 401 K, for his pension, for half his income, etc., but I am so sorry to say this is sadly, not my case. I have nothing. I do not have even a husband with a job. This sucks. Even when I did, he was going to get lap dances from whores. Well I do have the Lord. This is what I do have.

👍👍
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Hi Corinne,

I believe I replied to one of your other threads awhile back. I haven’t read the entirety of this thread, but just wanted to comment on your above post…

As far as going after your husbands 401K, pension, etc., I assume yall are talking about money which you would be owed for child support if you and your husband were separated? If that’s the case, you don’t need legal aid for that, or a job. You local food stamp/welfare/benefits office will walk you through the whole thing…how/if you’d qualify and how to go about getting the money that you’re owed for child support. Now, if you aren’t actually separated from your husband yet, then you may qualify for welfare. In the two states I’ve lived in in the past year (Texas, and now Kansas) it’s sort of an eother/or thing. You can get a certain amount of money (They call it usually something like Temporary Aid for Needy Families) unless you’re separated and not being supported by your husband, in which case they’ll try to get child support.

Sorry if you already have this info or if it doesn’t apply. I didn’t have the time to go through the entire thread tonight. :o God bless you, hon.
 
Corinne3 said :

"It is totally OK what anyone has to say or offer in this thread! Really. No hard feelings at all. I appreciate everyone’s views no matter how different they may be. "

Obviously not because this is your answer to me:

HorseLover:

I don’t really see why it’s so important to you to answer these questions about where am I getting money for booze, or where is my husband getting $ for strip joints?

It’s important to me because you are crying how poor you are on unemployment and all the while you have booze and strippers??? See your answer below:

Well, out of his unemployment funds, I suppose sadly he has spent it in clubs. $50.00 a pop. And, he will also buy beer and whiskey, and sometimes I drank some of it. That’s where. Sadly, then he has given me minimal for our families’ groceries.

And I should feel badly because he GIVES you minimal for groceries???

Do you realize there are folks out there working measly minimum wage jobs (2 and 3 of them by the way) to support their families?? They are not spending their time sitting on a BB rudely complaining to those trying to help.

Here’s the thing: If you want to keep allowing your Dear Husband back into your bed so be it but let’s not pretend here-----you would rather stay with him then tough it out there on your own. Just be honest about it and quit jumping on those trying to help you and praying for you.

By the way, Catholic Charities goes out of their way to help those in need----I am so sorry if they don’t meet YOUR standards.
 
Corinne3 said:
YES Juliana!!! thank you. However, my parents informed me I cannot move in with them. So…I will need to find a job up there first, which I am looking for. One step at a time then.

In-house separation for now. But essentially I am done.

I thank you for your (name removed by moderator)ut. After 22 years of marriage, a home full of stuff, furniture, kids, animals its much easier said than done. I hope some of you realize this.

:o
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It’s time to put on your big girl panties and dig in.
  1. Get an order of protection and get him outta there
  2. Start packing (even if you don’t have a destination and get the kids to help you)
  3. Donate old clothes to GoodWill
  4. Sell the furniture, except the beds. If the couch has been sold, there is no where for him to sleep
  5. Listen to the kids…they are tired of the drama
  6. Apply for food stamps/AFDC
  7. Who’s name is on the lease or mortgage? Utilities (whose name are they in?)
  8. Ask your parents if you can store some boxes in their attic/garage
  9. Contact Catholic Charities, tell them what town you are moving to and see if you can get a referral for housing.
I really don’t understand why your parents won’t let you move in…other than they have probably counseled you on your jerk of a husband and they are tired of the drama.

If you were my daughter you and the kiddos would have been home a long time ago and you would be (1) working part time and (2) going back to school at a community college towards a goal

A woman’s independence begins with her own money. It took 22 yrs for you to learn that.

My mother always told my sister and I: “Learn a skill, I don’t care if it’s tasting pies in a pie factory…learn how to do something…you never know when you are going to need it.”

I don’t believe you are concerned because you dislike divorce or for a religious reason…you are scared to death of being alone and fear you can’t take of yourself.

Sure you can…it’s starts now…today…right now. Start packing…take the pictures off the wall…pack them. Clean out the cupboards, the drawers…if you haven’t used it in 6 months…it’s a donate or trash.

Your husband has broken the marriage covenant…it’s time to go.
 
Corrine,

what are you looking for? You seem to be shooting down everyone’s advice. I don’t understand what it is that you are looking for.

You say you can’t leave, but you can. It is very possible for you to leave and start a new life and many here have given you the resources to do so. You are very negative about everything and it seems like you don’t really want anyone’s help and you are stuck in a status quo. What is it that you want?

Do you want to get better?

I’m just trying to give you a little shake. You need to snap out of this negativity.
 
Hi Corrine,

And some people thought that I was being hard on you a few pages back… whew

You are in a situation where there are no easy choices. Following the advice of the most recent posters takes strength. Staying at home and living with your husband also takes strength.

As has been discussed, you are not in an emergency situation. There is nothing wrong with hanging in there while you implement a plan. Many women have done exactly that under even more dire circumstances.

The key is that you start working on yourself. As your plan unfolds, you want to be able to seperate with pride and confidence. Leaving now with uncertainity of where to live or how you will eat does not promote pride and confidence.

Have you found a CODA meeting that you can attend? I think that you will find a lot of help there.
 
Julianna said:
It’s time to put on your big girl panties and dig in.
  1. Get an order of protection and get him outta there
  2. Start packing (even if you don’t have a destination and get the kids to help you)
  3. Donate old clothes to GoodWill
  4. Sell the furniture, except the beds. If the couch has been sold, there is no where for him to sleep
  5. Listen to the kids…they are tired of the drama
  6. Apply for food stamps/AFDC
  7. Who’s name is on the lease or mortgage? Utilities (whose name are they in?)
  8. Ask your parents if you can store some boxes in their attic/garage
  9. Contact Catholic Charities, tell them what town you are moving to and see if you can get a referral for housing.
I really don’t understand why your parents won’t let you move in…other than they have probably counseled you on your jerk of a husband and they are tired of the drama.

If you were my daughter you and the kiddos would have been home a long time ago and you would be (1) working part time and (2) going back to school at a community college towards a goal

A woman’s independence begins with her own money. It took 22 yrs for you to learn that.

My mother always told my sister and I: “Learn a skill, I don’t care if it’s tasting pies in a pie factory…learn how to do something…you never know when you are going to need it.”

I don’t believe you are concerned because you dislike divorce or for a religious reason…you are scared to death of being alone and fear you can’t take of yourself.

Sure you can…it’s starts now…today…right now. Start packing…take the pictures off the wall…pack them. Clean out the cupboards, the drawers…if you haven’t used it in 6 months…it’s a donate or trash.

Your husband has broken the marriage covenant…it’s time to go.
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There’s nothing more to say - it’s up to the OP to either do what’s right for her and her kids or to wallow in self-pity and excuses.
 
Corinne3 said:
I have contacted Catholic charities and they did nothing but refer me to food banks where they hand out stale food, BTW. I did it a couple times, and it made me ill.
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Try going to an individual parish - we have our own food pantry. Also ask about a local St Vincent de Paul group that can help you.
 
Sheeniac said:
Try going to an individual parish - we have our own food pantry. Also ask about a local St Vincent de Paul group that can help you.
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Unfortunately, I don’t think this woman really wants any help. I think she’s content to wallow in self-pity and be a victim.

I feel so horrible for her children.

Corrine, I pray that you get the strength to become more positive for your children and set a good example.
 
One more thing… Dave Ramsey suggests selling all your extra stuff when you are in debt. While not 100% applicable to your situation, I would suggest that you start following that advice. This will put some extra cash in your hands and signal to your husband that you are dead serious.

You mentioned animals… you will need to start looking into adopting them out unless you reasonably think you can keep them with you. Contact a local rescue group - it will be easier for you since you can hold them until they go. Typically, a group may let you place them on petfinder under their listings as a courtesy. As far as restraining orders, I thought they were only for physical violence, but I could be wrong.
 
Corinne3 said:
Do you know what the **** you are even speaking of? Do you live in California? Probably not. All the Mexicans and Armenians have taken over every single job venue, and it pretty much sucks big time. You have no ideal what you are even speaking about unless you live in our state. It, is the worst state in all the US
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Corrine, I do live in California and I did find a job after 13 years of being a stay at home mom. What exactly are you DOING to improve your situation, to move your family forward?
 
Gosh, I sense some nastiness going on here, and my heart is very sad about it.

I am a faithful Catholic, and I want to do what the Church and my Lord teaches, not spit on another believer, like I feel some of you are doing. I wrote here because I need help.

I am most disappointed on the latest posts, and posters.

If you have read any of my posts you would KNOW I am doing everything I can do Dear Dulcimmimo: I am applying for maybe 10 jobs a day. You have no idea the state I live in. Jobs are scarce. California sucks.

Otherwise, gosh, I cannot see how you can be so cruel. Sorry but you are.

Update: I AM doing everything possible. There is nothing more to do. But wait upon the Lord. How many of you have had to wait upon the Lord in your life? Tell me please.
 
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