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MtnDwellar
Guest
Third time asking:
Have you found a CODA meeting that you can attend?
Have you found a CODA meeting that you can attend?
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Corinne3
Guest
No. Mtn Dweller. But I have been going to S-Anon meetings for 2 years now.
Thank you.
Please tell me posters:
HOW many of You had to wait/depend/rely/trust completely ON the Lord for whatever situation you were in? Tell me about it please,.
Thank you.
Please tell me posters:
HOW many of You had to wait/depend/rely/trust completely ON the Lord for whatever situation you were in? Tell me about it please,.
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Julianna
Guest
Here is story about someone who waited for the Lord:
Once apon a time there was a man that lived by the river. He heard a radio report that the river was going to rush up and flood the town. The report said that the whole town should evacuate immediately. But the man said, “I’m religious, I pray. God loves me. God will save me.” But the waters began to rise. A man in a rowing boat came along and he shouted. ‘Hey! Hey you! You up there. The town is flooding. I can take you to safety.’ But the man shouted back: “I’m religious, I pray. God loves me. God will save me.” A helicopter came hovering overhead. A guy with a megaphone shouted. ‘Hey! You there! The town is fully flooded. Let me drop down a ladder and I will help you to safety.’ But the men shouted back that he was religious, that he prayed, that God loved him and that God would take him to safety. The man then drownned. When he got to the pearly gates of St Peter, he demanded an audience with God. ‘Lord,’ he said, ‘I’m a religious man, I pray. I thought you loved me. Why did this happen?’ God said, 'I sent you a radio report, a helicopter, and a guy in a rowing boat.
Corrine
I fail to understand why you ask for help…then help arrives and you ignore it. Where are your mother and father, your sister, your brother, a cousin, a high school friend, the lady next door?
Why are you looking for jobs in the town you are in…when your goal is to move near your family (parents)?..unless the commute is not that bad. Yes, CA is an awful state to be in right now…keep looking.
No one is being hostile to you…frustrated seems the order of the day.
Some of the folks on here have been there done that and have seen the light of day…some have a sister who has been through it. Do you have a close female friend or a sister.
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crohnie4life
Guest
I trusted in the Lord after my stroke. He gave me family support, awesome physicians to dx what caused the clots, and physical therapists and occupational therapists who encouraged me to fight to regain my strength. (aka intense therapy) I did NOT sit on my butt feeling sorry for myself or just sit by simply saying the Lord will provide. HE GAVE me these things in order to help myself get better and I WENT ABOVE AND BEYOND so I could be there for my family.
Julianna, I was thinking of the exact same story. Our priest told us that one time during one of his sermons. How the Lord only helps those who help themselves. It’s so true. You can sit back and do nothing but complain or do something while trusting in the Lord.
Julianna, I was thinking of the exact same story. Our priest told us that one time during one of his sermons. How the Lord only helps those who help themselves. It’s so true. You can sit back and do nothing but complain or do something while trusting in the Lord.
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captainmike
Guest
here’s your best advice:
get off this message board and go to mass every day. go to eucharistic adoration. pray the rosary daily. pray for your husband. stop trying to reason yourself to the right answer. seek guidance from God alone. give yourself the silence you need to hear God talk to you. don’t presume to know his will. seek his will. be willing to do whatever he wishes, even if it means staying awhile longer with a man who is hurting you. God has a plan for you–seek with all your heart to discern his will. with God’s help, nothing will overcome you. we have already won the victory.
God bless you.
get off this message board and go to mass every day. go to eucharistic adoration. pray the rosary daily. pray for your husband. stop trying to reason yourself to the right answer. seek guidance from God alone. give yourself the silence you need to hear God talk to you. don’t presume to know his will. seek his will. be willing to do whatever he wishes, even if it means staying awhile longer with a man who is hurting you. God has a plan for you–seek with all your heart to discern his will. with God’s help, nothing will overcome you. we have already won the victory.
God bless you.
J
joandarc2008
Guest
Trust me no one is being mean - we are telling you the truth about what you are doing to yourself and t your children. Rightnow you are failing to safeguard them. You have taken no advice. You seem just want to whine and ellicit sympathy. do something about it or stop complaining. You give up your right to complain when you refuse to change your situation.
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captainmike
Guest
nobody here knows what God’s will for her life is. that’s why i say she should get away from here and turn it over to God in prayer.
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gretahope
Guest
This sounds good…but it’s not what the priests themselves are telling her. This is a platitude in reality. I’d like to know if captainmike has done this and it worked out peacefully like it sounds like it should, w/out effort or struggle at all on his part?
If someone has a broken leg, they don’t sit and pray and suffer. They pray, then take a step. God leads, but won’t pick up people and physically move someone. We have free wills. God uses PEOPLE to answer prayers, most of the time and wants our faith to be exercised as we move forward…not in sin or stupid ways, but getting wise counsel, praying desperately, and reaching out for support. BTW–I think AL-ANON would be really good to learn how to take care of yourself, get perspective, etc.
This kind of thing sounds good…but when disaster strikes, you want to surround yourself with people who have been successful getting help and have overcome the same type of hurdles you have. Believe me, we have illness, disability, and unemployment here. We found out a long time ago, the answer does not lay in ONLY trying to discern God’s will, then sitting, praying, waiting for peace, etc. For God’s sake, when the river is over your head what kind of person gives the advice, “Pray and wait for God’s peace, sit and wait…” Go to a woman’s shelter if you have to. I have a friend who gathered her 3 kids, the .82 cents in their piggy banks and went to a shelter. Her children are almost grown and she is one of the strongest people I know.
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Edmundus1581
Guest
My wife left me. I was 36, had three children and was between jobs. But she didn’t completely leave me - I had to get a job near where she and her boyfriend lived, and let them see the children several times a week, or she would take custody. I turned to alcohol. I spent whole days just drinking, smoking and feeling sorry for myself. But I made sure the kids got to school on time, that there was dinner on the table, that we went to mass every Sunday, and that we had some fun together. Sometimes I failed to achieve even these small things, but I didn’t let that bother me, and I went to confession. The way my wife had treated me was painful, but my own failures were probably more painful. But I always accepted that there was simply no choice - I had to make the best of the situation I was in, with my own limited resources. God often felt very far away, but I knew He wasn’t.
There were two bits of wisdom which kept me going:
- The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in a field. When a man finds it, he gives up everything he has to buy that field, and goes off happy.
- One Day at a Time. Not just with alcohol, but with everything.
My parents helped me out financially when the going was tough. Not everyone has this option, but perhaps everyone has some “parachute” for their hardest problems (?).
Our lives have not turned out as I would have wanted, and the scars will remain forever, but we survived and prospered. My own faith is strong, and that, at least, is my ladder to heaven. I go to mass two or three times a week, and pray the rosary every day.
My ex-wife’s second marriage lasted 12 years. I haven’t remarried. My children respect me and my faith, although they no longer practice it.
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ac_claire
Guest
Hi again Corinne.
I finally did read through the entire thread.
A couple of pieces of advice: first of all, like I said in the last post, even if your husband has no resources to pay child support, YOU can still qualify for food stamps and welfare. I’m thinking that Temporary Aid for Needy Families and utility assistance might be a good thing for you to look into. Also, you mentioned something about a physical problem that makes it hard for you to work? Is the condition bad enough that you think you could get a doctor to say that you are unable to work? If so, you may qualify for some kind of disability benefits. If not, then I would still definitely look into the food stamps and cash welfare, and then continue with looking for a job as you said you were doing.As far as California having no legal aid…I did a quick online search and California does indeed offer free and low-cost legal aid. I know that this is all overwhelming. If you’d like you can send me a PM with the name of the town/county you live in and I can do some research for you, for both legal aid and welfare benefits in your area.
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phoenixrrt62
Guest
LEAVE. NOW.
Mind, I am not religous, don’t know what any spirtual reprecussions would be…but your drama with the husband has become violent, seems to me.
I packed up my then 4 yo and never looked back-for much less.
Yes. I had an income, I was going to RT school and working pt nights as a CNA. You’d be surprised what you can do when you put your mind to it.
Oh. And I would be damned if I was going to subject my son to the insanity that was our living situation…and it wasn’t near as bad as what you are describing.
Others have given you ideas as to places to go, places to get assistance from your church, you have family…I had none of these things. We made it. And so can you.
Mind, I am not religous, don’t know what any spirtual reprecussions would be…but your drama with the husband has become violent, seems to me.
I packed up my then 4 yo and never looked back-for much less.
Yes. I had an income, I was going to RT school and working pt nights as a CNA. You’d be surprised what you can do when you put your mind to it.
Oh. And I would be damned if I was going to subject my son to the insanity that was our living situation…and it wasn’t near as bad as what you are describing.
Others have given you ideas as to places to go, places to get assistance from your church, you have family…I had none of these things. We made it. And so can you.
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Mea_Culpa
Guest
Since she mentioned that Mexicans and Armenians have taken all the jobs in her area, I’d say she’s probably in Glendale or that area. Googling “legal aid glendale” I got 102,000 hits. One is Neighborhood Legal Services of Los Angeles County (NLS-LA) which provides free legal services to low-income residents. They have an office in Glendale and offer services for Family Law:
Restraining Orders
In domestic violence-related situations,
NLS also offers the following services:
Divorce
Paternity Actions
Child Custody/Visitation
Spousal Support
Child Abduction Issues
There are a bunch of other agencies that do the same thing. Catholic Charities also has a Community Center at 4322 San Fernando Road in Glendale that lists legal assistance as well as other services. If you go to the GROW (General Relief) office at 4680 San Fernando Rd in Glendale, they will give you emergency food stamps, bus vouchers, and you can apply for food stamps and an ABT card. They’ll also help you get a job.
If I’m wrong and you don’t live in Glendale, let me know where you live and I can find resources in your community. Your kids need you to step up and get yourself and them out of the situation you’re in.
Restraining Orders
In domestic violence-related situations,
NLS also offers the following services:
Divorce
Paternity Actions
Child Custody/Visitation
Spousal Support
Child Abduction Issues
There are a bunch of other agencies that do the same thing. Catholic Charities also has a Community Center at 4322 San Fernando Road in Glendale that lists legal assistance as well as other services. If you go to the GROW (General Relief) office at 4680 San Fernando Rd in Glendale, they will give you emergency food stamps, bus vouchers, and you can apply for food stamps and an ABT card. They’ll also help you get a job.
If I’m wrong and you don’t live in Glendale, let me know where you live and I can find resources in your community. Your kids need you to step up and get yourself and them out of the situation you’re in.
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hurtandhealing
Guest
Corinne,
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am also a “betrayed” spouse. It is so hard to wrap your head around what is going on. I know you’ve been working on it for 2-3 years, but sometimes it can take that long - especially if you don’t have resources aimed at affair recovery AND compounded when your husband is still involved in his adultery but not willing to leave.
As I read through your threads, I get the strong feeling that you are still looking for a way out of leaving. I know you hate what your husband has done to you, as well you should, but it will be difficult to make the choice to leave as long as you have a glimmer of hope that he will change, or that you can do something that will make him change. I remember likening it to the man I knew/loved being dead.
I think you know this on some level, as you express on this thread - but not on others, which is why you have another thread about allowing him in the marital bed. The only people who would suggest you allow him to remain in the marital bed are ones who are ignorant enough (how fortunate for them) to believe that your husband is not being unfaithful.
I do not know anything about where you live, but I do know this: if your husband came home today and said he was moving out and filing for a divorce, you would see a huge difference in the actions you were taking. You would be forced to find the legal aid everyone here has been trying to help you with. You would find a job there or move and find a job. (Someone mentioned McDonald’s and Walmart - have you tried ALL of your options?)
I am not a professional by any means, but my heart of hearts tells me that you are not ready to go. This is fine. But, the writing is on the wall. There are times when adulterous spouses come back to the marriage and things can be worked out, but you cannot count on that. You need to find even a minimum wage job so that you can open an account in your name and start saving for the day you need it.
I totally respect your decision not to leave right now. You will leave when and if you are ready or are forced (by your husband making the decision to legally end the marriage). Please do not get angry with the people on here who are trying desperately to help you. Twelve pages ago, you came on here stating that it was an emergency and you HAD to go. So many people invested their time, emotions, knowledge, advice and prayers to this emergency. It sounds like you are taking the time and emotions, but throwing out the practical advice. There are even people looking and finding the resources you say are not available. And yet you are angry with these same people (who are invested in your life now) when they are just trying to help you with the things you asked for. That is really not fair.
Anyway, I completely understand that I may be way off on all of this. May I humbly suggest you take a day or 2 in prayer just to determine where you are. Then, if you really are leaving - make it happen. (Again, if your husband made the decision you would be actively making things happen.) On the other hand, if you are choosing to stay where you are, maybe it is time to close these threads and open a new one. In that one you can be honest with yourself and the rest of us, that you are not ready to leave and are just looking for support until you are.
May you feel God’s abundant blessings throughout all of this mess.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I am also a “betrayed” spouse. It is so hard to wrap your head around what is going on. I know you’ve been working on it for 2-3 years, but sometimes it can take that long - especially if you don’t have resources aimed at affair recovery AND compounded when your husband is still involved in his adultery but not willing to leave.
As I read through your threads, I get the strong feeling that you are still looking for a way out of leaving. I know you hate what your husband has done to you, as well you should, but it will be difficult to make the choice to leave as long as you have a glimmer of hope that he will change, or that you can do something that will make him change. I remember likening it to the man I knew/loved being dead.
I think you know this on some level, as you express on this thread - but not on others, which is why you have another thread about allowing him in the marital bed. The only people who would suggest you allow him to remain in the marital bed are ones who are ignorant enough (how fortunate for them) to believe that your husband is not being unfaithful.
I do not know anything about where you live, but I do know this: if your husband came home today and said he was moving out and filing for a divorce, you would see a huge difference in the actions you were taking. You would be forced to find the legal aid everyone here has been trying to help you with. You would find a job there or move and find a job. (Someone mentioned McDonald’s and Walmart - have you tried ALL of your options?)
I am not a professional by any means, but my heart of hearts tells me that you are not ready to go. This is fine. But, the writing is on the wall. There are times when adulterous spouses come back to the marriage and things can be worked out, but you cannot count on that. You need to find even a minimum wage job so that you can open an account in your name and start saving for the day you need it.
I totally respect your decision not to leave right now. You will leave when and if you are ready or are forced (by your husband making the decision to legally end the marriage). Please do not get angry with the people on here who are trying desperately to help you. Twelve pages ago, you came on here stating that it was an emergency and you HAD to go. So many people invested their time, emotions, knowledge, advice and prayers to this emergency. It sounds like you are taking the time and emotions, but throwing out the practical advice. There are even people looking and finding the resources you say are not available. And yet you are angry with these same people (who are invested in your life now) when they are just trying to help you with the things you asked for. That is really not fair.
Anyway, I completely understand that I may be way off on all of this. May I humbly suggest you take a day or 2 in prayer just to determine where you are. Then, if you really are leaving - make it happen. (Again, if your husband made the decision you would be actively making things happen.) On the other hand, if you are choosing to stay where you are, maybe it is time to close these threads and open a new one. In that one you can be honest with yourself and the rest of us, that you are not ready to leave and are just looking for support until you are.
May you feel God’s abundant blessings throughout all of this mess.
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ac_claire
Guest
Ok so that makes two of us now! Corinne, you’re building up a little social services referral agency right here at CAF, if you want the help.
Are you still there? Let us know!!
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Serap
Guest
I think she wants the help, but has developed learned self-helplessness. It’s sad and I hope things turn around for her.Ok so that makes two of us now! Corinne, you’re building up a little social services referral agency right here at CAF, if you want the help.
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dulcissima
Guest
If it is Glendale, it looks like there are jobs:
indeed.com/jobs?l=glendale,+CA&rq=1
If you need help with a resume or figuring out what type of job to look for, let me know.
For low income housing:
indeed.com/jobs?l=glendale,+CA&rq=1
There are probably also private companies that provide low income and emergency housing. For instance, in my area Many Mansions provides this. Both Catholic Charities and Lutheran Social Services can provide referrals.
Even without a lawyer, you can get assistance in establishing an order for child support:
childsup.ca.gov/Resources/ApplyForServices/tabid/72/Default.aspx
For more assistance in what is available in CA, check here:
ladpss.org/dpss/calworks/default.cfm
indeed.com/jobs?l=glendale,+CA&rq=1
If you need help with a resume or figuring out what type of job to look for, let me know.
For low income housing:
indeed.com/jobs?l=glendale,+CA&rq=1
There are probably also private companies that provide low income and emergency housing. For instance, in my area Many Mansions provides this. Both Catholic Charities and Lutheran Social Services can provide referrals.
Even without a lawyer, you can get assistance in establishing an order for child support:
childsup.ca.gov/Resources/ApplyForServices/tabid/72/Default.aspx
For more assistance in what is available in CA, check here:
ladpss.org/dpss/calworks/default.cfm
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crohnie4life
Guest
WOW!!! You guys rock!!! I really hope that Corrine reads this and really appreciates all the time and effort you put into assisting her. God bless all of you. Stay cool from all of this heat and humidity. It makes for a frizzy hair day! 
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Corinne3
Guest
I am looking for Catholic friends who will listen, understand, and offer some gentle advice. And how they see it from their perspective, outside my family and friends, who know me. Someone objective, like you all are. Thank you for asking. Of course I am gulping up everyone’s advice. But I can only do one step at a time. I wonder have your ever suffered from maybe an immobilizing depression for any length of time Serap? Some things take time. Until it finally “clicks”. Pray I will find a job, first step~How can anyone even say “pick up and move”. These things cost money. And without a car??? I have to get a job first, then buy a used car…then the next steps will follow. Believe me, I am knocking myself out trying to find a job…nothing yet. I had a 3 month temp job last summer, but it ended…all in God’;s Time.
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Corinne3
Guest
Did I say I allowed him back in my bed? NO.These women are trying to help you. They’re not saying this is easy in any way.
And no, not all of us have jobs. I have none, neither H. We’re struggling big time and ready to be on the street maybe soon, with 3 kids. AND on the verge of separation…
You H will not take you seriously until you take yourself seriously. Feeling sorry for him being a bit uncomfortable on the couch, and then allowing him back into your bed…
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Corinne3
Guest
There is no way I would part with our pets. Would you part with members of your family? Your kids? I hope not. I take great offense to the mere suggestion of this. I can tell you are not an animal lover…
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