End-of-pew blockers

[Seeker1961]

Why? Oh, why do people block the ends?..Plenty of room (sadly) to slide towards the center. Singles and couples mostly do this at our parish.

Yes, yes I know…‘Get there earlier’ ‘They are older’ ‘Ask them nicely to slide over’ and all that. Why is the onus on us (4 kids ranging from 4 months to 15 years). It is a small miracle that we even make it on time. We are usually stressed out enough after all the prep work that goes into Sunady mornings! Then I have to be the bad guy and beg some relaxed, well rested and care-free person to slide over?

A rant. Bad mood today and I’m gonna face this situation again Sunday. Maybe I should do a prayer request instead.

Holy cow…read the thread!

Again…I neither expect nor ask for special treatment because of the kids. I just wanted to hear the reasons for the pew blocking.

I read exactly what you wrote…maybe you’re backing off of that now, but you began by stating quite plainly that you do not feel that you should not have to ask the “end of pew blocker” to slide over or move so that you and your family could have that spot. I also read all the additional posts from other parents lecturing about “welcoming the children” to anyone who dared suggest that the needs of families should not be the primary focus of everyone.

 

[PennyinCanada]

We started going to a new parish that a church was quite large. We came in, there were hardly any people there, and every pew had a person on the end. Every pew. I couldn’t believe my eyes. People came early to take an end spot.

I wish I had taken a photo to show the parish what that looked like when we came in. It felt like we were being contracepted.

It felt like a line of football players on the scrimmage line and we were the opposing team. It was very unwelcoming. An empty church with guards at every pew.

We made someone get up and step out so we could get in. Disturbed them. You can’t tell if someone has a bad knee or mobility issues when they’re sitting. Only when they try to get up and they have to make an effort, well, you feel bad. Sorry.

Then other folks came. One young mom with a toddler, a baby in a carrier, a diaper bag. Where to sit, the pews were blocked. Another mom brought in her teenager trying to manage on crutches. Blocked, and no one wanted to give up their end seat to a guy with crutches and a straight legged cast. Wonder how that felt. An elderly lady with a cane and her frail husband. A woman who was full term and heavy with baby, managing a toddler. Sigh.

I imagined that by the time people got a spot, there may have been some grumpiness going on.

*I think the early people should sit in the middle. *
If you would like an end seat, wait until the pew is full, and ask to have the end. Doesn’t that make sense? Isn’t that considerate?

We decided not to go to that parish after a few more Sundays. The first impression was negative. We thought we would try somewhere else. Something to think about.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

I read exactly what you wrote…maybe you’re backing off of that now, but you began by stating quite plainly that you do not feel that you should not have to ask the “end of pew blocker” to slide over or move so that you and your family could have that spot. I also read all the additional posts from other parents lecturing about “welcoming the children” to anyone who dared suggest that the needs of families should not be the primary focus of everyone.

Wrong. I never said that. I asked why the onus is on us to ask and why people blocked in the first place. I also quite plainly admitted that it was a rant. I can’t help what other people post about the children…I said twice I don’t ask for special treatment. 3 times I guess now…

Also curiously enough…I see I suggested that I ask for prayers instead so, let me just drop that in here. Please pray for me and my family.

 

[maryjk]

Holy cow…read the thread! Again…I neither expect nor ask for special treatment because of the kids. I just wanted to hear the reasons for the pew blocking.

I was taught to take the center automatically and still do when it comes up. I’m in the minority on that one though, eh?

Our priest used to announce this before Mass. “Please move to the center of the pew to allow late comers to find a seat. If you need or want an aisle please allow others to move past you.”

I asked him about it once, and offered another solution. See, when a family moves to the center of the pew, they leave maybe 2 seats on either side of their family. (Assuming our smaller church and a normal family for our area.) Whereas if he asked everyone to move toward the center aisle, that would leave 4 seats TOGETHER on one side. Enough room for another smaller family. And those end of pew sitters can simply stay where they are.

So that is what he does now. And if you want an aisle seat, sit at the end of a pew towards the center aisle. Or attend a different Mass that isn’t as crowded. Or as I said before, sit up front.

 

[mtbender]

Just out of curiosity, would everyone move in for an elderly person? I am not saying it is exactly the same, but I would hazard to guess that most would. Then the question would be why? Common courtesy maybe, charity… I guess you could come up with a few other reasons. In that case, maybe it would be okay to inconvenience you for the sake of someone else’s convenience?

Would you do it for a friend that you knew had anxiety issues? Again, why? No doubt there are some legitimate reasons to not move – but most revolve around convenience.

Do you have to, no… does it make you a bad person, no… but you don’t have to move for the elderly either, or the friend really. I guess it all comes down to how you look at each other as a person –

Just another perspective… but as a family of 7 and a pregnant wife we have encountered this issue from time to time. I would never ask, because again, I wouldn’t want to inconvenience them – but thankfully I have never had to because they extend the same courtesy to my family.

 

[Actaeon]

We started going to a new parish that a church was quite large. We came in, there were hardly any people there, and every pew had a person on the end. Every pew. I couldn’t believe my eyes. People came early to take an end spot.

I wish I had taken a photo to show the parish what that looked like when we came in. It felt like we were being contracepted.

It felt like a line of football players on the scrimmage line and we were the opposing team. It was very unwelcoming. An empty church with guards at every pew.

We made someone get up and step out so we could get in. Disturbed them. You can’t tell if someone has a bad knee or mobility issues when they’re sitting. Only when they try to get up and they have to make an effort, well, you feel bad. Sorry.

Then other folks came. One young mom with a toddler, a baby in a carrier, a diaper bag. Where to sit, the pews were blocked. Another mom brought in her teenager trying to manage on crutches. Blocked, and no one wanted to give up their end seat to a guy with crutches and a straight legged cast. Wonder how that felt. An elderly lady with a cane and her frail husband. A woman who was full term and heavy with baby, managing a toddler. Sigh.

I imagined that by the time people got a spot, there may have been some grumpiness going on.

*I think the early people should sit in the middle. *
If you would like an end seat, wait until the pew is full, and ask to have the end. Doesn’t that make sense? Isn’t that considerate?

We decided not to go to that parish after a few more Sundays. The first impression was negative. We thought we would try somewhere else. Something to think about.

You went to a new parish, found that like anywhere many people have an inclination to sit at the end seat of a pew, and your first thought was that they were doing it to be personally unwelcoming???

Le sigh… rash judgment…

 

[mafh]

Procedure for incoming group/person:

1. Smile and ask pew-end sitter if they would mind sliding over.
2. If person slides over, or stands up and lets them in, then take seat, and smile in thanks.
3. If person declines, then smile, thank them, and move on.

Pew-end sitter, choose 1 of the following in response to request:

• Smile and slide to the middle as requested (suitable if are indifferent to where you sit, or if its clear that the incoming people need the end more than you do)
• Smile and stand up and let the others into the middle of the pew (suitable if you can stand easily, but need/prefer to sit at the end of the pew for whatever reason)
• Smile regretfully and say that unfortunately you need to sit here (suitable if you cannot stand easily)

Rules for everyone:

Smile. Don’t read evil or selfish motives into where people sit. Assume the best of other people. Remember that the world is a much better place this way.

Final thought:

Murphy’s rule of CAF forum discussions: The more trivial the topic, the more venomously it will be argued.

 

[mymamamary]

Since we are five, we go early and fill up the pews. However, I am reading some posts and I see A CLEAR LACK OF CHARITY. We are bickering amongst ourselves over PEW spots? Do you have any idea on how childish some of these posts sound? not to mention unsympthatic and rude…

 

[Angelsflight]

Since we are five, we go early and fill up the pews. However, I am reading some posts and I see A CLEAR LACK OF CHARITY. We are bickering amongst ourselves over PEW spots? Do you have any idea on how childish some of these posts sound? not to mention unsympthatic and rude…

LOL. Yeah, i agree.

 

[PennyinCanada]

You went to a new parish, found that like anywhere many people have an inclination to sit at the end seat of a pew, and your first thought was that they were doing it to be personally unwelcoming???

Le sigh… rash judgment…

The parish *as a whole *seemed to block empty pews. It made an impression on us, which I thought people would like to know. The impression included others coming in and trying to find a spot, with difficulty. My solution was very reasonable. The early people sit in the middle. People wanting the end should wait until the pew was full, then ask to take the end.

I am sure a person on the end, came in, sat down, became absorbed in prayer, maybe had their eyes closed. They likely did not pay any attention at all that every other person coming in was doing the exact same thing. The whole parish doing that with every pew empty makes quite an impression and it is unwelcoming. To come early to block the entrance doesn’t make sense to me. It is the opposite of a person standing, making eye contact with a smile, and nodding. You can call it rash judgement if you wish. I only shared what it felt like to us coming in. Not useful information? I thought it was.

 

[Annabelle_Marie]

It does not matter one iota…as long as there is a place. The pews I’m talking about are loooong enough for 20-25 people. They are blocked by 1 or 2 people at each end. There are 2 rows of 30 pews.

Okay, I asked the question and I’ve gotten a couple of medical / psych issues and one unabashed selfishness as reasons. Keep 'em coming! I want to know…

So…,I sit on the end…for several reasons…

1. My husband is a reader so we will sit on the end for that…
2. Sometimes I am a EMHC…also much easier to get in and out
3. I am short and like to be able to see…so I get there early to ensure that…
4. I also can be prone to panic attacks being closed in.

So…I don’t thnk the responsibility is on us to slide over and have to deal with the issues above just because someone comes in later with kids.

But usually not a problem because we sit close to the front and people don’t like to sit there…

 

[maryjk]

The parish *as a whole *seemed to block empty pews. It made an impression on us, which I thought people would like to know. The impression included others coming in and trying to find a spot, with difficulty. My solution was very reasonable. The early people sit in the middle. People wanting the end should wait until the pew was full, then ask to take the end.

So those that want to sit on the end should wait until right before Mass starts, then ask permission to sit at the end? That isn’t reasonable. Why should I need someone’s permission to sit at the end?

I am sure a person on the end, came in, sat down, became absorbed in prayer, maybe had their eyes closed. They likely did not pay any attention at all that every other person coming in was doing the exact same thing. The whole parish doing that with every pew empty makes quite an impression and it is unwelcoming. **To come early to **block the entrance doesn’t make sense to me. It is the opposite of a person standing, making eye contact with a smile, and nodding. You can call it rash judgement if you wish. I only shared what it felt like to us coming in. Not useful information? I thought it was.

Do you really believe that people are arriving early just so they can block the pew? I arrive early so I can pray, not so I can block the pew.

 

[PennyinCanada]

Do you really believe that people are arriving early just so they can block the pew? I arrive early so I can pray, not so I can block the pew.

Of course you come early to pray. However, by sitting on the end, you come early and block the pew. That’s the effect you and the whole parish, have on your neighbors.

So those that want to sit on the end should wait until right before Mass starts, then ask permission to sit at the end? That isn’t reasonable. Why should I need someone’s permission to sit at the end?

It’s just courtesy. The same courtesy that people show when they have to ask you if they can sit in the pew because you are blocking the entrance to an empty and available space. I imagine you say Of course you can! with a big smile, like the family of 5 might say when you ask them.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

That isn’t reasonable. Why should I need someone’s permission to -]sit at the end/-] sit at all?

Exactly!

 

[shipwrkd]

Totally not stupid, brother.

We men have to keep attentive to that sort of thing! I’m always looking for stuff like that, too and I was not in the military…

And you can bet yer last dollar I’d be there to help you out if ever the need arose.

Semper Fi

So it comes out…your disgruntled because you really do want the end seat even though you came late

 

[maryjk]

Of course you come early to pray. However, by sitting on the end, you come early and block the pew. That’s the effect you and the whole parish, have on your neighbors.

Agreed, but you shouldn’t word it as though people do it TO block the pew. I don’t know anyone that intentionally blocks a pew. Or anyone that won’t allow you to move past them.

It’s just courtesy. The same courtesy that people show when they have to ask you if they can sit in the pew because you are blocking the entrance to an empty and available space. I imagine you say Of course you can! with a big smile, like the family of 5 might say when you ask them.

Then courtesy would be for everyone to stand until the others were seated. And no one would ever sit down.

Someone has to sit first. The people that arrive first should do so. Those that arrive later, sit down later. If you have a particular place you like to sit, you should get there early enough to sit there. It is unreasonable to arrive to Mass late and expect people to move around to accommodate you. (The OP indicated that it is a small miracle they make it to Mass on time. Which indicates to me that they are often late. )

I guess I just don’t see the big deal. If you want to sit on the end, get there in enough time to sit on the end. If you sit on the end and there is space for more people in the pew, be welcoming to those people.

Or do like I do, attend a Mass that isn’t as crowded.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

So it comes out…your disgruntled because you really do want the end seat even though you came late

Well If in fact I was a trained marine…you can bet I would not have slipped up so easily!

You tricked me!!

 

[waanju]

I go to a really big church. We were running 2 masses at 9am and 2 masses at 11am (in addition to a 7:30am, a 5pm and a saturday mass). The 9am and 11am in the big church were for families, The 9am and 11am in the chapel (our old smaller church) were for people who didn’t want to celebrate mass with too many kids. The 5pm was the teen mass. The other 2 were a mix. It worked great until we recently gutted the big church to make more room for pews and we shut down the chapel (only weddings, baptisms, funerals in there now). Now we all sit together. It’s pretty funny. Someone should do a sociological study on the different types of worshipers and how they interact.

Reminds me of my parish back home. 7am was old people, 9am was small children/families, 11 was young adults/families with older kids (same for saturday vigil), and 6pm was mostly teenagers. Within each mass, certain sections of pew tended to have the same groups. AT 9 am, one side was mostly families from the parish school, one bit homeschool families, one bit public school, and then babies and toddlers around the perimeter.

 

[ringil]

Why? Oh, why do people block the ends?..Plenty of room (sadly) to slide towards the center. Singles and couples mostly do this at our parish.

Yes, yes I know…‘Get there earlier’ ‘They are older’ ‘Ask them nicely to slide over’ and all that. Why is the onus on us (4 kids ranging from 4 months to 15 years). It is a small miracle that we even make it on time. We are usually stressed out enough after all the prep work that goes into Sunady mornings! Then I have to be the bad guy and beg some relaxed, well rested and care-free person to slide over?

A rant. Bad mood today and I’m gonna face this situation again Sunday. Maybe I should do a prayer request instead.

I would get out of the way and let you in- no problem.

But I’m getting the end of the pew if I got there specifically to get it.

 

[shipwrkd]

Totally not stupid, brother.

We men have to keep attentive to that sort of thing! I’m always looking for stuff like that, too and I was not in the military…

And you can bet yer last dollar I’d be there to help you out if ever the need arose.

Semper Fi

Armor of Light:

Well If in fact** I was a trained marine**…you can bet I would not have slipped up so easily!

You tricked me!!

Which is it…I think ya tricked yourself :doh2: