End-of-pew blockers

[shipwrkd]

I thought that was North Dakota?

Naw, Nort Dah Kotah is where da driving is better in da winter den in da summer cuz th potholes are filled wit ice. How’s tings out in Origin?

 

[AlTheCollegeGal]

I’m going to add my two cents here. I, like some others have posted, like to sit on the end of a pew simply for the reason that I get claustrophobic extremely easy, have fainted in mass before and routinely get nauseous from lack of air/too much crowding. It’s not meant to be an inconvenience, rather, more of a help; I wouldn’t want my fellow parishioners to have to carry my limp/unconscious body to an ambulance.

 

[zab]

Naw, Nort Dah Kotah is where da driving is better in da winter den in da summer cuz th potholes are filled wit ice. How’s tings out in Origin?

Shouldn’t that be “Naw, Nort Dah Kotah is where da driving is better id da winter den in da summer cuz da potholes are filled wit ice, doncha know?”

 

[Stylites]

Who actually *LIKES *sitting in the middle of the pews?

One Sunday after Mass I was praying on the kneeler in the pew for a while, and the next Mass was still a ways off, but when I finished my prayers I opened my eyes and looked and an elderly man was sitting right next to me, right in the middle of the long pew. There was no one else sitting in the Church, just us two, and it made me wonder why he had chosen to sit right next to me. I had nodded to him and took my leave.

Then the next Sunday I noticed the same man again, sitting in the exact same spot, and again on another Sunday he was there. So I had the opportunity, and asked him if this was his favorite pew, and he pointed to a small brass dedication plate on the back of the pew in front of him, and said to me that these were his parent’s names. Now when I find myself next to him in Mass I offer him a sign of peace, and then do the same to the brass plate.

 

[maltmom]

Then the next Sunday I noticed the same man again, sitting in the exact same spot, and again on another Sunday he was there. So I had the opportunity, and asked him if this was his favorite pew, and he pointed to a small brass dedication plate on the back of the pew in front of him, and said to me that these were his parent’s names. Now when I find myself next to him in Mass I offer him a sign of peace, and then do the same to the brass plate.

That’s a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it.

 

[LucyLight]

When you have small kids you frequently have to leave the pew(bathroom, crying etc). If someone insists on blocking the end I feel much less guilty when my kids or I make them move so we can get out. Unless you have a medical condition single people should allow families with young children to have the end of the pew. Its less disruptive for everyone. Taking young children to Mass is not an easy thing and those families should be given extra consideration.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

Hey folks? Aren’t we all making this a way bigger deal than it is? If someone doesn’t automatically stand up or slide over, you say “Good morning! I see there’s some space up the pew. Would you mind sliding over so we don’t have to squeeze past you?” The person will either slide over, or if they have a reason that they want to sit at the end, they’ll get up and let you by. I’m sorry if you don’t want to ask, if you’re really that opposed to asking, you could stand at the end of each pew until some very observant person who happens to be unusually attuned to those around them sees you and stands/slides of their own accord. But, truth is, most people just don’t notice. Either way, it’s NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.
Those saying you feel “entitled” or making (frankly scary) comments about how they don’t want to sit next to kids anyway are only saying those things because they’re on the internet. I GUARANTEE that if you asked them to slide or stand (barring actual physical inability) they would be more than happy to oblige (before Mass, you can’t expect people to move once it’s already started).
SO can’t we all just get along?

Maybe that’s why I never noticed what an issue this is as a “pew-blocker”. At my parish, if someone wants to sit in my pew, they just ask, “is there anyone sitting next to you?” which is my cue to step out of the pew and let them in and then return to blocking the pew.

By the way, as the person who said they don’t want to sit next to children, I didn’t just say that because I’m on the internet. If I don’t know that your children are well-behaved at Mass, I won’t sit near them. I have my confessor’s support. In fact, he’s the one who told me to move if I’m being disrupted by someone’s children. I have literally had children sneak slowly to my side of the pew, and enter into my personal space and start climbing on and over me and my stuff while the parents remained oblivious to this. We don’t mind children in Mass, but if they’re making noise, or being disruptive, our priest has stated repeatedly that the parents are to remove their children from the main church area until they have quietened down again.

 

[Seeker1961]

When you have small kids you frequently have to leave the pew(bathroom, crying etc). If someone insists on blocking the end I feel much less guilty when my kids or I make them move so we can get out. Unless you have a medical condition single people should allow families with young children to have the end of the pew. Its less disruptive for everyone. Taking young children to Mass is not an easy thing and those families should be given extra consideration.

and there it is…I have children so my needs and desires are more important than anyone else’s and I deserve special consideration.

I have no issue letting folks out of the pew, do it with a smile every time. I’m only one person, so it’s easy for me to move.

 

[agnes_therese]

Maybe that’s why I never noticed what an issue this is as a “pew-blocker”. At my parish, if someone wants to sit in my pew, they just ask, “is there anyone sitting next to you?” which is my cue to step out of the pew and let them in and then return to blocking the pew.

This. Sitting on the end doesn’t mean you’re “blocking” anything. I sit on the end because I receive under both forms, which not everyone in my parish does. If I’m at the end, no one else in my pew has to either (a) wait for me to get back before they resume kneeling; or (b) kneel and then get back up right away when I do return.

OP, would you really prefer that disruption, rather than open your mouth to make the simple request to let you into the pew? Seriously?

 

[littlechicken]

Perhaps it would have been better if you’d only asked why people would do such? We all have our little frustrations with what goes on at Mass. Mine is that there is little quiet to pray directly before due to all the chatter, and pre-Mass announcements.

Let me tell you something I know to be true.
There is a woman who attends our Mass who, though she doesn’t look it, is very ill. She arrives at the church early if it is possible for her in order to have time to pray. She always chooses to sit in one of the back pews, and as close to the end as possible. The reason she does this is because should she become ill during Mass, she can slip out quietly and unobtrusively, without drawing attention to herself. If she sits in the middle, she is in danger of falling over the people with their knees tightly pressed to the pews in order to let her pass.( This happened at the last play she attended, she tripped and staggered over the people in the aisle she was in, appearing to be drunk :sad_yes:. It was the last “outing” she went on.) Her illness is such that she becomes extremely weak, and off balance, sometimes, she suffers from tremors and shakiness.
A family with children is one thing, it is almost expected that when a parent has an unruly child, or a child who needs to go to the restroom, there will be a small stirr, or disruption as the parent exits with the child. Also, if the parent has to “squeeze” through some people, it is generally “safe”. For this woman it isn’t. Sometimes a quick and smooth exit is necessary.Often she will get to Mass early because it is the only opportunity she has to pray before The Blessed Sacrament, as she can’t leave her home often to do so at other times. (She tries to reserve her energy to attend Mass on Sundays)
She does move to allow others into the pew, and though they may not understand why she doesn’t just slide over, she knows that in the long run, remaining on the end is more convenient for everyone.
Please don’t judge by appearance. As I said, this woman does not look ill, and for the casual observer she is being selfish.
I hope you are able to work through your frustration. It can be incredibly difficult to deal with children at Mass, but you will get through it and be a better person for it. Sometimes it is through frustration :banghead: and maddening events that we are schooled in patience.:angel1:

God Bless
littlechicken

 

[Sarabande]

When you have small kids you frequently have to leave the pew(bathroom, crying etc). If someone insists on blocking the end I feel much less guilty when my kids or I make them move so we can get out. **Unless you have a medical condition single people should allow families with young children to have the end of the pew. ** Its less disruptive for everyone. Taking young children to Mass is not an easy thing and those families should be given extra consideration.

Even though I do have children and I know how difficult it is to take young children to mass, I don’t think it is anyone else’s responsibility to be attuned to this and I don’t think single people should be expected to give families the ends if they prefer to sit at the end. That’s like single or childless people expecting and requiring families to sit only in certain areas of church or not come to mass at all so that they aren’t bothered by our sometimes noisy and disruptive children.

If someone is nice enough to think of that, I’m very appreciative, but I really don’t expect it or require it. It’s my own responsibility to arrive early and find a pew where I can sit at the end with my family if it is very important to me. I also think people aren’t insisting to “block” the end of a pew. The usage makes it seems as if we are thinking the worst of these people, like they are doing it to annoy and skunk us just because they have a preference or other reason for sitting at the end.

That said, if you won’t step out or even move your legs (very rare that this happens in my experience) for me to get through, don’t get upset if my derriere or my chest gets in your face or falls on top of you should my clumsy self trips on you.

 

[Liturgy_Geek_1]

I detest this habit. Why is it done? Assuming they are not elderly or getting up to present the offertory, it is because they do not want to be surrounded by people. At least that’s why I used to do it. I didn’t want to be hemmed in by others. Now, if we are the first ones in, I always try to simply sit in the middle of the pew out of consideration for those who will come in later. Fear and anxiety are not good things.

My husband is physically handicapped and mentally ill. He comes early and sits at the end of the handicap pew. He will get up and let people into the pew but he keeps the end seat in case he needs to step out for physical or mental reasons.

We do not know everyone’s stories so its best to give them the benefit of the doubt. Thanks.

 

[mellowcalico]

I like sitting in the middle of the pew with my daughter–that way people don’t have to “walk over me” to get in and out. But when my daughter was a baby and toddler, I preferred sitting on the end just because we’d get up a lot sometimes. Also, she could stand on the end and see what was going on at the alter–which kept her interested. When all she could see it other people’s backsides, THEN she would be restless. Now she’s tall enough to see if no one is directly in front of us (plus she reads along now too).

Anyway… my mom has to sit on the end since her knee surgery. She just can’t bend her knee for any length of time without pain. To look at her, you wouldn’t know it–she walks fine and all. It’s just bending her knee that’s the issue. She sits at the end and extends her leg out into the aisle a bit.

My point is, it’s first come, first served. I don’t have an issue walking by those on the end of the pew to get to my favored middle. If you want your choice seat, you have to get their earlier.

 

[perla_m]

I’m expecting a child at the moment, and I’ve had morning sickness (or, I should say, all- day sickness!) from the first month. Since then, I’ve been making sure to arrive very early for Mass early in order to get a seat in the last row or two of the church, on the end of a pew.

This way I know that if I start to feel unwell, I can quickly and easily get up and out of the sanctuary. I get up and allow others in to the pew, but I make sure to stay on the aisle. Sure, this is for my own benefit, but also for the benefit of the others - I would rather have someone take the space at the end of the pew rather than not do so and get sick in the sanctuary. This way, I feel secure and can actually pay attention to the mass, rather than constantly worrying that maybe I should get up, just to be safe. I should be fair and say that so far, I’ve never actually had to get up and leave early, but you never know…

I obviously didn’t look pregnant for the first few months, so I hope that I didn’t offend anyone by doing so. One evening I actually moved aside to let a few people into the pew (a family of adults) and I was nearly pushed off! I gave them a protesting look and a couple of them then got up so that I didn’t have to move. I felt bad about the whole thing, as they probably didn’t understand why I wasn’t willing to move to some other part of the sanctuary, but it was late (the mass was already going on) and I would have had to sit in some place where it wouldn’t have been easy to get up, if necessary.

 

[John_of_Woking]

Ok and before the topic strays into “the guy who fills a whole pew with his coat etc”. Be aware that man…that man is meb

 

[RyanBlack]

We don’t mind children in Mass…

It’s good to know that the children have your permission to come to Mass.

 

[RyanBlack]

and there it is**…I have children so my needs and desires are more important than anyone else’s and I deserve special consideration.**

I have no issue letting folks out of the pew, do it with a smile every time. I’m only one person, so it’s easy for me to move.

No, but thoughout life, including while at church, the children themselves, as children, NEED special consideration (which doesn’t necessarily require their parents having the aisle seat, but might be greatly helped by it, especially when the person who would be giving up the aisle seat has no particular requirement for one).

 

[MSSheBear]

At our parish children are encouraged to attend Mass. We don’t even have a cry room. We have elderly people too. But the pew-blockers do need to let us people who prefer the middle by.

I find that the earliest morning Mass has the best behaved crowd.

 

[Deo_Gratias42]

It’s good to know that the children have your permission to come to Mass.

I attend the traditional Latin Mass. Despite our smaller congregation, we actually have more children in attendance than the OF Masses at our parish. Perhaps they should be the ones to start bringing their children to Mass. Anyway, it used to be customary to leave ones children at home with one parent and switch off attending different Masses.

Anyway, people assume that because children are expected to be quiet and to behave themselves, and if they are not able to do that, the parents should take them outside until they quieten down again (something which our priest refers to as “common sense”), that we are somehow “anti-children” and not pro-life. No, we just have expectations that proper church decorum be respected.

 

[Armor_of_Light]

No, but thoughout life, including while at church, the children themselves, as children, NEED special consideration (which doesn’t necessarily require their parents having the aisle seat, but might be greatly helped by it, especially when the person who would be giving up the aisle seat has no particular requirement for one).

I would go so far as to say it is not special consideration at all…just consideration, like would naturally flow out of compassion. That being said…I (the OP) do not EXPECT it. And the fact that I don’t expect it and will sometimes NEED to ask for it from my fellow catholics AT MASS kind of speaks for itself. So be it. Sign of the times? I don’t know…

The cosideration flows both ways of course, but how do I know that people may suffer from social anxiety or have a bad knee or are lectoring or are one of the umpteen EMHC’s.
That’s right…you got it…I don’t unless a brief exchange happens. So, I’ll have to work on:

1. Getting up and out the door earlier.
2. Growing a pair and asking people to move.

Does anyone care to weigh in on how this silly situation was handled before say…1962?
Was it always such a hot-button topic?