(Continued from above)
With role-playing and other practice, you can learn to be direct with the people who are putting pressure on you.
In the end, you probably will have to sit down with [Name-of-man] and both sets of parents.
(If you feel awkward doing that, just think how awkward a divorce would feel. This is better.)
You will have to tell them, “I do not want to marry [Name].”
You would tell the five of them, “This is not cold feet. This is the truth. [Man] is a lovable person with many lovable qualities, but I don’t love you.”
(Note: if Man is not lovable and does not have lovable qualities, omit this sentence.)
(The fact that you and [Man] have fornicated, as you so honestly phrase it, makes me think this man knows that Church Talk works on you. Maybe he also thinks you’re reluctant to reveal this data. You may have to – so that he cannot hold it over your head.)
You would tell the five of them: "The truth is that we have been dating so long because we fornicated. Sometimes we still do. That’s why this needs to be a clean break, so that we will not sin anymore. I confused lust with love. But after confession and prayer, I don’t think this is love.
"But if I really loved this man, I would have wanted to marry him already to get him off the market. I wouldn’t be wishing that someone else would come along and take him off my hands without my having to do the work of a break-up. But I do have to do the work.
"The truth is that all we have to hold us together is sex. And if I had to do it over again, I wish I had kept my virginity.
“I wish I had my virginity to give to the man whom I’ll grow old with. That we will accept children lovingly from God. That we will bring up the children in the faith. And when we die, we will be buried beside each other. And we will see each other in Heaven. Please understand that I am not trying to hurt your feelings … but I don’t feel that [Man] fits any of those categories, let alone all of them. I don’t believe marriage should be a Penance. Marriage is supposed to bless us. I don’t feel any blessing can come from continuing this affair.”
“I don’t want to belong to someone else when the right man comes along. And I’m hoping that [Man] doesn’t want to belong to someone else when the right woman comes along.”
“I hope that [the five others] can agree with me that it is time to separate with truth and kindness. I wish [Man] all the best.”
…
If they do get nasty, just remember the relatives who got cranky when they spent money on a casket, a granite stone, and a grief buffet for Uncle So-and-so – and Uncle had the temerity to live! Uncle probably would tell those insensitive boobs to take a hike. So can you. Just tell them, “If you like him so much, then you marry him!”
…
Finally, a poster just recommended not to take relationship advice from strangers. I can respect that. Isn’t it the doctor’s motto that "First you meet. THEN you treat."
There is a difference between a people-pleasing Nice Girl ™, versus a godly woman. Marriage is for grown-ups. If you can’t say No and make it stick, you might not be grown up enough just yet.
Please keep us posted.
