Engaged but living together chastely?

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Hi everyone. I was raised Catholic but stopped going for 10 years until a few months months ago and so I am still learning a lot. My fiancé and I are recently engaged and are going to be married this summer in the church. Before I came back to the church we began cohabiting and have an apartment together. We took a vow of chastity after realizing how grave of a sin premarital sex is. We are very strict about this and don’t even allow each other prolonged kissing or inappropriate touching. So far we haven’t had any issues, neither of us are very sexual people in the first place. My fiancé is going through RCIA right now and I asked our teacher if us living together if we remain chaste was a problem and she said “in short everything is fine” but never really elaborated as it was a quick e mail she sent. I understand why living together unmarried is problematic but i feel there’s not much I could do to change this because of certain circumstances in our lives. We both live paycheck to paycheck for the most part, so finding a new apartment would take a lot of time and money and we will be married soon anyways? We also don’t really have any family or friends we could live with either. On top of that he helps take care of me, I have a psychiatric disability and am recovering from anorexia, which is currently preventing me from working full time so he buys my food and helps me with transportation. Do you think considering the circumstances this would be morally okay? In my heart I don’t feel like we’re doing anything wrong but I know that It’s not my place to say for sure. After coming back to the church I feel so devoted to God and I love him so much and don’t want to offend him. I know I need to talk to my priest but in the meantime does anyone have any thoughts? My anxiety is through the roof. Thank you.
 
I confessed cohabiting with my boyfriend and the priest would not absolve my sins, even though we were living chastely.
 
Just don’t tell anyone who doesnt need to know about your living situation to mitigate any objections
 
The priest will not absolve your sins if you plan to persist in the sin. So he could not absolve my sins until I stopped the sin of cohabitation. My boyfriend and I already own a house together, but I am currently living with family until we get married. But I think it depends on the priest. Some priests are tougher confessors than others. Because of your circumstances it might be alright that you are cohabiting.
 
That is a pastoral decision, I have met only one priest in my life who would deny someone in your circumstances. Do not be afraid. Trust what your Pastor tells you.
 
Is cohabitation even a sin when no sinful behaviour is going on? I would not think so.
 
Adeline said:
The priest will not absolve your sins if you plan to persist in the sin. So he could not absolve my sins until I stopped the sin of cohabitation.
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This isn’t really accurate as living as roommates isn’t inherently a sin.
 
The priest said living together was a privilege of marriage and for a couple to live together before marriage was a near occasion of sin. Of course, having a roommate isn’t sinful but I guess an unmarried couple living together is a temptation to be unchaste? I think some priests probably would absolve the sins of someone living with their boyfriend/girlfriend, but this one wouldn’t.
 
Adeline said:
to live together before marriage was a near occasion of sin.
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It could be. Or maybe not. That is prudential and individual to the couple.

But it is not itself a sin.
Adeline said:
Of course, having a roommate isn’t sinful but I guess an unmarried couple living together is a temptation to be unchaste?
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Could be. There could also be proportionate reasons this may be tolerated. Particularly short term.
 
Alexgrace927 said:
On top of that he helps take care of me, I have a psychiatric disability and am recovering from anorexia, which is currently preventing me from working full time so he buys my food and helps me with transportation.
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It sounds like you have found yourself a really great guy. Congratulations! This is an issue that is close to my heart and I do wish you all the best for your ongoing recovery. I think you have received good advice already and there is no reason not to continue living together. In fact, it sounds like it could be pretty risky to change your living arrangements at this point.

:hugs:
 
Adeline said:
The priest said living together was a privilege of marriage and for a couple to live together before marriage was a near occasion of sin. Of course, having a roommate isn’t sinful but I guess an unmarried couple living together is a temptation to be unchaste? I think some priests probably would absolve the sins of someone living with their boyfriend/girlfriend, but this one wouldn’t.
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I’m sorry, but what does a near occasion of sin mean?
 
I think It’s when you put yourself in a situation that isn’t necessarily sinful, but you know might lead you to sin. Like if a person knows they have a drinking problem, it could be an occasion of sin for them to go to a bar. Even though being at a bar isn’t sinful, for some people it could lead them to sin so they should avoid it.
 
Adeline said:
I think It’s when you put yourself in a situation that isn’t necessarily sinful, but you know might lead you to sin. Like if a person knows they have a drinking problem, it could be an occasion of sin for them to go to a bar. Even though being at a bar isn’t sinful, for some people it could lead them to sin so they should avoid it.
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That doesn’t seem fair… Sry that happened to you. To be judged so unfairly by your priest. 😦
 
There is a big tub of Trader Joe’s Triple Ginger Snaps on my table. I NEED to lose 10 lbs. Those cookies can be seen as a near occasion to overindulge.

Now, I am determined not to gain more weight, so, I know that I am not going to sit down and eat that tub of cookies. I am capable of eating one and done.

Someone else may not be able to resist those cookies. They may see me in the store and say “LL, you cannot be serious about losing that weight if you buy cookies!”

At the same time, my close friends, my family, know that I have control over my appetite. My doctor has even said that it is best to have a small taste of goodies so I do not feel deprived.

So, what is near occasion for one person may not be for another.
 
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I can’t help but propose a thought experiment.
Let’s say it was the 1940s, or the 1840s. Let’s say a couple was living together, to save on expenses, and for emotional support.
Would that have been okay? What would any priest have said? Do we think it should be different now, and why?
 
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Loud-living-dogma said:
I can’t help but propose a thought experiment.
Let’s say it was the 1940s, or the 1840s. Let’s say a couple was living together, to save on expenses, and for emotional support.
Would that have been okay? What would any priest have said? Do we think it should be different now, and why?
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What society would have said about it, and therefore what priests who are members of that society would have said about it, is not the same thing as whether or not it is actually intrinsically wrong.

It’s not intrinsically wrong. It is a prudential matter that should be under the guidance of the pastor.

I also think that people wear rose colored glasses when they think about 1940 or 1840, because yes these situations did arise in those days too.
 
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