Ex Husband is a Baptist Preacher to marry a Catholic Woman

[kell0618]

With all due respect Ma’am - why is this any of your business? You are no longer with this man, he has chosen another woman, you approve of the divorce on the grounds of infidelity, so why does this even concern you? I’m confused.



~Liza

I believe she is most likely concerned that it was her marriage too, which she was very committed to, and may or may not be declared null. She most likely is not familiar with the process of seeking nullification and what it means in the Catholic faith. It sounds that she feels it was indeed what we would refer to as a Sacramental marriage and even though there was great pain in the end, joy and commitment were not lacking on her behalf. jlaw, I am sorry to speak on your behalf as I don’t know the complete story and please do correct me where I misstated your situation.

Peace be with you

 

[1ke]

I believe she is most likely concerned that it was her marriage too, which she was very committed to, and may or may not be declared null. She most likely is not familiar with the process of seeking nullification and what it means in the Catholic faith. It sounds that she feels it was indeed what we would refer to as a Sacramental marriage and even though there was great pain in the end, joy and commitment were not lacking on her behalf. jlaw, I am sorry to speak on your behalf as I don’t know the complete story and please do correct me where I misstated your situation.

Peace be with you

I also am assuming, but I think Liza’s point was that the OP herself has already remarried so why does she care if he does?

 

[lizaanne]

I also am assuming, but I think Liza’s point was that the OP herself has already remarried so why does she care if he does?

Thank you - that is my point. She’s moved on, he’s moved on, and this is his own private business whether or not he marries and who and how he marries.

jlaw35550:

Apparently you have never been married, had children and been cheated on by someone you were with for many, many years…

And to the OP - you would do better to not make assumptions about people and situations you know nothing about. I simply asked you a question.

~Liza

 

[jlaw35550]

There is no “getting by” with an annulment. Either the marriage is valid or it isn’t. The Tribunal will examine the evidence.

Your marriage most certainly might be invalid. It has nothing to do with duration or number of children you had or with who left whom.

I don’t know how someone can decide if a marriage is valid or invalid. The Bible says, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”

 

[1ke]

I don’t know how someone can decide if a marriage is valid or invalid. The Bible says, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”

Exactly. That is what the Church seeks to determine-- whether or not the two were in fact joined in an indissoluable bond through the covenant with God or not. This has to do with consent, intent, and evidence of defects in these areas.

I highly recommend that you get a copy of the book I posted previously if you are going to be involved in an investigation of the marriage in any way. It will really help you understand what a decree of nullity is and isn’t.

Of course, this is all speculative since you don’t know if they will get married or seek to do so in the Catholic Church.

 

[bayoubutterfly]

I don’t know how someone can decide if a marriage is valid or invalid. The Bible says, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”

that is only is the marriage was performed the correct way to begin with…

 

[pnewton]

I don’t know how someone can decide if a marriage is valid or invalid. The Bible says, “What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.”

Sacramental valid. In other words, is this a marriage that God hath joined together?

For those arguing why this whole thread started, who cares why the OP asked. It is sufficient that she asked. After all, if you do not want to answer questions, then don’t. If you do, then help. All she asked for was information and that is never a bad question.

 

[jlaw35550]

Thank you - that is my point. She’s moved on, he’s moved on, and this is his own private business whether or not he marries and who and how he marries.

And to the OP - you would do better to not make assumptions about people and situations you know nothing about. I simply asked you a question.

~Liza

My main concern, which someone else has addressed, was if he were to be granted an anullment, would our kids be considered illigitimate. But since I am not Catholic, and even if he is a “wanna be” Catholic, I am not going to worry about it. Bottom line, God knows the truth and it doesn’t matter what religion he becomes a part of, God doesn’t recognize adultery as a license to remarry. It doesn’t matter if it’s Baptist, Catholic, etc.

 

[JustAnotherThou]

What I guess I am not understanding from this post and one similar to it also on the family life forum. Is if someone that you were once married to is trying to do what they believe is right with God, why are you standing in their way? I can understand that many horrible things might have happened in your previous marriage, although we are all told by Jesus to forgive. You may not agree with the choice of your ex husbands new religion (assuming that he may be choosing to be Catholic). Although, if this is something that he feels he needs to do to be right with God, is it really something that you want to hinder him on? We are called to be Christ like. I can’t think of anywhere that Christ prevented someone from asking God for forgiveness and doing what God has called him to do. Jesus did die for our sins. Jesus died for your ex husbands sins.

Would things be different if he was to remarry in the Baptist Church, by the Justice of the Peace, or any any other church? Would you go before those and declair that he not be married by them?

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Exactly. That is what the Church seeks to determine-- whether or not the two were in fact joined in an indissoluable bond through the covenant with God or not. This has to do with consent, intent, and evidence of defects in these areas.

I highly recommend that you get a copy of the book I posted previously if you are going to be involved in an investigation of the marriage in any way. It will really help you understand what a decree of nullity is and isn’t.

Of course, this is all speculative since you don’t know if they will get married or seek to do so in the Catholic Church.

I would only add to 1ke’s excellent posts- It does not matter to you because you are not Catholic. The Church Decree of Nullity (annulment) has absolutely nothing to do with your children, as was pointed out. It is only to determine according to the Catholic Church if there was a marriage in the first place. It has no bearing on United States divorce law in general, and certainly none on divorce law in your state, or in Lousiana. It won’t effect your divorce decree.

Your ex does not have to convert to marry the Catholic woman, just get the decree of nullity. That could take a year, at least. The Tribunal or Court of Second Instance might not grant it at all.

Please- Get that book Annulment: The Wedding That Was. It will clear up a lot of misconceptions for you.

 

[MomaMary8]

My main concern, which someone else has addressed, was if he were to be granted an anullment, would our kids be considered illigitimate. But since I am not Catholic, and even if he is a “wanna be” Catholic, I am not going to worry about it. Bottom line, God knows the truth and it doesn’t matter what religion he becomes a part of,** God doesn’t recognize adultery as a license to remarry. It doesn’t matter if it’s Baptist, Catholic, etc.**

But yet, you remarried?? Double standard? I’m sorry, I don’t understand this part of it.

 

[dulcissima]

As far as your ex not putting down contact information for you. That would refelct pretty poorly on him since you have three children together. How could he claim not to be able to contact you if he is keeping up with his obligations to the children that he has from his marriage.

One other thing to keep in mind if you are contacted by the Tribunal. You might want to consider really learning about the process and really participating in it. It would be an excellent opportunity for you to reflect on what transpired in your marriage and have your voice be heard. I am in the middle of the process myself. It was time consuming, but really worthwhile to go back over what happend in my courtship, marriage preparation (or lack thereof) and 17 year marriage. I gained a lot of insight. Keep in mind too, that even if you went into the marriage with all of the right intentions, your ex might not have. If the marriage wasn’t valid from the outset, despite your best efforts and intentions, there really wasn’t much that you could do.

For additional reading you might want to take a look at:

catholic.com/thisrock/1999/9909fea2.asp

kofc.org/rc/en/publications/cis/publications/veritas/Veritas_CIS301.pdf

 

[lizaanne]

My main concern, which someone else has addressed, was if he were to be granted an anullment, would our kids be considered illigitimate. But since I am not Catholic, and even if he is a “wanna be” Catholic, I am not going to worry about it. Bottom line, God knows the truth and it doesn’t matter what religion he becomes a part of, God doesn’t recognize adultery as a license to remarry. It doesn’t matter if it’s Baptist, Catholic, etc.

Ah - thank you for clarifying this, you did not state this at all in your original post.

No - this has no bearing whatsoever on your children.

Here is a thread started by another member here who received a declaration of nullity, and what that document has to say about children: forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=225969

I hope this is helpful.

I have been through the annulment process. You should learn about it by purchasing the book 1ke suggested - it was totally invaluable to me, and I still use it to help others who are trying to understand this process as well.

Just remember that the Catholic Church does not, can not, and will not un-do what God has put together. It is not possible and not an option. The Church only examines the circumstances to see if the marriage was ever valid to begin with.

~Liza

 

[pnewton]

Bottom line, God knows the truth and it doesn’t matter what religion he becomes a part of, God doesn’t recognize adultery as a license to remarry. It doesn’t matter if it’s Baptist, Catholic, etc.

I think you spoke truthfully earlier when you said that those who haven’t been there can’t understand. I see here a lot of talking past each other. I do not think anyone who has not been ravaged by adultery will ever get it. I have myself, then I had to be there for my Mom when my dad left after 40 years for another woman. I do not think it too much that we tolerate a little anger.

Just remember an annulment is not about you. Sooner or later you must forgive and move on. That is a far deeper problem than the legalities of Catholic Canon Law. The times when it is hardest to forgive is the time we must focus on our own sin, compared to the holiness of God. Then we can understand that comparing our relative sin to those who sin against us is a minor issue.

 

[iamrefreshed]

jlaw,

I am certain that the catholic annulment process must be very confusing to you.

First, let me offer you my sympathies and prayers regarding your first husbands awful betrayal. I have been there. I know the devastating feelings.

Secondly, as many have said, no matter what the catholic church rules in the annulment process, your children would never be termed ‘illegitimate’. God creates no ‘illegitimate’ children. That is an ugly human term.

If I could offer any advice (having lived through infidelity) it would be to seek acceptance of the situation. Your husband treated you awfully. It had NOTHING to do with you. It was his inadequacies, his weaknesses and his disloyalty that led to HIS betrayal. You are a victim. You can be a survivor.

Don’t let him continue to cause you pain.

God bless you.

 

[jlaw35550]

What I guess I am not understanding from this post and one similar to it also on the family life forum. Is if someone that you were once married to is trying to do what they believe is right with God, why are you standing in their way? I can understand that many horrible things might have happened in your previous marriage, although we are all told by Jesus to forgive. You may not agree with the choice of your ex husbands new religion (assuming that he may be choosing to be Catholic). Although, if this is something that he feels he needs to do to be right with God, is it really something that you want to hinder him on? We are called to be Christ like. I can’t think of anywhere that Christ prevented someone from asking God for forgiveness and doing what God has called him to do. Jesus did die for our sins. Jesus died for your ex husbands sins.

Would things be different if he was to remarry in the Baptist Church, by the Justice of the Peace, or any any other church? Would you go before those and declair that he not be married by them?

To repent means to turn away from. So if he repented from getting involved with her, then he should have turned away. It doesn’t mean to repent and then keep on doing what you are doing everyday.

Most of the Baptist Preachers that I personally know, will not perform second marriage ceremonies unless they know for sure that the first marriage ended due to infidelity.

 

[jlaw35550]

MomaMary8:
But yet, you remarried?? Double standard? I’m sorry, I don’t understand this part of it.

No double standard. Maybe I didn’t make myself clear, the one who committed adultery isn’t allowed to remarry. It clearly states in the New Testament that whoever commits adultery, and remarries causes that person to sin also.

 

[jlaw35550]

As far as your ex not putting down contact information for you. That would refelct pretty poorly on him since you have three children together. How could he claim not to be able to contact you if he is keeping up with his obligations to the children that he has from his marriage.

One other thing to keep in mind if you are contacted by the Tribunal. You might want to consider really learning about the process and really participating in it. It would be an excellent opportunity for you to reflect on what transpired in your marriage and have your voice be heard. I am in the middle of the process myself. It was time consuming, but really worthwhile to go back over what happend in my courtship, marriage preparation (or lack thereof) and 17 year marriage. I gained a lot of insight. Keep in mind too, that even if you went into the marriage with all of the right intentions, your ex might not have. If the marriage wasn’t valid from the outset, despite your best efforts and intentions, there really wasn’t much that you could do.

For additional reading you might want to take a look at:

catholic.com/thisrock/1999/9909fea2.asp

kofc.org/rc/en/publications/cis/publications/veritas/Veritas_CIS301.pdf

Thank you, that is very interesting information.

 

[pnewton]

No double standard. Maybe I didn’t make myself clear, the one who committed adultery isn’t allowed to remarry. It clearly states in the New Testament that whoever commits adultery, and remarries causes that person to sin also.

Perhaps you husband does not agree with that interpretation. In the Scripture passage you mention, where Christ is talking, the first word that is translated adultery in the KJV, is not the same word as the second word translated as adultery. The second use of the word “adultery” is the correct use. The first use of the word is used for a general sexual sin.

FYI - Here is an interesting link I found that ties some of this teaching together from a Baptist POV.

biyn.org/divorce/divorce.html

 

[jlaw35550]

I think you spoke truthfully earlier when you said that those who haven’t been there can’t understand. I see here a lot of talking past each other. I do not think anyone who has not been ravaged by adultery will ever get it. I have myself, then I had to be there for my Mom when my dad left after 40 years for another woman. I do not think it too much that we tolerate a little anger.

Just remember an annulment is not about you. Sooner or later you must forgive and move on. That is a far deeper problem than the legalities of Catholic Canon Law. The times when it is hardest to forgive is the time we must focus on our own sin, compared to the holiness of God. Then we can understand that comparing our relative sin to those who sin against us is a minor issue.

Every time I think that I can forgive him, he does something else or he lets her influence him a negative way with our kids and then “forgiveness” just seems to fly out the window. But you are right, I know that somehow, some way and someday I have got to find a way to forgive him.