Exhusband got his wish-

[iluvmybabies]

Well many of you know my history regarding exhusand and my 3 children…and some knew that I had to go back to court because he was getting a reduction on his child support… Well he got what he wanted they approved it for him the judge didn’t even let me have a single word to say every time I tried to say something he would stop me and tell me to be quiet… Even when my exhusband bashed me and said some horrible things about me to the judge like “all she cares about is the money, she doesn’t let me see the children, she denies me to speak with them or to see them all she wants is the money! I don’t think I should even have to pay any of this at all!” The judge listened to everything he said when I tried to defend myself the judge told me off! It was devastating…Really sad and devastating!!! I was really disappointed…Then the judge heard him say he made more than what was posted he made for the adjustment application and the judge instead of being kind and show justice and order an investigation since obviously exhusband lied about how much he makes just pretended he didn’t hear my exhusband say he made another 1000-1500 more a month than what was reported for his modification and just agrees to lowering child support I was in shock and in awe! 3 Children, I make 8 grand less than my exhusband and now with the new baby I have been extremely ill and barely bring home a couple of hundred a month, I am just like wow where’s the justice?! He gets everything he wants all the time…He gets it all…Lies to the judge and gets away with it…All the while lowering what he doens’t even pay to begin with lowered by several thousands in the arrears and several hundred in the monthly payments almost 600 dollars less! Devastating…with kids getting older and having more wants and needs it’s taking a huge toll on me emotionally and physcially because I have forced myself to return to work even though I feel really ill…But what are we going to do you know?! I couldn’t even celebrate my 10 year olds bday this past weekend where he wanted to go which was chuckeecheeses…I feel so bad for him…Hopefully my kids will learn to forgive me for not giving them a lot of the things they want…

And btw my daughter asked my exhusband to buy a 3.50 dollar box of girlscout cookies from her he told her he had no money at all and she was so upset with him she told him herself, “i see the kind of father you are!” I feel sorry for her to suffer because of him, he doesn’t talk to her on a daily basis she told me she no longer cares if he doesn’t even text her I know she’s sad but she has decided to push him as far away as possible since that’s what he’s doing to her…and he’s here in court saying I deny him his parental rights?!

just needed to vent I guess thanks all for listening…

 

[whatevergirl]

*Sounds like this judge has a problem with women. Not knowing all the details, I have followed your threads here, and I’m so sorry. I know you are a good person, I can sense it! I am shocked that a judge would rule in favor of a dad not paying enough child support…how sad. I say this, because the judge shouldn’t have stifled you…without hearing both sides. I don’t get that.

Is that it, with these types of proceedings? Do you have to accept this as the final say, or can you appeal this in another court with another judge?

I’m so sorry. Gosh, why can’t you get a break from this guy? Ugh, makes me so sad for all the situations out there like this one, where people try to get away with shirking their financial responsibilities to their own kids!!! *

 

[Middleman]

I hope you can get counseling for your daughter.

 

[iluvmybabies]

*Sounds like this judge has a problem with women. Not knowing all the details, I have followed your threads here, and I’m so sorry. I know you are a good person, I can sense it! I am shocked that a judge would rule in favor of a dad not paying enough child support…how sad. I say this, because the judge shouldn’t have stifled you…

Is that it, with these types of proceedings? Do you have to accept this as the final say, or can you appeal this in another court with another judge?

I’m so sorry. Gosh, why can’t you get a break from this guy? Ugh, makes me so sad for all the situations out there like this one, where people try to get away with shirking their financial responsibilities to their own kids!!! *

Oh and I forgot to mention that as soon as he got his approval he sent me an email stating that “since we can’t come to an agreement I still can’t pay for this so I quit my job!”

LOL
It wasn’t even five minutes after we hung up the phone from the court call we both had to appear on I got the message!

Oh well…

yeah it’s pretty sad that he never once paid in full his entire child support let alone get away with getting it reduced…Every father whom I know that pays child support have told me they have never heard of it either, that they were forced to get a second and a third job but they wouldn’t reduce the child support at all, even investigated with background checks and everything to know how much asset worth they had to give to the children my exhusband doesn’t even pay for kids’ health insurance! LOL Never sends them anything for Christmas or bdays, this is the 2nd year he doesn’t do it…except for last year in sept he sent my daughter a cell phone told her it was her early Christmas gift and sent her nothing else…LOL

He always gets what he wants it’s always been that way… and then turns around and makes everyone believe he’s the innocent victim…and I am always looked upon the wicked witch of the west! lol Oh well that’s life I guess…Just like my new doctor says gotta deal with it…and move on I guess…lol

 

[iluvmybabies]

I hope you can get counseling for your daughter.

She refuses to go… She says she’s fine…Even though I know how hurt she is from him…

 

[whatevergirl]

*
I’m not satisfied with your response. Seriously…this is not right. If he owes you child support, why isn’t he by law, required to pay it? How could a judge not grant a woman who has full custody of 3 kids, child support owed to her by her ex? I wouldn’t let this end here. I know you are pregnant, you don’t need the stress. But, this is about doing what is right…and he owes your kids child support. He can’t lie, and get away with it. I would try to find justice in this…this is not right. Every father I know also who has to pay child support…has no choice. A percentage of the salary is taken out for it, and that’s it. Unless he doesn’t have a job, I could see it.

Does your husband work for a company that pays him under the table? That is the only way I could see him getting away with this…these types of proceedings, I thought that the court has a right to the records of each party.

I wonder if he pays his taxes. *

 

[Middleman]

She refuses to go… She says she’s fine…Even though I know how hurt she is from him…

I hope you can let it all go then. This airing of your feelings on what an inadequate, do nothing father she has will hurt her. I’m sure she’s overheard your conversations.

 

[MercyMia]

Iluv, I am so sorry for all the drama that seems to swirl you. Your ex-husand fooled the judge, but we both know that there is no fooling God.
I know it is hard to see the light end of the tunnel right now, but God is that eternal light and he sees your struggle and he sees the ways you are struggling and sacrificing.
BTW do you live in an expensive area? I ask only because it seems as though you are struggling financially. I live in CT, and I have no idea how single moms survive here, it is crazy expensive. If you live in a state that is particularly expensive, maybe you can use the excuse of needing to find a cheaper state to live in in order to get away from your ex and make a clean break.

I will say a few prayers for you today.

If it makes you feel any better, I never had a single birthday party at Chuckie Cheese and I turned out okay

 

[MercyMia]

She refuses to go… She says she’s fine…Even though I know how hurt she is from him…

Iluv…I do not think therapy is optional for her. If I remember from your other posts, she is at an age when things can start to get tricky. If you don’t nip things in the bud now she is going to be vunerable to a world of boys waiting to give her false validation and take advantage of her. If not counseling, at least some kind of mentoring program. Really, I beg you.

 

[whatevergirl]

*I agree with Mia…in a grander scheme kind of way. lol

iluvmybabies…did you have a lawyer? If so, what on earth did he/she say to this outcome?

Mia–my kids went to Chuck E Cheese for birthdays when they were little…and my son was scared of that big mouse. Overrated place! (And I always had a splitting headache from the place haha)*

 

[Middleman]

Iluv…I do not think therapy is optional for her. If I remember from your other posts, she is at an age when things can start to get tricky. If you don’t nip things in the bud now she is going to be vunerable to a world of boys waiting to give her false validation and take advantage of her. If not counseling, at least some kind of mentoring program. Really, I beg you.

I totally agree. These post divorce legal battles really hurt the kids. She’s right before puberty, Mom is having a new baby with another man I presume. Confusing stuff for a soon to be woman.

 

[whatevergirl]

Iluv…I do not think therapy is optional for her. If I remember from your other posts, she is at an age when things can start to get tricky. If you don’t nip things in the bud now she is going to be vunerable to a world of boys waiting to give her false validation and take advantage of her. If not counseling, at least some kind of mentoring program. Really, I beg you.

*I agree.

The tough part though is, counseling costs money…and sounds like after this outcome, her ex has made things quite difficult.

iluvmybabies…know you’re in our prayers, here. I have seen your struggles. I pray your future spouse will treat you worlds better…and can offer your kids some semblance of stability going forward. :console:*

 

[iluvmybabies]

*
I’m not satisfied with your response. Seriously…this is not right. If he owes you child support, why isn’t he by law, required to pay it? How could a judge not grant a woman who has full custody of 3 kids, child support owed to her by her ex? I wouldn’t let this end here. I know you are pregnant, you don’t need the stress. But, this is about doing what is right…and he owes your kids child support. He can’t lie, and get away with it. I would try to find justice in this…this is not right. Every father I know also who has to pay child support…has no choice. A percentage of the salary is taken out for it, and that’s it. Unless he doesn’t have a job, I could see it.

Does your husband work for a company that pays him under the table? That is the only way I could see him getting away with this…these types of proceedings, I thought that the court has a right to the records of each party.

I wonder if he pays his taxes. *

I tried getting some help and hiring a private detective this guy was like we can get you records of his employment so i paid the 100 bucks got nothing, I was disappointed the PD was like “oh there are no guarantees that all that will come out the next step is to hire us and for us to follow him!” I was like how much does that cost? He was like “it’s only 175 per hour…” I WAS LIKE HUH? Ugh!! Nope the judge didn’t budge nor care that he was behind 14 grand on child support and not once has he paid in full! on top of that I was looked as bad because I don’t send the kids to him in FLORIDA! BTW did I mention he never has given me an address so even if I had the money where would I send my kids now?! I was upset, sad and everything else…I couldn’t believe that they would do that to me…You think I haven’t been depressed about this? BUT I have learned something. The more i worry about something I can’t change and I can’t unless I had money lol there’s this saying my future FIL tells me money talks BS walks, obviously if I had the money the PD would have chased exhusband and sent me proof then I would have hired an attorney which btw is 200 bucks an hour, lol, and sent my ex back to court…

I don’t know if you remember his history but he used to make 5200 a month take home…the first time they found out he had a job they took 50% of his biweekly paycheck for that period they sent me 1300 dollars! I thought I had won the lotto! for the second check I got 120 bucks…with a notice that stated that all of a sudden his hours were cut short, and he no longer made enough for them to take the 50% 1300 dollars every 2 weeks…I was like how did that happen in a period of 2 weeks? He lost his hours etc??? so we got stuck with receiving anything from 200 bucks a month to 900 bucks a month whenever they were able to get even that from him…He has a wife and 2 step children and the court actually considered them because he’s their main support so what about his biological children? Seems according to the judge that approved they really don’t matter…

so many things I can’t afford or give them thanks to my exhusband unwilling to pay what he truly owes…i don’t have any other way of helping my kids…Other than what I am doing being sick from the pg push myself as much as I can…

That’s all I can do…And besides I have decided to just let GOD do what He knows is best…I am trying to take care of myself and my kids and push myself as much as I can…you know?!

 

[iluvmybabies]

Iluv…I do not think therapy is optional for her. If I remember from your other posts, she is at an age when things can start to get tricky. If you don’t nip things in the bud now she is going to be vunerable to a world of boys waiting to give her false validation and take advantage of her. If not counseling, at least some kind of mentoring program. Really, I beg you.

I had her in counseling once…She tried hurting herself made it out well…Now she refuses to go back…I try very hard to be there for her and to take care of her…If i see her changing from one day to another i will take her…before it goes any further…so far she’s doing ok…

 

[whatevergirl]

*Okay…I see. I remember some details, yes. My next question…did you both divorce in Florida? I ask, because shouldn’t the laws in Florida be governing this situation? We had close friends who divorced, and the father, no matter what, HAS to pay a certain percentage decided in Florida…unless he loses his job. He has to show proof of his checking account, etc…so he doesn’t hide any ‘‘extra’’ money he comes into. I am dumbfounded that the judge treated you this way.

I am so sorry. I’m sorry for your kids too…they are so innocent in all of this. *

 

[whatevergirl]

*And regarding God…yes, all that you have been through, He sees it all. He will take care of you. My prayers to you and your family.

Have you told your mom? *

 

[iluvmybabies]

*Okay…I see. I remember some details, yes. My next question…did you both divorce in Florida? I ask, because shouldn’t the laws in Florida be governing this situation? We had close friends who divorced, and the father, no matter what, HAS to pay a certain percentage decided in Florida…unless he loses his job. He has to show proof of his checking account, etc…so he doesn’t hide any ‘‘extra’’ money he comes into. I am dumbfounded that the judge treated you this way.

I am so sorry. I’m sorry for your kids too…they are so innocent in all of this. *

Been divorced for several years so this is nothing new…It’s still hard on the kids when he tells them one thing and then does another that’s what bothers them more than him not showing up at all you know?! when he doesn’t talk to them all 3 of them are like at peace for some strange reason he tries to communicate with them and all 3 react like they hate the world after they get done talking to him…esp when he tells them he will send them soemthing or visit or something and he doesn’t hurts them like hell…

We got divorced in California, that’s where the court order came from I had a different judge then, now this one seemed not to like women at all…I mean he literally screamed at me and told me to SHUT UP! and threatened me when I was trying to explain that I had offered my exhusband plenty of times to pay for his tickets to come see his kids but whatever…I guess I am just going to be the liar for his family as well as the court…Must be nice you know?! And then he sends me a threat saying he’s quitting his job?!

Hes quit so many jobs this is the first one hes had going on 2 years since he got married to his new wife…hopefully he doesn’t quit…

 

[iluvmybabies]

*And regarding God…yes, all that you have been through, He sees it all. He will take care of you. My prayers to you and your family.

Have you told your mom? *

Yes she couldn’t believe it…she was very disappointed and very sad i got humiliated like that and wasn’t even allowed to speak my part…AT ALL! It was a very frustrating several hours of court…Very disappointing…

 

[daeve]

She refuses to go… She says she’s fine…Even though I know how hurt she is from him…

She’s still a kid, I’m thinking, if she’s selling Girl Scout cookies. You may have to tell her, “Oh yes you are,” until she’s old enough to decide that on her own. My kids went to a group at the YMCA called Kids of Single Parents, and I think that helped them some. They got to talk to other kids in the same boat, and felt a little better knowing other kids father’s weren’t making pine wood derby cars or going fishing and camping and showing up at soccer games.

That’s pretty amazing, the judge not letting you talk. I never had to do this. I think he was so glad not to have to deal with one who had severe learning disabilities and one who was bi-polar (we didn’t know what it was until he was about 16) that he was happy to send a check and never have to actually see them or talk to them. He lives in PA and we live in MO. They’re both adults, one is 30 and the other about to turn 29, and he doesn’t bother with them much. The older one makes an effort and goes to see him once or twice a year, but the younger one has no interest in a relatinship with him. It’s hurt my son a lot more than it hurt his father, but he can’t see that even after a lot of therapy. He quit on his 18th birthday. He’s doing pretty well right now, although I’m worried about a big depression coming up when the cat he’s had since 4th grade dies. The poor old guy is 17 years old and a bag of bones. I don’t think he’ll last much longer. He’s lost other cats (we’re a major cat family) but this one is pretty special to him.

I’ve heard of men quitting their jobs rather than pay child support but it still knocks off my socks. People like that are somehow mentally deficient, lacking the parenting instinct.

Do you have a lawyer when you go for modification, or do you just try to fend for yourself?

 

[lizds]

The same thing happened to my mom. My dad had his child support dropped from $1,800 to only $205. My mom had a hard time helping me and my brother, she had even lost her job shortly after that had happened. I was fourteen at the time and my brother was 12. I helped out a lot around the house. I worked little side jobs like babysitting for neighbors and such, I would give her money to help pay for grocerys. One lady I baby sat for knew of our situation and paid me minimuim wage, and one point I work 40 hrs a week. We made it just fine, sure we had to sacrific a lot, but without my dad there things turned out for the better. I haven’t seen or heard from him in about nine years now. I wouldn’t change that either.