Extreme disruptions during Mass

[wifenmommy]

This past Sunday we attended Mass as usual. Our 9 oclock Mass is known as the “family Mass”, the families attended most often. Dh adn I are accustomed and prepared and know that this Mass is not silent by any stretch of the imagination! We have a yound daughter, so we know how it can be with a child in Mass. Now before the tomatoes start (lol), I have always tried my best to teach dd how to behave in Mass from birth. Even the times she went to the cry room, I would hold her and stand near the window and try to teach her about the Mass. Dh and I love children, I even sit for children (sometimes 6 at a time!) so we are not old, grouchy impatient folks!~lol.

Now here is the story:
Someone towards the back of the Church, allowed their child to scream, shriek, throw change on the pews, throw the songbooks on the pews and floor during the ENTIRE MASS! Five seconds didnt pass without this child shrieking loud enough to make your ears ring. As hard as dh and I tried to forcus on the Mass and Consecration, it was impossible. Our dear Priest during his homily was leading us in a very special prayer by St Padre Pio, but concentration was impossible. When Fr asked us to close our eyes, he even said, “I know it is hard those of us who have little saints to close our eyes and focus…” We dont expect Mass to be absolute silence, but dh and I were shaking when we left~our nerves were so raw! When dd was a toddler, we were always so careful that we did not allow her to be a disruptance to the congregation. Our Priest is so child friendly that he has made statementst to the effect, “bring your babies to Mass~I can always talk louder than they can scream.” I am grateful that Fr is like that, but someone apparently took it as they can let their kid disrupt the entire congregation. Is that fair that this family did this? What would it hurt if they took their dear child to the cry room , just long enough to get the screaming under control? I am not trying to be ugly about it, but at another chuch, when dd was an infant, she made a mmmmm sound for about 3 seconds and that resulted in a really dirty look from a few old biddles (lol), so I know how it feels and dont want to be UnCatholic about the situation. Should I mention it to Father? Pop a few nerve pills before Mass or change our parish all together? Week befor last, we attended a late 5:30 Mass15 minutes from home (its hunting season here and that was the last one in the area). That Mass must have had 30-40 kids-we sat in the front and had no idea that many kids attended because it was so quiet! Apparently those parents taught their children right! lol! We dont want to change parishes~we love our little parish, but if we cant attend Mass and cant focus on our Lord, what was the use of attending if we cant fully meditate on our Lord? We just dont know what we should do…

 

[mercygate]

Wait to see if it happens again. One occurrence is not a pattern that anybody needs to address.

 

[ChristIsLord]

My daughter simply doesn’t listen, she is two and will not sit still, she will throw things, make noises etc… The entire Mass without any concern for if we approve or not. Peoples reactions are why we no longer attend Mass as a family because we can’t take our daughter, people just aren’t patient enough. And typically it’s people who are there alone or older people without kids and I wonder why they come to the family Mass only to get upset at the people with small children?

My son was always very good in Church even as a little boy, my daughter is an absolute nightmare in public, and we can’t take her and be comfortable. If you knew my daughter you would know nothing can be done to quell her behavior she will have to simply grow out of it.

I will add that this DID not happen in the Lutheran Church we attended, people smiled and laughed at her and they had a room where she could be entertained. In the Catholic Church we got the absolute look of death from people.

I would say if your kids are old enough go to a later Mass.

 

[wifenmommy]

I have a small child~we should not have to change Mass because one parent absolutly refuses to even attempt to quiet the child~how about NOT giving them coins to throw against the pew?? That would be a good start! How about taking a walk to the cryroom when the child is shrieking bloody murder?? I can tolerate noise to a reasonable level, but what these parents allowed was wrong. I did say I didnt expect it to be absolute silence, just to be able to focus for a minute or so would have made us happy…I dont understand parents who think they are entitled to let their children behave as they wish~it is not mean or unChristian like to TRY to teach children better~

 

[wifenmommy]

My daughter simply doesn’t listen, she is two and will not sit still, she will throw things, make noises etc… The entire Mass without any concern for if we approve or not. Peoples reactions are why we no longer attend Mass as a family because we can’t take our daughter, people just aren’t patient enough. And typically it’s people who are there alone or older people without kids and I wonder why they come to the family Mass only to get upset at the people with small children?
I DO have a small child and in no way would I allow this type of behavior~we have worked with dd to where she KNOWS she had better behave in Mass~no excuses or exceptions…We ARE a family we should be able to go to Mass and not have a unruly child shrieking the ENTIRE time…that is asking kinda much isnt it???
My son was always very good in Church even as a little boy, my daughter is an absolute nightmare in public, and we can’t take her and be comfortable. If you knew my daughter you would know nothing can be done to quell her behavior she will have to simply grow out of it.
Is there a cryroom at your church? Maybe use that…
I will add that this DID not happen in the Lutheran Church we attended, people smiled and laughed at her and they had a room where she could be entertained. In the Catholic Church we got the absolute look of death from people.
Maybe that could be that Jesus isnt present in the Eucharist in a Lutheran Church…I dont understand why people choose not to even try to discipline thier kids, they will blame it on the people around them that they arent “patient” enough. I am a very very patient person…would you like it if you had a child shrieking to the top of their lungs for an hour? How about being considerate of other parishiners?
I would say if your kids are old enough go to a later Mass.I QUOTE]
My family should be able to go to a FAMILY Mass with out having to endure a screamng banshee. If that is the case, pretty soon this rude parent and child will be the only ones left in that Mass:shrug:

 

[wifenmommy]

Wait to see if it happens again. One occurrence is not a pattern that anybody needs to address.

I understand this, it is just that I feel I didnt give or get as much out of Mass as I should have. I love to experience Mass to the fullest…

 

[ChristIsLord]

Some kids are just very rambunctious and hyper and the parents probably deal with 24/7 and don’t even notice anymore if they had to quiet thier kid down everytime in public they would probably go mad at having to do it all day long…

The coins may have been an attempt to divert the childs attention to something else and quiet him down. For those people who haven’t had to raise one of these children God bless you, some kids simply do not have the ability to focus and listen to anything at that age.

If you say something to the people odds are they leave and don’t come back like we did, or you can go to a later Mass if your child is well behaved.

 

[ChristIsLord]

ChristIsLord;4471639:

My daughter simply doesn’t listen, she is two and will not sit still, she will throw things, make noises etc… The entire Mass without any concern for if we approve or not. Peoples reactions are why we no longer attend Mass as a family because we can’t take our daughter, people just aren’t patient enough. And typically it’s people who are there alone or older people without kids and I wonder why they come to the family Mass only to get upset at the people with small children?
I DO have a small child and in no way would I allow this type of behavior~we have worked with dd to where she KNOWS she had better behave in Mass~no excuses or exceptions…We ARE a family we should be able to go to Mass and not have a unruly child shrieking the ENTIRE time…that is asking kinda much isnt it???

My son was always very good in Church even as a little boy, my daughter is an absolute nightmare in public, and we can’t take her and be comfortable. If you knew my daughter you would know nothing can be done to quell her behavior she will have to simply grow out of it.
Is there a cryroom at your church? Maybe use that…
I will add that this DID not happen in the Lutheran Church we attended, people smiled and laughed at her and they had a room where she could be entertained. In the Catholic Church we got the absolute look of death from people.
Maybe that could be that Jesus isnt present in the Eucharist in a Lutheran Church…I dont understand why people choose not to even try to discipline thier kids, they will blame it on the people around them that they arent “patient” enough. I am a very very patient person…would you like it if you had a child shrieking to the top of their lungs for an hour? How about being considerate of other parishiners?
I would say if your kids are old enough go to a later Mass.I QUOTE]
My family should be able to go to a FAMILY Mass with out having to endure a screamng banshee. If that is the case, pretty soon this rude parent and child will be the only ones left in that Mass:shrug:

Well based on your very snippy response to me I can say that no you do not seem to be a patient person. We discipline our daughter she simply doesn’t care. Not all kids are the same, some are simply rambunctious at two - three there’s only so much you can do. My son was great at Mass it took very little disciplining to get him to sit still and behave, my daughter totally different animal.

It’s family Mass, one thing I learned that if I want to to focus on the Mass 100% I do that in daily Mass with no distractions, I don’t go to family Mass with kids everywhere, then get upset at shrieking kids. If it bothers you that much go to a later Mass what’s the big deal?

 

[wifenmommy]

Some kids are just very rambunctious and hyper and the parents probably deal with 24/7 and don’t even notice anymore if they had to quiet thier kid down everytime in public they would probably go mad at having to do it all day long…True~I know a few parents like this…

The coins may have been an attempt to divert the childs attention to something else and quiet him down. For those people who haven’t had to raise one of these children God bless you, some kids simply do not have the ability to focus and listen to anything at that age.
True too~ they might have been getting desparate at that point. It is just I was always so careful to bring things for dd that would make no noise~like a hankerchief baby or a cloth book…
If you say something to the people odds are they leave and don’t come back like we did, or you can go to a later Mass if your child is well behaved.

Also true…we attended a Church and when my dd was an infant and made on tiny noise, I got a couple dirty looks (see my oringinal post…) We dont go there any more! I was always so careful to be considerate of others around me at Mass when dd was a baby and toddler.

 

[happymommy]

I’ve been there, we have one family that waits until the child is throwing a full blown fit before they leave. Not fair to the rest of us, but they bring her back each week and it is getting better. If they didn’t bring her she would never learn. I would rather listen to a little one cry then a ten year old whine because they don’t like going to mass and they are going to make everyone around them feel just as awful as they do.
I’ve never had anyone say anything mean to me when my kids have made noise. And I’ve never heard of comments made to others. Most of the older people smile at us when our two year starts to talk. He’s not bad, just likes to say hi to the people he knows, including Father. We keep him pretty quiet. But I love to see families at church. Jesus wants the chlidren there and if we don’t take them they won’t learn how to behave and they won’t have respect for their faith.

 

[wifenmommy]

wifenmommy;4471790:

Well based on your very snippy response to me I can say that no you do not seem to be a patient person. We discipline our daughter she simply doesn’t care. Not all kids are the same, some are simply rambunctious at two - three there’s only so much you can do. My son was great at Mass it took very little disciplining to get him to sit still and behave, my daughter totally different animal.

It’s family Mass, one thing I learned that if I want to to focus on the Mass 100% I do that in daily Mass with no distractions, I don’t go to family Mass with kids everywhere, then get upset at shrieking kids. If it bothers you that much go to a later Mass what’s the big deal?

If I got snippy it is because some parents think it ok to let their kids act up at the expense of others trying to be present in the Mass. I am a very patient person~I take care of children and have small ones of my own…what is so wrong with removing the child that is totally out of control??? You have no idea how BAD this child was behaving. I am not talking about one little giggle or even a few minutes of crying, I am talking about full blown SHRIEKING to the top of the lungs for a FULL HOUR WITHOUT STOPPING. Is that ok? Nope not in my book and I am sure of a few others. Why should my FAMILY that enjoys a FAMILY MASS not go because a parent refuses to correct their little darling?

 

[mercygate]

I understand this, it is just that I feel I didnt give or get as much out of Mass as I should have. I love to experience Mass to the fullest…

You did. Mass at its “fullest” means putting up with stuff like this. But as I suggested, a one-time incident is just that. If it looks like it’s going to be a regular thing, someone whose job it is to handle these things really ought to approach the parents. If this kid is really off the chart behavior-wise, maybe there is something wrong with him/her.

 

[wifenmommy]

I’ve been there, we have one family that waits until the child is throwing a full blown fit before they leave. Not fair to the rest of us, but they bring her back each week and it is getting better. If they didn’t bring her she would never learn. I would rather listen to a little one cry then a ten year old whine because they don’t like going to mass and they are going to make everyone around them feel just as awful as they do.
I’ve never had anyone say anything mean to me when my kids have made noise. And I’ve never heard of comments made to others. Most of the older people smile at us when our two year starts to talk. He’s not bad, just likes to say hi to the people he knows, including Father. We keep him pretty quiet. But I love to see families at church. Jesus wants the chlidren there and if we don’t take them they won’t learn how to behave and they won’t have respect for their faith.

I agree, just sometimes you have to take them outside or the cry room. It is not being mean or impatient~just common courtesy.

 

[wifenmommy]

You did. Mass at its “fullest” means putting up with stuff like this. But as I suggested, a one-time incident is just that. If it looks like it’s going to be a regular thing, someone whose job it is to handle these things really ought to approach the parents. If this kid is really off the chart behavior-wise, maybe there is something wrong with him/her.

True! Thanks~I will keep that in mind!

 

[Appleby]

Some kids are just very rambunctious and hyper and the parents probably deal with 24/7 and don’t even notice anymore if they had to quiet thier kid down everytime in public they would probably go mad at having to do it all day long…

The coins may have been an attempt to divert the childs attention to something else and quiet him down. For those people who haven’t had to raise one of these children God bless you, some kids simply do not have the ability to focus and listen to anything at that age.

If you say something to the people odds are they leave and don’t come back like we did, or you can go to a later Mass if your child is well behaved.

If your brat “does not have the ability to focus and listen to anything at that age” THEN LEAVE HER THE HECK HOME UNTIL SHE DOES. Mass is not a three ring circus in which we all show up to see your child perform.

 

[Appleby]

I agree, just sometimes you have to take them outside or the cry room. It is not being mean or impatient~just common courtesy.

And sometimes you have to explain to your little performer that the universe does not revolve around her, and that there are people who actually come to Mass for some reason other than to chat with a two-year-old or watch her throw things and scream. What ever happened to “children should be seen and not heard”?

Mama had five children in ten years, and all she ever had to do when any one of us started to ‘act out’ was make eye contact and raise one finger. That was because before we entered the church, she said, “If I have to take any one of you out of here for misbehaving…” and no more. We asked her years later what would have happened, and she laughed and said, “Probably nothing nearly as bad as you were imagining!”

 

[ChristIsLord]

If your brat “does not have the ability to focus and listen to anything at that age” THEN LEAVE HER THE HECK HOME UNTIL SHE DOES. Mass is not a three ring circus in which we all show up to see your child perform.

That is what we do, because I am convinced people go to the Family Mass just to complain about kids…

Two? Not many 2 year olds can focus on anything or behave, it’s old ninnies like you who ruin the Family Mass not the kids…

 

[happymommy]

I agree, just sometimes you have to take them outside or the cry room. It is not being mean or impatient~just common courtesy.

That’s right. That is what we have done. They get too loud, we take them out and continue with our service there. I kneel and pray, whatever they are doing at they time. I don’t let them keep me from my mass. When they are quiet again, we go back in and continue. It has never taken long for them to understand. Now our 21/2 year old will sit through the entire mass, sometimes kneeling with us too. Trying to copy what we do. They see everything and they understand more than they are given credit for. If you have the attitude that mass is not important enough to be done as a family and leave the kids at home. Why would they want to go when they are older and be expected to know what to do or how to behave. Can’t keep them quiet, sit in the cry room, bring a bible story book for them to look at, we have special books our son only looks at during church, so each week he is excited to see them again. I know there are special cases where the children just can’t be still or quiet. I understand and you need to do what is best for your child. I’m talking about the average child. They should be able to be quiet and you should be able to make it through mass without getting all upset.

 

[Apryl]

wifenmommy;4471790:

Well based on your very snippy response to me I can say that no you do not seem to be a patient person. We discipline our daughter she simply doesn’t care. Not all kids are the same, some are simply rambunctious at two - three there’s only so much you can do. My son was great at Mass it took very little disciplining to get him to sit still and behave, my daughter totally different animal.

It’s family Mass, one thing I learned that if I want to to focus on the Mass 100% I do that in daily Mass with no distractions, I don’t go to family Mass with kids everywhere, then get upset at shrieking kids. If it bothers you that much go to a later Mass what’s the big deal?

(Clearing throat)

Hello.

I’m new to this thread, but not new to the situation.

I realize that you may be passionate about your point, but I think that your post reflects what others may be feeling around you when attempting to attend mass.

Consider if there are 20 children, but only YOUR child is making enough noise to divert every one’s attention from the mass.

Consider there are 20 children, but YOURS is heard throughout the mass.

Consider there are 20 children, but you are accostomed to hearing YOURS making noise and ignoring her and pretending she is not making noise.

Most importantly, consider the others around you.

Consider that while your child may be ignorable to you, the sounds that your child makes are not ignorable by others. They have to wonder ‘is the baby ok?’, or ‘why doesn’t someone help that child’.

While I do believe that children are precious and should be brought to God in the house of the Lord as much as possible, we have to also consider that church or not, we are part of a society, and should be considerate of others.

The situation described by the OP is not an uncommon one. It’s usually one or two people with families that disrupt every one else. Then, others notice, and even whisper and smile… but the fact is, they are offended, oppressed, and even insulted.

Ok, you’re probably pretty ticked off by now, and this is not about me, or about you, my kids or your kids: no matter the number of people, age, or anything else, we should be considerate of others in group settings. If you had a coughing fit, wouldn’t you leave and try to get a drink of water? If you had a baby that was colicky, would you take the baby around others?

Is the presence in the mass that much that people have to ‘bear with you’ in order to share space with you? If your child is the noisy one, what can we do to help you to not have a noisy child? We are only looking at the duration of mass. Perhaps the other parent could stay with the baby and attend a different mass so that all could appreciate the mass?

While those with children ask for our patience with them, we also ask that those with children have patience with others.

The title of the thread is EXTREME disruptions during mass.

 

[TurboVW]

Is that fair that this family did this? What would it hurt if they took their dear child to the cry room , just long enough to get the screaming under control? I am not trying to be ugly about it, but at another chuch, when dd was an infant, she made a mmmmm sound for about 3 seconds and that resulted in a really dirty look from a few old biddles (lol)… We just dont know what we should do…

Nothing.

Children grow up. You spent an hour hearing a child scream, when you say you have kids of your own. I don’t (I’m 23) but I can tell you that you sound like an “old biddle.”

I too used to get upset at kids during Mass. Then I realized if every family left their kids at home, this wouldn’t be a church or a Mass. Just a group of self-centered adults.

Then I also realized the sound of children is a beautiful thing, when I considered how many are aborted every day.