Family Bed

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kamz

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Does anybody else practice the family bed?

Our 14 month old has been sharing our bed since he was 6 months old, my husband is not overly thrilled, mostly because he is nervous he will roll over on our son. I have tried to get our son to sleep in his crib but he cries for hours ( no joke) so I end up bringing him into our bed and he goes to sleep the minute he is next to me. I don’t know if its good or not, our older three never needed this and were great crib and then bed sleepers but we seem to have a rather big problem going now.

Any advice, help, suggestions???

Thanks 😃
 
My husband and I had a family bed from the time the kids were born. It makes nursing soo easy. When each child got to the point they could sleep all night they moved into another room with a large mattress on the floor. We would lay down with them til they went to sleep. If they had a bad night they would come back to our bed, but basically felt very grown up to have graduated to their own room.
 
We also practice the family bed and I can’t say enough about how wonderful this practice is. We currently have two (our 3 &1/2 year old and our 11 month old) ‘co-sleeping’ with us. I suggest you first educate your husband and yourself about the benefits of this and the WAY overblown worries about rolling over on the baby. Pick up any of the parenting books by either Dr. William Sears (‘The Baby Book’, or ‘Nightime Parenting’), or Gregory Popchak (‘Parenting With Grace’) for a more fully Catholic look at Family Bed and Attachment Parenting.

Steve
 
thankyou so much, I’m going to show my hubby your responses when he gets home from work, I swear, he acts like we must be the only family letting our child sleep with us. Not to mention that his family about croaked when I happened to mention our little guy slept with us and not in his crib, they were all over us like it was just so bad, it really made hubby get even more against the idea, I don’t know why its so hard for people to be ok with a child wanting the comfort and closeness of mommy and dad at night, seems pretty normal to me. thanks so much!!! I feel way better. 😃
 
Family Bed is the best…

And I am a man. We have had all 4 of ours in our bed until around 2 1/2 or so. Quite often they come back (bad dreams and such) but we don’t mind.

I didn’t see it in your original email, but make sure you have a king size bed. If you don’t, I can see how your husband might be worried about rolling over on the baby.

In my view, co-sleeping and attachment parenting are truly “Catholic” Parenting.

There was a great quote that I have somewhere where a doctor said that: The act of making love is not just the act of marital intercourse. It begins there and continues on through pregnancy, through childbirth, through breastfeeding, through co-sleeping and attachment parenting. This is truly parenting by God’s design.
 
I have never experience the family bed thing or hear about practical applications, I thought it was just something in the stories, but it sounds like a great enviornment for kids. The only thing that I could think might be a prolbem would be the transition from the family bed to their own bed, that might be alot of fun! 🙂
 
The transition is tough with some kids. Not so tough with others.

There is another quote I heard a long time ago…of course, I have to paraphrase because I don’t remember too well. It was an author who said that many times teenagers who jump into bed with each other are really jumping into bed looking for their parents.

Obviously, teens do not belong in the bed! 😛 But I think it is perfectly logical that a child who does not receive enough physical interaction with Mom and Dad, may end up seeking out a very different type of physical interaction as teens.
 
I just took my 8 month old to a sleep specialist because we have had so many problems with his sleep habits. Your husband should not roll over on him just as we do not usually roll off the end of the bed even though it is right next to us.

Just make sure you never sleep next to your child intoxicated.

Many cultures practice co-sleeping for a child’s first years and the children grow up to be just fine.
 
We practice this also. For our babies, they come to bed from day 1. We have them stay with us each night until around 1 year and then transition them to day naps in the crib. We have fun with this and the children don’t feel it is scary or whatever. Now, our 14 mo still has nights when she wants to be with us in bed, and that is fine. Our 5 yo still does on occasion and that is fine too. They eventually grow out of that need. Besides, who can resist cuddling up to your kids. We love it.
 
momto6sofar, how do you get your little ones to day nap in the crib? Our little guy won’t even do that so for his naps I have to either rock him to sleep and hope he will stay asleep when I put him in the crib (usually no more than 20 minutes) or I have to lay in bed with him and if I get up to leave once he is asleep he usually wakes up, the biggest problem for me is that he wants to rub my arms while he sleeps and at night that is fine but during the day when I would love to use his sleep time to get some work done it is very difficult. Any suggestions???
 
Hey everyone,
My husband and I are first time parents of our 8 month old son. I think I was sending a vibe out for someone to post a thread on this 😉
We have been sharing the family bed and it has been wonderful. I am still nursing him, mostly at night, and I introduced him slowly to cereal and solids at about 6 months. So I nursed pretty much exclusively…
Here is pretty much our little problem, please share if anyone can relate…the baby does not sleep through at all. Some nights he will, literally, wake up every hour. I then always put him to breast. Sometimes he is hungry, sometimes he just wants the comfort. It is really hard and I sometimes worry if he has a sleeping problem. He doesn’t stay awake though, as soon as I put him to breast, he will usually fall asleep.
We have his crib attached at the foot of the bed with the one side down, so as to make it like an extension of our bed. We tried to let him fall asleep on his own in it. Oh how he cried, I could not bear it…I can not do that again. He will not just fall asleep on his own…does anyone have any advice or similar experiences. My husband and I both love him in our bed, I just wish he would sleep for longer periods…
God bless you all and peace be with you always 🙂
 
KAMZ
A couple pointers on the naps (stuff you’d learn in the Dr. Sears ‘Baby Book’. First, be aware that infants sleep patterns are very different from adult sleep patterns. It takes an infant anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes to fall DEEP asleep (adults average 7mins). So if you put your baby to sleep in the rocker, and only wait 15 minutes, then try to move them, BOOM! they wake up because they aren’t yet deep asleep. Try to wait about 25 minutes after they initially fall asleep, then move them. Usually by that time they are so deep in sleep they won’t wake. The are also two good indicators of when they are in that deep sleep 1) The limp limb test - if you can pick their arm up and let it go and it flops down without an resistance, that’s a good indicator and 2) If their breathing patterns is very slow an regular (no quick irregular breaths. Try to put them down before they are in that deep sleep and they will ALWAYS wake up.

If that still doesn’t help, then invest the time and money (about $30 and three weeks to master) of a baby sling. Our second born wouldn’t take naps ANYWHERE but in our arms. But with a baby sling, you can let them sleep away peacefully and your hands are free to read, play, etc. while they are in your arms. You’d be surprised how much they can sleep through when they are snuggled close to you.

Steve
 
Monica3
Sounds like you have the same kinda of little one as our first baby. The good news is he doesn’t have a sleep problem and this will pass (usually between 9 mos and 1 year). The bad news is that the only remedy is that his sleep patterns simply need to mature. I mentioned in an earlier post that sleep patterns for infants are much different than for adults (and children). The average infant takes 20 to 30 minutes to get into a deep sleep (7 minutes average for adults), and only stays in that deep sleep for maybe 1 to 1 & 1/2 hours. So you see your babies patterns is totally normal. As he matures, so will his sleep patterns. Our first child slept very similarly to yours for the firsth 9 months or so, then each month after that got a little bit better. By 2 years old (and since) he sleeps solidly for 11 to 12 hours without trouble. So keep you chin up and stick with it, this phase will pass and is very common.

Steve
 
We cosleep still with our 5 year old. We have gently tried to get him to go into his own bed but he just isn’t ready to do so. Our other children went to their own beds on their own usually around ages 4-5. My husbandand I figure eventually the five year old will go into his own bed (he will, right:rolleyes: ?) When he is married we will definately have to put our foot down :LOL.

I never had a problem with the kids falling asleep for naps by theirselves. I guess because our daytime routine and night routines were different.
 
Good Post, Steve

I think largely that sleeping through the night is an unrealistic goal. Our 16 month old will wake up (barely) a couple of times per night to nurse. I don’t think he has EVER slept completely through the night. This has been the pretty much the same with our other children. By the way, as a parent you start to get used to it. I wake up 2 or 3 times per night whether the kids wake up or not. I still wake up feeling rested…well, not really, but I am not any more tired than I used to be!

You are doing the right thing! And your baby will thank you for it!
 
One of our worst decisions is to get a queen rather than a king size bed ( putting together twin size beds would work as well). Our daughter is 9 and she still comes in sometime during the night most nights.

My suggestion is to not fight it, and empahtically, don’t fight it while they are nursing.

Your husband won’t roll over if he is not under influence of drugs or alcohol . I would also avoid it if he has been up for more than 20 hours. in which case he will sleep anywhere anyway.
 
Roemer,

FYI w/ the 9 yr old…We have a system where we have a couple of children’s sleeping bags under the edge of the bed. The older one’s know that they are free to come into our room and hop in a sleeping bag next our bed. This keeps our bed a lot less crowded, especially during a thunderstorm. Anyway, I highly recommend it!
 
I love sleeping with the little ones!

My hubby however, is a light sleeper. Terrible problem for him. When I’m pregnant and rolling around all night he only sleeps a few hours. 😦

So with the second baby, I just kept going into her room at night and with our third my hubby got his own bedroom. Sometimes it is annoying but I know secretly he just loves it…admission to make…I snore loudly :eek: He has never slept better.

I know when other people find out they must think our marriage is on the rocks or something :eek: but it works for us!

I think I remember hearing that a few other countries have this same practice. Oh well, whatever works.

And you might mention to your husband that a whole lot more families co-sleep than you will ever know. Many people just don’t volunteer the information out of “peer pressure.” I mean, as Orthodox Catholics people already think we are weird enough why add more fuel to the fire 😃
 
My kids are 27 & 24 and they both slept with their father and I until they were about 3 years old. They are both very independent and very good kids. My son now lives eight hours away and my daughter live two hours away. They both have a good relationship with their father and myself.
I believe it makes them feel secure and safe if they choose to sleep with the parents. I guess the biggest problem could be the parents needing that time without kids. It’s different for different people I guess, but I would not worry if I were you.
 
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