Finding other Catholic virgins

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thewanderer said:
Yeah… I was kind of wondering the same thing. Why in the world does wearing high heels and makeup mean you are more likely to be promiscuous? Or being subdued more likely to make you a virgin for that matter. Just because one is outgoing doesn’t mean they are more promiscuous.
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Why does pottery-making and the ability to read make you less outgoing? Pretty much all the outgoing people I know read books and frankly, ALL the pottery spinners I know let their freak flags wave.
 
OP,
After reading some of your previous posts on other threads, I think your questions about marriage run far deeper than the one you pose here. A forum of internet strangers is probably not going to help you out a whole lot- I advise you to seek counsel from a priest or spiritual director whom you can trust.
 
Allegra said:
Why does pottery-making and the ability to read make you less outgoing? Pretty much all the outgoing people I know read books and frankly, ALL the pottery spinners I know let their freak flags wave.
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were you asking me or the other poster? I have no idea why they would be connected, but was rather speaking to the idea that the OP should go seek out a “subdued” woman.
 
thewanderer said:
were you asking me or the other poster? I have no idea why they would be connected, but was rather speaking to the idea that the OP should go seek out a “subdued” woman.
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Why do you think a “subdued” woman is more likely to be a virgin in the first place? If she can’t stand up fo herself, wouldn’t she be more likely to give in to temptation when it is offered? It seems to me that our OP is in a catch 22. He’s too concerned with what a woman can offer him. The kind of woman most likely to not object to that mentality is your “subdued” woman, who doesn’t mind being kicked around. If she doesn’t mind being kicked around, it’s going to be hard to find one who hasn’t been kicked around before. Meanwhile, what the guy really needs is someone who has absolutely no problem kicking him back if he gets fresh, (Also, the more likely to have respected herself enough to say ‘no’.) but she’s not going to look to kindly on his attitude. He’s got some growing up to do.
 
Allegra said:
Why do you think a “subdued” woman is more likely to be a virgin in the first place? If she can’t stand up fo herself, wouldn’t she be more likely to give in to temptation when it is offered? It seems to me that our OP is in a catch 22. He’s too concerned with what a woman can offer him. The kind of woman most likely to not object to that mentality is your “subdued” woman, who doesn’t mind being kicked around. If she doesn’t mind being kicked around, it’s going to be hard to find one who hasn’t been kicked around before. Meanwhile, what the guy really needs is someone who has absolutely no problem kicking him back if he gets fresh, (Also, the more likely to have respected herself enough to say ‘no’.) but she’s not going to look to kindly on his attitude. He’s got some growing up to do.
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??? Are you confusing me with the poster who told the OP to look for a more subdued woman?
 
Allegra said:
If there some reason you think that there are a higher number of virgins among bookworms and women who don’t wear makeup? You sure wouldn’t have found me in any of those places! (Well, maybe the library…but not there looking for guys!)
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Yeah, I wasn’t a big fan of that either. Virgins aren’t visually recognizable by being frumpy with a lot of varied interests. Likewise a woman doesn’t typically give up hobbies and reading after having sex the first (or any) time.

Most women I know started wearing makeup during puberty, not upon sexual discovery.
 
thewanderer said:
??? Are you confusing me with the poster who told the OP to look for a more subdued woman?
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No. I meant to address the other poster. I just tacked onto your post because it was the last one that addressed the weird post.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Yeah, I wasn’t a big fan of that either. Virgins aren’t visually recognizable by being frumpy with a lot of varied interests. Likewise a woman doesn’t typically give up hobbies and reading after having sex the first (or any) time.

Most women I know started wearing makeup during puberty, not upon sexual discovery.
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It would be an easy answer to the OP’s question if they were though. Just look for a frumpy, homly, girl that’s in alot of clubs! Make sure to get her before someone else gets her first!
 
psymajor said:
When I was in college, a lot of girls there seemed to be sleeping around, having casual sex, and have liberal views on abortion. I’m not really down with that idea. To me, if I’m going to be with a girl and invest a lot of time in a relationship, I want her to be on my level. I don’t want to be male specimen #4, #14, or #24 for that matter.
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We live in a society that has a lot of temptation and permissiveness all around. And every woman you meet has her own upbringing - and what was treasured and emphasized.

Many (but certainly not all) young people go through a period of their lives where they more liberal - push away the barriers - go wild once they don’t have parents monitoring their every move. And many have parents who encourage these stages.

And there are many go through a period such as this - and then begin to understand that all that permissiveness isn’t all that they thought it would be - and they rediscover the faith and moral compass that they once had - or perhaps never had.

You may push all these to the bottom of your list - but you may be missing out on people who will ultimately become the biggest proponent of what you profess.

It’s been said on these boards and elsewhere - that they call it practicing your faith - because we all have to keep practicing until we get it perfect. (and that may be a long time).

Go after your ideal - but allow that there may be a “specimen” or two that has a lot of redeeming qualities - and will catch your fancy.

But to answer your question - where to meet these people - Go to church - Find a church that caters to young people - go to dances. Meet friends of friends and expand your circle. You can’t hope to know the “purity” of an individual off the bat (and I would refrain from asking). But you will quickly know the values that a person strives for.
 
Virginity is certainly an indicator of virtue, but it isn’t a certain indicator. Nor is having had prior experience necessarily an indicator of a lack of virtue.

I do not disdain virginity before marriage at all. It’s an ideal to which every man and woman ought to aspire. But a minority (in my estimation) succeed. And among those who remain virgins, the virginity itself might possibly be a contra-indicator to marriage.

Realizing this is anecdotal and that I might have misunderstood her meaning, I recall one girl I dated long ago telling me she was not only a virgin, but that she was “cold” (her word) besides. I wasn’t sure why she said that, and it struck me as odd because I did not then (or now) believe most women are, indeed, “cold”. Beautiful girl, a cheerleader for a pro football team, and maybe she was tired of being ogled. Possibly she thought she had to say something like that to negate the popular image of pro team cheerleaders being “hot”. But, wondering why she was going out with me at all, (perhaps she considered marriage an obligatory or merely functional sort of thing) and being, myself, one who considered all dating to be at least a marriage search, I took it as a negative personality characteristic and soon thereafter left the relationship.

Never again did I hear that from a woman I dated. I took her at her word, though.
 
Allegra said:
If there some reason you think that there are a higher number of virgins among bookworms and women who don’t wear makeup? You sure wouldn’t have found me in any of those places! (Well, maybe the library…but not there looking for guys!)
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thewanderer said:
Yeah… I was kind of wondering the same thing. Why in the world does wearing high heels and makeup mean you are more likely to be promiscuous? Or being subdued more likely to make you a virgin for that matter. Just because one is outgoing doesn’t mean they are more promiscuous.
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BlueEyedLady said:
Yeah, I wasn’t a big fan of that either. Virgins aren’t visually recognizable by being frumpy with a lot of varied interests. Likewise a woman doesn’t typically give up hobbies and reading after having sex the first (or any) time.

Most women I know started wearing makeup during puberty, not upon sexual discovery.
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Lol, I had a feeling as I was typing my post that I would have to provide some future clarification!

I will reply as the time comes to make a more detailed post, as I’m in the middle of cooking dinner.🙂
 
psymajor said:
According to the Bible and Catholic teaching, people are supposed to wait until marriage to have sex. God valued sexual purity so much that he dedicated the 6th commandment to this teaching. However, when it comes to the topic of virginity, Catholic Christendom is in a sad state. The majority of **“Catholics” **(big bold quotes are there for a reason) have sex with multiple partners before marriage. Practicing Catholics who actually wait until marriage are a minority.

That being said, let me say a bit about myself. I am 22 years old, soon to be 23. I graduated from college last year and I’m basically just starting to build my future life. I have had some opportunities to loose my virginity before, but I did not act on them. When I was in college, a lot of girls there seemed to be sleeping around, having casual sex, and have liberal views on abortion. I’m not really down with that idea. To me, if I’m going to be with a girl and invest a lot of time in a relationship, I want her to be on my level. I don’t want to be male specimen #4, #14, or #24 for that matter. It is harder for a man to pass up sex than it is for a woman because of biology. Men simply have higher sex drives. If I was able to do it, then it should be even easier for a female to do it. In my opinion, it’s would be an insult and a kick in the face to have to settle for a girl who lost her virginity. I want what I want and I won’t have it any other way.

This being said, where could I go to find girls (18 and over obviously) who share my values and haven’t had sex yet. In my local catholic church, most of the people who go there for mass are pretty old. The only thing that comes to mind where I might possibly get what I want would be one of these larger, pro-life rallies, like the one that takes place in DC every year. Are there any other places that I’m possibly missing?
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I think that you are on the right track wanting to marry a virgin. I might be wrong but I think God intended for sex to be a special act between a married couple and if someone has had several partners it is not so special anymore. I also think that two virgins will have a better chance of honoring their marriage vows. If someone has had several sex partners I would think when problems arise they will look at their spouse as just another partner. Where as a virgin would think of their partner as being a part of them. Like having a sore leg that needs healing. Not like someone that can be replaced.
 
So many people dogging on the young man. Does his stance make you uncomfortable?

Where do you find other virgin Catholic girls?

Answer: At church, statisticaly a good % of 21 year olds have not had sex, I forget the numer like 20%. And this number is ceartinly higher at churches.

The main thing I would suggest is wait for the right girl. God will put her in your life
 
“So many people dogging on the young man. Does his stance make you uncomfortable?”

I was thinking the same thing. Thank you carlostomas
 
gabanzo said:
…I would think when problems arise they will look at their spouse as just another partner. Where as a virgin would think of their partner as being a part of them. Like having a sore leg that needs healing. Not like someone that can be replaced.
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that’s a fairly insulting and myopic point of view. I’d bet there are many, many married readers who weren’t virgins when married and don’t look at their spouses as someone who could be replaced.

apologies if you’re speaking from personal experience, but you are wrong for the general population.
 
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