FMIL invited 200+ additional people to the wedding

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haskilee-
God Bless you, hon. You are in my prayers. And might I suggest a Rosary on the big day?
 
Shoot! I don’t know how I would react if my mom pulled that on me! We just had a tussle over my high school graduation ring! I wanted small, she wanted big, I wanted silver, she wanted gold, etc.

God bless you for your patience!! You’ll be a terrific mom! (Just let your daughter pick out her senior ring! 😃 )
 
Your wedding is so soon!! All I can say is good luck sorting out the guests! I can’t imagine having the nerve to invite (many!) people to someone else’s wedding.

Hope this doesn’t cause you any headaches on the big day- enjoy yourself! All the best 👍
 
Thanks to everyone for their prayers!

It’s great to be able to share with others, you know, it can be hard when you have all that negativity and crazy stuff going on…you start to believe you’re in the twilight zone!

And now back to our regularly scheduled program haha!
 
her mommy was dropping her and two younger siblings off at the reception and then the parents were going out for the night
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The stuff about FMIL is bad enough but this…oh my gosh, what woodwork do these people come out of?

Good for you for setting boundaries with FMIL even before you are married to her son. It sounds like you will get much practice with that over the years.
 
I love the bouncer idea… 😃

Make place cards for ONLY the people on your list. Arrange for there to be enough seating ONLY for the people on your list. When the others show up, answer “Oh, FMIL was supposed to set you up. She’s right over there, why don’t you check to see what she has in mind?” Let FMIL deal with it if she wants to play this game.
 
Seriously, you and DH-2-B need to have a talk, and agree how to handle this. When you are agreed, talk to MIL-2-B. You do not want this to blow up on the wedding day. Do you honestly want bouncers turning people out?

Perhaps suggest to MIL that she can host a reception for the others when you return from your honeymoon? That your intention is not to exclude these other people, but, your budget is limited. This does need some sort of intervention before the actual wedding day.

Prayers for you!
 
My MIL pulled a stunt like this about 2 months before the wedding, but not to the tune of 200 MORE PEOPLE! I would have called off the wedding in a New York Minute. I ended up giving her some extra invitations and she invited HER friends and out of towners that she knew weren’t going to come but didn’t want to hurt their feelings. DH is still mad about that to this day because she belittled him into not inviting some of his friends that she simply did not like.
 
I sometimes wonder of MIL’s want to recreate their own wedding. I just celebrated my 10th anniversary, and even now when I think of the wedding plans I can shudder. My in-laws went to the catering hall, and changed the room so it could accomodate their guests without letting us know,

I guess it’s water under the bridge now,

I saved all the cards we received on our wedding, and it is amazing how many people we haven’t seen since then, and how many couples are now divorced.
 
My mother-in-law too was quite annoying by making wedding arrangements without even asking me about them. Then after the wedding, I walked into the house and saw her and my wife opening the wedding presents without me being there. (I presume that my wife didn’t want to argue with her mother, a strong-willed person.) However, I decided to let my MIL proceed as she did with wedding arrangements, since I didn’t want to fight my wife’s mother right from the beginning of my marriage. I was able to handle her after that–there was only this one big problem at the beginning. Hopefully that will be case with you too.
Though I admit what your MIL did would be very annoying for anyone.
 
Honey, I will be praying for you that all turns out well. You sound as if you are not letting it get to you, but the advice about having place cards ONLY for your invited guests, and someone at the door to “facilitate” is excellent. I cannot begin to imagine the gall of your FMIL! I think you’ll handle things well, as you seem to be maintaining a sense of humor (absolutely necessary when dealing with loonies, as you are!)
 
Wow. I can’t even imagine what I would do in that situation. unfortunately/luckily my future fiance’s mother is crazy. she left his dad and their five children for another woman and doesn’t answer the phone when the youngest daughter (she’s 12) calls her. or she answers and says “wrong number” it’s sad…but i won’t have to deal with her mucking up wedding plans on a side note. a bit bittersweet
 
I can’t even begin to express my shock at your MIL’s behavior. It is beyond overbearing. Puts my troubles with my MIL in perspective. 😃

My unsolicited advice is that of others - set FIRM boundaries now, it doesn’t get better, it gets worse, especially when there are grandkids involved.
Let the MIL handle her guests, only let in those on YOUR invite list, any embarassment by guests and non-invitees is HER problem, not yours.

My goodness, good luck. Good thing you are a patient being, you are going to need it. 👍
 
Fhubby and I had a talk about all of this stuff. We reviewed all the emails, all our conversations, talked about our expectations in family life and the wedding, etc.

We have both come to an agreement that we won’t “smooth things over” or change things (e.g. some people IRL were suggesting we just let her have her way). But we also know from past experiences that his parents will not see the light or respond with any kind of charity, so arguing about it will only cause them to go wild.

So, we came up with the idea that we will privately contact the people she invited that RSVPd to her. I was thinking just a polite conversation thanking them for their support and telling them that unfortunately I didn’t receive the RSVP card soon enough and my caterer is out of town until the wedding will suffice. (All true!)

Anyways, I feel this is the most graceful choice because FMIL isn’t going to back down, which means these poor people, completely innocent of what’s going on, will be turned away at the reception. :eek:
 
OMG! I would’ve freaked out if my MIL had done something like that. They actually didn’t come to our wedding (they live in Mexico and their visas were denied). You are taking it so well! Proud of you! You know, when my MIL’s and FIL’s visas got denied they asked DH to postpone the wedding 3 days before the wedding! :eek: Oh, and my SIL invited 2 people DH and I didn’t know, she happened to see them at the grocery store and said, “my brother’s getting married, wanna come?” 🤷

Don’t let you FMIL get you down at all. I think kage_ar has a good point. I don’t think those people would be happy goers if they arrive at the reception and be turned away. Your FMIL should be the one dealing with that
 
hasikelee said:
Fhubby and I had a talk about all of this stuff. We reviewed all the emails, all our conversations, talked about our expectations in family life and the wedding, etc.

We have both come to an agreement that we won’t “smooth things over” or change things (e.g. some people IRL were suggesting we just let her have her way). But we also know from past experiences that his parents will not see the light or respond with any kind of charity, so arguing about it will only cause them to go wild.

So, we came up with the idea that we will privately contact the people she invited that RSVPd to her. I was thinking just a polite conversation thanking them for their support and telling them that unfortunately I didn’t receive the RSVP card soon enough and my caterer is out of town until the wedding will suffice. (All true!)

Anyways, I feel this is the most graceful choice because FMIL isn’t going to back down, which means these poor people, completely innocent of what’s going on, will be turned away at the reception. :eek:
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Your solution sounds like a kind and charitable one for those unsuspecting folks. I don’t think I’d be able to let the FMIL off the hook so lightly, however. You’re a much nicer person than I, apparently 🙂

Good luck; sounds as if you will need it.
 
hasikelee said:
Fhubby and I had a talk about all of this stuff. We reviewed all the emails, all our conversations, talked about our expectations in family life and the wedding, etc.

We have both come to an agreement that we won’t “smooth things over” or change things (e.g. some people IRL were suggesting we just let her have her way). But we also know from past experiences that his parents will not see the light or respond with any kind of charity, so arguing about it will only cause them to go wild.

So, we came up with the idea that we will privately contact the people she invited that RSVPd to her. I was thinking just a polite conversation thanking them for their support and telling them that unfortunately I didn’t receive the RSVP card soon enough and my caterer is out of town until the wedding will suffice. (All true!)

Anyways, I feel this is the most graceful choice because FMIL isn’t going to back down, which means these poor people, completely innocent of what’s going on, will be turned away at the reception. :eek:
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Good idea on how to handle this gracefully. I just finished doing the seating for 200 guests at my daughter’s wedding which is this coming Saturday…I would suggest you maybe have some help with the phone calls, or even send out email or snail mail to the 200 extras. I’m just saying, it’s a big project for such a short time frame.

Wishing you all the best.
 
hasikelee said:
Fhubby and I had a talk about all of this stuff. We reviewed all the emails, all our conversations, talked about our expectations in family life and the wedding, etc.

We have both come to an agreement that we won’t “smooth things over” or change things (e.g. some people IRL were suggesting we just let her have her way). But we also know from past experiences that his parents will not see the light or respond with any kind of charity, so arguing about it will only cause them to go wild.

So, we came up with the idea that we will privately contact the people she invited that RSVPd to her. I was thinking just a polite conversation thanking them for their support and telling them that unfortunately I didn’t receive the RSVP card soon enough and my caterer is out of town until the wedding will suffice. (All true!)

Anyways, I feel this is the most graceful choice because FMIL isn’t going to back down, which means these poor people, completely innocent of what’s going on, will be turned away at the reception. :eek:
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That is the most mature solution, in a decidedly immature (not you) situation. :clapping:
 
At the end of the day, you get to start a marriage with someone God set aside just for you. It’s just a wedding and you will look back and laugh at it… You are handling it gracefully and responsibly. Although, I wish your FMIL would have to face the consequences and you wouldn’t have to deal with them.

Best wishes!
 
Good luck in contacting everyone. What an unnecessary waist of time your Mother in law has pushed your way.

I hope that she is a little more hands off after you are married.

God Bless on your big day.
 
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