FMIL invited 200+ additional people to the wedding

  • Thread starter Thread starter hasikelee
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hasikelee said:
So, we came up with the idea that we will privately contact the people she invited that RSVPd to her. I was thinking just a polite conversation thanking them for their support and telling them that unfortunately I didn’t receive the RSVP card soon enough and my caterer is out of town until the wedding will suffice. (All true!)
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Do you have contact information for all of these people?

If any further explanation is required, you could also say, “(This lady’s name) seems to have been unaware of our budget and space limitations and invited more people than we could accommodate. So sorry to disappoint you at this late date.” That puts the responsibility squarely where it lies, and I hope it’s phrased reasonably accurately and charitably.

How reassuring that your fiance is on the same page with you and is not willing to let his family walk all over both of you to get their way.
 
I would call them all right now to let the know that “due to an unfortunate double booking at the banquet hall, the wedding has been moved to Sunday, Nov. 25th in the afternoon. The ceremony will be private followed by a 3:00PM reception held at the home of MIL.”

Won’t she be surprised!
 
This sounds like a real party in the making. Since it seems to be an open house do you mind giving me the information? I’m free the 24th;)

I’ll tape the whole thing for posterity:D
 
Haskilee,

You are truly a saint in the making with the attitiude you have about this…I’m in awe.:eek: :bowdown: Seriously.

BUT, I’m also a bit scared for your future with FMIL…she has obliterated the line between a bit pushy, and neurotically and obsessively controlling. Wow. I really hope you and your FHub are ready to stand together like a medieval fortress to protect your marriage and family against her attacks, which I’m SURE judging by her behavior there will be. You have to be strong because a woman like this can ruin your marriage if you let her. Trust me, my mother in law is still ruining mine years after my husband has passed away. If we had both set boundaries from the beginning I believe it would be a different story entirely.

You guys are in my prayers BIG TIME!!!
 
shannyk said:
Haskilee,

You are truly a saint in the making with the attitiude you have about this…I’m in awe.:eek: :bowdown: Seriously.

BUT, I’m also a bit scared for your future with FMIL…she has obliterated the line between a bit pushy, and neurotically and obsessively controlling. Wow. I really hope you and your FHub are ready to stand together like a medieval fortress to protect your marriage and family against her attacks, which I’m SURE judging by her behavior there will be. You have to be strong because a woman like this can ruin your marriage if you let her. Trust me, my mother in law is still ruining mine years after my husband has passed away. If we had both set boundaries from the beginning I believe it would be a different story entirely.

You guys are in my prayers BIG TIME!!!
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I can’t find the information right at hand, but one of the biggest factors in divorce is a bad relationship with the in-laws. Money too, but intrusive and abusive in-laws were way up there, and it was surprising to me.
Well not so much now that I have my own problems, I can see how that could be, but I certainly didn’t know that going into marriage. And my problems didn’t really surface until the birth of the grandchildren. IMHO this is a big problem. Prayers to you.
 
Sure said:
I would call them all right now to let the know that “due to an unfortunate double booking at the banquet hall, the wedding has been moved to Sunday, Nov. 25th in the afternoon. The ceremony will be private followed by a 3:00PM reception held at the home of MIL.”

Won’t she be surprised!
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:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

That would be fun - but really mean.

No, I think the proposed solution is the right one - just call everyone that she invited, and explain to them that unfortunately, their RSVPs did not arrive in time. And that “well-meaning” MIL seems to have been unaware of the space and budget limitations, etc.
 
shannyk said:
Haskilee,

You are truly a saint in the making with the attitiude you have about this…I’m in awe.:eek: :bowdown: Seriously.

BUT, I’m also a bit scared for your future with FMIL…she has obliterated the line between a bit pushy, and neurotically and obsessively controlling. Wow. I really hope you and your FHub are ready to stand together like a medieval fortress to protect your marriage and family against her attacks, which I’m SURE judging by her behavior there will be. You have to be strong because a woman like this can ruin your marriage if you let her. Trust me, my mother in law is still ruining mine years after my husband has passed away. If we had both set boundaries from the beginning I believe it would be a different story entirely.

You guys are in my prayers BIG TIME!!!
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Shannyk, I’m not dismissing your advice, merely because I’ve already taken it to heart, lol! You couldn’t be more right. We are actually drawing up legal papers!

We have some clear boundaries and I suspect this sudden flare up so close to the wedding is similar to that of a 2 year old in her last stages of a fit than someone who thinks she actually has control.

I must admit, it’s taken the whole time we’ve been together for me to begin to understand that these people clearly and fully choose evil. That’s still hard for me to keep in mind…you want to make excuses or believe all people are good deep down, you know? But I’ve seen it clearly over the years and it can’t be mistaken. :rolleyes:
 
shannyk said:
Haskilee,

You are truly a saint in the making with the attitiude you have about this…I’m in awe.:eek: :bowdown: Seriously.

BUT, I’m also a bit scared for your future with FMIL…she has obliterated the line between a bit pushy, and neurotically and obsessively controlling. Wow. I really hope you and your FHub are ready to stand together like a medieval fortress to protect your marriage and family against her attacks, which I’m SURE judging by her behavior there will be. You have to be strong because a woman like this can ruin your marriage if you let her. Trust me, my mother in law is still ruining mine years after my husband has passed away. If we had both set boundaries from the beginning I believe it would be a different story entirely.

You guys are in my prayers BIG TIME!!!
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Haskilee, I must feel compelled to echo what shannyk says here too.

If my Mother were to do the same what your FMIL has done to you, I would READ HER THE RIOT ACT, in no uncertain terms. Sure with having security you appear to have temporarily solved the immediate problem of having unwanted people on YOUR special day but I sincerely hope that your future husband realizes that your needs and desires ALWAYS take precedence over his Mom.
 
the in-law wedding stories I could tell would just bring up bitterness and resent me I have put behind me for 40 years. I will only add that if these people are toxic, move 1000 miles away. I am convinced if we had stayed in either DH’s or my hometown we would never have lasted under the onslaught of either family.
 
We have some clear boundaries and I suspect this sudden flare up so close to the wedding is similar to that of a 2 year old in her last stages of a fit than someone who thinks she actually has control.
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I must admit, it’s taken the whole time we’ve been together for me to begin to understand that these people clearly and fully choose evil. That’s still hard for me to keep in mind…you want to make excuses or believe all people are good deep down, you know? But I’ve seen it clearly over the years and it can’t be mistaken.
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Haskilee,

I think, if I was in your shoes, MIL and I would be on the evening news or the subject of one of Law and Order’s ‘ripped from the headlines’ episodes. :eek:

You are one smart lady! 👍 I can relate to your situation on more ways than I care to! I was 20 and niaeve when I got married, and obviously you are much more mature than I was. Good for you, you are seeing things for how they really are, which can be the hardest part especially when dealing with in-laws. You will be happy that you set limits now, especially if children come into the picture.

Yes, I totally know what you mean about wanting to think the best of people, as I have fallen into this trap many times myself and learned it’s only part of the manipulation game.

I applaud you for your approach to all of this and sincerely wish you all the best in your marriage!
 
I will only add that if these people are toxic, move 1000 miles away. I am convinced if we had stayed in either DH’s or my hometown we would never have lasted under the onslaught of either family.
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I wish someone had told me this when I got married…😦
 
Some people are really amazing aren’t they? My in-laws invited people to our wedding reception when my husband and I had our marriage convalidated. And mind you we didn’t know until we were there at the reception. I went postal and so did my hubby. That was the last straw for both of us. They are some of those people who fully and knowingly choose evil. I won’t let them affect my life anymore for the sake of keeping the peace and/or just because “they are family”. I never bought into that line. We don’t speak anymore and it’s better that way.

If I were you, I would tell her that all her “friends” can come, but that she can play hostess to them in another part of the building with her OWN caterer, band, bar, etc. or she could surrender her own wedding invitation and stay home.

On another note, I can’t imagine what it would have been like growing up with a mother like that.
 
I finished speaking to all of her guests and about 99% were very gracious and took it in stride.

One lady I spoke with has a daughter who is getting married in May. She said FMIL has a rehearsal dinner planned…to happen in the church parking lot! :eek: She got the whole story out of me and shared her own horror stories. She said she’s going to have her DD call me for support, lol!!

Must be something about FMILs and weddings!
 
hasikelee said:
I finished speaking to all of her guests and about 99% were very gracious and took it in stride.

One lady I spoke with has a daughter who is getting married in May. She said FMIL has a rehearsal dinner planned…to happen in the church parking lot! :eek: She got the whole story out of me and shared her own horror stories. She said she’s going to have her DD call me for support, lol!!

Must be something about FMILs and weddings!
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Glad to know that this shouldn’t be an issue on the day. I am interested to know what your FMIL has to say about all of this, now that her added guests are uninvited.
 
PatienceAndLove said:
Glad to know that this shouldn’t be an issue on the day. I am interested to know what your FMIL has to say about all of this, now that her added guests are uninvited.
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If it were me, I wouldn’t tell her anything about it until it’s too late for her to come up with some other trick to play on you.
 
jmcrae said:
If it were me, I wouldn’t tell her anything about it until it’s too late for her to come up with some other trick to play on you.
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Amen! FFIL is in on this too, which I only learned by calling one of the guests (this guest said she was actually uncomfortable bc FFIL seemed demanding!!! lol :eek: )

Anyways, I’m not saying a word about it at all!!!
 
hasikelee said:
Amen! FFIL is in on this too, which I only learned by calling one of the guests (this guest said she was actually uncomfortable bc FFIL seemed demanding!!! lol :eek: )

Anyways, I’m not saying a word about it at all!!!
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Good!! 👍
 
I’ve been following this thread for a few days now. It really, really makes me appreciate my wonderful in-laws. Really.

Hasikelee-- you’ve got the patience (and sense of humor) of a saint, girl! Good for you! :clapping:

God has apparently decided to let you get all your purgatory out of the way right now, planning your wedding.

Hang in there!

Margaret

PS You will, I presume, post a detailed account of how this all plays out after you return from your honeymoon? Please?!??

And for that matter-- I hope you guys have a fabulous, relaxing honeymoon planned, and “forget” to bring your cellphones or leave any contact information… 😃
 
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