Following Church teaching on homosexuality leads to collateral sin?

[tonyh12]

Regarding “living openly” with SSA If someone were to ask me a question about my sexuality then i’m not so sure it is right to be evasive (in silence or changing the subject or rebuking)- in a way being evasive is being uncharitable and by being quiet no one will ever be able to say (because they would not know) “i was a friend to a chaste homosexual person” , they could say “i fed the hungry” , “i visited the prisoner” , “i helped an elderly person” etc…

Until i hear the former being said i have doubts whether we are all being truely charitable to all our brothers and sisters

That said … until people are better educated (less prone to false perceptions) i think it is wise to keep silent, and perhaps you are therefore not culpable for associated venial sins due to evading such issues

 

[curlycool89]

You know, I don’t see anything wrong here. If someone asks you “are you a homosexual” and you say no, you’re not really lying. All you’re doing is refusing to allow yourself to be only defined by your sexuality. They don’t know it, but what you’re telling them is that you are a whole person: you eat, you sleep, you work/go to school, you’re Catholic, you have hobbies and likes and dislikes. You’re refusing to say that the only thing that defines you is sexuality.

There was a post that Brother JR made in another thread about openly gay people and the priesthood, and he had some interesting points.

The Church still loves this person and wants him or her to remain a part of the Church. But the person has identified himself according to his sexual attractions, rather than as a whole man or whole woman. That’s the whole problem with the gay movement. When you identify yourself as gay, you’re making a public display of your sexuality as if that were the defining trait in your humanity and you’re throwing off the balance in your life, because you’re much more than just a sexual being. This is what the Church calls “deep seated”. It becomes an identity, rather than a sexual attraction. I explain it as a sexual orientation that is blown out of proportion.

 

[Torn]

Thank you all! I appreciate your kind words and prayers.

WE don’t know what thought process led them to believe you were gay, so we can’t assume they think you are gay immediately." ChadS, Post #10

I know exactly what thought process lead them to believe I was gay. First off, I have a number of stereotypically gay traits i.e. I love musicals, Judy Garland, I have a keen sense of style, I cook very well, etc. Secondly, I’m not bragging, but I am good-looking and charming, and women are attracted to me, but I am noticeably not attracted back.

“I beg to differ about the term ‘Same Sex Attraction’, if I correctly understand what you are saying. Terminology is crucial. What do people want to know when they ask you if you are a homosexual? If it would be helpful to use a different term, a ‘softer’ term like SSA perhaps, why not use it? Fine line, perhaps.” Newbie2, Post #12

My problem with SSA is that it is spoken of as something I have as opposed to something I am, which is a homosexual. I was absolutely born this way. While yes, it wouldn’t be untrue to say that I have “SSA,” but saying that would be a bizarre way of putting it, like saying “I have caucasianity” instead of saying “I am white.”

“It seems from what you’re saying that you care more about your friends, who would turn on you, than they care about you. Time to re-examine those friendships, methinks…or, consider the possibility that you are wrong about their response to your coming out.” Newbie2, Post #12

The thing is, over the course of my life, I have forced myself to get rid of several friendships because they were too painful to maintain. In high school, I fell desperately in love with my best friend. He was everything to me, and I was everything to him. I used to cry myself to sleep because it hurt so much to know that I loved him, but could never be with him. Then, my senior year of high school, he came out to me, told me he was a homosexual, and that he had been in love with me for a long time. To keep from sinning even more gravely, I had to tell him thanks but I wasn’t gay. I watched his heart shatter. Over the summer we sort of grew apart because I had to push him away, and I used college as an excuse to cut him off entirely, because, figuratively speaking, my eye was causing me to sin, so I plucked it out. Not only that, but I saw him develop relationships with other young men. Let me tell you, it is not easy to watch the one that you love fall into mortal sin and replace you at the same time. Then in college I developed another close relationship with an openly gay boy, and had to pull away when I found myself falling in love with him. The same thing happened again, a year out of college. My point is that I don’t have a lot of friends, and I need to keep the long-term friendships I still have for as long as possible, because I have already been forced to give up the ones that I really treasured. Whether I care more about my friends than they care about me is beside the point. At this juncture, they are all I have.

“Whether or not it affects you negatively, parents have a right to know if their children are associating with a homosexual person, chaste or not.” Newbie2, Post #12

No, frankly, they don’t. Not anymore than I have a right to know if I am associating with children whose parents use contraception or have extra-marital affairs.

“Have you read The COurage to be Chaste by Fr. Benedict Groeschel?
amazon.com/Courage-Be-Cha…/dp/0809127059
Have you contacted the folks at Courage?
couragerc.net
Here’s another one.
http://www.couragetobechaste.org” GraceandGlory, Post #13

I have not read that, I will look in to it. Thank you. As far as Courage goes, I went to such a group in college and found, that it ended up being, to put it crudely, a hook-up connection. People were basically using the group as a place to find sexual partners who were just as ashamed as they were, and so wouldn’t expose them as homosexuals. It left a very bad impression as far as support groups go.

I am a single straight person. If I were to go have sex with someone, that would be a mortal sin, and kill the life of grace in my soul." GraceandGlory, Post #13

But you cannot compare living chastely as a heterosexual to living chastely as a homosexual. For you, it is a temporal situation, you are celibate until you get married, then you must live chastely, but may have sex and share your life with your husband. For me, I must be celibate for the rest of my life, may not have a husband or partner to share my life with.

“Clearly you have a cross to bear, your testimony can be a mighty one if you have the courage to pick up that cross on a daily basis and follow Him. This is no longer about your head knowledge. This is to see what is truly in your heart.” GraceandGlory, Post #13

That’s kind of what this is about. It must be about my head knowledge, because my heart, my conscience, tells me that the Catholic Church is wrong. I have the same capacity for all four loves as a heterosexual does, but I am not allowed to use it. My heart tells me that I could Love and be faithful to another man for the rest of my life and raise children with him, and do everything a husband and wife does, except the obvious.

 

[Cherry5]

Thank you all! I appreciate your kind words and prayers.

The thing is, over the course of my life, I have forced myself to get rid of several friendships because they were too painful to maintain. In high school, I fell desperately in love with my best friend. He was everything to me, and I was everything to him. I used to cry myself to sleep because it hurt so much to know that I loved him, but could never be with him. Then, my senior year of high school, he came out to me, told me he was a homosexual, and that he had been in love with me for a long time. To keep from sinning even more gravely, I had to tell him thanks but I wasn’t gay. I watched his heart shatter. Over the summer we sort of grew apart because I had to push him away, and I used college as an excuse to cut him off entirely, because, figuratively speaking, my eye was causing me to sin, so I plucked it out. Not only that, but I saw him develop relationships with other young men. Let me tell you, it is not easy to watch the one that you love fall into mortal sin and replace you at the same time. Then in college I developed another close relationship with an openly gay boy, and had to pull away when I found myself falling in love with him. The same thing happened again, a year out of college. My point is that I don’t have a lot of friends, and I need to keep the long-term friendships I still have for as long as possible, because I have already been forced to give up the ones that I really treasured. Whether I care more about my friends than they care about me is beside the point. At this juncture, they are all I have.

Sorry to hear the pain you went through, specially since you probably had no one to share what you were going through.

But you cannot compare living chastely as a heterosexual to living chastely as a homosexual. For you, it is a temporal situation, you are celibate until you get married, then you must live chastely, but may have sex and share your life with your husband. For me, I must be celibate for the rest of my life, may not have a husband or partner to share my life with.

You bring up a very good point. For Heterosexuals it is a choice that is made - to be single or to get married if one finds a suitable partner. However in the case of Homosexuals there is no choice, it is forced - big difference.

That’s kind of what this is about. It must be about my head knowledge, because my heart, my conscience, tells me that the Catholic Church is wrong. I have the same capacity for all four loves as a heterosexual does, but I am not allowed to use it. My heart tells me that I could Love and be faithful to another man for the rest of my life and raise children with him, and do everything a husband and wife does, except the obvious.

It would be nice if our Church made an effort to guide in a practical manner how Homosexuals can cope with the teachings of the church rather than just turn their head the other way. May be our Church and the congregation is not ready to deal with this challenge. We can not ignore that these are people and part of the Flock and really the church should be making a bigger effort to reach out to Homosexuals so they feel welcome and part of the Church rather than outcasts.

I am not as qualified as are many on these forums to interpret the teachings of the Church but it is obvious that there is little empathy and charity in the recommendations and comments. I wonder if we will be held culpable for loosing so many devout Catholics because we have not been able to make them feel welcome.

God bless you.

 

[Newbie2]

Hi again Torn , If you only have SSA attractions for adults then i don’t see any reason why Youth ministry is a problem , it is extremely important to emphasise here for the sake of clairty that SSA does not equate to paedophilia!!!

No, SSA does not = pedophilia, but unfairly or not, parents would like to know if their children are associating with someone who is homosexual. What Torn wrote about his friend we may be able to understand as adults, but adolescents might get the wrong message from hearing this or even hearing rumors of this. Torn is more likely than not correct that he would not be welcome to continue in his youth ministry.

My problem with SSA is that it is spoken of as something I have as opposed to something I am, which is a homosexual. I was absolutely born this way. While yes, it wouldn’t be untrue to say that I have “SSA,” but saying that would be a bizarre way of putting it, like saying “I have caucasianity” instead of saying “I am white.”

Well, the two go hand in hand, don’t they? I am “white” (I detest that term for European-Americans) because of my caucasian nature, and you are homosexual because of your SSA. I would not be white without my caucasian-ness and you would not be homosexual without your attraction to members of the same sex.

No, frankly, they don’t. Not anymore than I have a right to know if I am associating with children whose parents use contraception or have extra-marital affairs.

But the parents of the children should be aware if their leaders are having extra-marital affairs. ABC, you have a point there. As I said, though, fairly or not, it’s something that most parents would like to know, perhaps not to the extent of a “*right *to know”.

That’s kind of what this is about. It must be about my head knowledge, because my heart, my conscience, tells me that the Catholic Church is wrong. I have the same capacity for all four loves as a heterosexual does, but I am not allowed to use it. My heart tells me that I could Love and be faithful to another man for the rest of my life and raise children with him, and do everything a husband and wife does, except the obvious.

Again, I think that you’d be wise to look into the possibility of working in a ministry for other chaste homosexual people.

 

[chazk728]

Hey Torn

First, know that you’re not alone. I’m 26 in the same situation. Yes it sucks - I will probably be single my whole life, and on top of that, the issues that caused same sex attraction (at least in my case) such as loneliness, low self-esteem, having few male friends, not seeing myself as a man - these things really accentuate the loneliness and isolation that I feel. I struggle with knowing that I will never be intimate with another person emotionally or physically, that I will not be able to marry and raise children (I have always wanted a large traditional Catholic family

I certainly don’t have all the answers - in fact, I have a lot of questions for God on this one, haha - but here are just a few thoughts about things I’ve learned over the last few years that you might find helpful:

1 As a previous poster mentioned, read “The Courage To Be Chaste” by Fr. Benedict Groeschel. You might also consider “Christian Faith and Same Sex Attraction” by Fr. Thomas Hopko (he is Eastern Orthodox, but the book is entirely in line with Catholic teaching). If you are like me, you may also struggle with feeling God’s love. “Life of the Beloved” by Henri Nouwen is a good reflection on our belovedness in God’s eyes. Nouwen himself suffered with homosexuality and depression - I felt like the book was written for me!

2 I have found a great deal of comfort from Fr. Benedict Groeschel (he has lots of audio on the EWTN web site). One of his tapes from a Courage conference titled “Homosexuality and Holiness” speaks to homosexuality being a cross that can lead to great holiness. Fr. Groeschel reminds us that our ultimate goal is to become saints and that our ultimate source of happiness is God alone. These words help me when I feel as though I am missing out on the greatest pleasures in life; in reality (even though it is so hard to believe!) we will be given ultimate happiness and complete intimacy with Christ at the time of our death. All injustices will be undone, and as Fr. Groeschel says, thousands of years from now we will not be worried about what we “missed out” on in this life.

3 When I am feeling depressed and sorry for myself, it has helped to (1) pray (2) write out a list of everything I have to be grateful for.

4 I disagree with some of the other posts which would say it is sinful to not answer forthrightly when asked about your sexuality. My suspicion is that these individuals do not understand the shame and stigma that surrounds this issue for the person involved. My counselor has encouraged me to open up to those who would be supportive. I have had a chance to tell two close friends, and it has been a great source of healing. I have also told my family members, but that has been less healing. I would NOT tell individuals who would be unsympathetic - this would lead to further feelings of shame and self-hate. You can blow them off, joke about it, challenge them - but guys who will make fun of you are not guys you should tell.

5 Consider a Journey Into Manhood weekend. It was life-changing (and I’d be happy to answer any questions you have about it).

6 Follow ALL the teachings of the Church. This leads to the peace of a good conscience. Chastity has its rewards - a sense of peace and integrity, and a growing awareness of intimacy with Christ.

I’ll pray for you for sure!
Chad

 

[LilyM]

You bring up a very good point. For Heterosexuals it is a choice that is made - to be single or to get married if one finds a suitable partner. However in the case of Homosexuals there is no choice, it is forced - big difference.

Uh, no, being single is NOT always a choice for heterosexuals, for many it truly is something that is forced upon them by unchangeable life circumstances. For example serious lifelong illness such that noone is ‘suitable’ as a partner or willing to be involved with them. For these it is every bit as much forced upon them as it is for homosexuals.

I certainly am not single through any choice of my own, for one. I’m not saying that I am unhappy being single, but I certainly would be very happy indeed to be married.

 

[LCMS_No_More]

I am Catholic, and I love my faith about everything else. I know the Church’s moral and theological teaching pretty well, and have had sixteen years of the best Catholic education money can buy (grade school, high school and college). I worked for three years in youth ministry and am am integral part of several ongoing social justice missions.

However, I am a homosexual. It is the greatest sorrow of my life and is a source of constant suffering. I am twenty-four years old, and my entire life I have been fighting the feelings I cannot help but have. I live chastely and pray that I will be purified, but still it looms over every aspect of my life. According to the Church, I cannot live openly as a homosexual, but this leads to a lot of venial sins I must commit in order to hide my true nature, specifically lying.

Are the lies I have to tell in order to keep my nature hidden sinful?

My dear brother Torn,

I cannot offer any wise words of advise, but I, too, have a homosexual problem (I choose not to self-identify as homosexual or gay). I can relate to what you are saying.

In my case, I did a lot of soul searching and self-examination with regard to how my homosexual issue came about. I’ve made some progress in this area, but I know that I have more work to do.

Just remain faithful and trust in God’s love and guidance.

 

[LCMS_No_More]

You speak for me too Torn!

I am now in my 40s, and keep asking the question where do i turn to?

It has become more of an issue since i returned to Church , and with all the abuse scandal, what got me back into the Church was reading a pamphlet on SSA (i actually prefer this term as i feel it unfair to be labelled homosexual when no homosexual acts have been committed) and seeing that the Church looks on the acts/lust as sinful and goes on to say that homosexuals should be given compassion and understanding (in so many words).

I haven’t seen much compassion or understanding … all i hear about is the abuse scandal (which is terrible , but i would like to hear occasionally in a homily that chastity is something to be honoured/respected for heterosexual and SSA indivduals, the only place i have seen reference to this in the pamphlet i read! - it is however part of the Catechisis of the Church)

I also have “social anxiety” and find the secrecy a barrier to overcoming this (or could be the cause) since i never feel as though i am being fully open to anyone.

I am now looking beyond my Parish for some help (encourage group but they are over a hundred miles away so cannot afford to attend) for as soon as i confessed to my priest that i had this inclination (and some sins associated with impure thoughts) there has been no help - i even tried talking him outside of confession and he mentioned the word “scandal”, i cannot understand this - if i were a priest i would go out of my way to help some one living chastely with SSA

I don’t blame any one individual (including our priest whom i respect and look for guidance, i cannot fault what my priest says i just think i occasionally could do with some friends in Church with whom i can speak openly)

God Bless You - Tony

My dear brother Tony:

Those of us with SSA need to support one another in our struggles. Courage also has a Yahoo group you may want to look into for online support via email. I believe they also have live chat meetings twice a week.

Please know that I am here to provide whatever support I can.

 

[tonyh12]

Dear LCMS_No_More,

Thank You for info about Courage (Encouragewhich i am trying to join is i think a UK offshoot of Courage, but currently has a much smaller membership than Courage apparently but the Yahoo group for Courage groups.yahoo.com/group/CourageOnline/ will be useful so i have just registered)

Peace Be With You Tony

 

[MichelleByrne]

I have no answer for you, but I am following this thread with interest. Do you believe homosexuals can be turned around through prayer and therapy, such as is advertised on Exodus International? Or do you believe sexual orientation is more hard-wired in us?

 

[Cherry5]

Uh, no, being single is NOT always a choice for heterosexuals, for many it truly is something that is forced upon them by unchangeable life circumstances. For example serious lifelong illness such that noone is ‘suitable’ as a partner or willing to be involved with them. For these it is every bit as much forced upon them as it is for homosexuals.

I certainly am not single through any choice of my own, for one. I’m not saying that I am unhappy being single, but I certainly would be very happy indeed to be married.

I hope I did not offend you, I was referring to Heterosexuals in general whether they are single or married, the large majority do have a choice. Where as we are saying that Homosexuals in general do not have a choice that is acceptable to the church other than being chaste.

I am glad that you have found peace and happiness regardless of your situation.

God Bless you.

 

[qui_est_ce]

Let me start by saying my sympathies and prayers are with you. You have a cross to bear, and it doesn’t seem fair that some people appear to have bigger crosses than others.

My problem with SSA is that it is spoken of as something I have as opposed to something I am, which is a homosexual. I was absolutely born this way. While yes, it wouldn’t be untrue to say that I have “SSA,” but saying that would be a bizarre way of putting it, like saying “I have caucasianity” instead of saying “I am white.”

I’ll let LCMS answer this one

The thing is, over the course of my life, I have forced myself to get rid of several friendships because they were too painful to maintain. In high school, I fell desperately in love with my best friend. He was everything to me, and I was everything to him. I used to cry myself to sleep because it hurt so much to know that I loved him, but could never be with him. Then, my senior year of high school, he came out to me, told me he was a homosexual, and that he had been in love with me for a long time. To keep from sinning even more gravely, I had to tell him thanks but I wasn’t gay. I watched his heart shatter. Over the summer we sort of grew apart because I had to push him away, and I used college as an excuse to cut him off entirely, because, figuratively speaking, my eye was causing me to sin, so I plucked it out. Not only that, but I saw him develop relationships with other young men. Let me tell you, it is not easy to watch the one that you love fall into mortal sin and replace you at the same time. Then in college I developed another close relationship with an openly gay boy, and had to pull away when I found myself falling in love with him.

You are not alone in this. OSA’s suffer with the same problems I don’t stop making friends with men just because I am OSA.

But you cannot compare living chastely as a heterosexual to living chastely as a homosexual. For you, it is a temporal situation, you are celibate until you get married, then you must live chastely, but may have sex and share your life with your husband. For me, I must be celibate for the rest of my life, may not have a husband or partner to share my life with.

First of all, marriage is not all it is cracked up to be. I am forced to live a celibate life because I am divorced and cannot remarry. I actually find chastity to be a blessing now. It removes a lot of distractions.

That’s kind of what this is about. It must be about my head knowledge, because my heart, my conscience, tells me that the Catholic Church is wrong. I have the same capacity for all four loves as a heterosexual does, but I am not allowed to use it. My heart tells me that I could Love and be faithful to another man for the rest of my life and raise children with him, and do everything a husband and wife does, except the obvious.

Train your heart to follow Jesus. Two men in a relationship cannot be a husband and wife.

You seem to be blaming the Church for your orientation. I have several single female friends that long to be loved and be faithful to a man. Their decision to be chaste has cost them relationships.

I’m trying to tell you heterosexual people have many of the same problems you associate with homosexuality.

Trust in the Lord. He has a plan for you.

 

[LCMS_No_More]

My problem with SSA is that it is spoken of as something I have as opposed to something I am, which is a homosexual. I was absolutely born this way. While yes, it wouldn’t be untrue to say that I have “SSA,” but saying that would be a bizarre way of putting it, like saying “I have caucasianity” instead of saying “I am white.”

I hear where you’re coming from, but it’s actually incomplete. You are a person, first last and always. Everything else is simply a description. Thus: you are not “a homosexual,” you are “a homosexual person.” When you say, “I am white,” you are actually describing an attribute that you possess (white).

Then again, in our modern society, people have a tendency to use adjectives (homosexual, heterosexual, white, Catholic, etc.) as nouns. This is a big problem because it leads to intellectual laziness and faulty thinking (generally speaking). There is no such thing as “a black,” “a white,” “a homosexual,” etc. There are black people, white people, homosexual people, etc.

Similarly, I’m willing to bet that there is a lot more to you than your same-sex attractions. All of your attributes are part of who you are as a person. That’s why a lot of us choose not to self-identify as homosexual or gay. I prefer to say that I am same-sex attracted or that I have a homosexual problem, but I am not gay or homosexual. There is so much more to me than my sexual attractions.

It’s a bit of semantics, but can you see the difference?

 

[qui_est_ce]

I hear where you’re coming from, but it’s actually incomplete. You are a person, first last and always. Everything else is simply a description. Thus: you are not “a homosexual,” you are “a homosexual person.” When you say, “I am white,” you are actually describing an attribute that you possess (white).

I knew you could say it better than I. The problem for many homosexuals, rightly or wrongly, their sexual orientation IS their identify.

{snip}

Similarly, I’m willing to bet that there is a lot more to you than your same-sex attractions. All of your attributes are part of who you are as a person. That’s why a lot of us choose not to self-identify as homosexual or gay. I prefer to say that I am same-sex attracted or that I have a homosexual problem, but I am not gay or homosexual. There is so much more to me than my sexual attractions.

It’s a bit of semantics, but can you see the difference?

 

[Footwasher]

DearTorn,if I worked in a bank and I felt inclined to embezzel money but I,because of my strict sense of morality, rejected the urge, am I in any way obliged to “out” myself to my employers or friends as someone not to be trusted? If we were obliged to inform our aquaintances of every temptation that crosses our consciousness,what quality of life would we have as individuals or as social groups? Yes it is good ,even necessary at times to confide within the confessional or in other trusted confines,what troubles you. Not anyone who sticks his/her nose into your affairs has a warrant for the arrest of your soul! You have an inalienable right to preserve the integrity and intimacy of your relationship with your God.I pray for you that it remains inviolate.

 

[BobObob]

I hear where you’re coming from, but it’s actually incomplete. You are a person, first last and always. Everything else is simply a description. Thus: you are not “a homosexual,” you are “a homosexual person.” When you say, “I am white,” you are actually describing an attribute that you possess (white).

Then again, in our modern society, people have a tendency to use adjectives (homosexual, heterosexual, white, Catholic, etc.) as nouns. This is a big problem because it leads to intellectual laziness and faulty thinking (generally speaking). There is no such thing as “a black,” “a white,” “a homosexual,” etc. There are black people, white people, homosexual people, etc.

Similarly, I’m willing to bet that there is a lot more to you than your same-sex attractions. All of your attributes are part of who you are as a person. That’s why a lot of us choose not to self-identify as homosexual or gay. I prefer to say that I am same-sex attracted or that I have a homosexual problem, but I am not gay or homosexual. There is so much more to me than my sexual attractions.

It’s a bit of semantics, but can you see the difference?

Regarding this discussion, I find it noteworthy what a friend of mine, who is studying another language (German, I think).

This friend said that in German you would say “I have _____”, while in English, we tend to say “I am _____”.

For this discussion, in German you would say “I have SSA/OSA,” while in English we unfortunately tend to say “I am homosexual/heterosexual.”

One’s sexual attractions play a huge part in one’s life (whether one is celibate or not), but it does not define someone.

 

[qui_est_ce]

Regarding this discussion, I find it noteworthy what a friend of mine, who is studying another language (German, I think).

This friend said that in German you would say “I have _____”, while in English, we tend to say “I am _____”.

For this discussion, in German you would say “I have SSA/OSA,” while in English we unfortunately tend to say “I am homosexual/heterosexual.”

One’s sexual attractions play a huge part in one’s life (whether one is celibate or not), but it does not define someone.

Good observation. It’s the same in French. I “have” cold, I “have” fear.

 

[gardenswithkids]

…The thing is, over the course of my life, I have forced myself to get rid of several friendships because they were too painful to maintain. …

May God bless you abundantly! I am inspired that you have made such sacrifices to live your Catholic faith. Keep up the strength!

To the nosy people who ask you questions if you are homosexual, they have no right to that information! I suggest you respond with righteous indignation, something like “Why on earth would you ask me such an incredibly rude and offensive question?!!” Or try humor. An honest answer might be, “I’m tired of people asking me if I’m homosexual just because I like Judy Garland musicals!” But even if you choose to say a simple, “No.” it really it is none of their business, and they are not entitled to an honest answer. You don’t need to feel bad about refusing to share intimate personal details of your life simply because some rude person asks.

…I know exactly what thought process lead them to believe I was gay. First off, I have a number of stereotypically gay traits i.e. I love musicals, Judy Garland, I have a keen sense of style, I cook very well, etc. Secondly, I’m not bragging, but I am good-looking and charming, and women are attracted to me, but I am noticeably not attracted back…

This might seem off topic, but I just recently watched an old Judy Garland movie with my family. My husband, our children and I enjoyed the movie. You know yourself and who you find attractive, but why do men who find Judy Garland attractive assume that means they are homosexual? Judy Garland was a women. (So is her daughter, Liza, who made her first screen appearance as a child in the movie I saw.) These questions are somewhat rhetorical, but I really don’t get this. It bothers me that in our culture, men who may be more inclined to enjoying music, theatre and the arts are often presumed to be homosexual. Why can’t heterosexual men enjoy arranging flowers, hair and/or funiture too? There is nothing overtly homosexual about those types of activities. I’ll go with your comments that you are indeed attracted to other men, but someone is not homosexual simply because they enjoy Judy Garland musicals and have a sense of style.

…That’s kind of what this is about. It must be about my head knowledge, because my heart, my conscience, tells me that the Catholic Church is wrong. I have the same capacity for all four loves as a heterosexual does, but I am not allowed to use it. My heart tells me that I could Love and be faithful to another man for the rest of my life and raise children with him, and do everything a husband and wife does, except the obvious.

Oh, this part makes me so sad to read! You bear a heavy cross in large part because of our culture that often raises children in homes without both a mother and father. You bear a heavy cross in part because the contraceptive culture wants to destroy or deny the life-giving power of sexual love. We live in a society that is utterly confused about men, women and sexuality. Prayers for you as you carry this cross.

 

[edwest2]

I think it is relevant to point out how “our culture” got this way. It took 40 years and it was a slow, gradual process of making people comfortable with a little sin and then a little more, followed by a little more.

But back to the topic. There are people here who struggle with opposite sex attraction and violate Chastity. The LGBT organizations are currently working diligently to normalize acting out homosexuality.

Here is a group that is being fought against since they represent a supposedly nonexistent alternative: ex-gay persons.

pfox.org/about_us.html

We all have crosses to bear. There was a time when it was understood that human sexuality only found its true and healthy expression in marriage. I was there in the 1970s when people announced their ‘alternative lifestyles’: I’m going to live with my girlfriend and have sex with her, or I’m just going to have sex with whoever. Throw in The Pill and No-Fault Divorce, and a media culture that promotes promiscuity and disrespect and here we are.

I’m sure people who masturbate don’t tell others, I’m a masturbator. But that’s a real problem. I would suggest talking to a Priest.

And as side note, I think it’s right to point out that casual sex and casual divorce and casual adultery are H U G E problems, but in a society where the media culture oversexualizes everything, INDIFFERENCE has been taught: “Hey. What’s the big deal?”

When we lose our sensitivity to sin, we become Indifferent and this can lead to spiritual death and coldness of heart.

Whatever our faults, stick to Jesus.

God bless,
Ed