Football season is around the corner

[BlueEyedLady]

I suggest that you politely remind your wife that she is part of a marriage. Marriage is not a democracy. You are the leader of the household and have final authority over all decisions. You appreciate her suggestions and are glad to listen to her feelings, but, the final decision is yours. Once your decision has been reached there is no need for further comments or room for discussion. You may also mention that you will appreciate some chocolate chip cookies and homemade chili to eat during the game next Sunday.

My fiance and I have a rule in our relationship: If he turns in to Archie Bunker I will stay with my family until he’s done with that phase.

Why is everyone automatically taking the husband’s side here? To me it looked like the OP was only looking to do the bare minimum with his family. (Football doesn’t interfere with church, chores, or school events, what more does a man have to do?) He didn’t say anything about trying to spend quality time with his family or planning special weekend events. I really think that he needs to step up to the plate here and then they need to compromise on football.

 

[Aggie414]

I am single so have no real (name removed by moderator)ut to give you. I hope you can reach a happy compromise with your wife. It doesn’t seem that what you’re requesting is unreasonable – especially if you do lots of other activities as a family outside of watching football. I believe you said that y’all could easily do stuff on Saturdays as a family.

I will say that I am a female and I EAT, SLEEP, AND BREATHE football. Geaux Saints and Gig 'Em, Aggies. BTHO Florida!!!

 

[Chovy]

I think a husband or wife should have the ability to watch a show that he or she enjoys provided there is no immorality involved. Football is not immoral so there can be no objection on those grounds. It’s not like it’s something boring like soccer or pro basketball.

You and your wife are the only ones in a position to fairly judge whether or not you are slighting your family in order to watch TV. If you are spending time watching football when you should be spending better time with your family, then perhaps you could give your wife the choice of paying for a DVR so that you can tape the games and watch them later? This involves great sacrifice on your part as you would have to avoid checking the internet or talking to any friends who might spill the beans before you get to watch TV. Of course DVR service can be pricey, so… you should probably just watch the game.

I love football and from now through January I expect there will be little else on our TV. If you have any luck with that chocolate chip cookie and chili request please send them our way, as it will save me the time making some for me and my husband.

 

[Moore11]

and it’s my wife’s “worst” time of the year. She hates football with a passion. Always giving me "guilt trips’ about not wanting to spend time with the family which isn’t even true.

How do I deal with this? I love football, always have, always will. I have one team that I root for and it’s really the only team that I want to watch. If they aren’t playing, or I can’t catch the game on TV, then I won’t watch another game, unless my wife isn’t home. She gives me guilt trips because I want to sit at home and watch the game on Sunday when she wants to take the family out for a picnic, when we could have done this all on Saturday when we weren’t doing anything.

The way I look at is, it doesn’t interfere with Church attendance, or school functions for my children. It also doesn’t take away house/yard work, or my job. What more does a man have to do to enjoy a 3 hour game one day a week at his own house?

Should I give up football because my wife dislikes it?

my wife likes football enough. I love it. We watch it a lot as a family. However it does cost a lot. Because my wife has agreed that football can always be on during the season BUT out of season I have to give in to watching “say yes to the Dress” and “Rizzoli and Isles” episodes. My girls 7, 5,2 love it as well. And my wife is pregnant with a BOY!
DVR is also a great compromise. But you need to have a strong will and silent freinds. But it sounds like your wife probably has limited your freinds. faith family and football IN THAT ORDER are the keys to life!
PS If you DVR you dont have to watch commercials and the skip usually is the same as the playclock. I have wtched a game in 20 minutes before!

 

[Kelfa28]

I suggest that you politely remind your wife that she is part of a marriage. Marriage is not a democracy. You are the leader of the household and have final authority over all decisions. You appreciate her suggestions and are glad to listen to her feelings, but, the final decision is yours. Once your decision has been reached there is no need for further comments or room for discussion. You may also mention that you will appreciate some chocolate chip cookies and homemade chili to eat during the game next Sunday.

Yeah…no.

I really, really hope this is sarcasm.

If my husband ever made a comment like that he’d be eating his words quickly!

I respect the Church’s teachings about the husband having authority over the household…but I’m no slave, nor will I ever be.

If things need to get done and I need help with something…football can wait.

 

[MtnDwellar]

Yeah…no.

I really, really hope this is sarcasm.

If my husband ever made a comment like that he’d be eating his words quickly!

I respect the Church’s teachings about the husband having authority over the household…but I’m no slave, nor will I ever be.

If things need to get done and I need help with something…football can wait.

Against all hope - No sarcasm.

Women take a marriage vow to love, honor, and serve. Men vow to love honor and cherish. Serving is not slavery. It is not obedience. Serving is giving.

Priorities have to be in place. You are right. If something needs urgent attention then it would, of course, take the place of recreation.

We have been taught the democratic way since we were small children. In a democracy everyone has an equal vote and the majority rules. A marriage cannot function as a democracy. There is no tie breaking vote. A husband should act like a leader of the family.

 

[Kelfa28]

Against all hope - No sarcasm.

Women take a marriage vow to love, honor, and serve. Men vow to love honor and cherish. Serving is not slavery. It is not obedience. Serving is giving.

Priorities have to be in place. You are right. If something needs urgent attention then it would, of course, take the place of recreation.

We have been taught the democratic way since we were small children. In a democracy everyone has an equal vote and the majority rules. A marriage cannot function as a democracy. There is no tie breaking vote. A husband should act like a leader of the family.

Which I can respect but he would really…really regret propping his feet up on the sofa, remote in hand…while I’m wrestling with two fighting toddlers…and commenting “sorry babe! This isn’t a democracy…now, where are my snacks and beer?”

That is ridiculous! This is football were talking about…not a seriously important decision about the children, finances, or Church. If my husband…or any husband…starts treating frivilous things as “final” decisions because “I’m the man of the house” and football takes precedence over other things (anything really) because “I said so…that’s the vow we took” he’d be nursing a concussion and a broken remote.

 

[Cat]

Outdoors?

No, thank you. We’ve had a record number of West Nile Virus cases this year, including deaths. Ick–not the way I want to die.

I’m a woman who loves football, and I think you should be able to watch football without your wife complaining. If this three hours is truly the only time that you want to “play” like a young boy, then she shouldn’t begrudge you this time. If you are actually “playing” three hours a day, then she has cause to complain. But you said you only watch one game a week–that’s reasonable.

I know it’s not as much fun, but you could TiVo the game, and watch it later after the kids are in bed, and then you can fast-forward through all the commercials. That would cut the game time down to about two hours. Just a thought. We do this sometimes because it really does take a long time to watch an entire football game.

And here is the BEST suggestion I can offer. Last season, at Northern Illinois University in DeKalb, Illinois, a one-day class (about four hours long) was offered to women about “Football.” It was a crash course for women who knew nothing about football, but felt that they should try to learn for the sake of their husband, boyfriend, or because they felt left out of the “corporate loop” in their workplaces.

The course was taught by the head coach of the NIU team and a number of his staff.

Apparently the class was immediately filled, and there was waiting list.

The newspaper did an article about the class, as did the local TV stations, and all the reviews from the women who attended were positive. Many of the women felt that learning a little about the game would help them to appreciate what their husband was enjoying so much. (A lot of women think football is just a bunch of big stupid lugs bashing into each other.)

So perhaps–you could look around in your part of the country to see if any such class is offered, and ask your wife (in exchange for many flowers, boxes of candy, and foot massages!) if she would be willing to take this class.

It would probably help her just to be around other women who have football issues and are trying to solve them. And who knows, maybe she would get addicted to the game once she learns more about it. That’s kind of what happened to me; I never like the game until my daughter had to learnabout it in her P.E. class at her school–she got addicted and started watching the games, and told me all about football, and then I got addicted. Go Bears! Go Ravens!

 

[Moore11]

Against all hope - No sarcasm.

Women take a marriage vow to love, honor, and serve. Men vow to love honor and cherish. Serving is not slavery. It is not obedience. Serving is giving.

Priorities have to be in place. You are right. If something needs urgent attention then it would, of course, take the place of recreation.

We have been taught the democratic way since we were small children. In a democracy everyone has an equal vote and the majority rules. A marriage cannot function as a democracy. There is no tie breaking vote. A husband should act like a leader of the family.

Lets try to keep this about football and not turn it into the same old “head of household debate”

I dont think your comments are helpful.

 

[Kelfa28]

In regards to the OP…you should absolutely be able to enjoy football season. If that is something you really enjoy and there is nothing going on in the house that needs immediate attention…then I don’t see why your wife would have an issue with a few hours of football.

My husband likes to watch a number of shows that I dislike…but he enjoys them and I have no problem with him hanging out and watching his shows. Same with me. If I need to study or if I need to unwind with a glass of wine and a bath after spending 12 plus hours, alone with the kids…he is more then happy to oblige taking over child care or preparing dinner that particular evening.

Personally…neither my husband or I like football…at all. But we are both very good at faking it when my family (all HUGE Pats fans) invite us over for playoffs or the super bowl…we don’t turn our noses up…and even though we don’t enjoy the game…we do it for my crazy family because we love them so much!

 

[MtnDwellar]

Which I can respect but he would really…really regret propping his feet up on the sofa, remote in hand…while I’m wrestling with two fighting toddlers…and commenting “sorry babe! This isn’t a democracy…now, where are my snacks and beer?”

That is ridiculous! This is football were talking about…not a seriously important decision about the children, finances, or Church. If my husband…or any husband…starts treating frivilous things as “final” decisions because “I’m the man of the house” and football takes precedence over other things (anything really) because “I said so…that’s the vow we took” he’d be nursing a concussion and a broken remote.

Theses are the words of an abusive spouse. I am not surprised that we don’t agree.

Lets try to keep this about football and not turn it into the same old “head of household debate”

I dont think your comments are helpful.

I thought that head of household was exactly the problem. I didn’t know that this was an old debate. I wrote the comments with the intention of being helpful. I am sorry that you did not find them helpful.

 

[Moore11]

To the OP: which team do you support? that is important. If it is the Broncos, Jets, Saints, or Cowboys good on ya! If it is the raiders then I gotta side with the wife on this one.
I suppose if she is mad about one NFL game then college is out huh… That is a shame. This year we got NFL Sunday ticket for free because I complained about something. So, EVERY GAME, every sunday !!!
We also have season tickets to our awesome college football team. fall is wonderful!

Sorry, I’m just rubbing it in huh. I’m very blessed with a wife who cares enough about me to pretend to love football.

 

[Kelfa28]

Theses are the words of an abusive spouse. I am not surprised that we don’t agree.

Your argument shows signs of a seriously inconsiderate and potentially emotionally abusive spouse…arguing that you expect your wife to cater to your every whim and need…because your “head of household.”

When you mentioned there was not only “no room for discussion” over football but you’d “appreciate some cookies and home made chili next Sunday”
This is seriously distressing…expecting your wife to pamper you without argument or discussion. That is why I assumed you were being sarcastic.

That kind of attitude would make me question my marriage…and my sanity. I’d feel like a caged animal if my husband was treating me with such disrespect and contempt.

If there was no room for discussion over something so trivial as football on Sundays…I don’t even want to know what kind of treatment I’d receive for daring to disagree with my husband over something important like finances or my children’s upbringing.

But…no…I’m just a wife and a woman with no other expectation but to serve my husband cookies and chili while he watches football and I take care of everything else in the house. My opinions aren’t valid anyway.

Thankfully my husband actually treats me with respect and love and wouldn’t expect something so trivial and selfish. He recognizes my value and opinion.

Is he head of household? Yes he is…and I respect him for it…but only if we are arguing over something important…and there is room for discussion and debate…and he’ll make a decision after he’s heard what I’ve had to say. Because I have a brain and sometimes…once in awhile…I actually have an idea or an opinion that is more correct or applicable…wow! Imagine that…

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

To the OP: without knowing anything else about your situation, I would say your request sounds quite reasonable.

Your argument shows signs of a seriously inconsiderate and potentially emotionally abusive spouse…arguing that you expect your wife to cater to your every whim and need…because your “head of household.”

When you mentioned there was not only “no room for discussion” over football but you’d “appreciate some cookies and home made chili next Sunday”
This is seriously distressing…expecting your wife to pamper you without argument or discussion. That is why I assumed you were being sarcastic.

That kind of attitude would make me question my marriage…and my sanity. I’d feel like a caged animal if my husband was treating me with such disrespect and contempt.

If there was no room for discussion over something so trivial as football on Sundays…I don’t even want to know what kind of treatment I’d receive for daring to disagree with my husband over something important like finances or my children’s upbringing.

But…no…I’m just a wife and a woman with no other expectation but to serve my husband cookies and chili while he watches football and I take care of everything else in the house. My opinions aren’t valid anyway.

Thankfully my husband actually treats me with respect and love and wouldn’t expect something so trivial and selfish. He recognizes my value and opinion.

Is he head of household? Yes he is…and I respect him for it…but only if we are arguing over something important…and there is room for discussion and debate…and he’ll make a decision after he’s heard what I’ve had to say. Because I have a brain and sometimes…once in awhile…I actually have an idea or an opinion that is more correct or applicable…wow! Imagine that…

See the dangers everyone. We’re playing with fire with this “head of household” nonsense. Remember that these are the same set of passages that spoke of the obedience owed to a master by a slave, the same set of passages used to prop up the Christian institution of chattel slavery in the Americas.

This is about a fundamental disrespect for the female being, also created in God’s image. She can have no say, she cannot be allowed to think for herself, I have never once considered myself a “feminist” until I found these forums… now it is necessary - because this hatred of women/woman, this sense that she must be dominated/bullied within the marital relationship… it is ingrained into this “traditional” culture.

 

[MtnDwellar]

Your argument shows signs of a seriously inconsiderate and potentially emotionally abusive spouse…arguing that you expect your wife to cater to your every whim and need…because your “head of household.”

WOW! I never argued that I expected my wife to cater to my every whim and need. Where did that come from?
It actually seems like you are abusing me???

When you mentioned there was not only “no room for discussion” over football but you’d “appreciate some cookies and home made chili next Sunday”
This is seriously distressing…expecting your wife to pamper you without argument or discussion. That is why I assumed you were being sarcastic.

I actually said the opposite. I said that her suggestions and feelings were important. The discussion is over after the final decision is made. You are really twisting my words. AND - there is not anything wrong with asking your spouse to make a particular meal. My wife used to ask me for my chicken and potatoes supreme regularly.

That kind of attitude would make me question my marriage…and my sanity. I’d feel like a caged animal if my husband was treating me with such disrespect and contempt.

When your husband watches a football game without your consent, it somehow equates to your being caged, disrespected, and treated with comtempt. Really??

If there was no room for discussion over something so trivial as football on Sundays…I don’t even want to know what kind of treatment I’d receive for daring to disagree with my husband over something important like finances or my children’s upbringing.

There is all kinds of room for discussion until a decision is reached. You are changing the meaning of my posts. When you and your husband disagree, what do you do? Argue until you get your way? When does the arguing end? It must end after a final decision is reached. Any other way is nonsensical.

But…no…I’m just a wife and a woman with no other expectation but to serve my husband cookies and chili while he watches football and I take care of everything else in the house. My opinions aren’t valid anyway.

Your words, not mine.

Thankfully my husband actually treats me with respect and love and wouldn’t expect something so trivial and selfish. He recognizes my value and opinion.

AND rightfully so. It is the same way that I treated my wife.

Is he head of household? Yes he is…and I respect him for it…but only if we are arguing over something important…and there is room for discussion and debate…and he’ll make a decision after he’s heard what I’ve had to say. Because I have a brain and sometimes…once in awhile…I actually have an idea or an opinion that is more correct or applicable…wow! Imagine that…

Why do you argue over things that are not important?

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

There is all kinds of room for discussion until a decision is reached.

…and a decision is reached as soon as you say it is, right? I’m not going to lie, I would love to have supreme power in my household to fuel my ego… in the same way that I would love to be able to rob a bank.

But all that would be doing is leading me further into sin.

When you and your husband disagree, what do you do? Argue until you get your way? When does the arguing end? It must end after a final decision is reached. Any other way is nonsensical.

Discuss? Compromise? Reach an agreement?

Why do you argue over things that are not important?

Which of these things is she “allowed” to have an opinion on: A) “important” things, B) “non-important” things, C) none of the above? It sounds like you are saying C.

 

[MtnDwellar]

…and a decision is reached as soon as you say it is, right? I’m not going to lie, I would love to have supreme power in my household to fuel my ego… in the same way that I would love to be able to rob a bank.

But all that would be doing is leading me further into sin.

Discuss? Compromise? Reach an agreement?

Discuss. Yes.
Compromise. Yes.
Reach an agreement. Yes.

Just because a husband is head of the household does not mean that he always gets his way. As matter of fact, he probably does not get his way more often than he gets it.

There are some areas where compromise is not an option. Couples cannot vote. They always end up tied. Someone gets his way. Someone does not.

Why is this a big deal?

 

[thomasf]

If you’re a Lions fan she is probably doing you a favor.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Discuss. Yes.
Compromise. Yes.
Reach an agreement. Yes.

Just because a husband is head of the household does not mean that he always gets his way. As matter of fact, he probably does not get his way more often than he gets it.

So you’re OK with not always getting your way, just as long as you are the one to decide whether or not you get your way?

That’s a sweet deal. Can I sign up for that right now? I’d like to have that arrangement with everyone in my life.

 

[Kelfa28]

WOW! I never argued that I expected my wife to cater to my every whim and need. Where did that come from?
It actually seems like you are abusing me???

It came from you saying “YOUR” decision was reached and you would appreciate some cookies and chili…not only is your decision final about football but in addition…I’d like you to prepare a homemade meal for me. Rubbing it in much?

I actually said the opposite. I said that her suggestions and feelings were important. The discussion is over after the final decision is made. You are really twisting my words. AND - there is not anything wrong with asking your spouse to make a particular meal. My wife used to ask me for my chicken and potatoes supreme regularly.

I’m hardly twisting your words. Yeah…YOUR final decision was made…I saw nothing that suggested the wife had any say…the way you worded it…it didn’t matter what her situation was. This is something seriously trivial about football. You’re acting as head of household in ALL situations.
Sorry but when you combine decision making with an expectation of a meal…in addition. This wasn’t a comment of “hey honey…I really like that chili you make…would you mind putting it together for the game?”
This seriously read as “I’m watching the game on Sunday…I want that Chili and cookies you make too…this decision is final!”

When your husband watches a football game without your consent, it somehow equates to your being caged, disrespected, and treated with comtempt. Really??

Neither of us watch football but if my husband expected me to put together a meal for him while he lounged around and watched the game…and there was laundry to be done, kids to be minded and bills to be paid…I think my crock pot would mysteriously end up in the shop that weekend.
There is a reason why I wouldn’t want him to watch the game. If he started pulling the “head of household” lines in this situation AND expected me to cook for him as well…yes I would feel like I was treated with contempt.

There is all kinds of room for discussion until a decision is reached. You are changing the meaning of my posts. When you and your husband disagree, what do you do? Argue until you get your way? When does the arguing end? It must end after a final decision is reached. Any other way is nonsensical.

Hardly…you were the one that opened the door to “head of household” and “this is not a democracy!” All over a football game. How trivial can that be?
We rarely disagree on decision making because I do respect his authority. But if my husband and I disagree on something he hears my (name removed by moderator)ut and why my case is valid and why his isn’t. Almost 100% of the time if I disagree with him…there is a really good reason why I disagree with him. If I do disagree…almost 100% of the time he’ll agree with me and make my idea the final decision. I don’t go looking for arguments on every little thing we discuss because I respect his place as head of household. But there are times when he is wrong and I’m right…and in those instances he listens to me.

Why do you argue over things that are not important?

I never said we argue over things that weren’t important. Read my post again.