Football season is around the corner

[BlueEyedLady]

Wow. I have to say after reading a few of these comments I would have a heart attack if my daughter told me she was marrying a catholic.

And no, in my relationship very rarely does it happen that one of us gets our way and one does not. We usually talk, compromise, bargain, trade, etc until we are both satisfied.

 

[MtnDwellar]

So you’re OK with not always getting your way, just as long as you are the one to decide whether or not you get your way?

That’s a sweet deal. Can I sign up for that right now? I’d like to have that arrangement with everyone in my life.

Someone has to decide. What do you do?

Different relationships work differently. Please refer to your wedding vows for those that apply to marriage.

Thanks for the challenging opinions. We are hitting upon a corruption in society. I think that television is largely responsible. I got rid of mine, but I remember there was a lot of programming which showed attractive, intelligent, strong wives married to overweight, stupid, weak husbands.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Wow. I have to say after reading a few of these comments I would have a heart attack if my daughter told me she was marrying a catholic.

Seriously, we’re not all like this. I spent 20+ years as a Catholic with clergy and EM’s, etc. all throughout my family and never heard this type of stuff until I got here and saw this stuff. Note that there’s another thread in this section discussing whether it is alright to help one’s wife achieve an orgasm during sex. Seriously. That’s a real discussion here.

However “here” is not representative of most Catholics, I don’t think. So if a good Catholic gent comes along, please don’t send him away from your daughter! Most of us view women as our equals in dignity, in capability, in intellect, etc.

And no, in my relationship very rarely does it happen that one of us gets our way and one does not. We usually talk, compromise, bargain, trade, etc until we are both satisfied.

See, I don’t get why that is so insane. A marriage of co-equal partners, bonded by love, making joint decisions? I do not think this makes one a “radical feminist.”

 

[MtnDwellar]

I never said we argue over things that weren’t important. Read my post again.

I know.

I didn’t know that I was starting such a hot topic.
I am afraid we are straying too far from the original topic.

Peace.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

OP: I’m sorry that the thread is hijacked.

Someone has to decide. What do you do?

It depends upon the circumstances. However, I can tell you one thing for sure: we don’t use, “I have a penis” as a tiebreaker.

Different relationships work differently. Please refer to your wedding vows for those that apply to marriage.

Sure. Here are our wedding vows:

**Groom: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.

Bride: I, (name), take you, (name), to be my husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.
**

What are you seeing in these vows that indicates that I, as the husband, should not discuss, debate and compromise with my wife? What are you seeing in these vows that indicates that I have a mystical tiebreaker that makes me “more correct” than her in all matters?

Thanks for the challenging opinions. We are hitting upon a corruption in society. I think that television is largely responsible. I got rid of mine, but I remember there was a lot of programming which showed attractive, intelligent, strong wives married to overweight, stupid, weak husbands.

I tend to agree with you here – and in fact, I made a thread on this awhile back. In my first year of marriage, I was constantly subjected to phrases such as “happy wife, happy life,” and “you can be right or you can be happy” etc. On numerous occasions, the Priest who married us made these so-called ‘jokes.’ Not kidding. All of these have one end: to undermine the sacrament of marriage and the dignity of the human person.

However, my position is consistent: marriage is a bond of co-equals, spouses may determine for themselves separate ‘roles,’ in whichever way they see fit. However they have been united in God’s love and they are to treat each other with respect, and acknowledge the dignity they share as children of God.

So whenever one gender or another (or husband or wife) is being disrespected or treated as something “less” in dignity, I’m going to call it out.

 

[MtnDwellar]

OP: I’m sorry that the thread is hijacked.

You apologize and continue hijacking???

 

[Moore11]

Wow. I have to say after reading a few of these comments I would have a heart attack if my daughter told me she was marrying a catholic.

And no, in my relationship very rarely does it happen that one of us gets our way and one does not. We usually talk, compromise, bargain, trade, etc until we are both satisfied.

You have been around long enough to know that what is being discussed is not a “Catholic” issue but rather just a regular thread that got hijacked because someone wanted to make an issue and be provocative. yawn. dont add to that by implying something different.
the original topic is as old as Brett Favre. Wives that dont want husbands watching the game. It is a sad segway into the ultimate battle of the sexes, which everyone is falling for.

 

[S_Elizabeth]

I think your wife is being unreasonable. It doesn’t sound like you’re the type of guy who devotes all weekend to sitting in the recliner watching football. If that were the case, she’d have a point. But if you’re only watching it on Sunday afternoons and taking care of the household and children the rest of the weekend with her, I think that’s fine.

Make sure that she gets out of the house once a week for some “me” time. I’m a mom to 3 little ones, and I make sure to get my “me” time in each week, doing something that makes me feel like me, not Momma, or wife, just S Elizabeth. I think if you make sure that she’s getting some me time, she really has no room to complain. If she gets cranky with your Sunday afternoon football time, gently remind her of the me time she’s had this week and that while you love her and appreciate all that she does, you deserve some time to yourself too.

S Elizabeth

 

[Kelfa28]

These threads are seriously insane and some of the people who post are crazy in their following of their versions of Catholicism.

I’ve never been a “feminist” either…I’ve always been considered the “old fashioned” type when it comes to my family…and I’m only 29. I’m a stay at home mom and I generally do concede to my husband on most big decisions…it’s the little things that drive me nuts.

When I get on these threads I feel like a raging feminist…trying to defend my rights as a woman.

It baffles me how some men treat their spouses when you lift the rug of their relationships…or what some Catholics actually believe and what they actually believe is Church doctrine.

I know so many “cafeteria” Catholics…people who say they practice the faith but do it in their own way that suits them (story of my entire family, really)…but I never imagined I’d find people so rigid and head strong about the littlest things that it demeans a woman…borderline on abuse!

 

[Joannm]

I grew up in a household where dad watched football on Sundays. It was just the way it was and we knew it. But mom invited people over for dinner on Sunday and it was a big Italian family so dinner was not a quick bite in between halves. But it gave mom other woman to be with while the men watched the game.

I watched but wasn’t a big fan. Now that I am older, all those years of watching has developed into a passion. I love football. I am even watching college now (mostly Notre Dame).

I suggest inviting others over this way your wife and kids have things to do and the mood in the house at game time is kind of exciting. Just don’t make it so that your wife is doing all the cooking. Make it a pot luck or simple foods that don’t require too much work. It can be a family fun activity. College started last weekend and the NFL starts tonight. I am excited!

Go Big Blue!

 

[Ms_Manners]

In my language there is a difference between a “male” and a “man”, but both are used for people. (Also a difference between a “female” and a “woman”.)

Once a teacher gave us a very lovely lecture on the difference between those two and what it takes to be able to call youself a real man or a real woman.
Biology is not enough.

Head of the household is a great concept, but men like to forget that it also carries a lot of responsibility, hard work and self-sacrifice.
The Bible doesn’t stop at women obeying their husbands.

 

[PatriceA]

Wow. I have to say after reading a few of these comments I would have a heart attack if my daughter told me she was marrying a catholic.

And no, in my relationship very rarely does it happen that one of us gets our way and one does not. We usually talk, compromise, bargain, trade, etc until we are both satisfied.

This was somewhat of an uncharitable comment towards Catholics. I don’t think you’d take it very well if I judged you by the way I’ve encountered a few hostile atheists in my time. Please don’t generalize that all Catholics feel the way a few people do in this thread. Most married couples I know, their marriages are democracies despite what one previous poster commented. Catholic or not, most married couples talk, compromise, bargain, trade, etc to find a healthy balance in their relationship.

I’m still under the opinion though that the OP isn’t describing the situation entirely and has painted his point of view in a more favorable light so people respond that the wife is being unreasonable beyond what any football fan would normally expect or want.

 

[_Jenn]

To the OP to stay on topic - I am a wife, who cannot, no matter how hard I try (i.e. suffer through football games with my loving/wonderful dh) come to like football. I just simply can’t stand it. I will watch hockey (love hockey), will watch baseball games (have come to enjoy it through my son playing little league and even willingly buy tickets to go to baseball games - & we’re Pirates fans, so hey - that says a lot right there lol). But football? Can’t stand it. I am the woman who went to every home football game back in high school - couldn’t tell you on any given Friday night what the score was - I was there to walk around with friends and check out the boys. LOL College - went to a woman’s college, no football team.

I jokingly call myself the football widow. My hubby just laughs. We have a 10 yr. old son who enjoys watching games with dad. So for me, that’s “me” time (if I’m not at work). I will go out and go shopping (doesn’t mean I’m out spending money once a week - it’s mostly window shopping - but hey - football season just happens to come at a time when I start thinking about the Christmas budget, what I’m buying people, etc - so it’s perfect!).

I’m one of 2 girls in the family I grew up in - so football Sundays as a girl meant Mom said “hey - let’s go shopping while Dad watches the game”. Maybe your wife can look at it as some precious mommy/daughter time, if you are willing to make sure you get good quality family time in with them on Saturday, or after the game, before the game, etc (I know - depends on what time your team is on). I would venture to say that you are both being both reasonable & unreasonable at times. I would hope that you are willing to DVR a game if there is something important one week that should take precedence over the game (for example, the Steelers are playing on my birthday this year - hubby has already said that he will DVR the game and that day is to spend with me doing what I want). It’s the little things that you are willing to take notice of that will help how she feels about it.

Now - since the thread derailed into the “let’s beat the ole dead horse - the head of household debate” - I have to question where on earth Mtn Dwellar took his vows. Because when I took mine (and yes, in a Catholic wedding ceremony - not a Mass, as my dh is not Catholic), the word “serve” was nowhere in my vows. And we took ours straight from the prep book we were given by our priest. Love & honor? Absolutely - on both sides. Serve? Not there for either of us.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

This was somewhat of an uncharitable comment towards Catholics. I don’t think you’d take it very well if I judged you by the way I’ve encountered a few hostile atheists in my time. Please don’t generalize that all Catholics feel the way a few people do in this thread. Most married couples I know, their marriages are democracies despite what one previous poster commented. Catholic or not, most married couples talk, compromise, bargain, trade, etc to find a healthy balance in their relationship.

I’m still under the opinion though that the OP isn’t describing the situation entirely and has painted his point of view in a more favorable light so people respond that the wife is being unreasonable beyond what any football fan would normally expect or want.

And I think it’s safe to say you’d have a heart attack if your daughter married an atheist. Probably in large part due to the loud, obnoxious ones. But I don’t see this line of thinking as rare on these boards. Actually, between comments that the woman has to do what the man says and ones that talk about biology ruling women (they only think they want to work, but we all know that women really want to raise lots of babies) I would say that male superiority runs rampant here. Heck, remember the hair cutting thread? That was about as trivial as trivial gets and it was still very “the woman needs to look however her man wants her to and as girly as possible or she’s rejecting her gender”.

But honestly, isn’t that the logical conclusion of male headship? “I’ve already made the decision so you need to stop talking and start cooking”.

 

[The_Bucket]

And I think it’s safe to say you’d have a heart attack if your daughter married an atheist. Probably in large part due to the loud, obnoxious ones. But I don’t see this line of thinking as rare on these boards. Actually, between comments that the woman has to do what the man says and ones that talk about biology ruling women (they only think they want to work, but we all know that women really want to raise lots of babies) I would say that male superiority runs rampant here. Heck, remember the hair cutting thread? That was about as trivial as trivial gets and it was still very “the woman needs to look however her man wants her to and as girly as possible or she’s rejecting her gender”.

But honestly, isn’t that the logical conclusion of male headship? “I’ve already made the decision so you need to stop talking and start cooking”.

Please do note that the vast, vast majority of Catholics are NOT on CAF and that while the populace here does reflect a very conservative slice of the Catholic populace, being “very conservative” does not necessarily mean being in-line with the teachings of the faith. There are scores of Traditionalists or even sedevacantists on these forums whose beliefs do not comport with the Catechism. Rejection of the faith is rejection of the faith be it that you believe abortion is OK or that women are essentially slaves to their husbands.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

Please do note that the vast, vast majority of Catholics are NOT on CAF and that while the populace here does reflect a very conservative slice of the Catholic populace, being “very conservative” does not necessarily mean being in-line with the teachings of the faith. There are scores of Traditionalists or even sedevacantists on these forums whose beliefs do not comport with the Catechism. Rejection of the faith is rejection of the faith be it that you believe abortion is OK or that women are essentially slaves to their husbands.

So you would say that these boards run more conservative than the US population of catholics as a whole?

 

[The_Bucket]

So you would say that these boards run more conservative than the US population of catholics as a whole?

Dramatically so. Most of the time to the detriment of their own souls sadly because probably close to 90% of married Catholic couples use artificial contraception in contradiction to the doctrine. That said, I think a great many posters on CAF are even more conservative and scrupulous than the 10% that abide by the teachings of the faith.

 

[MrsFlapjack]

Wow, this topic really has gotten off course.

Back to the OP, this is a subject that is close to my heart since my DH is a nut Alabama fan. I have no problem with him spending his Saturdays watching college football. I am actually quite the tomboy and enjoy watching some football myself. It’s perfectly fine, up to a point. However, if you start cussing and throwing tantrums over a game, that is not fine! My DH does that sometimes if Bama isn’t playing well, and it upsets me that he gets so worked up over a game. I have actually had to take the kids and leave the house because of his behavior during games.

So it really just depends on you. Do you love football so much that you are willing to risk losing your soul over it? Or do you just like to kick back and watch a game or two?

 

[mommamaree]

I suggest that you politely remind your wife that she is part of a marriage. Marriage is not a democracy. You are the leader of the household and have final authority over all decisions. You appreciate her suggestions and are glad to listen to her feelings, but, the final decision is yours. Once your decision has been reached there is no need for further comments or room for discussion. You may also mention that you will appreciate some chocolate chip cookies and homemade chili to eat during the game next Sunday.

This post was awesome. My husband makes jokes with me about wifely submission, saying things like “submit to your husband, woman”. Then, come fall and football season, he is planning HIS repertoire of chilis, red rice and beans, super football nachos, etc. He breaks out the baking closer to Thanksgiving though.
Football season has become something for me to look forward to, because it always includes family togetherness during the games, and fun and tasty meals that I don’t have to cook!
And no, I am not a football fan. Despite being in the same room as the TV during most of the games, I probably watch less than an hour of football per season. . But I have so much fun hanging out with my husband and kids.
To the OP, make the Sunday game a family event. Plan a crockpot chili or fun appetizers and invite your wife to “supervise”. Then for the actual game, have your feast, roughhouse with your kids (every child loves tickling and physical play with daddy). Don’t expect time away from your family during the game. That might be unrealistic, and could be hurtful. Instead, draw them into the fun. It may take a couple seasons to develop your traditions but it is so worth it. You could end up with a family of football fans because they began to share your passions.

 

[teresadeavila]

Does she get her own 3 hours uninterrupted while you watch the kids and get chores done?

I love football, too, but she needs her downtime or girltime, too. Compromise and give her a break as well - play fair.