For all married Catholics and single Catholics considering marriage

[maryjk]

maryjk;10849887:

As you can see below, the OP doesn’t seem to think there are any.

Originally Posted by HopeEternal View Post
Mixed marriages can work

Seems to me the OP stated otherwise.

But word games aside, people should know the difficulties of having different faiths. That doenst mean that they cant work out.

To the OP, dont leave. Some people get a little sensitive and feel attacked easily.

I’m not sure what the OP believes. She contradicted herself.

Regardless, there are mixed marriages that do work. There are mixed marriages that don’t.

I think it is a problem to start a thread that requests people to share their marriage horror stories. It is similar to people that can’t stop themselves from telling pregnant woman how awful child birth is.

 

[PaleoConCatlick]

This sounds really cruel, but after reading through the forums, I have read a lot of stories of really devout Catholic women married or engaged or girlfriends to mediocre Christian, Protestant, or even atheist men.

I know a lot about how guys are in general, and most guys just tell their women what they want to hear in order to please them for their own personal gain. I’ve known of men who were good enough at the act that it would fool women as devout as the members of this forum.

Just something for both Catholic men and women to keep in mind.

 

[LoveEveryone]

I’m not sure what the OP believes. She contradicted herself.

Regardless, there are mixed marriages that do work. There are mixed marriages that don’t.

I think it is a problem to start a thread that requests people to share their marriage horror stories. It is similar to people that can’t stop themselves from telling pregnant woman how awful child birth is.

Considering the OP had this happen to them, Im assuming that there were a little leftover emotions put in there

I have often wondered how mixed marriages work when it comes to certain issues. I may actually PM you about this later if you dont mind.

 

[maryjk]

Considering the OP had this happen to them, Im assuming that there were a little leftover emotions put in there

I have often wondered how mixed marriages work when it comes to certain issues. I may actually PM you about this later if you don’t mind.

Feel free. You are also free to post questions here.

I will tell you that we don’t have a problem with NFP, which seems to be the first question everyone asks.

 

[josh987654321]

Feel free. You are also free to post questions here.

I will tell you that we don’t have a problem with NFP, which seems to be the first question everyone asks.

I think religion is an important issue and will have to come up eventually though, and if you can’t work through it with your spouse, than when your kids are considering religion, they will throw the whole thing out the window because their parents can’t even agree, so if their parents can’t agree on the truth, than the kids will say “what hope do we have finding the truth when our parents say different things and can’t agree?”

How does worship work, do you go to one Church while your spouse goes to the other?

I think especially when it comes to kids, both parents really need to be on the same page.

Have you discussed religion with your spouse before?

God Bless

Thanks for reading
Josh

 

[maryjk]

I think religion is an important issue and will have to come up eventually though, and if you can’t work through it with your spouse, than when your kids are considering religion, they will throw the whole thing out the window because their parents can’t even agree, so if their parents can’t agree on the truth, than the kids will say “what hope do we have finding the truth when our parents say different things and can’t agree?”

How does worship work, do you go to one Church while your spouse goes to the other?

I think especially when it comes to kids, both parents really need to be on the same page.

Have you discussed religion with your spouse before?

God Bless

Thanks for reading
Josh

Before what? Getting married, 21 years ago? Before our son was born, 17 years ago? Or before today?

Yes, in our 21 years of marriage we have discussed religion.

Do I think about the fact that our son might not stay as devout as he is now? Yes, but after looking at teens that have left the faith, I can see that having two Catholic parents makes no difference. So I teach our son the way he should go, and then I leave it in God’s hands. Just like every other parent.

I am not sure what you mean, that “religion is an important issue and will have to come up eventually though.” Of course religion is important. I’m not sure what made you think that it wouldn’t have come up? Or that as parents we wouldn’t figure out how to handle it?

Are you married? Have children?

 

[masuwerte]

I am married to a non-Catholic and I couldn’t be more happy or satisfied in my marriage. There is not a Catholic man out there that I’d trade my non-Catholic husband for.

Being the non-Catholic husband of my Catholic wife, I’m pleased to read this sentiment. My non-Episcopalian wife and I have been together for 11 years, and I wouldn’t trade her for anybody.

 

[josh987654321]

Before what? Getting married, 21 years ago? Before our son was born, 17 years ago? Or before today?

Yes, in our 21 years of marriage we have discussed religion.

Do I think about the fact that our son might not stay as devout as he is now? Yes, but after looking at teens that have left the faith, I can see that having two Catholic parents makes no difference. So I teach our son the way he should go, and then I leave it in God’s hands. Just like every other parent.

I am not sure what you mean, that “religion is an important issue and will have to come up eventually though.” Of course religion is important. I’m not sure what made you think that it wouldn’t have come up? Or that as parents we wouldn’t figure out how to handle it?

As Abraham Lincoln said “A house divided cannot stand.”

Matthew 12:25
25 Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.

If you are divided on religion, it cannot stand and it will fall when it is tested.

Matthew 7:24-27
24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

Eventually your religious differences will have to come to surface. Unless you completely seclude religion from your life. If you cannot agree on it, than what hope do your kids have? and if you seclude religion from your life, what do you think your kids will do?

You say “So I teach our son the way he should go, and then I leave it in God’s hands. Just like every other parent.” So in other words, you show them one way and your spouse shows them a different way, than you just throw your hands up in the air and say it’s in God’s hands? is that what you are saying?

Why do you think that the spouse must agree to raise them Catholic when you marry in the Catholic Church?

What surprises me is that you are content with “agree to disagree” on issues as important as religion. Have you or your spouse tried to agree and be on the same page with religion?

Are you married?

No.

Have children?

No.

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[josh987654321]

Being the non-Catholic husband of my Catholic wife, I’m pleased to read this sentiment. My non-Episcopalian wife and I have been together for 11 years, and I wouldn’t trade her for anybody.

That’s fantastic. However have you talked about religion, or tried to find out which one is more correct than the other? why do you settle with “agree to disagree” on issues as important as religion?

We all have the same book (Bible) so someone is more right than the other, we can’t all be right with completely different interpretations of the same book.

If both your parents studied the same mathematics text book and one of your parents said 2+2=4 and the other said 2+2=5, What would you think of learning mathematics? because even your parents who are apparently educated on mathematics can’t even agree.

Why don’t you look into Catholicism? than you can make an informed decision in which faith is correct or not and be on a united front with your spouse.

If you do wish to look into Catholicism, I strongly recommend reading Scott Hahn’s conversion story. Or discuss issues with others here in which you disagree on, because our faiths are based on the same book, so someone is right and someone is wrong.

God Bless

Thanks for reading
Josh

 

[maryjk]

Eventually your religious differences will have to come to surface. If you cannot agree on it, than what hope do your kids have?

We have been married for 21 years. Together 2 years before that. Could our differences come to the surface? Yes, but it isn’t likely.

We have been through long term joblessness, the premature birth of our son, family illness, my parent’s death, relocation and now a major illness on my part. If there was a time for us to have problems with my religion, it has come. And through the grace of God, we have made it through.

You say “So I teach our son the way he should go, and then I leave it in God’s hands. Just like every other parent.” So in other words, you show them one way and your spouse shows them a different way, than you just throw your hands up in the air and say it’s in God’s hands? is that what you are saying?

Where did I say that? I said I put it in God’s hands. Don’t you believe in prayer?

Why do you think that the spouse must agree to raise them Catholic when you marry in the Catholic Church?

You might want to do a little research. No, my spouse did not have to agree to anything, nor was he asked to. He was made aware of my promise to raise our child in the Church.

Now, he promised ME that he would raise our children in the faith if something happened to me.

What surprises me is that you are content with “agree to disagree” on issues as important as religion. Have you or your spouse tried to agree and be on the same page with religion?

Oh we do agree. We agree that I am Catholic and that we will, and have, raised our son Catholic.

 

[josh987654321]

We have been married for 21 years. Together 2 years before that. Could our differences come to the surface? Yes, but it isn’t likely.

If religion is a main part of your life, how could those differences not come to surface?

We have been through long term joblessness, the premature birth of our son, family illness, my parent’s death, relocation and now a major illness on my part. If there was a time for us to have problems with my religion, it has come. And through the grace of God, we have made it through.

I’m glad you have made it through, that’s good to read.

Where did I say that? I said I put it in God’s hands. Don’t you believe in prayer?

I do absolutely believe in the power of prayer.

We should pray, but for goodness sake, row for the shore.

Have you not heard the story?

There was a man stranded in the middle of the ocean and he prayed to God to save him, when one life boat came by and they said “Do you need help?” he replied, “No thanks, God is going to save me.” Than a second life boat came by and they said “Do you need help?” he replied, “No thanks, God is going to save me.” Than the third life boat came and he said the same “No thanks, God is going to save me.” Than he drowned and asked God “Why didn’t you save me?” and God replied “I sent three life boats to you.”

You might want to do a little research. No, my spouse did not have to agree to anything, nor was he asked to. He was made aware of my promise to raise our child in the Church.

He has to agree with you to raise your children Catholic though. I don’t know exactly how it goes, but there has to be an agreement between the two to raise the children Catholic when marrying in the Catholic Church.

Now, he promised ME that he would raise our children in the faith if something happened to me.

That’s good, however if he knows nothing of Catholicism and doesn’t attend church, how is he supposed to do that exactly?

Oh we do agree. We agree that I am Catholic and that we will, and have, raised our son Catholic.

That’s good, I guess I’m surprised that it isn’t an issue that you are content with disagreement on, do you not want to be on the same page with him when it comes to religion? don’t you want to share in the sacrament of the Holy Eucharist with him? If you know the value of the Holy Eucharist you receive at every mass, why would you be content with your husband missing out on this?

Do you want to be on the same page when it comes to religion with him? because if the Eucharist isn’t true than your committing idolatry (Which you are not because the Eucharist truly is the flesh and blood of Christ John 6:43-71) and if it is true (which it is) than your spouse is missing out on such an enormous gift that only you have resource to. Does that not bother you?

God Bless

Thanks for reading
Josh

 

[_Jenn]

It would seem that your problem is not that you married a non-Catholic man, but that you married a dishonest man. One who deceived you about who he really is.

I am married to a non-Catholic and I couldn’t be more happy or satisfied in my marriage. There is not a Catholic man out there that I’d trade my non-Catholic husband for.

Same here. From what the OP said, the issue is much, much more than the man’s religion. He was simply dishonest.

An easygoing, full of love & matching beliefs marriage is possible between a Catholic & non-Catholic. Married 12 years, & not once has religion been an issue in our home.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

He has to agree with you to raise your children Catholic though. I don’t know exactly how it goes, but there has to be an agreement between the two to raise the children Catholic when marrying in the Catholic Church.

No, he does not. While agreement between the fiancés is obviously a good idea, the Church does not require a formal statement of this agreement, or that one even exists between the spouses-to-be, in order for a couple to be married in the Church.

I am validly and sacramentally married in the Church to a baptized non-Catholic Christian. I was required to promise to do everything in my power to raise as Catholics any children resulting from our union. The Husband was not required to make any such promise. He was, however, informed that this was mandatory for me and that I had accepted the responsibility. We do not have children (yet), but if we are blessed with them they will be raised Catholic.

 

[maryjk]

If religion is a main part of your life, how could those differences not come to surface?

I’m sorry you think that every Catholic/non-Catholic couple has to be a horror story. But they don’t. We don’t have a horror story.

My husband respects me. He respects my beliefs. That is how it hasn’t come to the surface.

I’m glad you have made it through, that’s good to read.

But you really don’t believe it do you?

I do absolutely believe in the power of prayer.

We should pray, but for goodness sake, row for the shore.

Have you not heard the story?

There was a man stranded in the middle of the ocean and he prayed to God to save him, when one life boat came by and they said “Do you need help?” he replied, “No thanks, God is going to save me.” Than a second life boat came by and they said “Do you need help?” he replied, “No thanks, God is going to save me.” Than the third life boat came and he said the same “No thanks, God is going to save me.” Than he drowned and asked God “Why didn’t you save me?” and God replied “I sent three life boats to you.”

Which is why I said, that I taught my son the way to go. I didn’t just “throw my hands up in the air.”

What you seem to be suggesting is for me to either force my husband to become Catholic or divorce him. I don’t plan on doing either. And the Church agrees with me.

He has to agree with you to raise your children Catholic though. I don’t know exactly how it goes, but there has to be an agreement between the two to raise the children Catholic when marrying in the Catholic Church.

Prove it. Cite the CCC or Canon Law. (You can’t because you are wrong.)

I have been through a Catholic wedding. My husband was not asked to agree to any such thing. I was told that I had to ensure our children were raised Catholic. My husband was told about my agreement. That is all.

That’s good, however if he knows nothing of Catholicism and doesn’t attend church, how is he supposed to do that exactly?

With the help of our son’s Godparents (and Sponsor) and our parish family. We are not an island. We belong to a large Catholic community.

That’s good, I guess I’m surprised that it isn’t an issue that you are content with disagreement on, do you not want to be on the same page with him when it comes to religion? don’t you want to share in the sacrament of the Holy Eucharist with him? If you know the value of the Holy Eucharist you receive at every mass, why would you be content with your husband missing out on this?

Who said I was content?

Do you want to be on the same page when it comes to religion with him? because if the Eucharist isn’t true than your committing idolatry (Which you are not because the Eucharist truly is the flesh and blood of Christ John 6:43-71) and if it is true (which it is) than your spouse is missing out on such an enormous gift that only you have resource to. Does that not bother you?

You seem to think that if someone disagrees with you, you must fight with them to show your belief. You don’t.

Am I happy with my life? Yes. Do I love my husband? Yes. Would I marry him again, if I had to do all over again? In a second. Do I wish (pray) he was a practicing Catholic? Of course. Do allow that to rule my life? No.

 

[josh987654321]

No, he does not. While agreement between the fiancés is obviously a good idea, the Church does not require a formal statement of this agreement, or that one even exists between the spouses-to-be, in order for a couple to be married in the Church.

I am validly and sacramentally married in the Church to a baptized non-Catholic Christian. I was required to promise to do everything in my power to raise as Catholics any children resulting from our union. The Husband was not required to make any such promise. He was, however, informed that this was mandatory for me and that I had accepted the responsibility. We do not have children (yet), but if we are blessed with them they will be raised Catholic.

Okay, Thank you.

My apologies.

I’m sorry you think that every Catholic/non-Catholic couple has to be a horror story. But they don’t. We don’t have a horror story.

I don’t think that.

My husband respects me. He respects my beliefs. That is how it hasn’t come to the surface.

That’s good. Do you respect one another’s beliefs and work through them to reach common ground, the truth? or do you respect one another’s beliefs in a sense that you simply don’t talk about it?

But you really don’t believe it do you?

Don’t believe what?

Which is why I said, that I taught my son the way to go. I didn’t just “throw my hands up in the air.”

What you seem to be suggesting is for me to either force my husband to become Catholic or divorce him. I don’t plan on doing either. And the Church agrees with me.

I’m not suggesting that at all.

I don’t suggest you force your husband to become Catholic or divorce him, absolutely not, but religion should be something open for discussion, you both have the same book (bible) so if you cannot agree on something like this in which you differ, how will you handle other issues?

Prove it. Cite the CCC or Canon Law. (You can’t because you are wrong.)

I have been through a Catholic wedding. My husband was not asked to agree to any such thing. I was told that I had to ensure our children were raised Catholic. My husband was told about my agreement. That is all.

If you have to agree to try and raise your children Catholic, wouldn’t he automatically have to agree with that? I don’t see how it would work if he refused to raise any children Catholic. So I was saying that there is some agreement, I just didn’t know the specifics. Thank you for clearing that up for me.

With the help of our son’s Godparents (and Sponsor) and our parish family. We are not an island. We belong to a large Catholic community.

Okay.

Who said I was content?

Your previous post suggested it.

You seem to think that if someone disagrees with you, you must fight with them to show your belief. You don’t.

No, of course not, I think that if your spouse disagrees with you, you should discuss it and work out both your beliefs. Just like any other married couple works through their differences, parents can only raise their kids on a united front.

If you are divided on religion, than chances are (not saying it always happens) that your children will not bother with it, because if you guys have the same book and can’t work it out, than what will your kids think about your religious beliefs?

Am I happy with my life? Yes. Do I love my husband? Yes. Would I marry him again, if I had to do all over again? In a second. Do I wish (pray) he was a practicing Catholic? Of course. Do allow that to rule my life? No.

Do you allow it to rule your life? I wouldn’t say allow it to rule your life, but has religious differences ever been addressed? You might pray that he becomes a practicing Catholic, but have you talked about this with him? have you both discussed and shared your religious differences with each other in order to work through them?

If he is protestant, I would strongly recommend sharing with him Scott Hahn’s conversion story.

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[hurting]

Whether or not the OP’s husband’s character flaws contributed to his leaving the marriage, their difference of religion could not have helped matters.

That aside, it is important to note that the Church used to counsel much more strongly against Catholics marrying non-Catholics, and for very good reason: faith is not an important consideration in a marriage - it is the most important thing, especially as it relates to the upbringing of the children. The Church erred when it changed the requirements that both spouses had to agree to raise the children as Catholics. The idea that a Catholic spouse can really, truly ensure that the children are raised as Catholics when the non-Catholic spouse is free to object to those ‘best efforts’ is patently and irrefutably laughable.

 

[RedSparklyShoes]

I think part of it is if your marriage is doing well, you’re not going to come on a forum and post a rah-rah-rah, go us! thread about your marriage. If your marriage is not doing well for some reason, you are going to reach out to someone for help of some kind. It doesn’t mean that some mixed faith marriages aren’t good. We just see a disproportionate number who appear to be having trouble.

 

[maryjk]

No, of course not, I think that if your spouse disagrees with you, you should discuss it and work out both your beliefs. Just like any other married couple works through their differences, parents can only raise their kids on a united front.

If you are divided on religion, than chances are (not saying it always happens) that your children will not bother with it, because if you guys have the same book and can’t work it out, than what will your kids think about your religious beliefs?

Do you allow it to rule your life? I wouldn’t say allow it to rule your life, but has religious differences ever been addressed? You might pray that he becomes a practicing Catholic, but have you talked about this with him? have you both discussed and shared your religious differences with each other in order to work through them?

If he is protestant, I would strongly recommend sharing with him Scott Hahn’s conversion story.

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

Okay, at this point, I snipped much of your post. But highlighted other portions.

One thing you seem to think is that I should be actively trying to convert my husband. According to numerous priests, that is wrong. Maybe you should talk to a priest about it?

Another is that you seem to think that since we have different beliefs, we have to come to some sort of agreement and teach our child(ren) that mix of beliefs. Again, that is wrong. Our son has only been taught Catholicism. That is the agreement I had with the Church when we were married.

Finally, you seem to have gone way past just asking some questions about my marriage and how I have worked out being married to a non-Catholic. 1) you have questioned my belief in the Eucharist. 2) you have questioned the importance of religion in my life. 3) and somehow you seem to believe that my husband and I never talk. Please stop it. You don’t know me, don’t pretend that you do.

 

[masuwerte]

Yeah, Josh, you’ve also assumed that I haven’t looked into Catholicism and made an informed decision. That’s not true.

 

[EasterJoy]

I’m sorry about what you went through, OP. My thought on reading your story was that there is more than one way to be unequally yoked. By your account, the main problem with your marriage was that your husband lacked integrity. Sometimes, that is rot inside the walls and can’t be known until later, sometimes it shows up in small dishonesties that we might not notice. Sometimes people simply depart from their virtuous habits and sell themselves out to sin. Sometimes a great tragedy happens, and people are scandalized into become scandals themselves. It does happen, even to Catholics.

My husband was baptized, not Catholic, but also not catechized as a child and was only rarely taken to church. His grandmother had been Catholic as a girl, but the family had switched to another denomination for reasons not having to do with creed. His parents believed in God, but were not interested in going to church. He did not have an upbringing in faith that he had fallen away from, but rather had been given a baptism and a very strong core of real integrity and decency without formal catechesis. It seemed to me when I decided to marry him (which was something of a conundrum) that it was far more likely that he would come to accept the Creed, having never turned from it or been taught any other, than that any Catholic man I had dated up until that time would develop a moral fiber like my husband’s later in life. What my husband has is very hard to find. He is extraordinarily generous of heart, and extraordinarily honest. His thinking towards raising our children Catholic was that he wished that his parents had done more to raise him in a church, because he hates how foreign-feeling churches are to him. He comes to Mass with us often, although not as often as if he were Catholic. He thinks we do better when we go to church, and he makes sacrifices himself so that we can. Our sons are altar servers, and he is very pleased that they are.

Would it be easier on us if he were Catholic? Sure, I don’t think he’d disagree with that. Still, we have to respect where he is. He is not rejecting any truth that he sees, and he’s not refusing to hear the faith. He just doesn’t see it yet. He is doing the best he can with the vision he has, and in fact he is better than most in living what he does know of revealed truth. Yes, I’d marry him all over again. Still, I’d caution that his likes are very rare. Do not think just because you see a good strong Catholic with a non-Catholic parent in a strong marriage with a Catholic parent that this is the norm. It can cause a lot of strife, it can weaken the practice of the Catholic, there are all sorts of dangers. Be very careful before you do this, because even marriage to another Catholic who seems to check all the boxes carries no guarantees. The more of the important boxes that go unchecked, the worse your chances are. Make sure those intangibles are there, that you really have someone outside the ordinary, that you are willing to be out of the ordinary, because you’ll need it.