For my 11 yr old son in emotional anguish

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From one mom of an 11 yr old boy who also has some loss issues to another, you can be sure I will pray for your son. I know how hard it can be on them.

Mother Mary, wrap this child in your mantle of peace, and let him know the joy of Christ’s love for him. Amen.
 
My prayers are for your son today. I offer all of my prayers and suffering today and this week for your son. The Hours, Rosary, and Mass and personal prayer are yours. I was abandoned in more than one way as a child - spiritually, emotionally and physically. I have many scars from my experiences. Somehow the Lord has used that pain to help build me up into being a loving, faithful and good husband/father. The pain and suffering from my efforts are offered up for my father and mother - hopefully in at least purgatory. But this is about your son.
Advice:
Your son would probably benefit from a Catholic youth group closest to his age – even if they are a little older. enroll him in CCD even if he’s in Catholic School. That will take some effort on your part. But it will expose him and you to new friends and give him hope in Christ. He must learn to pray for his father. Put your anger, comments, etc. aside - even though understandable - for the sake of your son. Having to hear that just hurst more than leaving. His father may suffer from anxiety too even if it looks like anger. Learn to forgive so that you can teach him to forgive. The Divine Mercy and the Rosary are 2 very good tools that helped my wife and me. We both are very devoted to the Liturgy of the Hours because of the peace we end up experiencing. I adopted the Holy Family as my “real” family to fill the hole in my heart from being abandoned.
Suffering:
Pray that the Lord will not only relieve your son from his burden but to bring real spiritual, emotional and physical stability and peace to his mother (mom) and siblings if they exist. Mom, search your conscience for anything that may be getting in the way of you being able to climb to a new height of strength. When one parent abandons a family/child, it seemingly cuts the heart into many pieces. What’s amazing is that when God puts it back together it’s like a bone the breaks, he builds us up and prepares us for something great. Find comfort in knowing that the Lord has invited you and your son to be with him in the Garden of Gethsemane – to quote a Franciscan Friar talking to my wife.
Relating:
I like to compare “extreme anxiety” to exercising a muscle. Working-out tears muscle tissue down so that it can heal and built up to build mass and strength. Sometimes the muscle is worked too hard and needs a long rest. Sometimes if worked even harder serious damage can occur. However having been subjected to all of the above, I know from experience that there is hope. I still bear my cross everyday [even today with living family scarred from confusion about their faith] as a married man with three children. My wife is a convert as of this past year. My anxiety led me erroneously away from the Catholic Church with more anxiety placed on me through my seminary formation and bad examples that severely challenged my faith in whether the Catholic Church was the real Church of Christ. I discovered the hard way that all of my redemptive suffereing became meaningless and I over compensated for the weakness by becoming calloused and rigid in my belief. The term harden not your hearts comes to mind.
Background:
Although I became a very devout member of non-denominational group [Church of Christ – Stone/Campbell early church RESTORATION (not reformation) group] that claimed to be the one true church of Christ, I found myself suffering much more. That’s another story for another time. My prayers were answered and not I but we were led to the Catholic Church together as a family. Now my oldest son (12) desires to be a priest which I initially rejected because I had not fully reverted yet. I could tell you how much more my wife suffers than me - her elderly parents stayed together - but that also is another private story. However, she is the daughter of a Bishop or, what they see equivalent, an Elder. Her two (2) oldest brothers are preachers. My wife found peace for the first time in the Catholic Church because suffering actually means something very special here. It is a blessing once you understand it, even when we don’t want it. And believe me I DON’T!!! want it. But I submit to it daily. But we’ve found strength in our suffering.
Hope:
I’m an engineer in my mid 40’s, honor graduate, joined the Army to pay for it. Medication to treat anxiety takes you off of the deployable list as I discovered in 2004. I am now the only one that accepts orthodox Catholic teaching in my family. I am hoping for the diaconate. My wife holds a paralegal certification on top of her B.A. She is very smart and after coming home to take care of the children she opened a very successful State Registered Home Daycare. She just took the State teachers exam and is awaiting the result so that she can go teach in the Public Schools. She’s the smart one in the family and my living saintly bride.
 
vocatio said:
My prayers are for your son today. I offer all of my prayers and suffering today and this week for your son. The Hours, Rosary, and Mass and personal prayer are yours. I was abandoned in more than one way as a child - spiritually, emotionally and physically.
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Thanks so much for your prayers. We both really appreciate them. Thanks also for taking the time to answer this request in depth with very insightful suggestions. It is tragic that you can answer with personal insight.

Sounds as if God has given you strength through all your pain. You are very blessed to have a wonderful wife to accompany you in your faith walk now.

My ex- husband is severely mentally ill. That is why he left…I guess 🤷 . Any way, I have never spoken an ill word about him to the children and I am careful to talk about him in only pleasant and positive terms if the topic comes up at all.

He is the dad and they are children. What do they understand about mental illness?

We pray for him daily and I make sure the boys do remember dad at mass. I am a firm believer that this man needs prayers more than anyone I know. I do not think he has anyone but us praying for him.

My sons also accompany me to Adoration weekly as a family. But I like your idea about getting him involved in a youth group.
He does not make friends so this would be such a push.

Thanks again.
I will remember you in prayer also.
 
Hello jrabs,

I’m not a religious person so I believe that prayers are effective.

So, let me offer you this bit of advice. I don’t think the right thing to tell your child is to trust some abstract notion of God who certainly from his point of view as abandoned him thus far.

I would recommend you ask him if he’s interested in studying martial arts. It’s great exercise and a wonderful confidence booster. Maybe he doesn’t enjoy athletics, you may want to buy him a guitar and lessons. Playing music is a great way to internalize and extricate problems and is very therapeutic.

I would ask if he’s interested in joining a sports team or club at school, but don’t pressure him; otherwise you could make his anxiety far worse.

Just my two cents.
 
AnubistheJackal said:
Hello jrabs,

I’m not a religious person so I believe that prayers are effective.

So, let me offer you this bit of advice. I don’t think the right thing to tell your child is to trust some abstract notion of God who certainly from his point of view as abandoned him thus far.

I would recommend you ask him if he’s interested in studying martial arts. It’s great exercise and a wonderful confidence booster. Maybe he doesn’t enjoy athletics, you may want to buy him a guitar and lessons. Playing music is a great way to internalize and extricate problems and is very therapeutic.

I would ask if he’s interested in joining a sports team or club at school, but don’t pressure him; otherwise you could make his anxiety far worse.

Just my two cents.
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Thanks for responding. Of both my children, I know that my 11 yr old does not feel abandon by God at all. He realizes that he has been abandon by his dad.

Nothing more. He is a very spiritual boy and very religious.

You know…we were watching a show on TV and the family was into worshiping nature. That night he asked if we could pray for the conversion of those people. What a wonderful son I have.

I do like your ideas as to sports. We started competitive diving last year. His dad was a competitive swimmer so water sports must be in the family line. It helps him feel connected to his dad.

God bless in your journey and we will remember you at mass and adoration.
 
jrabs said:
Thanks for responding. Of both my children, I know that my 11 yr old does not feel abandon by God at all. He realizes that he has been abandon by his dad.

Nothing more. He is a very spiritual boy and very religious.

You know…we were watching a show on TV and the family was into worshiping nature. That night he asked if we could pray for the conversion of those people. What a wonderful son I have.

I do like your ideas as to sports. We started competitive diving last year. His dad was a competitive swimmer so water sports must be in the family line. It helps him feel connected to his dad.

God bless in your journey and we will remember you at mass and adoration.
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Wow! What an awesome kid! I will be praying for him. I also recommend asking for the intercession of St. Dymphna as a previous poster mentioned. She’s great at this kind of thing! 👍
 
CatholicSam said:
Wow! What an awesome kid! I will be praying for him. I also recommend asking for the intercession of St. Dymphna as a previous poster mentioned. She’s great at this kind of thing! 👍
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Thanks. I will. I appreciate your kind words and prayers.
 
Hi jrabs,

As a mother of a son who is Bi Polar, and all that goes with that I know how you are feeling and what your son is going through. Is he in therapy for the abandonment issues? it would help him so much. He needs to be able to talk about his feelings about his father leaving. He needs to do that with an impartial person doing it with you will only make him feel guilty and increase the anxiety.

If his father left on his 8th birthday he is probably harboring some kind of guilt that it was his fault.If he is not speaking to someone he needs to or the anxiety will not go away. You are both in my prayers~~ I will offer my communion up for you son tomorrow~~
 
Nordar said:
Hi jrabs,

If his father left on his 8th birthday he is probably harboring some kind of guilt that it was his fault.If he is not speaking to someone he needs to or the anxiety will not go away. You are both in my prayers~~ I will offer my communion up for you son tomorrow~~
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Yes, he has been in therapy and the talking has been good.
Thanks so much for your concern and prayers.

I simply will never understand why dad selected his birthday to leave -that just seems so cruel. But sadly he does like his birthdays to go uncelebrated if it were his choice.
 
jrabs said:
I am hoping you will add my son to your prayer list. He has had a difficult few years and cannot handle new things. He starts at a new school in a few weeks. This is causing his anxiety to flare to where his anti-anxiety meds are not helping.

He has been through a lot in his young life. His dad vanished on his 8th birthday never to be heard from again.

After that day, he has had a difficult time with separation anxiety from me, and has a hard time functioning with his peers. It’s very stressful for him to have a friend thinking the friend will vanish like dad did.

For the first time in years, he has 1 friend, however this child is not continuing on to school with him.

As the count down starts to the beginning of school, his meltdowns and stomach aches are starting to intensify.

Please I beg of you as a mother who has seen so much emotional anguish in this child, pray that his transition into middle school can be made gently and that he may make some nice friends to help him grow.

May the Blessed Mother hold his hand when I cannot. May She lead him to friends.

Thanks
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I Also Had Problems With My Son A Divorce.but Why Meds? I Work In The Medical Field And Try Not To Medicate Children.try Church, Youth Groups And Ymca.
I Found Activities Like Soccer, Baseball, Swimming Increased His Self Esteem, It Wasn’t About Friends Anymore, When He Won Trophies.
Depression Is Very Serious, Become His Best Friend, Try Baseball Game Or The Movies, Boogie Board Together, Roller Blade. Yes, It Took That, Me To Give The Love Of A Father And Mother To My Son!
I Really Had Hard Times With My Son,but, Love, Prayer And Pushing His Self Esteem Did It.
Call On Family Members To Sponsor Him, And Uncle Or Cousin.
Ask Them To Spent Time With Him Out(the Key Word Is Out And Busy) Playing Basketball Or Soccer.
Or A Pet, We Bought A Dog, It Became His Close Freind, He Couldn’t Wait To Come Home From School, In School He Would Show Pictures Or Visit Dog Parks. This Helps Some.
If You Ever Want To Talk Or Pray, I Have Been There, Contact Me, And Believe Me There Are Other Options To Meds.
 
I also have an 11 year old son and he has experienced similar problems at school. Because he has trouble in math, he had to repeat the 4th grade but will now be in 5th grade. He suffered a lot of cruelty from the other kids but was able to maintain the self esteem necessary to continue and not give up on himself. We love him dearly as I know you do your son.

I will pray for your precious family and also that Our Father continue to give you the wisdom and graces necessary to remain the great parent that you are.

My dear Father, please bestow upon this loving family the blessings you had in store for me. Thank you for the love you shower upon us daily. ❤️ Amen.
 
jrabs said:
I am hoping you will add my son to your prayer list. He has had a difficult few years and cannot handle new things. He starts at a new school in a few weeks. This is causing his anxiety to flare to where his anti-anxiety meds are not helping.

He has been through a lot in his young life. His dad vanished on his 8th birthday never to be heard from again.

After that day, he has had a difficult time with separation anxiety from me, and has a hard time functioning with his peers. It’s very stressful for him to have a friend thinking the friend will vanish like dad did.

For the first time in years, he has 1 friend, however this child is not continuing on to school with him.

As the count down starts to the beginning of school, his meltdowns and stomach aches are starting to intensify.

Please I beg of you as a mother who has seen so much emotional anguish in this child, pray that his transition into middle school can be made gently and that he may make some nice friends to help him grow.

May the Blessed Mother hold his hand when I cannot. May She lead him to friends.

Thanks
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God please comfort this young boy and help him make a smooth transition in school and make many good friends.

:blessyou:
 
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