For those who use it...does NFP really truly work?

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Raphaela-

You would not want to combine using a condom with NFP. Besides any moral reasons, there’s another. A condom has a pretty high failure rate. (and while I agree that a pregnancy shouldn’t be considered a failure, it’s the terminology most are familiar with) A female can only become pregnant within a 3-5 day window. Condoms fail about 10 % of the time and that’s for couples having intercourse during “fertile” and “infertile” times. Knowing you were fertile, would you feel that a condom would be effective enough to prevent a pregnancy. No way.

Which leads to my other aside. If a condom only prevents 90% of the relatively huge sperm out, what amount of tiny AIDS or other viruses are managing to get through?

Kris
 
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naprous:
Doctors have a name for women who use NFP:

they call them “mothers.”

Everyone I know personally who has relied on NFP as contraception has 4-5 children.
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Doctors had that name for women who used 'rythymn" - not the same thing. And the pharmaceutical companies who wouldn’t like it if all their contraceptive and abortifacient business dissappeared.

Since when is having 4 or 5 children an indicator of failure. Maybe that’s what these families have been praying for. Every child ia a gift from God and so is fertility.

Oh - I forgot 2.3 kids and a pet.
 
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raphaela:
Thanks marauder!! That is a great answer…do you mind if I use it in my conversation if/when the question comes up?
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No problem, feel free. I suggest getting as much material from different resources.

It is tough getting use to “scheduled sex” but most couples that actually give it a chance find it brings them closer. It is like having an engagement/honeymoon every month. As you get more and more experienced with NFP, the engagement period gets shorter and the honeymoon period gets longer.

The course looks complicated but once you get use to it, it becomes second nature. The reason the books and literature are so big is because there are lots of different situations that occur that have to be talked about but during normal NFP those situations don’t occur a lot. There are chapters on what to do after pregnancy, what to do if you are coming off the pill, what to do near menopause, etc. The “normal” person using NFP only has to worry about those things when they are experiencing those things and can read about it then.
 
Naprous,

Thank you for being honest. We’re discussing this as I grow spiritually, this being the next step. He gets educated in the catholic faith as I do when I talk about it. I recently went through the rosary with him because he asked. I don’t think he would ever use one but at least he knows what i am doing. NFP is just another one of those things. As I’m learning, he does. I think he will agree since he hates condoms, and I hate the pill (I’m not gonna say I’ve never had sex or used both of those methods). I just need a little info to get things going. Honesty helps as well becuase I shoudl use both sides of the coin in my arguement to be fair.
 
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naprous:
I HATED charting. Every minute of it. Taking my temperature every morning, monitoring cervical fluid… the whole thing. Really a drag.
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You have to admit that takes all of what… 5 mins? You are going to void in the morning anyhow…check the mucous, check your temp enter two items of info into your chart?? It takes even les time if you use one of the computer programs.

-D
 
Darcee, I know how long it takes – I really did do it for over a year! I still hated it. And the good computer programs don’t work on Macs!

Buffalo, yes, it’s an old joke. I first used it in 1979! But those who were doing Rhythm properly, even in the old days, were taking their temps, checking their mucus, the whole thing. It’s all in the very first Our Bodies, Ourselves.

Not everyone is called to have many children. Not even those who are married. I’m honestly not quite sure I’m called to have any. I realize you think that makes me a heretic, and that’s your prerogative.

Naprous
 
I am so glad to have a chance to share my experience with NFP!!!
I have been married for 9 years, my husband is a convert to the faith (3 years now). In the beginnig, we used condoms (I was a very uninformed cradle Catholic. I knew the church didn’t like birth control, but I thought the choice was mine. DUH)
Something didn’t feel right about it so we decided to let the chips fall where they may. I knew nothing about NFP or my real cycle (I bought into the whole day 14 thing). within 8 mths of marriage, we were expecting. That wasn’t the plan but we were thrilled. Then life got hectic, we went back to condoms after her birth. I was still an uninformed Catholic. When my daughter was 3, we decided we wanted another child. So I wanted to speed up the process. I started looking into taking my temps and such. I couldn’t believe how easy it was and how much sense it made. I kept wondering why more women didn’t know about this. It took one minute, literally. I would wake at my normal time, take the temp and be done. The thermometer would hold the last temp so if I fell back to sleep, I could write it down later. It took us two years to have a baby 😦 We got pregnant three times but lost those three angels. So for getting pregnant it worked perfect. And it makes total sense in reverse too. Our marriage has benefitted so much from our changing our way of thinking. It feels right to know I am completely giving myself to my husband. I began to understand why the church teaches what she does. After my son’s birth, we wanted another child but wanted to wait. Because I knew my body better we were able to do that. Now baby #3 is on the way, Praise be to God!!! I will never again contracept. Not only because the church, correctly so, teaches against it. But because I know in my heart it is wrong to take God out of the equation. We begged him to send us more children and He did. How dare we decide “we got what we wanted so get out of our bedroom!” My husband is a gift to me from God and I need to treat him that way. He is not there just for my sexual enjoyment. The marriage act is more than that. I love that we have to talk in advance about where we are at in the month. Each month we have to decide if we are ready for more blessings. That kind of dialogue is wonderful. Also marriages that use nfp have like a 2% divorce rate. I understand why now. The respect we have for each other has grown.
I used a secular book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and it was great. But do keep in mind it is secular. So they suggest barrier methods during fertile times. Catholics would abstain at that time (it is 5 days at best, big deal!).
If you have any questions about it, I would be happy to help
So YES!!! NFP works but you have to commit to doing it right. Those who use nfp and get pregnant have usually gotten lax in taking temps and observing signs. Our bodies really do make sense if you listen
 
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naprous:
Darcee, I know how long it takes – I really did do it for over a year! I still hated it. And the good computer programs don’t work on Macs!

Naprous
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I think Raphaela should know what she is getting herself into also… which means being completly honest and admitting that the part you hated really only takes a few mins a day.

-D
 
Forgot to add, if we are talking spontaneous, what is spontaneous about stopping to put on a condom?!! Or him going to take it off afterwards? Talk about killing the romance!
 
Darcee, you’re absolutely right. What I hated was not the time, but the fact that I had to do all the work. I was the one who did all the reading up on NFP (And Taking Charge of Your Fertility is a terrific book – I second the recommendation), I had to take my temperature, I had to record it, I had to write down all the signs… and I had to decide when we were fertile. My husband didn’t/doesn’t feel particularly comfortable discussing cervical mucous, so that was my problem (he’s a really great guy, really, but this was all just Too Much Information for him!). It put all this pressure on when we could/couldn’t have sex, and that was really bad for both of us.

Yes, when I was on the pill, I was also doing all the “work,” and the bodily consequences were also mine. However, I happen to be one of those women for whom the pill was great. I had no side effects, and I loved it. I’m very aware that that is not the case for all women.

NFP was a disaster for me – it very nearly wrecked my marriage’s sex life, and made me into a very cranky individual. Your mileage may vary.

Naprous
 
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Catholicforlife:
Forgot to add, if we are talking spontaneous, what is spontaneous about stopping to put on a condom?!! Or him going to take it off afterwards? Talk about killing the romance!
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Agreed! I always found this to be one of the doofier objections.

Does NFP work? Let’s see:

10 years of contraception–Lots of fear, lack of intimacy and relationship growth.

NFP–No fear, lots of intimacy.

Yeah, it works.

Scott
 
now you see… I also do all the “work”

Not sure how DH would check my temps… or if I would really want him checking mucous… but he and I are perfectly content with the red dote/green dot system on the calendar. No gatekeeping, no resentment, no argument. It is a way of life. He read the insert for the pill and the side affects and warnings and wouldn’t want me on it even if the Church said “yeah BC pill”.

I know some people where the husband does the charting and it works for them… but that seems a bit much for me.

I know couples where they are not both on board with regard to NFP and it can be horrid for them. But then they usually have other issues as well.

-D
 
Well, we were definitely not both on board! Call that neither of us on board…

H is a “rhythm baby” from 1968… After two kids in two years of marriage, his Catholic parents changed methods.

Naprous
 
My friend was a BC baby…so were his other 3 siblings, so that doesn’t necessarily work either!!
 
I have to admit, I never bothered “charting.” When I demonstrate fertility, I just kept watch until I was no longer showing signs, then three more days…

And even being single, I love NFP. My cycles are erratic to say the least, and finally being able to recognize what’s going on when, with ovulation, puts my mind totally at ease.

When I was married, I found it useful.

It’s not hard to persuade a man to go along with your ideas. You just introduce them slowly – “hey, hon, listen to this!” and you read something about how the Pill has all these nasty potential side effects, can be an abortifacient, etc… or how condoms aren’t very reliable (their reported 90% reliability rate includes the use during times a woman wouldn’t become pregnant anyway – I wonder how bad the % would be if they could isolate their effectiveness used only during fertility)…

Drop only one little idea on them at a time. Sprinkle through the months positive information about the idea you’re wanting them to become more sympathetic towards. Before long, they’ll be picking up the literature and reading a lot of it for themselves!

This is how I persuaded my kids’ dad that natural childbirth was a Good Thing, btw!
 
My oldest son is a ABC baby. If God wants it to happen…it will happen. 🙂

But I will say that it was a BIG help to my daughter to point to her older brother and tell her that ABC doesn’t always work so its best to stay celebate…so maybe that was part of the reason he’s here… 😛

dream wanderer
 
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buffalo:
Doctors had that name for women who used 'rythymn" - not the same thing. And the pharmaceutical companies who wouldn’t like it if all their contraceptive and abortifacient business dissappeared.

Since when is having 4 or 5 children an indicator of failure. Maybe that’s what these families have been praying for. Every child ia a gift from God and so is fertility.

Oh - I forgot 2.3 kids and a pet.
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No, it’s 2.3 kids and an SUV!!

I’d like to add that you can’t assume that NFP didn’t work for someone just because they may have 4 or more children. My daughter and her husband have 5 children and are just NOW beginning to practice NFP.
KellyEr
 
Yea, it works…but takes disipline. We avoided & achieved when we wanted to. There’s a certain peace in knowing we are in harmony with nature and it’s creator.
 
About the NFP Charting being a heavy responsibility for the woman: There are many couples out there in which the man is as committed as the woman to the NFP. Some couples have the wife take her temp each am with a mercury thermometer, then just leave it on the nightstand and go back to sleep. The man can check the temp and record it. Or at the end of the day, they discuss what the woman’s mucus signs were and he writes it down. Definitely a more equal responsibility. Naturally, this won’t happen for every couple - it doesn’t for me, and there is frustration on my part. I’ve had plenty of conversations with my husband about how we keep track of the chart, and consequently, how we decide when we should have relations. But the way I see it, if the charting wasn’t bringing our differences in how we view sex up front (and really these differences are in every part of our lives, not just sexual), the differences would still be there - we just wouldn’t talk about it. So yes, there are frustrations, but this is what makes our relationship grow.

The other topic I want to address is the “talking to your fiance about NFP - and the possibility of it causing problems IF you use NFP” : Because the Church’s prohibition against contraception is clear, I wouldn’t be comfortable using that IF word. It’s certainly a sticky situation, because you want to convince your fiance, without coming on too strong and pushing him away. But the fact is, there is no option in the Church for the use of artificial birth control. If it were me, I would make it clear to my fiance that this issue is non-negotiable for marriage. If he weren’t able to agree to this, I wouldn’t be able to marry him. If you get to the point that he just doesn’t understand it, he has to be willing to at the very least agree to use NFP or nothing, with the hope of understanding it in the future. If he doesn’t understand and “get on board” with the fact that there isn’t the option of deciding later to use birth control, there definitely could be problems. So it really is the more loving thing to do to lay it out before the vows are taken.

God Bless,
TKC
 
Had to laugh at the red dot/green dot on the calendar…my husband & I have been using NFP since last October 2003 when I (after 2 1/2 years of prayer!!) had a reversal of my tubal ligation to give my body & fertility back to God and be in obedience to Church teaching.

My husband adamantly insists NO MORE KIDS (we have 3 boys 16, 13, 10) so we use NFP. He definitely says TMI on this whole temp/mucus/cervix thing, so I do all the charting. He didn’t like the terms Phase I, Phase II, etc so I made a 3-sided card for our bedside table: green (go, nonfertile)…yellow (in a transition stage)…red (stop, fertile). I told him I would wholeheartedly welcome a baby, so he has to make the call on sex or not, I would never say NO to God again.

He should teach a class on this; after the first month of it feeling so awkward (we’ve been married almost 20 years) to abstain and wait, he is a pro at the whole NFP routine. I, however, feel hurt and lonely when he says NO/WAIT…especially since I dream of trying for a baby again. Oh well, my main joy is that we are 100% in the will of God regarding our fertility and family planning.

I was a little intimidated at first by the BIG Couple to Couple League book on NFP; took me several cycles of reading through it to finally figure out the “basics” for what I need. We are actually getting a little “sloppy” on our abstaining and having relations closer to my fertile time…even if the card shows YELLOW! So, who knows what the Lord has planned for our family & my husband’s heart & conversion?

Go for it - what an amazing gift from God to enhance communication and closeness in your marriage, make you aware of your body’s cycles, teach you chastity within marriage, get you excited for the “honeymoon” phase each month, no chemicals or products to use during lovemaking.
 
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