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Edmundus1581
Guest
First, you did not overstate the issue! I read your whole post, and it related to my own experience. I personally did not suffer from abuse as a child, but I did suffer severe trauma, which left me with low self esteem, and a vulnerability to exploitation. As an adult I suffered from the sort of psychological abuse you describe, over ten years, where the abuse is delivered hand in hand with the message “Don’t overreact - we know more than you - don’t be weird - don’t hold a grudge”, while there was no intention to stop the abuse, or apologise. From the time the abuse stopped, and I was out of the situation (thank God!), I struggled with forgiveness, and would try and say, over and over again “Forgive them lord”, but I knew that I didn’t mean it in my heart. However, it was only over several years that I actually came to understand the depth of the abuse, and how much it had damaged me. Somehow, the more I understood it, and accepted it as genuine abuse, the easier it became to forgive. Unfortunately, I was not in a position to undergo any counselling with a good Catholic, but i think that would have hastened the process.I struggled with issues like this for a long time. I am a victim of long-term psychological and emotional child abuse. When I came to my senses and realized that I was being abused, everyone told me I need to forgive my abusers…
This really got me thinking, and I realized a number of things. First, the people who were telling me to forgive were in fact in on the whole thing all along…Second, I realized that getting their victims to forgive them was they way they were able to keep this going on for so long. They way it worked was they would make their victims feel ashamed of themselves for even feeling that what was being done to them was wrong…
Anyway sorry if I over-answered the question, but at least that is my perspective on one part of the forgiveness issue. When somebody steps on my foot in a movie theater, I let it go. When you’re struggling in your own mind with forgiveness to evil people where right and wrong for them are all mixed up, forgiveness is a victimhood mind game and it’s irrelevant.
Two things I do to forgive, when it seems impossible:
- I think, do I want to spend eternity in hell? Answer - no. So I think also of my abusers, and I realise that I don’t want them, or anyone, to spend eternity in hell, so I pray “Lord, save them from hell” (and I say that with heartfelt sincerity);
- I think of my spiritual state before the abuse, and now, and realize that although I have lost a lot physically and emotionally, that my spiritual state is much better, and the abuse not only assisted it, but, in fact, is probably the greatest gift I have received, spiritually (for myself, and my children). I say “thankyou” to my abusers for that. I think of Joseph, who said to his brothers, when they were in his power “You meant me harm, but through your actions many have been saved, so I will bless you and your little ones”. In this passage in Genesis Joseph first sees that they have changed and repented, but that is the old covernant - I think that in the new covenant we must dispense with the pre-condition.