Former Catholics victims of Separation Anxiety?

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qui_est_ce said:
*I have noticed that while Protestant converts to the Catholic faith are grateful to their Protestant backgrounds in their faith journey, Catholics who leave the Church seem to be filled with hate for their former Church.

Is this a failure on the part of the Catholic Church’s catechesis or is it lies about the teachings of the Catholic Church to those who have been poorly catechized in their Catholic faith?*

It has been my experience that those who leave the Church do so because 1. they have been improperly catechized throughout their lives; 2. they disagree with a moral teaching of the Church; 3. they are engaged in some type of immoral behavior that the Church frowns upon.

Most of the hatred seems to be self-hatred and a guilty conscience for choosing a bad immoral behavior or decision over the Truth. I also believe that people who show an unfounded and unhealthy hatred towards the Church might be victims of a demon or harmful spiritual entity.
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CarrieH said:
Most of the Catholics I know who have left the Church have done so because they don’t like “the rules,” especially when those rules interfere with the way they want to live their lives. In their rebellion, some can be very vocal and hateful toward the Church, but I know many who quietly left, too. The vast majority of those I know personally who have left the Church did so over marriage issues, usually involving divorce and remarriage, or they just drifted away after leaving home and never came back. The fact that someone doesn’t like the “rules” and would rather go to Happy Sunshine Fellowship down the street doesn’t make the rules any less valid, however; these are God’s rules, not man’s. But people tend to think that they can find a church which preaches what they want to hear, and that this will make it valid and OK. They do so at their own eternal risk.

I left the Church after a few years and briefly went back to the Methodists (where I came from), over the divorce and remarriage issue. But the longer I was there, the more empty it felt, so I made my confession and came back to my True home, the Catholic Church. I also broke up with my fiance, in part because he would not pursue an annulment since he isn’t Catholic. No earthly husband is worth losing my hope of heaven! :heaven:
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Awesome response.
 
Ravyn_Guiliani said:
wherever you start and wherever you end up–I think that it is human nature to feel bitterly betrayed when you believe that you have been lied to. Some do not feel lied to by their former religion, they just feel they may not have gotten the whole story and these ones fair better in the disillusionment dept. These are the ones who are capable of seeing the whole picture of development of their spirituality and feel the former was the basis for the latter or current. And they have no trouble moving on. But the ones who feel lied to are deeply betrayed spiritually and hurting. It is natural to want to lash out at the perceived oppressor.

I am bitter and sometimes hateful toward Jehovah’s Witnesses, because they DO lie to people and appear to be benign when they are not (take for instance the death of a new mother recently who refused blood transfusion)and I was literally and actually damaged by this cult. But I also was a witch before I became a Catholic and I do not hold the same bitterness or accountabilitiy to my pagan experience. In fact it did become the basis for my current faith. It was a stepping stone not a stumbling block.
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How did you break with the JW’s?
 
Ravyn_Guiliani said:
very painfully. here is my deconversion story:

disc.server.com/discussion.cgi?disc=46743;article=2853;title=Searching+for+Long+Lost+JWs+and+Ex-JWs

(also see other postings I have made on this forum.)
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Good night shirt! WHAT a story! They pressed you to have a tubal ligation because the guy they wanted to match you up with did not want CHILDREN?

Does anybody ever just “slide” away from the WTBS? For example, gradually drop off in attendance, then maybe move – not to get away, just because life takes you someplace else – and just not re-enlist in the next town?
 
mercygate said:
Good night shirt! WHAT a story! They pressed you to have a tubal ligation because the guy they wanted to match you up with did not want CHILDREN?

Does anybody ever just “slide” away from the WTBS? For example, gradually drop off in attendance, then maybe move – not to get away, just because life takes you someplace else – and just not re-enlist in the next town?
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some can get away with it, but not anyone with a family as high-profile as mine. And even if you are a nobody to them, if they find you or the new area elders find out you will be disfellowshipped whether you are present and cooperative or not. The shunning is complete, no JW–even if they never met you–is allowed to speak to you. There is no way out, they keep files on you forever, you will never be forgotten.
 
mercygate said:
Good night shirt! WHAT a story! They pressed you to have a tubal ligation because the guy they wanted to match you up with did not want CHILDREN?

Does anybody ever just “slide” away from the WTBS? For example, gradually drop off in attendance, then maybe move – not to get away, just because life takes you someplace else – and just not re-enlist in the next town?
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Holy MofG! I had no idea they were such a cult. Now I wish some would come to my door. I’ll shake them silly. I will get some tracts, etc. What do you suggest would be the best approach?
 
Ravyn_Guiliani said:
some can get away with it, but not anyone with a family as high-profile as mine. And even if you are a nobody to them, if they find you or the new area elders find out you will be disfellowshipped whether you are present and cooperative or not. The shunning is complete, no JW–even if they never met you–is allowed to speak to you. There is no way out, they keep files on you forever, you will never be forgotten.
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Sounds exhausting, not to mention well nigh impossible.
 
Ravyn_Guiliani said:
some can get away with it, but not anyone with a family as high-profile as mine. And even if you are a nobody to them, if they find you or the new area elders find out you will be disfellowshipped whether you are present and cooperative or not. The shunning is complete, no JW–even if they never met you–is allowed to speak to you. There is no way out, they keep files on you forever, you will never be forgotten.
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Why would you care if you are disfellowshipped?
 
yes you may share my story.

for the other poster—tracts won’t generally work as JWs are not allowed to take them or are instructed to throw them away without reading them. You have to be able to use their own Bible and literature to disprove anything and it is still very difficult. Jeffrey Schwehm is an XJW now Catholic apologist who has an apostolate to former JWs and a website:

catholicxjw.com/

do a search on CAF and find his posts—he uses his own name.
 
qui_est_ce said:
Why would you care if you are disfellowshipped?
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I don’t. But previous friends and family members who are JWs do. It rips families apart. I have relatives who have lived and died that I never saw again. And I lost every friend I ever had. My whole world disintegrated when I left. Now I have the Catholic Church, but I still get nostalgic for people who knew me as a child or who I have history with. It is not easy.

It is not easy seeing someone in a store and smiling at them and they walk away as if you are a leper. Not everyone can handle it and some go back to be humiliated and then reinstated.

Just think, no holidays, no reunions, no weddings, no funerals.
Never again. All because you are searching for God and Truth.

I can’t imagine a former Catholic feeling that way, but if any do I understand the bitterness and hate and pain, and I pray for them to find peace (and come home). JWs are not even allowed to pray for disfellowshipped ones, they are completely cut off from God in their opinion.
 
Ravyn_Guiliani said:
I don’t. But previous friends and family members who are JWs do. It rips families apart. I have relatives who have lived and died that I never saw again. And I lost every friend I ever had. My whole world disintegrated when I left. Now I have the Catholic Church, but I still get nostalgic for people who knew me as a child or who I have history with. It is not easy.

It is not easy seeing someone in a store and smiling at them and they walk away as if you are a leper. Not everyone can handle it and some go back to be humiliated and then reinstated.

Just think, no holidays, no reunions, no weddings, no funerals.
Never again. All because you are searching for God and Truth.

I can’t imagine a former Catholic feeling that way, but if any do I understand the bitterness and hate and pain, and I pray for them to find peace (and come home). JWs are not even allowed to pray for disfellowshipped ones, they are completely cut off from God in their opinion.
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People who have not experienced what you have, can’t fathom the damage that organization can do to a person nor can they fathom the depth at which JW’s practice serious mind control over their members.
 
Ravyn_Guiliani said:
for the other poster—tracts won’t generally work as JWs are not allowed to take them or are instructed to throw them away without reading them. You have to be able to use their own Bible and literature to disprove anything and it is still very difficult. Jeffrey Schwehm is an XJW now Catholic apologist who has an apostolate to former JWs and a website:

catholicxjw.com/

do a search on CAF and find his posts—he uses his own name.
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Thanks, I have listened to him on EWTN. I didn’t realize the extent to which they are a cult. I thought they were just another sect of Protestant Christians. But obviously, since they don’t believe Jesus is God, they are not Christian.

I will educate myself so that IF they ever come, I can hopefully at least have some credibility in their eyes.

I am had no idea that people were ostracized like this. Your story shows how imprortant it is for us to be charitable in our witness.
 
AgnosTheist said:
I agree. By my observation most Protestants-to-Catholics was due to something missing in the old practice. While Catholics-to-Protestants/Muslims/Wiccans was due to something deeply wrong with Catholicism.
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Agnos, how are you? Both ways cannot be true. Those who are angry thought or believed that something was wrong with the Catholic church. However, in many cases, angry fallen away Catholics still carry their sin with them, or rebel against what the church teaches as sin. In America alone, with thousands of abortions per day, millions co-habitating, fornicating, contracepting, drinking, divorcing, discriminating, blaspheming, lusting after possessions or persons, etc, certainly there are Catholics in the mix. Who wants to be told that they are all messed up, when affirmation is waiting at the closest mega-congregation?

Defensiveness is produced by those who will not confront their sin. Easier to find a church where it’s all OK. Then, to justify your separation from Catholicism, you begin to resent, then to loathe the church which dared criticize your life. Left to percolate, and fed with the flames of anti-Catholic teaching, resentment and loathing become anger and hatred. All of this greatly pleases the evil one, who desired the splintering of the Body of Christ in the first place.

Satan and his demons must not be relegated to the pages of scripture. We are living among them, in the kingdom of the evil one. Make no mistake, other churches are not evil, but the separation and anti-Catholicism that they foster serves the purpose of evil by keeping us divided.
 
To answer the OP ( I haven’t finished reading this thread, but just had to interrupt), my husband thinks you are right. Some people who leave the Church have such deep turmoil (after all they are leaving what they thought was the key to their salvation) that it is so hard not to be bitter, or angry or broken-hearted about it.

Here’s my mother-in-law’s story. She was raised Italian-American in a very Catholic family. After she married and had a few kids, she wanted to get her tubes tied. She said her priest told her she would “go to hell.” So she left the church 30 something years ago and never looked back. She hates the Church and doesn’t miss a chance to bash it when she can (just shows me the inner turmoil inside.) She is very liberal and very pro-abortion now. Her husband goes to Mass without her (he’s not really devout, but he does still go to Mass). My poor husband is so worried for her salvation. He wanted me to ask you guys, what can he do, if anything, besides pray for her. Any books to recommend? She is a voratious reader.

One thing he said to her which was awesome, I thought, was “Mom, I realize that priest hurt you. He shouldn’t have. But you cannot throw out the Church because of one bad or even 100 bad priests. If someone lies to me, should I now not believe in the truth? If someone cheats me, do I now disregard honesty?”

There are a lot of ex-Catholics here who I think want a reason to come back, or else need to justify to themselves that they were right to leave. I ran into an ex-Catholic in a bookstore one evening, and she literally screamed at me (😊 ) for 40 minutes about how terrible the Church is, how the Pope isn’t infallble, about how dumb my Miraculous Medal is, how I shouldn’t depend on Mary for graces, how the Bible is the only teaching I need to follow. My husband was so embarrassed for her, he wouldn’t come to bail me out. I really was just jaw-dropped, standing there getting pummeled. When she finally paused in her tirade, I suggested to her that she read some Church history, and told her that I definitely sensed the inner turmoil in her. I told her I would pray for that anguish to leave her; curiously, she said nothing. I felt I had hit the nail on the head.

Please pray for the fallen away who have bitterness or sadness. They need so much healing ! And pray for those who do not do such a great job for Holy Mother Church.

Blessings,
 
so what does this mean about Catholics who take up every opportunity to “bash” former Catholics? Does it mean they have some inner turmoil, that perhaps the former Catholics are actually right, and the only way to deal with that is for them to loudly, angrily and repeatedly knock everything former Catholics do, and to create theories and stories about why they REALLY left, etc?

Does it mean that the only way they can justify staying is to revile those who left?

I don’t think so, just applying a similar line of reasoning in the opposite direction.

I think that there are many (at least I know many) former Catholics who really don’t have much to say about their former faith. But of course, you don’t hear from them, because they aren’t making an issue of it. They don’t start anti-catholic web sites, come here and start fights, etc. So they go under the radar.

It only comes out when someone mentions “I was raised Catholic” and then others say “Oh, yeah, me too”

I’ve met so many people that I’ve known for years before I ever found out they were once Catholics. It isn’t a huge issue for many.
It is usually an issue when something happened that made it one.
Most just leave because they don’t believe the faith. End of story. No big drama, no hate letters, etc. And, no separation anxiety.
 
Agno-Theist posts:By my observation most Protestants-to-Catholics was due to something missing in the old practice. While Catholics-to-Protestants/Muslims/Wiccans was due to something deeply wrong with Catholicism.

Wow, what a blanket statement! Thousands upon thousands of people convert to the Catholic Church on a daily basis! More come into the Church than leave it, by the way, regardless of what ‘scandal’ makes the headlines. There are over 1.6 *billion *Catholics in the world.

The Church is a Divine entity, a Divine Society of believers founded by Christ Himself. People can either accept or reject that premise, much as they rejected Christ’s words as recorded in John 6:66. The only thing ‘wrong’ with Catholicism is that it remains steadfast in the Truth which was entrusted to it for over 2000 years.
 
peary said:
Agno-Theist posts:By my observation most Protestants-to-Catholics was due to something missing in the old practice. While Catholics-to-Protestants/Muslims/Wiccans was due to something deeply wrong with Catholicism.

Wow, what a blanket statement! Thousands upon thousands of people convert to the Catholic Church on a daily basis! More come into the Church than leave it, by the way, regardless of what ‘scandal’ makes the headlines. There are over 1.6 *billion *Catholics in the world.

The Church is a Divine entity, a Divine Society of believers founded by Christ Himself. People can either accept or reject that premise, much as they rejected Christ’s words as recorded in John 6:66. The only thing ‘wrong’ with Catholicism is that it remains steadfast in the Truth which was entrusted to it for over 2000 years.
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Most people would argue that the things RIGHT about Catholicism are the ways in which it remains steadfast to the truth, and the things that are wrong are the ways in which it has ventured from them.

and while I have no authoritative way to check your numbers, the numbers game is NEVER the way to judge truth or rightness. So why bring them up?

If people continue to scream about how perfect the Church is, because it has been entrusted with the truth, it makes it very hard to deal with the problems (and yes, every human institution has them). And THAT is one of the big reasons people leave, is that there often is no good way to get legitimate issues addressed.

I think sometimes it is because to admit to any imperfection may feel like opening a can of worms that the Church doesn’t have the authority it claims. But some serious housekeeping is in order.

Blaming those who see legitimate issues and protecting those who perpetuate them doesn’t seem to be a wise way to protect the Truth with which the Church has been entrusted.

Instead of boasting about how you have the REAL presence of Christ locked in a can behind the altar, why not use the Real Presence to cleanse the temple?
 
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