Fornication In Todays World

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I know it’s not a good excuse. Trust me. I’m still wrestling with myself internally for thinking such a thing.

It is a psychological issue, and definitely something I shouldn’t even have to deal with, because people should be doing what’s right. You are right though. Virginity is not a prize that I am owed, but with that kind of thinking. Then I do not owe her anything either, and I do not owe them the best version of myself as well.

Trust me. I try to not worry about what other people do, but when they come into my world it’s hard to ignore.

You are right. God knows what’s best. It’s just hard to understand at times. I appreciate your response.
 
Adoni65 said:
I am a 26 year old traditional Catholic man. I believe in everything The Church teaches. I am waiting until marriage, however, I am recently having a hard time believing that one should wait. I’m starting to believe that this teaching is archaic, because 99 percent of the women that I met have “life experiences” Catholic or not. I’m starting to lean toward actually fornicating so that I don’t feel like I’ve been gypped in case I marry someone who did not wait. What should I do? What should I believe? I’m very confused at the moment.
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Try Catholic Match or Ave Maria Singles. I wish they had been around when I was 26 years old. You are not going to find the kind of woman you truly want in the secular world. The Bible warns us about being unequally yoked with unbelievers.

The secular world has made its peace with premarital sex. It’s become kind of axiomatic that when you begin a relationship, there will eventually be sex. Some cite the “third date” rule, others don’t even wait that long. And of course the sex will be contraceptive. None of this is God’s plan. It is mortal sin which merits eternal punishment. That alone is reason enough to wait until marriage.

People do die young and in unexpected circumstances. I heard not too long ago of an unmarried couple who had climbed up on the roof of a building to have sex (you can’t make this stuff up!). They lost their footing and fell to their deaths. Not much time to make an act of perfect contrition. Would you want to be in their place? People have brain aneurysms and heart conditions they don’t even know about. Sudden, unexpected death. What state do you want your soul to be in if that happens? Just a few days ago, a young actor died in his sleep. Ditto.

Don’t fall in line with the world just to be in the same unchaste position many others are in. That can never be a good thing.
 
Adoni65 said:
something I shouldn’t even have to deal with, because people should be doing what’s right.
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People have fallen to sexual temptation since the beginning of time. This is not a new phenomenon. Yes, people should be doing what is right. And, the current culture has obscured that for many. But certainly not all. And definitely not you, who know better.
Adoni65 said:
Then I do not owe her anything either, and I do not owe them the best version of myself as well.
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You owe God everything.

I think you have a lot of stuff to work out, and some maturing to do.
 
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That is true, but it’s also something that is expected when two good Catholics go to the altar. Right?

I know it’s for my own sake, but with confession being available…wouldn’t it be wise to utilize it fully? Utilizing it by getting more experience out of life and then confessing and actually repenting. Which I don’t think would be hard for me to do honestly.
 
Adoni65 said:
Then I do not owe her anything either
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You owe it to God. He’s the one you should put first. God comes even before a relationship partner or a spouse.
Adoni65 said:
That is true, but it’s also something that is expected when two good Catholics go to the altar. Right?
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It used to be, back some decades ago.
It is now no longer so expected because a lot of people make mistakes or get confused and in so doing fall into sin.
To be very frank, the kinds of men I met when I was young who would have “expected” that had a lot of problems. It was just as hard to meet Catholics of either gender who followed the sexual rules then, as it is now. Those I met who did follow the rules often were lacking in other life skills.

I wish things would improve for young people today because I often felt I was very much between a rock and a hard place and I was angry about it pretty much all the time. The Lord had mercy on me and everything ended up all right but I regret not living up to God’s expectations.
 
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What you are saying is very evil. Confession cannot be used in that way and there is nothing to gain from experiencing sin.

Fornication is hollow and empty. You dont need to fornicate to understand that.
 
Adoni65 said:
I know it’s for my own sake, but with confession being available…wouldn’t it be wise to utilize it fully? Utilizing it by getting more experience out of life and then confessing and actually repenting. Which I don’t think would be hard for me to do honestly.
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If you know you’re going to regret it before you do it, then why do it?
Adoni65 said:
It’s a big deal because it shows one has self-control. They truly believe EVERYTHING The Church teaches, and because it gives reassurance that the likelyhood of them cheating is low.
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So why is virginity not a big deal for you, yourself? Why is it something you should expect in a partner but something you don’t want to give yourself?

Don’t cut off your nose to spite your face. Don’t let what you think is an entitlement lead you to a massive regret.
1ke said:
Son, from where we are sitting, these ideas you have expressed are all very immature ideas.
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I’m afraid I agree. I do mean you no offence with it, I just think you’re downhearted and you’re lashing out when what you should be doing is remembering why this value is so important to you in the first place.
 
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Like I said. I don’t want to recieve the short end of the stick.

It is a big deal to me. However, I feel as though I am not going to find someone who has what I am looking for. So I might as well become a “normal” person. Yes I am in a way lashing out at society in a way.
 
Adoni65 said:
Utilizing it by getting more experience out of life and then confessing and actually repenting.
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That right there would be the sin of presumption. A mortal sin.
Adoni65 said:
Yes. I am a confident man. I know what I want and I know what I want in my partner, but I’m starting to think my ideals are unrealistic in today’s society.
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Adoni65 said:
I already do all of the things you just mentioned. Not to toot my horn or anything, but I’m a very handsome and well educated man. I’m also into bodybuilding and sports. Pretty well rounded. Once again…not to toot my horn.
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As a young Catholic woman, I don’t care how handsome you are or how great of a bodybuilder you are. My first and primary concern is how good of a Catholic you are. If you’re going to be the head of my household and I’m going to submit to you, you can bet your boots I’m going to be picky and ensure you’re solid in your faith, not just for your sake, but mine and our children. If you think waiting until marriage is an unrealistic expectation due to today’s society, is your mind going to then change on raising our children in the faith? Or artificial contraception? Or going to Mass every Sunday? If you’re going to compromise there for society, what else will you comprise? That’s what your thoughts sound like to me right now. And I wouldn’t be interested in that.
 
Adoni65 said:
Utilizing it by getting more experience out of life and then confessing and actually repenting.
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Like Martin Luther said " “ Sin boldly . But believe even more boldly in Christ, and rejoice."?

Not exactly the idea, in fact, that is another sin, the sin of presumption.
 
Lou2U said:
So why is virginity not a big deal for you, yourself? Why is it something you should expect in a partner but something you don’t want to give yourself?
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Excellent questions. For me it was because I wanted my cake and eat it too - I wanted to have “fun” but at same time didn’t want to be threatened by a woman who had experience (what if I don’t stack up?). Its a very self absorbed and selfish attitude (not saying OP has that but that was my attitude).
 
A mortal sin that can be forgiven non the less.

I’m glad that you think that way, but the majority do not believe what you stated. They just want the basics and a little extra. That’s it. That’s why I’m questioning why I’m giving myself such high expectations, if in the end it’s not even going to be necessary. Especially if I can easily be forgiven.
 
What happens if you lose your virginity…and then meet the ideal Catholic woman? The woman you want to marry? The woman who is looking for the ideal Catholic man to marry? The ideal Catholic woman who would only consider marrying another virgin?

Where would you be then?

Don’t do it.
 
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When I was young, many many years ago, I went through a phase of feeling inadequate. Largely this was because I was already into my mid 20s and still single and not even able to get a date who wanted to meet up more than about once. Maybe because I was rather useless at conservation and so must have been quite boring.

So I actually signed up with a guy claiming to be an expert on dating. I thought I could learn something useful. Like how to keep an interesting conversation going. How to leave a positive impression. Things that would help me towards getting a decent relationship that would hopefully lead to marriage and a good Catholic life. But then when I went to this guy’s course I was totally shocked as in his introductory talk it was all about how to date as many girls as possible and how to get as much sex as possible and all this toxic masculinity thinking. Mostly it was just him bragging about how good he was at it. So I left in the first coffee break and never did the rest of his course and felt pretty sick afterwards for having actually payed good money to attend.

Despite apparently lacking any dating skills, I did eventually meet up with a wonderful woman who became my wife and we have lived a good Catholic life. We’ve been married almost 20 years now.
 
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You run the risk of ending up 50 years old wondering what happened to the good Catholic child and teenager you tried to be. Don’t do anything now you’ll regret later, and you WILL regret it later.

Find some Catholic singles events where it’s okay for a guy to be chaste. There are whole movements for this now, or so I read on the Internet.
 
Adoni65 said:
I’m glad that you think that way, but the majority do not believe what you stated. They just want the basics and a little extra. T
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Again, do you notice your citation to the majority/what’s popular? I only say this because you started thread with:
Adoni65 said:
I am a 26 year old traditional Catholic man. I believe in everything The Church teaches
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Yet a “traditional” Catholic who believes in everything the Church teaches is not swayed by the “majority”. They are just not. The Bible continually warns against going with the herd.
 
We dont lose anything by serving God, except our vanities and our false ideas of what is and isnt important.

Dont worry about what is and isnt normal and what other people do. Plenty of women want a man who honors his own body because a man who honors himself can also honor and love his wife, and a man who does not honor and love himself cannot honor and love his wife. And even if there weren’t a single woman on Earth who obeyed God on chastity, what difference does that make to you or I?

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11.

Im going to go now. Peace brother.
 
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I would be concerned if the man I had chosen to spend my life with, thought doing a sin and then confessing it would make it ok, for fear he would miss out and be ‘gypped’. Who is to say this attitude will not dissipate with marriage, will he think he is gypped if he misses out on other ‘experiences’ . ’ Will he be faithful for example.

Ita also quite prideful.
 
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