Found out he's not a virgin...help?

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From reading other posts on this forum, I’ve come to the conclusion that virgins are in for a fall. They tend to build sex up to a point where they end end up lusting instead of loving when the day gets closer. I’ve read too many virgin men anguishing over what to do if they wife refuses to have sex 7 days a week. Their pent up sexual frustration literally takes over their thinking and their common sense.

I’m not saying that virginity isn’t a wonderful gift to give to each other. But a man or woman who has sinned, who has felt the guilt, endured the pangs of repentance and sought confession and the cleansing of that sin might very well be a better “catch” than an overwrought virgin who who is so wrapped up in the mere sexual act. Marriage is so much more than that first night.

The various Catholic abstinence programs teach teens that they can become “virgins again” if they just stop their sexual activity. Our Church teaches us that when we go to confession and are truly contrite, we are washed clean. Why not just accept that and not try to be more Catholic than the Church? In one evening, you won’t be a virgin either. Believe it or not, you will still be the good, kind and holiness seeking person you were before.

I apologize if I have shocked anyone.
 
sojo said:
From reading other posts on this forum, I’ve come to the conclusion that virgins are in for a fall. They tend to build sex up to a point where they end end up lusting instead of loving when the day gets closer. I’ve read too many virgin men anguishing over what to do if they wife refuses to have sex 7 days a week. Their pent up sexual frustration literally takes over their thinking and their common sense.

I’m not saying that virginity isn’t a wonderful gift to give to each other. But a man or woman who has sinned, who has felt the guilt, endured the pangs of repentance and sought confession and the cleansing of that sin might very well be a better “catch” than an overwrought virgin who who is so wrapped up in the mere sexual act. Marriage is so much more than that first night.

The various Catholic abstinence programs teach teens that they can become “virgins again” if they just stop their sexual activity. Our Church teaches us that when we go to confession and are truly contrite, we are washed clean. Why not just accept that and not try to be more Catholic than the Church? In one evening, you won’t be a virgin either. Believe it or not, you will still be the good, kind and holiness seeking person you were before.

I apologize if I have shocked anyone.
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Probably the best post on the thread.
 
Catholic80 said:
Virginity can be “regained” in a sense.

St. Margaret of Cortona had a less than pure past, so to speak, and then repented and did the most intense penances, etc. She became a mystic and one day Christ came to her and told her that she would have a place among the virgins in heaven. In short, He told her that her penances had purified her soul to the state of virgin.

So, if God can accept repentance and return us to our virginal state, then why can’t we?

The definition of virginity is not the absence of having sex. For example, that would make a rape victim no longer a virgin. But, the true meaning of virgin is a complete openness to the other. The marital act fulfills our virginity. Virginity is not “lost” in a chaste marriage, even when the couples engage in sex regularly. It is fulfilled.

If this man is truly repentant, he is capable of giving himself fully to you and being fully open to receiving you as well. Does it make it harder to achieve this once a person has had sex outside of marriage? Yes. But it is not impossible.

Lastly, I would like to point out that most of us have fallen short of chastity and the virginal attitude at some point or another. It’s almost impossible not to unless one has been given special graces. So to speak, most of us have “denied” this gift to our future spouse. This is why there is forgiveness.
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I have heard the term “recycled virgin” from a Protestant chastity movement. 👍
 
Received my first “hate” post, privately of course. Accused me of not respecting virginity, which ignores the point that I stated I didn’t. Followed up with a personal insinuation on my own chastity both now and at the time of my marriage - along the lines of, "if I can’t debate an argument on its own merits, best to make a personal attack, preferably sexual or some form of toilet humor, or other “shocking” accusation. Boorish and rude, but predictable.

I did not say losing one’s virginity outside of marriage is not a sin. But I do say that refusing to forgive that sin, not to forget the “go and sin no more” part of the equation is acting against what we were taught and modeled by Jesus.
 
sojo said:
From reading other posts on this forum, I’ve come to the conclusion that virgins are in for a fall. They tend to build sex up to a point where they end end up lusting instead of loving when the day gets closer. I’ve read too many virgin men anguishing over what to do if they wife refuses to have sex 7 days a week. Their pent up sexual frustration literally takes over their thinking and their common sense.

I’m not saying that virginity isn’t a wonderful gift to give to each other. But a man or woman who has sinned, who has felt the guilt, endured the pangs of repentance and sought confession and the cleansing of that sin might very well be a better “catch” than an overwrought virgin who who is so wrapped up in the mere sexual act. Marriage is so much more than that first night.

The various Catholic abstinence programs teach teens that they can become “virgins again” if they just stop their sexual activity. Our Church teaches us that when we go to confession and are truly contrite, we are washed clean. Why not just accept that and not try to be more Catholic than the Church? In one evening, you won’t be a virgin either. Believe it or not, you will still be the good, kind and holiness seeking person you were before.

I apologize if I have shocked anyone.
Click to expand...
Absolutely. A person is so much more than their sexual experiences and a marriage is so much more than sex. I think that its kind of a red flag when the first quality that someone looks for is virginity. That reduces people to their sexuality and fails to take in to account who that person really is and how their experiences, both triumphs and mistakes, have shapped them.

That was the best post of the thread. Ignore the hate mail. If they can’t disagree with you publicly then that says a lot about them.😉
 
sojo said:
Received my first “hate” post, privately of course. Accused me of not respecting virginity, which ignores the point that I stated I didn’t. Followed up with a personal insinuation on my own chastity both now and at the time of my marriage - along the lines of, "if I can’t debate an argument on its own merits, best to make a personal attack, preferably sexual or some form of toilet humor, or other “shocking” accusation. Boorish and rude, but predictable.

I did not say losing one’s virginity outside of marriage is not a sin. But I do say that refusing to forgive that sin, not to forget the “go and sin no more” part of the equation is acting against what we were taught and modeled by Jesus.
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I think what you wrote was somewhat awkwardly phrased but I got the gist of it and agreed with most of what you said, except for the “virgins are in for a fall” bit. That said, I especially agree with the second paragraph above.

Sins are really and truly gone when they’re confessed with sincere contrition for their commission. I understand that some people have virginity as a “dealbreaker.” That’s their right, provided that they still treat people who committed this sin as, you know, people.

Christ told us that our sins are forgiven and instructed us to go and sin no more… with full knowledge that we would indeed go on to sin again. We are to emulate His love and understanding for the sinners around us and for ourselves who are also great sinners.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
Absolutely. A person is so much more than their sexual experiences and a marriage is so much more than sex. I think that its kind of a red flag when the first quality that someone looks for is virginity. That reduces people to their sexuality and fails to take in to account who that person really is and how their experiences, both triumphs and mistakes, have shapped them.

That was the best post of the thread. Ignore the hate mail. If they can’t disagree with you publicly then that says a lot about them.😉
Click to expand...
We should all emphasize the virtue of chastity and it’s important to seek that trait in a spouse. But chastity is not the same as virginity. There are scores of virgins who are not chaste and many more non-virgins who are.
 
Im another one of those that if his past is something you cant get over and move forward, then you both need to move on without the other.

Holding on to a past that has been repented of is a cancer to a relationship. It makes it ill and unhealthy.

Good Luck and God bless to both of you.
 
The_Bucket said:
We should all emphasize the virtue of chastity and it’s important to seek that trait in a spouse. But chastity is not the same as virginity. There are scores of virgins who are not chaste and many more non-virgins who are.
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I can agree with that. That looks at who a person is, what they value, how they live, etc. But writing someone off because of an event in his past or a much regretted phase in life strikes me as shallow. Virginity doesn’t run very deep, chastity does
 
The_Bucket said:
We should all emphasize the virtue of chastity and it’s important to seek that trait in a spouse. But chastity is not the same as virginity. There are scores of virgins who are not chaste and many more non-virgins who are.
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Very very well said!
 
sojo said:
Received my first “hate” post, privately of course. Accused me of not respecting virginity, which ignores the point that I stated I didn’t. Followed up with a personal insinuation on my own chastity both now and at the time of my marriage - along the lines of, "if I can’t debate an argument on its own merits, best to make a personal attack, preferably sexual or some form of toilet humor, or other “shocking” accusation. Boorish and rude, but predictable.

I did not say losing one’s virginity outside of marriage is not a sin. But I do say that refusing to forgive that sin, not to forget the “go and sin no more” part of the equation is acting against what we were taught and modeled by Jesus.
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Hey, dont feel alone, I recieved hate mail for saying you had a good post. Probably from the same person. If they can’t make their objections public then they mean nothing.
 
jimmy said:
Hey, dont feel alone, I recieved hate mail for saying you had a good post. Probably from the same person. If they can’t make their objections public then they mean nothing.
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I wonder whether it was a former poster that was banned (who may have created a new account but is smart enough not to post).
 
Lucky7 said:
I wonder whether it was a former poster that was banned (who may have created a new account but is smart enough not to post).
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It sounds like you and BlueEyedLady have a specific poster in mind.
 
jimmy said:
It sounds like you and BlueEyedLady have a specific poster in mind.
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Yes, I have a feeling we’re thinking of the same one (just because we both dealt with her); however, I honestly can’t remember her original screen name. If you and the other poster(s) felt like she was harassing you/ them via PM, you/ they should report it.
 
Lucky7 said:
Yes, I have a feeling we’re thinking of the same one (just because we both dealt with her); however, I honestly can’t remember her original screen name. If you and the other poster(s) felt like she was harassing you/ them via PM, you/ they should report it.
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We are speaking of the same person and we all have reported the PM’s. But the little troll keeps opening up new accounts as soon as the current one gets banned. That’s why I suggested on another thread to have a certain amount of posts before one can send PM’s to people other than the mods or apologists.
 
The_Bucket said:
We should all emphasize the virtue of chastity and it’s important to seek that trait in a spouse. But chastity is not the same as virginity. There are scores of virgins who are not chaste and many more non-virgins who are.
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Amen!!!
 
sojo said:
Received my first “hate” post, privately of course. Accused me of not respecting virginity, which ignores the point that I stated I didn’t. Followed up with a personal insinuation on my own chastity both now and at the time of my marriage - along the lines of, "if I can’t debate an argument on its own merits, best to make a personal attack, preferably sexual or some form of toilet humor, or other “shocking” accusation. Boorish and rude, but predictable.

I did not say losing one’s virginity outside of marriage is not a sin. But I do say that refusing to forgive that sin, not to forget the “go and sin no more” part of the equation is acting against what we were taught and modeled by Jesus.
Click to expand...
sorry you had to deal with this idiot. you post was very insightful,maybe a case of truth hurts
 
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