This is always sad news, and Iāll pray for Fr. Francis Mary. Iāve got some good friends at EWTN, and Iām sure theyāre hurting.
The following comments are in general, since I donāt know Fr. Francis Mary nor all the details of the situation. I just want to speak from my experience.
That said, at last count, I have about 6 former priests in my parish. Only a couple did not go through the process of laicization. Most are from the 60-70ās generation, and after leaving married.
Also, in my ordination class 4 of the 10 of us are left in active ministry. None of them left explicitly to marry, though one later did get married (to this point).
And in the two years since our bishop was installed, 9 men have left active ministry, most of them younger and recently ordained. That was also true of other ordination classes before and after mine. 2-5 years was the average retention rate for the newly ordained.
Because of all this, Iāve pondered and researched a lot the reasons why men leave the priesthood.
- The primary reason is stress, coupled with disillusionment. The priesthood is not the seminary, and many young men find themselves doing 40 weddings a year in a large suburban parish with no priestly support, few days off, and few chances to see their friends.
- Another reason is that perhaps they never should have been ordained in the first place. This is mainly due to narcissism, which until recently, was not given serious consideration in the psychologicals prior to entering seminary. The narcissists tend to divide parishes (building up a cult of personality around themselves) and eventually leave or are asked to leave after destroying more than one parish.
Even for the non-narcissist, the ācult of personalityā is a very dangerous trap. I see this in the famous priests who are idolized by the faithful. e.g. I knew Ken Roberts pretty well, and some others I wonāt name.
- And I hate to put it this way, but there is the āwidow trapā. Iāve seen this on several occasions. Oftentimes, men enter the priesthood with a bit of a āsavior complexā. Theyāre sincere, but focus too much on what ātheyā do, rather than on what Christ is doing through them. So a mourning widow with children comes along and the priest counsels her, but it doesnāt help, doesnāt fill the void. Eventually, the priest and the widow come to the conclusion that he is the solution - itās his way of saving her. Not her fault, but his for not knowing the boundaries.
Young priests out there, be very careful. Counsel women in your office, with a glass door, during office hours, with your secretary and office staff in the next room, able to see you. Draw clear boundaries with those you counsel. You are not their savior. You are an instrument to bring them Christās healing. If you find yourself crossing boundaries, then stop the counseling completely and send her to another priest. If she starts pushing the boundaries, be gentle yet firm and let her know sheās crossing lines you prefer she doesnāt cross.
Women will push the boundaries, because oftentimes, the priest is everything their husband (current, ex-, or deceased) isnāt - someone who listens, is kind, compassionate, and so on. I saw this in one parish where at any given daily Mass, there were a half-dozen women (widows or divorcees) all in love with the pastor, competing for his attention, and getting jealous if he glanced at one and not another. Seriously.
My hope is that Fr. Francis Mary goes and talks with someone like Fr. Groeschel. Iāve seen Fr. G. put some guys back on the right track
Anyway, thatās my (name removed by moderator)ut for now.
Suffice to say, this may be one of the first positive things to have come out of this (Fr. Francisā) sad, sad situation - i.e., knowledge of your groupās evangelical work - and hopefully donations to help you in Slovakia and wherever else you may go. Romans 8:28 ALWAYS prevails!!!
when esp. persons such as nuns and priests cast even one glance at others that is against the roles and faithfulness called for their total relaionship ā¦and His Promise that His yoke is light and the burden not heavy ā¦may be when it is that of a child , in its Fatherās armsā¦gazing at the Mercy and Goodness of that Father ā¦who shares so much with us ā¦
