Freaky Fetish?

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Rascalking said:
Sorry Trish. And again, you don’t have to dismiss what I say and tell her “Not to worry about my opinon” if you don’t like it. You could have found different words to express your disagreement.
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Actually I didn’t say that, I said, quote, "Bea, don’t let that comment get to you."

In my country that means don’t let it upset you. Perhaps in your country it means something different! 🙂

Her post following your first post was upset and indignant.
“oh … wait, I was sliced open and in the hospital so I guess I wasn’t available” that is women-speak that is definitely upset.
 
Actually, I don’t know much about crossdressing or transgender issues. Just what I was taught and studied in my master’s program for behavioral psychology. (Sorry, I am being a little sarcastic because I offered my opinion and didn’t cite the DSM IV to Promethius.)
In any case, the OP should know that crossdressing is often a overwhelming temptation for a person, and exceedingly difficult to treat with counseling. That is just the way it is. Based on my experiences, crossdressing starts at a very early age most of the time.
There is help if the OP’s husband desires it. He can overcome this with God’s help.
 
Rascal King (I’ve only just worked that out) what I last posted is true enough and I don’t back down on it, but it isn’t fair to leave it at that. I considered sending a PM, because I’m not happy I caused you to feel a sting, but as we kind of crossed swords online, I prefer to give you due credit online.

Subsequent posts from our OP showed that you did help to snap things out of the initial shock, so you achieved a worthwhile outcome there.

I can be detached but am instinctively an (overly) ‘empathetic’ type. I have a husband who snapped me back into place many a time over the years. I reacted quickly to Bea’s initial response to your post, without trust in yours, because I was embroiled in her trouble rather than in seeing it from another viewpoint. I personally would be upset if my husband were suddenly revealed as a cross-dresser and don’t consider it lightly as you do, and we both feel entitled to our opinions,
but I would certainly be upset if my husband was deceptive because he was afraid of telling me his truth, however, not likely to happen, ludicrous, if you knew my husband.

So can we shake hands in virtual space across a wild and vast ocean?
As an Aussie, how can I remain at any degree of faint discord with the King of Rascals!
 
Trishie said:
So can we shake hands in virtual space across a wild and vast ocean?
As an Aussie, how can I remain at any degree of faint discord with the King of Rascals!
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Oh, goodness of course we can. I thought nothing of it. Here’s a hug as well.
And I’m an ethnic Brit, (though born in the states to a British mom) so how could I stay mad a fellow subject of the queen? :D:D:D
 
I’m married to a Brit! 😃
So we have even more than the queen in common.
Thanks for the hug 🙂

We haven’t forgotten you, Bea, just a quick exercise in sorting relationships out when problems occur…a minor one, yet the same principle can be applied to your big problem.
There was a time delay, but the Rascal King and I made it!
You and your husband can work things out, with help maybe, but beginning with quiet communication. You both need to be able to trust each other with your true selves
 
To be totally fair this is hardly the “freakiest” fetish out there. At least there was no third party involved right? Just let him know you are uncomfortable with it. That’s all that needs to be done. If he continues to do it despite it bothering you, THEN take the next step with counselling or whatever. I’d bet he’s embarrassed as hell and won’t do it again.
 
Aleksa said:
To be totally fair this is hardly the “freakiest” fetish out there. At least there was no third party involved right? Just let him know you are uncomfortable with it. That’s all that needs to be done. If he continues to do it despite it bothering you, THEN take the next step with counselling or whatever. I’d bet he’s embarrassed as hell and won’t do it again.
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I agree with your initial statement that this isn’t the “freakiest” fetish out there. But I think your further statements are exceedingly niave and dangerous. In essence you’re advising her to sweep this under the rug. Don’t think; don’t feel don’t react. And merely blame minimize and deny. She’s married to this man and he has kept a big secret, likely for many years and she’s hurt. This needs to be explored if the marriage is going to be truly intimate.

In essence she has to honor her feelings and address what she is feeling with her husband, using a counselor might be a very good idea. Lots of prayer is also another very good tool too!

Peace, g
 
Rascalking said:
Excatly-that’s why she should remember that she has a “wonderful marriage” two great kids, and the like. This isn’t a “marriage armageddon” moment. It’s more of a surpirse than anything else.

I agree he should’ve been there at the hosptial though.

Again, I don’t understand the fetish-it’s not me, but I do think it’s a bit overblown.
Sorry Trish. And again, you don’t have to dismiss what I say and tell her “Not to worry about my opinon” if you don’t like it. You could have found different words to express your disagreement.
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It’s really not overblown.

The internet can draw us into sinful lifestyles, we would never have encountered walking down the street.

I hate to say this, but the OP should know that cross-dressing can be part of an S&M lifestyle that involves having a dominant (possibly an internet one).

Lots of prayer and counseling.
 
Also, to the ones who say this is no big deal, what if her husband had been caught with gay porn and had confessed that he had a gay experience when she was in the hospital? Would that be enough of a problem to be upset about? This particular fetish is, as another poster stated, VERY difficult to cure. It is something that isn’t random, isn’t a one-time thing. Most people do not feel compulsively attracted to wearing the other gender’s intimate apparel, make-up, jewelry, etc.

Her husband has kept a BIG secret, and that is an issue of trust. It causes one to question everything else about that person because if they have kept that huge a secret, what OTHER secrets might be being kept?

Her reaction is completely normal and understandable under the circumstances.
 
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. It is good to get opinions from all angles.

Since our girls were already at my brother’s house, I left on Thursday night to go stay with my sister. The travel was very difficult on me physically, but I just could not stay at home. He did not come clean with some of the minor details until after I got on the plane, which upset me even more.

I called my sister’s parish priest, but unfortunately didn’t hear back from him. I did indicate that I was only going to be there Friday and Saturday, so it’s understanding that he wouldn’t be able to call back. I’m sure he was busy with confessions, Mass, etc… My sister has a close friend who is a psycholocial nurse practitioner, and I had a long conversation with her, which was helpful.

My husband is Christian, but not Catholic, so some faith-based suggestions would probably only work for me. I will look to my faith for strength. I will probably call for religious-based counseling and guidance at a different parish in my area.

My husband has agreed to go to counseling and I have started looking up marriage counselors. We had many phone conversations that lasted through the evenings while I was gone, but I am just so physically and mentally exhausted that I cannot talk to him tonight (I just got home this morning). We functioned normally in front of our children and once they went to bed, we’ve not said a word about it. He is in bed and I don’t even want to go in there. I will probably sleep in the nursery.

I realize communication is the key, so words will not go unspoken for long. It doesn’t help that I am in physical pain as well, which drains me mentally as well. I appreciate your kinds words as I work through the shock and hurtfulness that I feel.
 
Thanks for the hug 🙂

While I was away, my husband said he was doing research on the issue, as I have been. I have no experience with this type of situation. As I browsed his computer (I have absolutely no problem doing this as it’s OUR home and OUR stuff) to see what sites he found (some the same that I found), most say that crossdressing is part of the person and difficult to stop. I cringe at the thought that this might JUST BE THE BEGINNING! God help me!

The lies he told are the thing that causes the most damage, though. When someone lies several times, even after the jig is up, it makes it hard to realize what is truth and what is not.

I gave hubby the marriage counselor info. If crossdressing is going to be something that can’t be stopped, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’m really annoyed at all of the crossdressing sites with their “poor me, the crossdresser.” I don’t want to kick a dog when it’s down, but how about “poor wifey, the deceived?” Perhaps the marriage counselor can help with the trust issues and provide professional advice, which is clearly needed.

Unfortunately, upon browsing my husband’s computer, I see he found my post here and has been reading this discussion. Of course, there is NOTHING IN HERE I HAVEN’T ALREADY SAID OR WOULDN’T SAY DIRECTLY TO HIM, so I don’t fear “being caught.”

I will probably not post in here again, but I did want to say once more that I appreciate the prayers and suggestions. I guess all conversations will be between us from now on, which can’t be put off any longer… so maybe that’s a good thing…
 
Well, although you may not read this again, I will still keep you in my prayers. I will pray that your husband does find help and is able to change this. I assume he is a good father and has been a good husband, and I pray that he is one of the people who CAN change.

:console:
 
Thinking of you with prayer.
May God guide you and your husband through this.
 
You are in my prayers also.
May God bless you and your husband, and your children
 
It’s not an unheard of fetish for heterosexual men to like wearing women’s underwear.

If I were you I’d try to talk to him about it and find out about it as much as possible. Try to get him to open up to you by composing yourself and trying not to come off as upset or disgusted.

With that being said, I don’t think therapy is going to work. No amount of therapy can make a fetish go away… it’s usually something that is very deeply ingrained into a person.

It may take a while for him to feel comfortable enough opening up to you about it completely, but I think doing so would be the best thing for the both of you… and you wouldn’t feel so out of the loop.
 
Debora123 said:
With that being said, I don’t think therapy is going to work. No amount of therapy can make a fetish go away… it’s usually something that is very deeply ingrained into a person.
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He says that since he tried it once and didn’t like it, that it’s not a problem and therefore not a fetish, but we will talk tonight.

The counselor is needed at least for me. I feel that we are only able to agree to disagree at this point and we are going in circles.
 
BostonMyrtleBea said:
He says that since he tried it once and didn’t like it, that it’s not a problem and therefore not a fetish, but we will talk tonight.

The counselor is needed at least for me. I feel that we are only able to agree to disagree at this point and we are going in circles.
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Really? :confused:

If this is truly just about an isolated event that happened ONE time and he didn’t even like it, then it sounds like a non issue to me (not a problem)… quite honestly, why all the fuss?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand your initial shock and feelings of hurt, but goodness… isn’t all this taking it a tad too far? Just my opinion…
 
Debora123 said:
Really? :confused:

If this is truly just about an isolated event that happened ONE time and he didn’t even like it, then it sounds like a non issue to me (not a problem)… quite honestly, why all the fuss?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand your initial shock and feelings of hurt, but goodness… isn’t all this taking it a tad too far? Just my opinion…
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👍

I’m a bit more confused now after reading the later posts than I was in the beginning.

There are probably other issues in your marriage and this was like a “straw that broke a camels back”.

Your family is in my prayers…
 
Debora123 said:
Really? :confused:

If this is truly just about an isolated event that happened ONE time and he didn’t even like it, then it sounds like a non issue to me (not a problem)… quite honestly, why all the fuss?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand your initial shock and feelings of hurt, but goodness… isn’t all this taking it a tad too far? Just my opinion…
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Her husband says…that he only tried it once. But he went and BOUGHT the outfit, here is how she described it: “It was a photo of my husband wearing some sort of crotchless female fishnet outfit and my underwear.”

Most men NEVER try such a thing, never even have it in their minds to try such a thing. Her husband took the time to and buy this outfit, put it on, and take photos of it. If he had just been curious and didn’t like the effect, why take photos of himself in it?

This is in no way normal behavior, sorry.
 
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