French kissing

[Elizabeth502]

putting ones tongues in each others mouths is really not a sign of “affection” for the dating…

For the record, I did not say that. Do not confuse me with other posters. Please get your facts, and your quotes, and your representations, straight.

Thank you.

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

From EWTN as well:

ewtn.com/vexperts/showresult.asp?RecNum=482079&Forums=0&Experts=0&Days=2009&Author=&Keyword=kissing&pgnu=1&groupnum=0&record_bookmark=40&ORDER_BY_TXT=ORDER+BY+ReplyDate+DESC&start_at=

Passionate Kissing
Question from on 10-02-2006:
Hello Father,
I have read recently, on another part of EWTN, that passionate kissing between unmarried couples is sinful. Could you please clarify, what exactly is meant by passionate kissing. Is it defined by a period of time ( for example using the tounge for 7 to 10 seconds ) or is it simply by using the tounge?

Thank you Father for helping me to understand, God be with you.

Answer by Fr. Robert J. Levis on 10-03-2006:
Kevin, Any kiss, between the unmarried, that is accompanied by sexual arousal is passionate and so a serious sin. Fr. Bob Levis

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[Debora123]

Originally Posted by Bookcat

I don’t think he meant that to be as a response to you personally. I think he was just stating his opinion in general.

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Although I do have a hard time understanding people who are grossed out by their own spouses’ or future spouses’ tongue.

I mean, when you have sex you exchange much more bodily fluids and intimate parts. And so if a tongue grosses you out I don’t see how sex wouldn’t?

Whatever. I thoroughly enjoy it as an affectionate, romantic thing, and see nothing gross about it… but to each their own I guess!

 

[Bookcat]

For the record, I did not say that. Do not confuse me with other posters. Please get your facts, and your quotes, and your representations, straight.

Thank you.

I did not and do not…each person is their own person (you will note it was not directed to you…it was general post)

 

[Bookcat]

Although I do have a hard time understanding people who are grossed out by their own spouses’ or future spouses’ tongue.

And…I noted this about the unmarried…for which it does not really appear to be a form of affection suited to them…where as for the married it can find its place among the other legit stimulating aspects of the marital act.

 

[Bookcat]

I couldn’t agree more… and I am engaged. If we kissed like that, I know we’d both feel that we took something that didn’t belong to us yet. That and we’d both be in the confessional over it.

Some great lines from the Catechism:

2350 Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastity in continence. They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for marriage the expressions of affection that belong to married love. They will help each other grow in chastity.

 

[Debora123]

And…I noted this about the unmarried…for which it does not really appear to be a form of affection suited to them…where as for the married it can find its place among the other legit stimulating aspects of the marital act.

I understand. I was referring to the people who think it’s gross, period. Whether married, or engaged, or dating.

For me personally, I think it’s gross to do it with random people and with people you are dating casually but not in a serious relationship with. My husband is the only man I ever had intense kissing sessions like that with, but I had dated/kissed plenty other guys before he came along.

 

[Debora123]

Some great lines from the Catechism:

2350 Those who are engaged to marry are called to live chastity in continence. They should see in this time of testing a discovery of mutual respect, an apprenticeship in fidelity, and the hope of receiving one another from God. They should reserve for marriage the expressions of affection that belong to married love. They will help each other grow in chastity.

I don’t disagree with this, I just don’t think french kissing applies.

 

[Bookcat]

I don’t disagree with this, I just don’t think french kissing applies.

We have discussed this now a length…

so I know that is what you think …

But I guess I repeat myself too (more than you)

 

[Debora123]

We have discussed this now a length…

so I know that is what you think …

But I guess I repeat myself too (more than you)

The good news is we are both married so we don’t have to worry about premarital french kissing anymore, haha.

 

[Elizabeth502]

I did not and do not…each person is their own person (you will note it was not directed to you…it was general post)

Your post 76, which I objected to, directly followed my own post 75. It seemed to argue mine, which is why I made my objection to yours. I’m glad you’re not confused about my position.

 

[TommyWommy]

Wow! I was doing a forum search to find out more information on “speaking in tongues” and I came across this thread!

Guess there’s more than one way to “speak” to someone with your tongue. What are you “saying” when you french kiss someone? What message are you trying to convey to that person? Are you “saying” something that should only be said in the “marriage bed” or not? That’s the heart of the matter, isn’t it? 75% to 90% of human communication is non-verbal. What are you non-verbally “saying” with that tongue when you french kiss?

Then there’s the whole thing in the book of James about how hard it is to tame the tongue. I don’t think James had french kissing in mind, but hey, if the shoe fits…

 

[Bookcat]

OLD thread.

 

[DaveBj]

OLD thread.

Yes, but FUNNY post

 

[MAV0524]

I know it’s an old thread, but it’s an important topic. I think it’s sinful for unmarried couples and have confessed it before. It’s foreplay in my opinion. If it’s not foreplay, then your not doing it right.

I think the “its not sex and it didn’t tempt us to sex” is an excuse to justify lust. The same excuse is used to justify showering together in the nude (even by people with more conservative sexual values). You could use the same justification to justify “feeling someone up” or kissing someone in “sensitive areas.”

 

[Lucky10279]

chastity.com/chastity-qa/how-far-too-far/kissing/french-kissing-bad-every

 

[someonewhocares]

My apologies to all in this thread, I have not yet finished reading all the posts, I just wanted to post my thoughts on the matter before allowing any external ideas to “pervert” my innocent impression of french kissing. I have always dreamed to meet a woman who actually upheld the faith in a true sense, as I would like to/strive too(I am by no means perfect but I have my dream of how I would be). I always imagined french kissing with her as a means of affection and affirmation that me and her both agree that this is not to stimulate or create arousal, rather that we are giving eachother the deepest non-sexual form of affection in an act of solidarity, standing strong against the “norm” of today’s promiscuity. We would take no actions further, nor would we be sexually aroused as both of us would have the exact same opinion on chastity. It would be solely an affectionate act to bring us together and closer to the Lord . It would strengthen our bond, knowing that we are some of the few who would respect this act as an act of closeness. My idea of this flowed from when I hug my parents goodbye (or any loved one). I am 25 and have lived apart from them 5 years, and it is always my deepest despair to part from them after a visit, I hug them very firmly, while thinking deeply about how much they matter to me. This is how I would kiss a girl I am courting in the french manner. However, most girls are not on board with the catholic way of life, so alas, I am very lonely in this world. The true believer would kiss in this manner, and not for the end of arousal. at least thats my innocent impression

 

[Prodigal_Son]

My apologies to all in this thread, I have not yet finished reading all the posts, I just wanted to post my thoughts on the matter before allowing any external ideas to “pervert” my innocent impression of french kissing. I have always dreamed to meet a woman who actually upheld the faith in a true sense, as I would like to/strive too(I am by no means perfect but I have my dream of how I would be). I always imagined french kissing with her as a means of affection and affirmation that me and her both agree that this is not to stimulate or create arousal, rather that we are giving eachother the deepest non-sexual form of affection in an act of solidarity, standing strong against the “norm” of today’s promiscuity. We would take no actions further, nor would we be sexually aroused as both of us would have the exact same opinion on chastity. It would be solely an affectionate act to bring us together and closer to the Lord . It would strengthen our bond, knowing that we are some of the few who would respect this act as an act of closeness. My idea of this flowed from when I hug my parents goodbye (or any loved one). I am 25 and have lived apart from them 5 years, and it is always my deepest despair to part from them after a visit, I hug them very firmly, while thinking deeply about how much they matter to me. This is how I would kiss a girl I am courting in the french manner. However, most girls are not on board with the catholic way of life, so alas, I am very lonely in this world. The true believer would kiss in this manner, and not for the end of arousal. at least thats my innocent impression

It doesn’t matter whether you’re French kissing for the purpose of arousal. Arousal is the natural response to a French kiss. If you French kiss a girl you’re attracted to for the first time and you **don’t **get aroused, that would be somewhat worrying.

So yeah, I think this is, for most men, the near occasion of sin.

I mean, hey, when I was courting my wife, holding hands was just about the near occasion of sin.

 

[DaveBj]

It doesn’t matter whether you’re French kissing for the purpose of arousal. Arousal is the natural response to a French kiss. If you French kiss a girl you’re attracted to for the first time and you **don’t **get aroused, that would be somewhat worrying.

So yeah, I think this is, for most men, the near occasion of sin.

I mean, hey, when I was courting my wife, holding hands was just about the near occasion of sin.

That is not a universal. As I stated above, French kissing is not a turn-on for me, and I would imagine that there are plenty of others for whom it is not a turn-on. I suspect that the arousal factor in French kissing is more cultural than physiological. Everyone says it’s supposed to be a turn-on, so “yeah, I’m really getting turned on!!!” Not.

 

[someonewhocares]

It doesn’t matter whether you’re French kissing for the purpose of arousal. Arousal is the natural response to a French kiss. If you French kiss a girl you’re attracted to for the first time and you **don’t **get aroused, that would be somewhat worrying.

So yeah, I think this is, for most men, the near occasion of sin.

I mean, hey, when I was courting my wife, holding hands was just about the near occasion of sin.

Well that is an interesting point, I feel very compelled to completely agree with you, albeit the possibility that different bodies/brains can respond differently and have different outward actions labelled differently internally. I know that for a lot of folks even that hand holding could be that near occasion, where as depending on background, it could be very tame… at any rate, I cant say I have really had the chance to properly test this (not even that I would) since I cannot seem to meet people whom share the faith as I do, in any of the circles I travel in (work, school, church) the people who believe and are my age are just not present in my life. So my theoretical supposition on this matter kinda just hangs there. It would be my life long dream come true if I could meet a young woman who would actually not want to pressure me into doing anything uncomfortable. Kinda off topic but that lament is so relevant today probably for everyone who frequents this site.